Friday, September 04, 2009

There's no sex in your violence

I have rules for myself but lately I've been breaking a lot of them. Normally, I take my blog from the queue in order. I don't skip around, and I don't pick and choose. I review good blogs and bad blogs, whatever is next on the list.

But lately, I've stopped caring so much about rules. I'm tired of reviewing crappy blogs, and I've started deleting some of the crappiest ones from our queue. I figure that if I don't even want to go to the trouble of reaming them a new asshole, because they're THAT bad, you probably don't want to read them. I also am tired of traffic mongering blogwhores who want us to send them hundreds of possible readers without actually doing the goddamn work of having a decent blog.

Fuck them. So, click, click, click. I deleted a half dozen blogs that I wasn't interested in having anyone review, including me, from the list this week.

This wasn't one of them. I briefly debated between this blog and a sex blog, called optimistically, "My OMFG Sex Blog," before deciding I just really wasn't up to reading about middle aged poon.

Instead, I opted for Textual Intercourse. Kevin's plan for this blog was, "I Write. You Read. You Respond. I Read." That hasn't happened exactly as he probably envisioned.

And that's a shame, because this is a really good blog. People should be reading this blog, and responding to it. Kevin needs comments and dialogue so he doesn't give up and stop writing.

I have no critiques of the posts, none at all. Some of them are provocative. Some, oddly enough, make me want to know more about the man who shit himself. Like, what happened the next night? Some leave me feeling wistful and sad, and remind me how easily childhood is broken. Some ask questions that probably should be asked, and aren't, like why men start out with a negative character reference when it comes to child abuse.

Some are meh, and I skipped over them pretty rapidly, but they might appeal to you.

This dude can write. He needs to do it more often. He needs to purge some of the dead wood on this blog. But, he can write. Really, when it's all said and done, that's all I require.

Kevin: Delete all the crap under "Other" in your sidebar. Look over some of your posts and decide if they're really finished. Write more.

Readers: Go do what you do.

I give him 3 stars.

75 comments:

  1. Plus, his "About Me" is from Quantum Leap.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shame. Perhaps it's time to change the title of your blog because clearly we can no longer hope to receive, having asked?

    (oh ok, I'm just bitter that my blog is so bad you can't even be bothered to rip it a new orifice)

    The trouble is, these positive reviews are nowhere near as fun to read as the I'll-kick-your-ass-from-here-to-next-Sunday ones.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well shit, LB... Now I have to worry that you deleted my blog from your queue... Or are you notifying the blogs you deleted?

    Now I'm going to follow your advice and go check out Kevin's blog.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now, all I have left is suicide since I am getting divorced (so no more "OMFG sex" for me) and you just called my blog "middle-aged". I am fucking 24!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You people pulled my catvideoslolz.blogspot.com?

    Fuck this cat hating crap. Goodbye.

    ReplyDelete
  6. er Gap, wasn't your blog the one that got reviewed just before this one?

    Lovely cat, btw

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG I'm such a tool, that was a joke, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love Bites:

    I sincerely appreciate the time you spent with my blog and what you have said about it.

    I'm really interested in knowing which ones you may have found just "meh" so that I can maybe compare and contrast against the "better" ones.

    Thank you.

    Kevin

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love the kick-you-ass-to-next-Sunday posts too. But finding a new readable blog is much better than one good laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That story about the man shitting in his pants went way over my head. I don't understand why anyone would bother to write about that. There are too many assholes out there who deserve to be written about, exposed, made fun of, talked about, that I supposed I don't understand why writing about some incontinent, possibly crazy, older man is...nevermind. Fuck that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "Ask and you might receive"

    Well, good on you LB. The new approach seems to go more with the ethos of the site somehow.

    Liked the review, enjoyed the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Trouble is, I haven't added a single new website to my reader as result of positive Ask review. I guess Ask and I just don't have the same taste (well most of the time, they did review the Tiptoeing Through Tulips which I was already reading anyway).

    I did spend hours and hours and hours clicking my way through the archives enjoying the reviews. There was a blog reviewed back in 2006 that I quite liked, mind you...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Precision, et. al., it is taking FOREVER to work our way through the queue. I'd apologize, but I'm really not all that sorry.

    Reluctant Housewife, I did see your blog is up to bat sometime in the next week or so, depending on how well we do at regularly posting here, but I won't be reviewing it since that would hardly be fair.

    ReplyDelete
  14. p.s. the blogs I deleted were mostly non-English speaking and whoring for hits. Unless that describes you, we're just slow as always.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well I'm English speaking and I don't need hits... I'm glad you didn't kill me pre-review. I'd kiss you but I'm scared you'd slap me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think Kevin writes beautifully. I can see why his dialogue traffic is a little slow. It's something you have to sit down to read, and it's hard to make that kind of thing popular as a blog. Most people only sit down to read something if they know it has undergone a selective process -- like by an editor or publisher. The one-man show of blogging brings no promise of likability, and it seems like people only give it a chance if it requires very little of them.

    Maybe that's a reason the blogosphere rewards a lot of fluff and ignores a lot of good things like this.

    Thanks for fighting for readers and writers with brains. I'm gonna go give Kevin a little textual intercourse.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Erin has a good point... But from Kevin's archives it seems he hasn't been blogging all that long and not very often. It takes time to build up a following. I'm sure with the writing and great story telling going on at his blog he'll eventually have a discourse going on in the comments.

    Question LB: unfair to who? you? me? everyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  18. You know, his posts ring a little resigned and tired, very nonpartisan, and I mistook it at first as a lack of personality. But really, that IS his personality, but not in a boring way. In a I-dreamed-I'd-be-much-more-interesting-than-this kind of way, without coming out and saying it explicitly. Which of course is ideal, feeling it instead of hearing it. He's more interesting because he recognizes it, and makes up for it.

    But I'm with gap on the shitting post.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well, only Kevin could tell you why he wrote it, but what I took from that post is that call centres are fucking shite places to work, the last door for desperate people, and if you take time away from your post without "permission", no matter how justified, they dock your pay. And some sad middle aged man couldn't afford that luxury, so he just swallowed the humiliation and dealt with the situation as best he could. Absolute hopelessness, in a played down way.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Rassles, I can just see the pinched look on the face of the jerky staffing agent as she headed off the uncomforable topic of liability, and then politely excused the "old" man from his temporary position.

    I fucking hate people who work in staffing offices.

    I love old people.

    I didn't like seeing that old mans problem exploited.

    ReplyDelete
  21. niecey, I am going to pretend that he wrote it out of some deep wellspring of compassion for older men who shit their pants in public places.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Gap, you're right and probably he didn't, but that doesn't stop how it's read, does it? Sometimes we write stuff and we don't even know why. I don't think from the tone of the post that Kevin knew why he was writing it, but for me it's crystal clear. This is human explotation, but not by the writer, who I personally think just didn't get it, but knew something was wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Actually, I probably wouldn't have written that story if he had thrown his undwear away instead of leaving it behind the toilet. For me, that's the thing that pushes the story to the point of being really memorable. That, and the chair being stolen afterward.

    I'm not going to apologize for writing about it though. It wasn't meant to be exploitive or to make fun of anyone. It was nothing more than just a memorable story that happened. But if you don't like it, you don't like it.

    Thanks for all the opinions though.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm with Erin. I think Kevin writes beautifully and that's why I'll be reading more. It is a blog that you have to take a little time with, but that's ok with me...I got a three-day weekend coming up. He probably won't be big with the Wordless Wednesday crowd, but I doubt that matters much.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Also, having looked at today's alternative, glad we got Textual Intercourse, rather than the other kind. Of course, that may just be envy.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Reluctant:

    I have a pretty good idea of my own ability to be objective. I felt you deserved someone else's eyes on your blog. Don't take that as a negative, it isn't, I just felt that I couldn't be entirely objective, and i would prefer that someone else do it.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I think this was long overdue. LB, I will miss upsetting middle eastern countries. Like I miss being in middle eastern countries. Biscotti?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Well, I hope that my blog wasn't one of the ones that got passed over, because it'a a shitload better than this boring ass blog you reviewed. Who gives a shit about a fucking German class? Wow, this blog is becoming soft. Fuck it, it's off my blogroll. I'll just take the word of the readers that send me e-mails every day telling me what a great job I'm doing.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "Well, I hope that my blog wasn't one of the ones that got passed over, because it'a a shitload better than this boring ass blog you reviewed. Who gives a shit about a fucking German class? Wow, this blog is becoming soft. Fuck it, it's off my blogroll. I'll just take the word of the readers that send me e-mails every day telling me what a great job I'm doing."

    No it is not.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Chris,

    You are a retard. I mean that in every negative way possible. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm not going to engage in a petty name calling contest. I'll just say that the tremendous amount of e-mails and compliments I get about my writing skills and the humor in which I present my posts is proof enough for me. I don't need a review from this blog or any other and I don't need any traffic from this blog. As a matter of fact, I'm planning on doing a review of this blog soon. It'll be a doozy, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  32. "I'll be the first to admit I'm a total fucking loser. Like I said, no job, no money, no pussy, and I live back with my parents. You don't even want to know how long it's been since I dumped a load into some Asian fuck toy I found at the local massage parlor. I mean, I use women for one thing, and one thing only. That's to dump my nuts in and hose down with my love seed. After all guys, you know it's true. What are they really good for besides that little pink pussy hole?"

    Chris, you're not Maddox. Go home and email your 8 readers.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Never claimed to be Maddox. Yes, my writing is sometimes raw. That's refreshing in this day and age of nauseating "mommy blogs" and vomit inducing pictures of little kittens. Yeah, that's original. It's all good. You do your thing and I'll do mine. No hghard feelings here. It's just that I've only been blogging for a little over two months and I've done exceptionally well, and I'm only going to get better. I'm proud of my ability, and I'm guessing you all used to be proud of yours, too. Somewhere along the line you lost focus. Happens to the best of us. Peace be with you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh, and by the way, I was nice enough to give you a review and share my traffic with you. Guess I'm not such a "traffic whore" after all.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Your writing is simple and you are confusing raw with sophmoric. Your writing is banal. Your writing is not amusing to anyone with a shred of fucking self respect.

    So far as I can see no one here said you were not getting your review. Why you came here with your toy gun loaded is beyond anyone with half of a brain.

    Talk about stupidly setting yourself up, Chris.

    ReplyDelete
  36. "I also am tired of traffic mongering blogwhores who want us to send them hundreds of possible readers without actually doing the goddamn work of having a decent blog.

    Fuck them. So, click, click, click. I deleted a half dozen blogs that I wasn't interested in having anyone review, including me, from the list this week."

    And my writing is "banal" and "sophomoric". I'd be intrigued to learn exactly what type of writing you consider "mature" if you think I'm sophomoric (Oh, and you misspelled sophomoric). In any case, I encourage you to do as you please. If you'd like to give me a review, that's fine. If not, I'll remain devoid of any concern. (That's a fancy way of saying I don't give a shit.) I came here with my metaphorical "toy gun" loaded to make sure you are aware that your sharp criticisms and biting one liners don't scare me. I won't be bullied by the threat of one of your poorly researched and inconsequential interpretations of my hard work. On the contrary, I welcome one of your "sophomoric" reviews. FYI, I write that way in my blog because I choose too. I minored in English and have an extensive vocabulary. I find it extremely emancipating to write in the style I do. As a matter of fact, it's a rare talent for a writer to choose his style. I happen to possess that talent, amongst many others. Maybe I took it for granted, because you are such learned scholars, that you were aware of something called "artistic license". Enjoy the rest of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dear Ask,

    Please do not give this nasty elbow a review.

    From diarrhea mouth disaster to constipated English major in less than half a day...that's an accomplishment. Or a diagnosis. It's something.

    He isn't deserving of the hundreds of readers. They don't deserve it either.

    ReplyDelete
  38. "Suck my cock, Chris."

    That's very original, and very classy. How long did it take you to conceive of that choice phrase? What a joke. Gap, do you have a blog? Because if so, you're next up for a mind-numbing review on my up & coming blog "Is This Really Happening?" Thank you all so much for the fantastic treatment and hospitality that I've received here after I was the better person and gave you all a review. My blog happens to be very original. People like the fact that they can go there and read a no-holds barred opinion of scumbag criminals and dirtbag politicians. I tell it the way I see it and I'm to be commended for doing so. I'm an up and coming blogger and will soon be famous. The stats and e-mails don't lie. People love what I'm doing. I know it's hard not to let your jealousy take control, but you must try to be mature about this whole thing. There's plenty pf room in the big bad blogosphere for all of us. I could have just started another overdone, played-out review blog, but I decided to be true to myself. I know it's hard to understand that I like to write creatively, sice that's an ability that you most surely lack, but please try to understand that "Suck my cock" says all that needs to be said. You're a lowlife. Shit, I should run for Congressman or something. I know how to bullshit!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Chris, you're possibly the biggest slime producing fucking cocksucking moron to ever take a steamy green BM all over himself here on Ask.

    For someone who "doesn't care" you have far too fucking motherfuckin' bullshit much to type.

    My suggestion to you is to go out and get a job so you can pay an "Asian" slut to drop a fucking ton of bricks on your tiny little red head. Or just go rape yourself silly in front of your readers while you moan to the sound of Dictionary on Tape; then you can brag that you finally got done right without having to shell out a dime.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Chris, it appears to me that no one ever said you weren't going to get a review, and that the blogs that were deleted were non-English speaking blogs that the reviewers couldn't necessarily read anyway.

    So coming here and starting shit for no reason is ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I must say I'm totally impressed at gap's command of the English language. I'm just wondering when he/she will present a proper argument instead of spraying petty and ridiculous insults at me in an attempt to get me to stoop to his/her low level. I did not come here and start shit. I simply came and disagreed with their most recent review and I was attacked at a level that can only be described as ballistic. I simply stated in an opinion that my blog was better than the last two lackluster, monotonous, and highly uninspiring blogs that had been reviewed. Then, I exercised my freedom of speech and published my own review of their once interesting and now lame blog. I just suggested that grow back their nutsack and start to type up some good reviews instead of shooting down an awesome blog and reviewing lame ones. I stand by my decision as a talented writer and up and coming blogger. I have tons of potential and since I discovered blogging, my life has has onky changed for the better. Basically, I'm a much better person than the deadbeats who run AAYSR. Furthermore, I must refrain from commenting here anymore because it is well below my talent level and as such a sever waste of my time and ability as an established writer. Good tidings to all and I'll pass on the "cock sucking" (but-you for considering me fo such a personal favor) See you all at "Is This Really Happening?" http://thirtieslost.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  42. Chris,

    I looked at your stats. You suck and the internet and just about everybody on it agree.

    ReplyDelete
  43. My command of the English language is a minor miracle. Your hypocrisy is a major shortcoming.

    Chris, in reply to a fairly benign comment over on his blog: "Like I really care what you think there "web design for idiots". And no, I don't give a shit about the review, asshole. It's the whole point of saying you will give people reviews and then taking back your word and acting like a douche. If you want to read some really annoying posts, head over to "Ask And Ye Shall Receive". Whatever you do, don't come back here. Asswipe."

    Chris, what you seem completely incapable of grasping is that no one denied you your review. You created an entire scenario right inside your head, complete with rejection and consquences.

    Get mental health coverage if you don't have it. Or perhaps your mother can add you to her insurance plan until you're able to go out and get a paying job.

    ReplyDelete
  44. GAP, I read your last in a DR Cutty/Flo from Gieko voice I have in me head, and I must say, got a bit of wood.

    Call me?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Huh? not sure what you're talking about. Clarify?

    ReplyDelete
  46. Nevermind. I got it. My mind is addled. This is what happens when I bicker with people crazier than me.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Maybe your aroused and twitterdpated?

    Or it might be a stroke.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Again with the insults and quotations. I'm fully aware nobody denied me my review and like I said, I could really care less. It seems all you are really capable of is issueing childish responses like "suck my cock" and pretending to know me in hopes that it will get me riled. I'm simply a better person, and I just won't stoop to your level. It's become obvious that you are not on the same intellectual level as I am. Quoting from my blog proves nothing, because it's a style and artisitc license, and it proves nothing about who I am. Finally, I've grown somewhat bored of these "sophomoric" exchanges, and I must concentrate my full talents on the continues success of my up and coming blog. I bid you all farewell, and good tidings.

    ReplyDelete
  49. That's amusing when Kickass Chris and douchebag Chris start talking at the same time. Now we need FF Chris and AFM Chris to chime in as well.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm also amused that New Chris is fighting the commenters and not the reviewers.

    Is commenters a word? There's a silly red line underneath it.

    Speaking of which, New Chris - don't you know what it gets like around here? Coming into the comments section as a newbie with a dissenting opinion and bullshit pompous proclamations of your prowess is not going to change the fact that you came in here and started a fight with hungry hyenas.

    ReplyDelete
  51. That's a lot of verbosity for someone who doesn't give a shit. Good fun though.

    We need rules. If a flame goes on for longer than 4 posts, the participants should be thrown in a cage with a pile of medival weapons in the middle. The last survivor wins.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Douchebag Noobie Chris wouldn't survive for 30 seconds in an actual thunderdome scenario.

    By the way, who is this fucktard?

    ReplyDelete
  53. Just wanted to say.. I have never been to this site before. I stumbled on it when I stumbled on "chris'" blog through the CMFads forum where he randomly posted links to his sites> I always like to check out and comment on new blogs to that community, so there I went.

    I read the post, without even knowing what THIS blog was about and it was ridiculous. Then when I came here and read that his blog wasn't even removed from the queue.. it got even more ridicilous.

    Now he's trying to dig through MY blog posts and find something "dirty" to post about and the biggest thing he could come up with was a post I made about how no one comments if one of my tutorials helped them.

    Wow.. like you all have said.. For someone who DOESNT CARE. he sure has spent a LOT of time going back and forth and cyber stalking anyone who says anything bad about his so-called great writing skills.

    eh.... a life is a good thing to have.. go find one.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I believe I shall give him a review.

    ReplyDelete
  55. And if you don't want to, I'll do it gladly.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Should we rock/scissors/paper for it? Should I do it in my current sick as fuck under the influence of cold pills and rather peevish state? I await your answers.

    ReplyDelete
  57. A collaborative review? Like Point/Counterpoint?

    ReplyDelete
  58. Who would make a counterpoint in his favour? Yes that's favour you lazy yanks!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Point: He is not funny.

    Counterpoint: Unless you are laughing at his expense.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I love the idea of point/counterpoint. Except I think that we will both agree on almost everything about that piece of shit.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Hah, y'all, check this amateur lightweight out:

    He actually thinks he can steal our thunder.
    Too bad they don't have a biggest punk ass category.

    ReplyDelete
  62. "I'm an up and coming blogger and will soon be famous. The stats and e-mails don't lie. People love what I'm doing. I know it's hard not to let your jealousy take control, but you must try to be mature about this whole thing"

    I seriously almost pissed myself after reading this. I mean, really, if this dude's not participating in some elaborate performance art thing via his blog, then my thoughts about the future of the human race are right on target.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Wow, I'm sorry to have missed all the excitement from the new misogynist on the block.

    Is this the reason there hasn't been another review in ages? You don't understand how much I look forward to new reviews; and it's not because I'm making note of all the new ways to insult people either.

    When can we expect a new review? Of anything, I don't care whose blog it is (although it's preferable if you tear it the fuck apart as opposed to stroke it gently on the soft bits but I'll take whatever).

    ReplyDelete
  64. The reason is that I was sick with the flu (not swine) and traveling for work. A lot of things depend on me, including assigning blogs for people to review. Shit happens. Sorry to disappoint, precision, but we're just humans, not the godlike beings you seem to think we are.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Reviewin', like pimpin', ain't easy.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Pimpin definitely ain't easy.

    ReplyDelete
  67. New Chris said:

    "No hghard feelings here."

    New Chris then said to gap:

    "Oh, and you misspelled sophomoric"

    Sophomoric is harder (hgharder?) to spell than 'hard.'

    As Caesar probably said, "QED, bitches."

    ReplyDelete
  68. Our milkshakes bring all the douchebags to the yard.

    ReplyDelete
  69. crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?


    ----------------
    interracialsex

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.