Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

A guest review from the lovely Betsy Booms.

A blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, “I guess you won't be needing a drink”. Naked lady says...

I'm not going to lie, I struggled with reviewing today's blog. Do I judge her or her blog? Isn't someone's blog just a reflection of who they are? What is the line? The truth about Candice is that at first glance it seems like we would get along. She's sarcastic, blunt and we both just might say something like neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie and think we're awesomely cool, because look at that, we just quoted a movie! We are fucking clever, dude. For reals.

And maybe we would. Maybe we'd meet at some neighborhood block party or possibly at some kid's birthday party, we'd be annoyed that we had to be there, we'd hit the booze a little too hard, which would be so fucking funny, right, and we'd probably spend the entire time people watching and making fun of everyone around us. Because, seriously? Those sunglasses are so two year's ago. What. The. Hell?

The difference though? Candice truly judges you, oh yes, she does. If you don't fit neatly into her world, you are a fucking turd. It's as clear as the nose on her giant face in her header, she loves herself.

Can Candice write? Yes she can. She held my attention and I read every single word she wrote. Even when I wanted to hock a loogie in her ice cream laden mudslide. I predict that she may even rise through the trenches of super popular mommy bloggers and have a following of fellow, superficial, look at me, I can be hip, fo' shizzle husband haters that will think she is just the tits. Although, she could do with some serious editing, her rants are generally about twice as long as they need to be to get her point across.

And what is her point? Well, she is a fucking riot, peeps. I'm also thinking it's that she's a spoiled twat. A twat that relegated being a Democrat to being a Jesus freak, skin head, ax muderer or my personal favorite, a child molester. But OMG, did you see that freak's shoes? To die for!

Read Candice's blog for any period of time and it will become painfully apparent how she feels about people who are overweight. She especially hates those fatties with the scooters in the snack aisle, who doesn't? I called her a husband hater, but do I really think that she hates her husband? No, but being mean and disrespectful to him when he is on a conference call is hifuckinglarious, isn't it Candy? I suspect her husband funds a lot of the shopping trips that provide all the outfits that she spends entire blog posts writing about as she plans for a trip to hang with "her girls" who, I have no doubt, are really deep and so Sex in the City!!! (Must have multiple exclaims!!!) However, her husband is also the same man that produces brilliant little gems like yelling at our newly elected President, "I don't need to watch a retard lie to me."

We get to read all about her manicures and pedicures complete with phonetic spellings that let us know that her nail girl doesn't speak the clearest English.

See, here is the thing about people like Candice that I can't stand. She sneaks it all in there. You have to read between the lines to be smacked in the face with her bigotry, judgment and hate. She flings intelligent words like turd and retard at you all day long, while she cleverly hides her hate for anything different like fat people, Asians and female television repair people.

It's okay though, because she doesn't really say, "Hey fatso, I don't want to sit next you and your freaking fatness on this plane, you fucking Asian Democrat." She's too cute for that. Plus! She peppers it all with clever little parodies of American Idol as well. A hater wouldn't do that!!!

Candice has just about mastered the formula for successful mama blogger. She has an unexplainable celebrity crush that she tosses around to let you know she still needs the sex in her life. She has mastered super hip vocabulary for all you biotches out there.

She's pretty much the valedictorian of her class at the School for Snarky Mama Bloggers, yo. Unfortunately, this is one case where I prefer the posts where she writes about her kids because her kids are funny. Boo-Yah!

Look, whatever the case, you can probably hang with Candice as long as you admit that her television is bigger than yours, her hair is blonder and costs more, oh and her shoes are the freaking bomb, yo!

I don't hate her writing. I strongly dislike her.

For her written ability to keep me reading and entertained I give her:



For her carefully worded, conservative, hating bullshit and linking to humor-blogs dot com:



I'm pretty sure that those fingers are actually flaming Liberals, so she is completely twitching at this point.

Just know, Candice, I've deleted at least a hundred blogs just like yours from my Reader. Someday you are going to have to find a new schtick. A schtick other than being cute, sassy, snarky and spilling your martini as you totter around in your fabulous shoes.

161 comments:

  1. Of course she's from Dallas, home of the world's most pretentious, spoiled, pampered, and superficial women short of Orange County.

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  2. Of course she is, even if she is a transplant.

    Through the course of reviewing her blog, I grew to like her. Not really like her, but hell, she can be really likeable.

    Even for a pretentious biotch!

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  3. Betsey I think I love you a little. Funny with no depth is short-lived, great review.

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  4. You would have to visit Dallas to get better insight as to why I still say I like Candice. I do. I like her writing. I can't stand her politics, but other than that, we share a similar brand of mean. I'd like to think if she were dislodged from Big D, in a few years, she's someone that would surprise you.

    Look, I fucking hate Dallas, but Candice's Pretentious Dallas Stepford Rating is in the negative numbers. I've met the really pretentious ones, and I like Candice's shoes.

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  5. Ah, FF, finally.

    Because I love you a lot.

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  6. Oh, Betsey. Oh how I love thee, let me count the ways. The martini, the shoes....

    In fairness, I didn't read the blog. The review was quite enough.

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  7. Cue the accusations of hypocrisy.

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  8. I'm gonna kill ya, then I'm gonna butt fuck ya. 'Nuff said.

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  9. Great review, Betsey. I'm really going to have to "dig" in and read this blog. I find people like Candace interesting. I honestly understand the need to rant and rave on a blog. I know my blog makes me seem hateful and unlikable a lot too. It's not really completely me. Sometimes I get bitchy and write things in my blog to just get the bad feelings out. It doesn't mean that I am a bitch. I don't mean to get all "psycho-analysis" here. I just don't believe a blog is always completely representative of a person's personality.

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  10. MG, keep your vag away from my ass.

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  11. One-Gok, you are mean and smart. Your insults slide because you have the lune of cleverness to get them in.

    Two-She may actually have the problem, kind of like Janiece, that she is unaware of how she comes across to other people, at least some people.

    Pretentiousness as an affectation is akin to women who baby talk, it's fucking annoying.

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  12. And Betsey, I cannot believe you stepped up so soon. Someone likes her spankings.

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  13. Ugh, Gok you have the lube of cleverness, not the lune.

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  14. MG - You're very violent lately in your comments. I love it.

    P.S. I was rereading my comment and I have no idea why I put the word dig in quotation marks. I hate myself for doing that.

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  15. Candice is a reader and sometimes commenter on my blog. She's relatively new over there and when she started commenting, I read a post or two of hers and found her funny. I haven't delved too deep into hour shit though to find what Tits Magee did though.

    I still think she's funny and I like her.

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  16. Fuck it, I like mean girls, what can I say.

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  17. I get the appeal. I really do.

    I cover that in my own blog today. And my husband is from Dallas and sometimes his sense of humor is down right mean and I love the shit out of him.

    It's just that at the core of who I am? When I really dig in - I'm just not a mean person.

    Telling her she was mean even caused internal drama for me.

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  18. Well, yeah. I get that, Tits. I thought this was a great review for you.

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  19. I'll try to take that as a compliment.

    This is one of those situations where I find myself bullying the bully.

    I've stuck up for the underdog most of my life.

    If you're beautiful on the outside, I just want it translate to your insides too.

    It only seems fair.

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  20. Booms, I just want to clarify that I don't actually disagree with your review.

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  21. Believe it or not, I don't see myself as a mean person, and I don't particularly seek out conflict. I just don't have a problem these days with telling people what I really think sometimes, if I think it will help them.

    If you read my blog reviews, you'll see that. I didn't hate janiece, though she does remind me of an evil bag of a sister in law. I just thought she presented herself poorly on her blog as an unlikeable person. When I wrote my review I doubted that she was that unlikeable in real life (though I've become convinced since that time that she and her entire group actually ARE that unlikeable).

    Sometimes, telling someone "You sound like a spoiled pretentious bitch" is an attempt to be kind. It's like the kind of friend who will tell you that you have a 2-foot long tail of dirty toilet paper hanging out of your pants. It ain't a pretty job, but someone should step up and do it.

    Betsey and I are both from the same hometown (KC ROCKS, y'all), and people from Missouri are just kind of that way...they will tell you where you stand, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not because they don't like you, but because they are sincerely trying to help.

    I know it SEEMS mean, but it really isn't. It's a subtle nuance, but I'm sure there are a lot of people out there (Janiece, others), who think I'm a pitiful cunt.

    I can live with them thinking that. Betsey will be able to, also, when she hits her 40s, I think.

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  22. No clarification needed.

    I already said today that I'd have a beer with her.

    I'd just tell her to shut the fuck up when the Mexican who brought it to us didn't speak awesome English.

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  23. DUDE...

    My mom called Obama an ape this weekend. I LITERALLY had to almost put my hands around my own neck to choke back a "shut the fuck up."

    I collected myself and told her, "you know that makes you sound like an ignorant redneck to make those kinds of statements. And, I know you aren't, but sheesh. You sure sounded like one just then."

    Surprisingly enough, she didn't take it as well as I thought she should.

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  24. I don't care if she's mean or not, but if I see one more blog with an in-depth discussion about American Idol Next Top Model Housewives of New York, I'm going to start firebombing.

    Talking about reality TV shows is the new talking about having nothing to blog about.

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  25. LB - who said I would be killing and butt fucking you? Now that I think of it...

    Gwen - I know! Sometimes I worry there's something wrong with me for thinking that is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Then I think of it again and laugh hysterically and get over it.

    Betsey - You are brilliant. You really are. I know it may seem stupid coming from someone who thinks the 'killing/butt fucking' thing is funny, but I really cannot handle a certain level of 'funny'. Because it simply is not. It's not an easy line to find, eh? I try to keep mine at making fun of CHOICES people have made, not things out of their control. And then? A few posts ago I made fun of blind and deaf people. Ridiculous and mind numbing mind fuckery on my part.

    Pumpkin muffin?

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  26. Actually LB, I'm learning to live with.

    I've lost more friends in my life because I'm the one who tells them when they are being an asshole. It's only now, as we are getting older, that they realize I mean it with love.

    And you have described being from KC perfectly.

    It's just how it is around here.

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  27. I'm not the biggest fan of "omg shoe phone hairstyle laptop dress have to have it" bullshit. I don't think it's shallow, everyone wants things. I just find it incredibly boring.

    Like Cosmo and whatever other magazines women read so they can feel horrible about themselves. And the Sex and the City mindset. Funny sometimes, sure, but it's the exact opposite of anything I care about.

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  28. I'm with Rassles on this one. I'd rather read ten million teen wolf posts than on "OMG, the most divine prada shoes" post. God, just put a bullet in my head and buttfuck me, already.

    Bets: It will get even better, the older and crotchetier you get, I promise that.

    MG: Fine, but only if it's you.

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  29. Sometimes, I find myself thinking, "WHY ARE YOU SO PISSED???!!!111!!! I'm only trying to HELP?"

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  30. Actually my dream is being old and living in the Ozarks, where I can sit on my front porch with a shot gun and tell you to get the fuck out of here.

    One of my very favorite people in the world is exactly what I want to be. He's older, he's cranky and you know where you stand with him.

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  31. I want to be one of the guys from Secondhand Lions. FER REALZ, y'all.

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  32. LB - The 'Missouri thing'. True that. My grandpa always said, "Show-Me means I'm going to assume you know what you're doing until it's obvious you don't. Then I'm going to tell you that you don't know what you're doing.
    The older I get, the more I AM that.

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  33. We are all going to need to be neighbors or something, because that sounds excellent.

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  34. Like this. This is exactly who I am, on the inside.

    (And I know it's who Betsey is, as well).

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  35. You nailed it, LB.

    Could you imagine our neighborhood? I'll keep the lion.

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  36. I agree with LB. I think this is someone who is probably around so many douches that she's absorbed a little of the narrowmindedness. The snark is her schtick but it needs to be balanced out. I'm all for being rude and even insulting but making fun of fat people and the Asian nail lady is so going for the low hanging fruit. It's the obvious joke--be smarter.

    I liked her post on her job as a nurse and seeing a kid who's not going to make it. Not every post has to be that heavy but it did show a sliver of the person.

    I like parts of this too but some of the easy pickings and provincial stuff color the rest of it.

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  37. That's just it, she's better than that.

    She's smart and funny.

    Why pick on people who don't have that going for them? And I don't give a shit what you are wearing on the plane.

    The stories about her kids are hysterical. The pile of shit pictures on the TV's - That's the good stuff.

    The fat girl in the bikini - ugh.

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  38. She's pretty, I'll give her that. And amusing. I just... eh. I don't know. I've never watched American Idol. Maybe that distances me from a whole subset of American society in some way. I just don't get it.

    We all know I'm not that good with mean. There's always a nicer way to say something, isn't there? I can stand up for myself (mostly), but just being mean? I don't know. I don't have much call for it in my day-to-day life.

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  39. Here's a true story.

    When I was a kid my mom told me, "don't pick on fat kids. I was a fat kid, it hurts."

    When I was a teenager she said, "Why do you bring home all the fat kids?"

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  40. You know, so far, the happiest/worst years of my life were also my fattest.

    Fuck you, college.

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  41. I have to agree that mean can be fun and interesting. But making fun of heavy people? I just don't even see how that's funny at all. I don't get the joke.

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  42. Take it from a chick who used to be angry and anorexic.

    I'd rather be fat and happy.

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  43. Yeah, our mocking's are way classier.

    Fuck India.

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  44. I read these blog posts about assholes and I'm usually just surprised people encounter jerks on such a frequent basis. What am I doing right that I just don't?

    I mean, yeah, sometimes people cut me off in traffic, and there are the occasional douchebags in line ahead of me at the store. But I just don't have a lot of cause to call people on the carpet. Except my errant ex/love of my life/whatever he is who could use a swift kick.

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  45. Who keeps bringing that Medamned guitar to the comments section here? I'm breaking that bitch. Look, I laugh at retards. I know it's not their fault, but I laugh none the less. Eating disorders are diseases just like alcoholism is a disease. I can relate to an alcoholic I guess. I don't know anything about being heavy, I know my adopted parents are and I watch them continue to do nothing about it. In short, I'll point my finger and laugh while you stuff your face, you can point and laugh at me when I'm stumbling around half naked or getting arrested.

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  46. I only make fun of Republicans because they deserve it.

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  47. I'm marrying a republican. You can make fun of me for that I guess.

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  48. I think Repubs make the best lovers...but I still like to make fun of them...

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  49. Betsey - Me too! I was anorexic and miserable. I love food now. I making up for lost time, I guess.

    I'm not easily offended by anything. I don't really care if somebody makes fun of fat people. I just don't get why it's funny. I hate to see people get hurt, honestly. I do wish people just learned how to laugh at themselves more. Everybody is super sensitive anymore about everything. It irritates me.

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  50. Gwen, that's a long, tall fence you're sitting on.

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  51. Okay, Gok, that was just about the funniest thing you've ever typed.

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  52. Thank you, Rassles, apparently I'm in charge of elephant surveillance.

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  53. I think I just broke the guitar.

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  54. Awwwww, man, I was really hoping for some James Taylor.

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  55. I think we need a drum machine.

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  56. Betsey can play her tamboringos:)

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  57. My hubs and I took kids to mexican restaurant for his b-day and a bunch of the servers came over and sang to hubs. I asked boy later, did you like the tamborines(they played), he said tamboringos? You mean the waitresses boobies? Yup!

    That's my boy.

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  58. I like where this is going. We are so in a band. Quick - who wants to play the skin flute?

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  59. What little I read of her blog reminded me of Edward Norton (in the beginning) and Stacey Keach (throughout) in American History X. The hate was rampant, but it was subtle and presented with charisma and charm. Plus, the bulk of the time they tried to make others look worse rather than putting in the effort to make themselves better.

    Sadly, I doubt group sodomy is in her future, so she'll probably stay like that forever.

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  60. Aliecat- I'm married to a Republican and you bet your ass they make fabulous lovers!

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  61. Gok - What exactly do you mean by "That's a long, tall fence you're sitting on"? I'm genuinely confused by it.

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  62. Take a look at the comments you have left on this post. Then tell me you aren't fence-sitting.

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  63. Does Candice know she has been reviewed?

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  64. Can you guys feel Gwen writing a novel-sized comment right now?

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  65. Also, did anyone let Stupormom know she was reviewed?

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  66. SciFi Dad - I think MG offered to kill her and then butt fuck her.

    Sadly, she'll be dead after that though, so no lesson learned.

    She will be one enlightened zombie, perhaps?

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  67. I have indeed offered to kill and then butt fuck her. However, if it is lesson time, I shall allow her to live and endure her lesson.

    LB - I'm going to allow you to live as well. How could I not? You are lovely and I wouldn't even butt fuck you either. Just a little fondling after sending you around the training pen with my little blue nylon whip. Then I'd give you one of my pumpkin muffins.

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  68. I forgot to tell neglectimommy, but have promptly remedied that. Bets, do you want me to tell today's victim?

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  69. In all fairness, the reviewee really should be informed the moment the review goes up.

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  70. The king of fairness has spoken.

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  71. Um, this isn't the first time this has happened.

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  72. Well, then don't let the reviewers know at all and we can sit around jerking each other off. Ask And We'll Talk About You Amongst Ourselves Then Let You Know About It All Four Hours Later...eh, that's a bit too wordy, isn't it?

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  73. In all fairness, we get to it when we get to it.

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  74. In all fairness, it used to be 'gotten to' with much more expedience. I love most of you, but I miss the reviewees and their mobs.

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  75. In all fairness, sometimes elephants are called out that might not really be elephants at all because the true evidence just didn't add up.

    But that certainly didn't stop anyone from jerking themselves off. Or each other.

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  76. In all fairness, that's what you get for a free elephant hunter. Maybe you miss Mia.

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  77. Actually I don't, because she comments on my blog.

    Regardless, just because something is free, doesn't mean it has to be bullshit.

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  78. Tits: that's a really good point.

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  79. While we're at it, in all fairness, I have a name.

    It's not Betsey, but it's not Tits, either.

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  80. It's like speaking in tongues: It's fucking bullshit, but without an interpretation, it's Total Fucking Bullshit.

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  81. Whatever makes you feel good at the end of the day.

    That and a 12-pack should just about do it.

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  82. I try to tell them right after I've published. But then, I'm practically perfect.

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  83. Key:

    We have never made any claims of professionalism in these parts.

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  84. I know, LB, I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic and missing the old trollfuckfest we once had here on a regular basis.

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  85. Hell, my reviewee didn't even bother to read the review. That's like an anti-troll.

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  86. Calamity - Who could afford the therapy that would have required?

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  87. Yeah, Cal, that was some strange shit.

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  88. I don't believe, for a new york minute, that Cal's reviewee didn't read her review.

    PUSSY.

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  89. Also, there is no way in hell that a blog whore like neglictimommy doesn't know she was reviewed. Why do you think the comments on her blog (and today's reviewee) are moderated?

    No way in hell they are letting their readers know about these reviews.

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  90. Anybody with a sitemeter, that checks it... and I know these women do, knows they've been reviewed.

    And once the request a review, I would assume that this blog is in their reader as well.

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  91. I'm not convinced my reviewee read her review. At least not before she emailed me. Because she was put out by the title, which if she'd read my review she would know was more about me and my current state of mind than it was about her site.

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  92. Well nobody would be put off by the title of my review.

    Except lepers.

    And their fucking clubs.

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  93. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they know they were reviewed.

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  94. Wait... so now "neglectimommy" has entered the AAYSR vernacular?

    I think this makes me happier than it should.

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  95. I prefer to let my reviewees know a good hour or so later. That way, they can't comment immediately some nice, "thanks for the constructive criticism, I appreciate your opinion" bullshit. That just takes the woind out of my sails. A good hour or so of comments here gives them much more to be defensive about:)

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  96. Arg, the wind out of my sails.

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  97. I'd rather my reviewees know immediately and leave the first comment. I'm a motorboat, we don't need wind.

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  98. The good thing about being full of hot air, is that your balloon rises all on it's own.

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  99. Again, I'm going to recycle and say the following:

    I loves me some first hand knowledge, Betsey.

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  100. And I'll reiterate, when I care, I'll let you know.

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  101. Betsey Booms- I want to sincerely thank you for taking the time to go through all of my posts (even the rather long winded ones) for this review. I thought it was great! I'm serious. If you guys are waiting for me to come here and bitch and moan about my review, it isn't going to happen. I can take my licks, even though I may not agree with all of them. ;)

    Do I think you can accurately get to know a WHOLE person by simply reading their blog? No I really don't. I also think Gwen totally hit the nail on the head when she said that a blog isn't always a complete representation of a person's personality. I believe that people are able to see fragments of someone's personality through their blog, but that's about it. That being said, I can totally understand how you came up with some of the conclusions that you did about me. I will say that I'm confused as to how you deduced that I'm some right winged fascist, fat person hater. I agree that I've made a few asshole comments about things, but I think "hate" might be a tad much. Not to mention I'm one pint of Ben and Jerry's away from owning my own damn hoveround to peruse the Wal-Mart aisles. I gotta fit it after all.

    I mainly use my blog as a sounding board. I'm not some literary genius that is intent on changing lives here. I don't take myself that seriously, so I figured that people that read my blog wouldn't either. I don't know, maybe that's a bad thing? I'm all tender hearted, loving, compassionate and introspective just like the rest of the rest of you, I just tend not to blog about that side of my personality much. Maybe I'll try tapping into that side of things one of these days.

    Anyway, great review!

    One more thing. Mongoliangirl, if you must butt fuck me, please do it BEFORE you kill me. I would hate to actually miss out on that.

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  102. Um, look at the comments, you're all full of care today.

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  103. Candice, I read your entire blog in about 48 hours. I think when you read it as a whole like that you can see just how often you comment on fatness, which honestly, I think is your own self-doubt coming through. I say that because I recognize it.

    Girl, I said it on my blog and I'll say it here again, I'd have a beer with you. I really would.

    I saw your heart in your tribute to your Grandfather, I sat and told my husband how I felt about this review, he asked who I was justifying it to. Him or myself.

    Clear answer there.

    You are smart and fucking funny. Lay off the fat jokes and I'll be probably be back.

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  104. Uh Ghost, none of that care is for you. If I could have avoided you, I would have.

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  105. Betsey- You've got a point there. I'd probably tell myself to fuck off if I had to read all of that in 48 hours.

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  106. No, that just the point where I'd had entirely enough.

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  107. Come on now, Candice, I didn't tell you to fuck off.

    I do tell Ghost to fuck off, a lot.

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  108. Much in the same subtle manner you accused her of insulting others, Betsey, you turned around and pretty much did the same thing.

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  109. Ghost, I'm not going to go tit for tat with you, mostly because at this point I am so over your condescending bullshit, I can't see straight.

    I realize that you think it's a blast to insult me on a daily basis, like I ask for your opinion, but I don't.

    Don't flip the hypocrit flag at me. Because, at least I have a soul.

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  110. Tits: I'm not even going to dignify that last remark with a smartass comment.

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  111. See? If you went that angle more often, then we wouldn't have this problem.

    I would just like to have a moment where I didn't turn around to have a Ghost on my ass.

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  112. I'm just trying to keep you on your toes, Tits. I'm not conceding, I'm just not willing to entertain this dialogue any longer.

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  113. I'm not asking you to concede, I'm asking you kindly fuck off.

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  114. And in my own kind way, I am willing to offer this:

    Ladies first.

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  115. Then by all means, the biggest pussy goes first. Right after you.

    Look, this isn't a pissing match.

    I'm telling you that I don't know what is up your ass or why you constantly flip me shit. But I'm fucking sick of it.

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  116. You should really look into not taking this so personal. If it were personal, I would email you and call you by your name. My jabs at you are fill in the blank. I just thought you could hang. I could easily put 'Rassles' or 'DPH' or 'Love Bites' or 'Calamity' in that blank. Not that I would Cal, I just want to spoon you and make you breakfast.

    Tits: we had our fun stabbing at huge trailer park vagina, that was good times. But all things must come to an end and from here on out, I will refrain from responding to any of your comments. I'm sorry I mismeasured your threshold.

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  117. With that you have a deal.

    If you really ever tossed one of those names in there, then it would different.

    But really? You don't.

    It's been run into the ground and it used to be offset with some kindness. Lately it's been an onslaught.

    Like I said. Deal.

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  118. I never retracted that kindness, but you aren't my plant to water, Betsey. Most don't get the few nice remarks I have passed your way. I meant them and still do, but fucking a, I am who I am. I barely remember to take my meds, how the fuck would I remember that every twelve exchanges I need to remind you that you are a beautiful intelligent witty woman. Someone else has that task, not me. Hints? I've made it clear, I don't respond to them. I won't. Not here, not in Colorado, California, Texas, Germany, anywhere. Has nothing to do with intelligence, I prefer direct communication when it comes to personal manners.

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  119. Man, I don't need your kindness. I don't need your shit. If you actually think someone is cool, then you don't just flip shit constantly.

    There are no rules, there is common decency and sense.

    You're in a public forum, you are flipping me shit in a public forum. I've told you back off in the same public forum.

    I know I'm not alone in being sometimes annoyed with the mean.

    And that fact that you are continuing this in the public forum when I've contacted you personally says a lot.

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  120. Ghost, take a chill. I love you, but sometimes you need boundaries for yourself. We aren't marines. I can take it better than the average chick, and it's because I have spent the last almost 20 years working with coppers. But, sometimes, you're way harsh.

    And this is ME saying this. Think about it. My threshold for such things is pretty high.

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  121. Also, in the nicest possible way:

    We love our commenters, but y'all aren't running things. Hope that helps clarify who does the work here, and who is in charge of getting things done, when we get it done.

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  122. I went over there. She had 500 words on a fucking television. A television that's bigger than a good sized family car. Not my kind of people.

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  123. Always late for the party.

    Her header scared me, and basically served for a gigantic cover for which to judge her book. So I put it back on the shelf.

    Betsey, sweet ass review.

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  124. Candice, if you're really teaching your little girl to talk like a trashy-mouthed 32 year old, and it wasn't a joke, then I'd like to formally invite you to piss the hell off.

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  125. What this place needs is some Christopher Walken.

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  126. Candice - I don't want to kill and then butt fuck you. But I sure do want to kill and then butt fuck that crap about downing people who are apparently already down. I could not agree more that you have the ability to use that humor and wit of yours on bigger and better things. Take on something that MEANS something.
    So yeah, I'm going to kill and then butt fuck that shit.

    Then I'm going to fondle Love Bites and give her a pumpkin muffin. Mostly because of her owning the fact that Ask commenters are loved, but in no way driving this bus.

    Thantos - EXACTLY! I swear, Walken could just look at me and I would act right. Or start involuntarily humping his leg because he 'told' me to with his mind.

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  127. I'll eat the muffin, and like it.

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  128. MG--a. friend of mine was a production asst on a movie Walken was shooting in Arkansas, one of her duties was fetching him hookers

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  129. Cue the music:

    The booties were made for Walken, that's just who they do...

    ah man, I just outdid myself on fucking dorkiness there.

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  130. Yeah, but you're a funny dork. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find Walken-worthy hookers in Fort Smith, Arkansas? It's not as easy as it sounds.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Do Walken worthy hookers exist outside of LA?

    That is so my new level of judging things.

    I just don't think this beer is Walken-worthy.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Why does Walken need hookers anyway? I thought he just had to show up to get laid.

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  133. Betsey--not sure my wine is Walken-worthy either. Better get some more to double check.

    Thanatos--maybe only if MG is around and he does that mind trick.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Yeah, I just grabbed another beer to be sure.

    Still not Walker-worthy.

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  135. This might take a while. Might have to call in Walken...um...sick tomorrow.

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  136. I've got the day off for Opening Day.

    I'll be having some Walken worthy dogs and brats and some Walken worthy canned beer out of a Walken worthy cooler.

    I'll do my best to remain Walken worthy.

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  137. Carry on, BB. And wave the Walken flag proudly.

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  138. Betsey, if you see a light, step towards it. It's probably the refrigerator. With more beer in it.

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  139. Franklin - Thanatos, I swear to do my best to uphold this Walken worthy beer fest.

    You have my Walken worthy word.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Actually, the more of this cheap white wine I drink, the more Walken-worthy it becomes.

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  141. Huh... all of the sudden Miller Lite in a can is Walker worthy too.

    Must be the coozie.

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  142. I'm done. Laughing, but done. Hope your team wins tomorrow. And for the record, when I'm not drinking cheap white wine, I'm drinking Miller Lite from the can.

    ReplyDelete
  143. I do love me some Walker: Texas Ranger. I bet he'd drink Miller, in a can.

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  144. Baseball, like American Idol, I just don't like. I'm totally un-American, aren't I?

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  145. I like the Royals. Or rather, I should say I LIKED the Royals, because I loved them when I was a kid, but these days, baseball just moves too slow for me.

    HOwever, there is NOTHING better than an outfield seat on an April day with a cold beer, in hand.

    p.s. I liked this template better for Corky's St. Clair's Blog.

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  146. hereinfranklin - You just tell your lil' hooker-fetching friend that next time she's fetching for Walken to gimme a call. I live 28 miles from the ARE-KAN-SASS border and would show up spritzed, naked and carrying a sawed off shotgun and a plate of freshly baked pumpkin muffins.

    LB - You would. I swear. Pumpkin muffins all around for your precious little ass.

    Even announcing something as Walken or non-Walken worthy is Walken-worthy.

    I'm going to start doing my daily inventory like that.
    Was today a Walken-worthy day? No? Well then we have some work to do, don't we!

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  147. MG--can't believe I still think this is funny in the light of day. But I do. You have yourself a very Walken-worthy weekend.

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  148. PS - My entire day was Walken worthy yesterday.

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  149. Here is where I just have to say, I railed on Nickelback and their douchery yesterday.

    Today? She posts about her love of them.

    Sigh.

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  150. She loves Nickleback.

    Please tell me it's parody.

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  151. I just have to say it. Candice is the Nickelback of the blogosphere.

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Grow a pair.