The Dangers of Natural Juices. Or, FFS--what were you thinking?

Sometimes, people submit to us, and it just makes me tired. I get tired of saying the same damn things, over and over again. Do you ever get tired of reading the same reviews, over and over again?

FFS, what were you thinking, Pear? Your review is going to consist of the same routine stuff we harp about, week after week, day after day.

Sometimes I feel like people just aren't getting it. Sometimes I KNOW people aren't getting it.

1. Very Very Strange Title. Anyone who reads this blog regularly should realize that there is an almost infinite level of perversity that can be drawn from the phrase "In Natural Juice." If you question this, just ask Keywork. FFS, what were you thinking when you chose this title for your blog?

2. Fugly template. This template is based upon myspace tables, which makes it too narrow (see all the wasted space on each side of your computer screen?). It's a black background with lavendar text (No. Seriously, just say no to templates that make it harder to read your stuff). It has no connection to pears. FFS, what were you thinking when you chose this design, which looks like it was developed by a moody 13-year-old hot topic girl?

3. No back story, which means I have difficulty getting and keeping an interest in you and your writing. I don't know who you are, I don't know why you're blogging, and I don't get the point of it all. There is no introduction to the main characters (that I could find). Do those things, and link to them in your sidebar, if you plan to be a blogger.

4. Boring content. I don't know who you are, I don't know why you're writing, and your story is not compelling. I don't know how to say it any clearer than that. This is a journal, something to keep on your desk or under your bed. There is nothing here for someone who doesn't know you. FFS, what were you thinking, submitting this to us?

Let me give you a taste of the content:

Something that made me warm and fuzzy was when we were making dinner. We had peeled the vegetables, and the meat was on.. while the veg was steaming away, I asked M-moo if he wanted his hair cut.. "What, tonight?" "Yeh, come on!" So he came back into the kitchen, we turned the radio on and I did a little trim of his hair. M-moo's hair is starting to get the helmet thing going, so I thought I'd try and blend in the sides a little to the rest of his hair. I didn't stress out too much over it, just remembered some of the tricks I saw online, and gave it a quick go. It turned out pretty good considering I'm no hairdresser!

Another nice thing is making the desert - it's basically a tin of pears (in natural juice, of course) with a cake on the top, baked in the oven. The cake is gluten free and pretty easy, just a little messy. I've done it so many times now, I don't really have to read the recipe anymore.

Picking carrots from the garden is just brilliant. We havn't brought carrots from the supermarket for months now. Today was great, I got one orange, one purple, and one yellow variety that must have been a stowaway seed - since I didn't order any yellow ones! It tasted really quite nice, and I think I'll be ordering some of those next time. Lovely surprise.

M-moo will be home soon, and we'll eat hot yummy desert. We plan on going to bed early because we have a long drive tomorrow.. and going to bed early adds to the chance that good things will happen. ;)

It certainly beats going to bed late, being grumpy as hell and definitely not making love.. *sigh*

It's like Pear's gluten-free diet has been translated into content-free content.

Who would possibly be interested in reading this? Pear, are you actually thinking about what you're writing here? "Picking carrots from the garden is just brilliant." FFS. You didn't even give us the recipe for the dessert. And I'm not mentioning the spelling issues, ahem. Also, is M-moo your granny? Auntie? Child? Lover? Not clear, at all.

A blog is about telling stories. You're not telling your story here, you are giving a rote recitation of the day's events. The only person on the planet who cares about this stuff is your mother, and based upon this post, you two don't get along.

You have 79 total posts and have been blogging since October of 2008. That's about ten posts per month. Each of them reads something like the one above. Except the ones that are even more depressing:

Now I have what I always wanted and waited for.. a husband and a house. It sounds tacky, but it's true. Now that I have it, it's a lot different than I imagined. That's becoming the standard thought since moving-in 3 months ago. Nothing seems to be what I expected. Perhaps its everything that's going on now that is bringing out all these mood swings. Stress, change - I don't like change - responsibility, challenge.. there have even been times when I've wished we could go back to simpler times - even times and places I've disliked in the past - just because it was simpler.

This is a diary entry of a lonely 20-something. You need friends. You need a life. You need something to write about. Please get out and do some stuff, and then write about it. Or, take a concept like the one above, and flesh it out, into a story. Why did you want those things? When did you want them? What did you imagine they would be like? You don't give us any meat here. It's all very superficial. "I feel this." "I'm moody." You don't describe anything or suck us in. These words keep us at a distance and are completely unapproachable.

Your comment function is also buggered. If you change templates back to blogger standard, that might fix it as I'm pretty sure it is a problem in the code of the template you've chosen.

Pear: You list us as one of your favorite blogs. And, I'll be truthful. I don't want to beat you up, because you seem like a sweet, and rather fragile--verging on the depressed side of things--girl. I don't want you to slit your wrists, and after spending an hour or so on your blog, I don't put it past you.

Clearly your blog serves some purpose for you, for venting, or speaking your mind, or whatever. But, it doesn't serve any purpose at all for me, as a reader, and I doubt it will appeal to any of the Ask readers, either. Reading your blog, at present, is not a pleasurable experience.

So, blog away. But, ffs, what were you thinking submitting here?


p.s. Heh.