Happy Families

Dammit. Seems as though perhaps this blogger actually didn't request a review. So the darts and laurels, while apt, may be unsanctioned. Sigh. Stay tuned. 

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Right, well I've taken down the links and identifying characteristics in this post to protect the innocent. The blogger has been awfully gracious about this mix up, so apologies to her for the un-asked for reaming. 

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I like hippies. You probably wouldn't know that to look at me, what with my professional attire and fastidious grooming habits. Though I own several pairs of Birks, there's not a flowy skirt or artsy messenger bag made of hemp in my closet. I hardly even recycle. But the hippie philosophy and lifestyle is interesting and attractive to me in some ways. I'm down with being green, peaceful, accepting, alternative, global, and friendly to plants bearing red hairs and crystals. If I weren't so lazy and greedy and averse to vegetarianism, I'd be a fairly decent hippie. Well, no, maybe not; but I'm a sympathizer, a sideliner, a champion of hippieness.

Except when it gets as preachy and holier-than-thou as the local Bible thumpers at a tent revival, where speaking in organic is akin to speaking in tongues. I tend to agree with the Greeks: moderation in all things. [Redacted], my reviewee, is a kind of extremist mother hippie with very definite ideas about parenting and child-rearing and birthing and holistic living, which are all well and good except kind of fanatical.

Her blog has a pretty design, although she doesn't need three columns. No one needs three columns. And I was a three column culprit once upon a time! Paxye, get rid of the recent posts and comments, roll up your categories, move your archives, and drop it back to two columns. You'll thank me. Think about tabs instead of the links at the bottom of the page -- best to have those options right up where we can get to them.

Now. The content. Look, I get it. Kids are important. They are, as Whitney so gloriously proclaimed before she discovered that crack is whack, our future. But I don't have kids. I don't want kids. The cult of the baby is completely beyond me and quite frankly a little distasteful. If I had little Mini Me offspring I might feel differently, I grant you, but basically the industry and focus and obsession with tots is, for me, weird. I spent several bewildering hours last Friday listening in on the mothers of young children and it was like hearing about a well-tended garden when I have a black thumb.

And this blog is devoted entirely to parenting, babies, birthing, "unschooling" (don't ask me), child development, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and any number of other bits of parenthood and family making that I just can't get into. She's all about "alternative parenting," which I find both ridiculous and inspiring, depending on the topic. There are things with which I agree and others I find frankly disturbing. But this isn't about judging her parenting habits or philosophies (a task for which I feel woefully unprepared and yet strangely inspired to perform), it's about judging her blog.

To that end, her blog is one of those here's what we did today types, which I really don't give a flip about. Add in some thinly veiled lifestyle smugness and a crusading atmosphere, and you've just completely lost me. Her 100 things talks about a lot of things that will really offend her: hello, off-putting. There is ellipses overkill, my particular bugaboo. And I get the sense that she has very little humor, silliness, ribaldry, or inappropriate behavior in her life, which is disappointing. Perhaps that's just what she's presenting here, but that's all I've got to go on. It's all peace and happy families and art projects, none of which are bad things, they're just not all that interesting, especially how she writes about them.

Now, let's get to that: the writing. There is no artistry or craft in posting something like this or this stupendously boring post. I'm guessing she doesn't edit or review or experience her writing. This isn't writing, it's typing. People who share her parenting views might get a lot out of this blog, but they could get so much more if she'd tighten up her writing and tell a story instead of enumerating what she and the kids and sometimes her husband did each day. And then there's that -- there's not a lot of writing about the hubs in this blog, which seems curious.

Plus there are recipes with, like, vegetables. I ask you. Where's the bacon? Where's the booze? Where's the SEX?! And, more importantly, where's the weed? I mean, "hippie" is right there in the title; I expect some herb.

In all seriousness, though, we talk so often about what makes a good blog: having a unique voice, being an outstanding writer, or being a hot mess. Paxye, you're not giving us any of these things. The writing isn't enough to keep me interested, the subject is totally outside the realm of my experience, and there's no dirt to speak of -- so, you've lost me.

What you have going for you are some cute kids and really nice photos, a niche audience, and a willingness and commitment to write frequently. If you want to gain other readers, get off the kid train and tell us something else about your life. If you want to better serve your target readers, pay attention to the words you put on the screen, edit yourself, post things that are relevant, meaningful, and above all well-constructed. Never use another ellipsis again, capitalize things that should be capitalized, pay attention to grammar and structure, refrain from telling us your weekly schedule unless you can make it interesting or informative or funny, and for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (in whom you do not believe -- for shame) don't post for the sake of posting.