Thursday, August 20, 2009

Waxing Scatalogical

Every time I get a mommy blogger to review I say some variation of this: I'm not a mom; I don't want kids; parenting is beyond me and I just don't get it. And it's true, every time. But I'll be damned if there aren't a lot of you parents out there blogging away. You've snuck right up on me so that here I am at 34, still befuddled by the thought that people try to get pregnant. I know; I'm kind of a late bloomer.

Still, every time I get a blog that's demonstrably mommy in nature, I cringe. And this is entirely unfair because, lord, how many people out there have kids? Some of my favorite people are parents. Some of my favorite bloggers are parents. My parents are parents and I love the hell out of them. I am so much in the minority as to be almost freakish. And they're just people, after all. They haven't been infiltrated by evil parent aliens from the planet Annoy the Fuck Out of Me, where their god is The Mighty Scrapbook and their government -- My Offspring Did the Cutest Thing Today -- demands a kid-centric regime. At least not all of them have.

So I renounce my anti-parent blogger bias and promise to no longer sneer and roll my eyes automatically when I see a page devoted almost entirely to progeny. At least I'll refrain until I've determined whether they are, indeed, aliens.

Which brings me to today's reviewee, Creepy at Tiptoeing Through the Tulips. It is, yes, a mommy blog. You can tell right away -- look at the huge honking childish scrawl that takes up your entire browser window. It kind of gives it away. It also kind of drives me insane. There's also the tell-tale collection of darling pictures of children paraded down her sidebar. Initially you might think, as I did, "Oh holy fucking christ, another fucking mommy blog. I bet her kids shit rainbows and fart lollipops."

Well, you and I would be wrong. Because her kids just shit shit. Lots of it. (Be glad I didn't link to this post. Oh, wait. I did.). A lot a lot. If I didn't think the whole tulips thing was very appropriate, I'd suggest she change her blog title to something along the lines of "There's Shit Everywhere," or "Shitastrophes," or "Ew, What's That Smell?"

But don't let the poopapalooza throw you off. Creepy is worth pinching your nose to tread through all that loaf pinching. She's all kinds of upfront about who she is and what this blog is about. Yes, it's a mommy blog. But if a mommy can say these two things, back to back, I'm down: "*I love my kids so fucking much I want to squeeze them 'til their little heads pop off. *My kids drive me so fucking crazy I want to tear their little heads off." Because that's kind of how I think it should be, me with my neverhavingkids self.

There's a lot of "this is what we did and how it went and aren't my kids the cutest little shitpants on the planet" writing, but Creepy is likable and irreverent and honest and twisted and enraged enough to pull it off. Also, we totally share a birthday. Aries holla!

So, it's not the most carefully crafted blog, and maybe the kid stuff can get a little ho-hum for a nonbreeder like me, but she makes up for that by telling a very honest, meaningful, and relatable story about raising a special needs kid. My day job deals with exceptional education, so I know how valuable sharing experiences can be for parents of kids with special needs, and I respect Creepy for wanting to document her experiences. It makes a difference, and I suspect it will make a difference to her son some day.

However, Creepy, I'd still like to encourage you to branch out more. Frankly, I'd like to know more about you now. The blog feels a little like it's outgrown its beginnings, with Graham thriving and growing and little Dottie, too. It feels like it might be time to drop the umbrella of "mom who blogs about her kids" in exchange for one about Creepy, who is a mom and more.

Some suggestions: Your design is innocuous and boring, but not eye-bleedingly horrible. I'd move the archives up above the pictures of the rugrats. Good job on having separate pages for important things, though. In terms of writing, you have an engaging and funny voice that I suspect is very true to life. But there's a slipshod quality to some of your posts. I know you're a busy mom, and you say you're not a writer, but I suspect you are. Or could be. Spend some more time on crafting your posts and editing them. And please, for the love of Daniel Craig's sweet, sweet ass (<--- my version of heaven), lay off the fucking ellipses.


  1. The header, it makes my eyes bleeeeeeddddd....

    I see the charm here though and the poo...


    I've got a lot of my own Toddler Steamer action going on in my house, but I think I'll hang around the tulips for a bit... If only because I have a weird fascination with Tiny Tim and his ukelele then so be it.

    How DO you spell ukelele?

  2. One letter off. Oh hell.


  3. Better than I expected.

    I agree about the header, I hated the old one more and drew this one in a drunken rage.

    Also the ellipses! I just recently started going back to the beginning, when I was sure that nobody would ever be reading the blog, and editing them out. They piss me off too.

    And the poop. It is in fact the most dominant force in my life right now. I woke up to a house full this morning. I'll try not to blog about it.

    I had to delete some very personal posts because a family member found me and started a small war over them. The war is over and I think I might put them back up.

    Loved the review and love that I didn't get a flaming finger.

    Thanks so much.

  4. Cal, I love that whenever you like someone you call them "irreverent." It's like your favorite word or something.

  5. Fuck that header.

    I'll read some after I've cooled off.

    Fuck that header.

  6. Good review. I dig the blog, but then I can relate.

    I thought at first that someone had fucking copied a few of my posts, then I realized I'm just not alone in my world of SHIT.

  7. Rassles, you are entirely right about that word. I'm going to have to find another one. Maybe insouciant.

  8. i came to this site expecting rage and got a bunch of make-love-not-war bullshit.

    every post i've read is a good review. this blog should be called "we love your blog, we love it a lot, we all get along, barf gag"

    def. have to agree with u on this tulip situation though, the blog is not at all aesthetically pleasing, but super extra entertaining.

  9. How far into the archives have you actually read, Courtney?

  10. Creepy is one of my favorite writers out in blogland. I love the Fuck you Fridays and the stories from the hospice where she works.

    If I needed someone told off, I'd get Creepy to do it for me.

  11. I agree about the header - but the rest of Creepy's shit is awesome!

    (pun intended)

  12. Hmmmm. Looks like a certain Mommy may need drug rehab for her terrible sense of design.


Grow a pair.