Monday, June 01, 2009

Blogger Without a Clue

Today's review: Rebel Without a Clue

Of the ten posts on the front of this blog, 7 involved reviews of American Idol.

I don't watch American Idol. I think appropriately scathing thoughts of people who do.

Time is a gift. You have approximately 168 hours in a week to accomplish something. You'll spend about 56 of those sleeping. They're gone, forever. You'll spend another 40 either attending school or working. That leaves 72 hours for you to dream, cook, read, drink wine, hang out with friends, study, learn something, look out your window, daydream some more, write on your blog. You're wasting 4 hours or so on American Idol. In essence, you're watching other people accomplish something, in lieu of doing something yourself.

Watching other people's lives on the telly is not a substitute for building a life of your own. It doesn't count. It's entirely wasted time. If that's ALL you have in your life to write about, I can only presume that you waste a hideous amount of time watching shows where you learn nothing, and where the impact on your higher brain function is to hulu it into pudding.

If this is what you're using your little corner of the internet to do, get a fucking facebook, and give the blogosphere a rest.

I'm going on vacation tomorrow.

Let this be a lesson to you, Rebel. Get off the fucking computer, turn off your television, and start living. Then, maybe, you'll have something to blog about.

Now, .

81 comments:

  1. Yeah, this is a perfect example of 'everyone else is doing it, I bet I can do it worse'.

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  2. Britain's got talent on the other hand...

    Who am I kidding? They all suck.

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  3. Hehe, looks like he's also been nominated for that "most obnoxious blogger" award.

    And didn't that Jessica lady nominate you guys for that? Ah, it's fun connecting the dots.

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  4. WHAT ARE YOU REBELLING AGAINST OTHER THAN INTELLECT????

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  5. I loathe American Idol. I just don't understand what the fuss is all about.

    *sarcasm* Wow, people singing on television. Because that's never been done before, I think I need to tell everyone about my new discovery. *sarcasm*

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  6. Do you have any idea how much time I spent bedazzling a jock strap?

    And I'd do it again, in a heart beat.

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  7. Also: Why are there fucking idiots out there apologizing for swearing, all, "I swear like a sailor, and if you don't like it, @&*# you!!!!" because it makes you look like a (a) a fucking moron, and (b) a pussy.

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  8. Betsey, it's the most bitchinest jockstrap ever.

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  9. I would like this twat better if he did actually swear.

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  10. At least, with a bedazzled jock strap, you have hours of fun and something to show for your efforts.

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  11. Yeah, telling people how much you swear is just like telling people how funny you are. You're wrong either way.

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  12. Is your jock strap going to glow in the dark as well? Or do you prefer night stealth? :D

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  13. Well, fox, it does have red glowing eyes on it.

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  14. Yeah, the jock is like cat eyes. It only glows when the light hits it just right.

    One second you're alone, the next? A glowing jock is beside you.

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  15. Well, it's better to see in the dark than let others know your whereabouts, lol.

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  16. With a review like that, I'm not even going to waste my time. Precious moments I will never get back.
    Now, if you told me there was an inverted cock...well, maybe I'd check it out!

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  17. BB: That totally rocks. Are you putting any defensive mechanisms in there too? Maybe it can shoot mace out of its eyes? rofl.

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  18. God, I hate it when someone says lol. Makes me want to rain death on all humanity.

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  19. My bad. Laugh out loud. :D

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  20. Thanny, dont hold back hun...tell us how you really feel.

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  21. So much fodder here, yet I am stuck on:
    1. Did LB, someone who I am CERTAIN is American, just refer to tv as "the telly"?
    2. Everyone is referring to zippy the wonderblogger as "he" when in fact it is a woman (or, according to myspace, "human, the kind with boobs", so technically she could be a moob owning male I suppose)
    3. Telly? Seriously?

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  22. I have the impression that this is another blogger from Southeast Asia. If so, America's influence has been truly insidious. I don't blame people for hating us.

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  23. I like the term telly, whether we are refering to the ubiquitous bald guy or the brain killing electronic device.

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  24. Also, I wish teenaged bloggers would just switch their loyalty from AI to Greek. I could get behind a post about Cappie's irresistibleness and how Max and Casey don't really belong together, and how they think Evan and Rebecca should totally hook up again.

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  25. My morning, which involved a preschooler with stomach flu, was more pleasant than the tripe I just tried to read at that blog.

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  26. I'm dieting, therefore I'm cranky. I dont think I can handle fodder as SciFi dad puts it...although, morbid curiosity may get the best of me.

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  27. Yeah, some inverted genitalia would seriously spice up today's blog.

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  28. I went. And now I hate myself. They are all useless filler posts. Seriously, American idol? Why???

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  29. A guy? I thought this was a girl. And pulease, forewarn people about swearing? Guess what, after two girls and a cup and cakefarts(thank you gok) I could care less if my eaight year old runs across the word(yes, it is just a word) fuck.

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  30. Of course it would be nice if my bachelor's degree helped me spell eight, arg.

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  31. I have never heard of cake farts...I had to look that one up. But the two girls one cup is nasty. Then again, so is tub girl. If you haven't seen that one, let your curiosity lead you there.

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  32. 4 girls finger paint was...enlightening. But as far as worst of worst videos google "kids in the sandbox"

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  33. Have you seen perez hiltons reaction video to 4 girls finger paint. It's fucking hilarious.

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  34. Fox: No. I refuse. Wait, 'hilarious' and 'Perez Hilton' in the same sentence? What's going on here?

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  35. Betsey - please take a pic of the jock strap just in case Key's not interested in modeling it for us.

    I probably watch too much TV. No, I KNOW that when I get to the end of my life I'm gonna review how many approximate hours I spent watching TV and want to be euthanized immediately for stupidity.

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  36. BB - disregard comment, just saw your lovely artwork.

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  37. I promised to model it, so shall it be. I should have it in my possession very soon.

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  38. GoK: By fucking hilarious, I mean he screams like a little bitch and it's funny.

    http://perezhilton.com/2008-01-11-2-girls-1-cup-the-sequel

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  39. Fair enough, Fox, fair enough.

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  40. Omg, kids in a sandbox...I cannot un-see that. I could only watch for a couple seconds, wow. I think that really is the worst of the worst.

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  41. Seriously? This person blogs non-stop about American Idol? Does he have any followers? Does anyone read this shit?

    Kill me.

    #bedazzledjockstrapholla

    I can't believe I just did that...

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  42. Yes, yes you did. That just happened.

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  43. The very least he could do is blog about something worthwhile, like So You Think You Can Dance.

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  44. I don't really understand the glory of any of those shows. but now, you'll often find me in bed on a sunday afternoon gorging on the wonders of an ANTM marathon, though. Because those pictures are fierce!

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  45. Um, did anyone watch the Deadliest Warrior marathon yesterday? Because that show IS. THE. SHIT.

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  46. What on earth led this person to believe that any of the reviewers here would look kindly on this blog? It's like she's never actually read over here but if that's the case, why submit her blog for review? LB, you were much kinder than she deserved.

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  47. Thanks, Colleen.

    ANTM - America's Next Top Model. Guilty pleasure of mine.

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  48. Holy fuck. Kids in sandbox. Fucked on so many different levels. I dont even have a cock, and the freaked me the fuck out.

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  49. Yep. There's all kinds of wonderful stuff out there.

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  50. And by wonderful, you mean horribly fucked?

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  51. I mean, is that even possible without blood shed?

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  52. Po-tah-to po-tay-to.

    Also, don't google BME pain olympics finals. No bloodshed there.

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  53. No pumpkin muffins for you, LB. You just can't go around reminding me how little time is available for me to dream, cook, etc...and expect to be fed.
    How fuckin' depressing.
    Uh, but not as depressing as todays reviewee.
    So, nevermind on my pumpkin muffin threat. Muffins for everyone to slather some cheer onto nekkid bodies!

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  54. Since I have nothing to say about the reviewee (even though I watch American Idol BUT I don't blog about it (except maybe once every 2 3/4 years) so hopefully that earns me some points) I'll reply to Rassles - I caught the last two episodes of the Deadliest Warrior yesterday. First off, I don't see how the Shaka Zulu people (ZULU!) thought he could have beaten William Wallace. There's no effing way. Secondly, those expert dudes are serious geeks (which makes the show all the more appealing in my opinion). Thirdly, weapons geeks with accents - way hotter than I could have ever anticipated. Wow. Thus ends this totally unrelated to the blog post comment.

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  55. It's because Shaka Zulu had the fighting spirit within him, man. He was fierce.

    But seriously, you're right. How could they expect to go up against a fucking four and a half foot sword?

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  56. Thanny, after that last one. I dont think I'll EVER Google anything you say again. For real.

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  57. Aw shucks, where is the love?

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  58. Thanny: Very well played, sir.

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  59. For the love of your sanity do not google the pain olympics. All you need to know about that disturbing video is hatchet vs. male genitals. That is something that will burn in your brain forever.

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  60. GoK : holla.

    Ah, the joys of one-upmanship. Fox, I think you pretty much sold the video with that description. I remember when goatse and lemonparty were horrifying.

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  61. I'm just saving people many years of therapy. They will thank me later. All you need to do is watch the reaction videos on youtube. They are enough to know that you don't want to watch the video.

    I had almost forgotten the horror...almost.

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  62. Goatse and lemonparty don't hold a candle to the pain olympics. Although sandbox kids was pretty disturbing. I retract my previous comment and replace it with this. The pain olympics is the worst of the worst. I honestly don't think anything can beat that.

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  63. You shouldn't have said that...

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  64. I think I may have indirectly challenged one to find something more traumatizing....oh dear, what have I done.

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  65. Yeah, Fox, prepare for a week of HDsuffering here in the Ask comments. I'll be pulling out my A game all week, Thanny. I predict at least three people here will masturbate much less this week.

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  66. Alright then. Bring it. :D

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  67. Ghost, I don't doubt your abilities for a single minute.

    This will be fun.

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  68. Thanny, I think this will be a wonderful week indeed. I have to wait until this evening, my work isn't going to appreciate any of this.

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  69. Be sure to post links. A lot of that shit is hard to find on google and watch for free.

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  70. I going to need to think of unicorns and happy things this week. I imagine I'll be watching Labyrinth a lot in an attempt to patch up my psyche.

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  71. FOXY! Sweet break dancing Jesus, dont encourage them!

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  72. I'm sorry I can't help it. I like to set challenges for people. It's more of a personal challenge, I'm sure Ghost will find something more disturbing than the pain olympics for me to watch. Although if he succeeds I'm not sure what the award would be...hmm. Maybe knowing that he damaged my sanity will be good enough. :D

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  73. you know...i am kind of new at this blogging thing (writing, not reading..I have been stalking you people for a few months now) but maybe I will start my blog about spongebob..since it is on all the time here (I have a pre-schooler). Then I will submit it to be reviewed...do i have any followers??

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  74. Can the gross-out olympics happen on Key's blog? That seems a natural place for it.

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  75. And here I was thinking LB would post a video of a spider crawling down someone's butt crack.

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  76. I stumbled across this one not too long ago. It turned me off, just because of the American Idol crap. I just hit the back button.

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Grow a pair.