Body of Evidence: Musician Mommy v. the English Language

This week's victim is really more of a perpetrator if you examine the evidence. Instead of finding a crime scene teeming with torn bloodied appendages, corpses strewn about and epithets penned in blood, you have morbid amounts of random capitalization, ellipses scattered about like shotgun shells left behind after a bank robbery, and more medical talk than an episode of House.

So if MusicianMommyMayhem is the crime scene than I guess today I'm Dr. Fucking G. Nothing like a good autopsy no?

The suspect in question is Larissa, a twenty-something mom who has recently returned to school to pursue a degree in criminal investigation and I hope that's going well for her because the blog? Not so much. Larissa says that,

this is a place for me to spill, unfiltered and untamed

Unfiltered and untamed fine, but you can edit, no? The ellipses, asterisks and gratuitous use of caps nearly drove me to felonious assault. Seriously Larissa, what is it with the asterisks? As for the ellipses, for the love of Charles Manson, I plead of you, finish your thoughts. Much like most serial killers have rituals they employ over and over again, is excessive punctuation your modus operandi, your signature? Larissa I know this is supposed to be your space but you have committed a serious crime against the English language.

This blog is more repetitive than the Law & Order franchise. It is replete with talk of Larissa and her husband's medical problems. Now in fairness, Metallidad has diabetes and Larissa has Fibromyalgia so yes, illness for them is probably front and center. Still, does anyone actually want a breakdown of how well you've slept or haven't slept the past few days? Do I really need to know that you need to see a podiatrist? I know this is your place to unload but is this fodder you really need to reflect upon? I actually read a post entitled The Back of My Head is Numb. Thank you Larissa, that was five minutes of Miss Missives life she'll never get back. A blog is not a place where you wax on about picking up your prescriptions, stopping at Walmart or getting a reservation at Red Lobster. If you are submitting here and expect any kind of praise, it had better be about the writing. I know diabetes is serious but when your husband gets a toe amputated and you cannot even make that interesting, there is a problem.

As for the design, I actually like your header but it's aligned strangely and the tremendous widgetry has got to go. No one is going to MusicianMommyMayhem with the expectation of finding out when the new moon is and the live traffic feed is beyond unnecessary. If you want to keep the music quotes and behemoth blogroll, put them on a separate page. The graphic signature screams amateur scrapper, get rid of it.

Here's the positive. Greyson, your son, is beyond adorable. This post is getting a thumbs up if for nothing more than its brevity. This is the best thing I read. It has a point and a chronology that makes sense. Please note, not every post has to be serious or heart-wrenching but clear, coherent, non-medical ailment related, finished thoughts are a good start.

Yes, I'm levying some pretty serious charges here. When Musician Mommy offers her services as a proofreader, I just about accidentally discharged my weapon right in my mouth. Another post finds Musician Mommy posting lyrics. Nothing says fourteen year old's diary like lyrics people. Nearly everything I read was stream of consciousness, the stuff that belongs in your head, background noise, an internal to do list. Yes, you can brain dump all over the Internet but then don't leave your little corner of the web looking for a review.

Other than that, the indictment is as follows:

ADW, assault with a deadly weapon, the weapon here being a keyboard.
Aggravated assault on the English language.









I sentence you to blogging oblivion and issue you three of these beauties.