Friday, September 11, 2009

Portrait of a Douchebag

Wow. Now we're getting whines from punk ass bitches that haven't even been reviewed:

Well, I hope that my blog wasn't one of the ones that got passed over, because it'a a shitload better than this boring ass blog you reviewed. Who gives a shit about a fucking German class? Wow, this blog is becoming soft. Fuck it, it's off my blogroll.

I'll just take the word of the readers that send me e-mails every day telling me what a great job I'm doing.

-Chris Mollo


Dude. Who in the fuck are you, and why do you think we give a shit?

Also, what prison were you in when you had that picture taken?

63 comments:

  1. Here's your review, Chris:

    Boring ass blogger template with a fuckload of bullshit on the side bar. Two posts talking about traffic and then a bunch of nonsense commentary about wacky news articles that I could give two shits about.

    Rating: Hot Tranny Mess.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Did he even submit his blog for a review, or is he really convinced that he's SO popular, the reviewers here would simply seek him out? A quick google gives only 1800 hits, piss poor for a "popular" blog, and the top 15 are all things he's submitted his blog to - like the blogger's choice awards. Submitted his own blog... nuff said. Blogs without RSS feeds get more hits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow I'm quoted! Thank you for recognizing my greatness. I'm so honored. Thank you for being my friend you guys. My heart was touched so I wanted to share a part of myself with you.

    I'm so blown out of the water that I'm being quoted! Last time that happened I got so many emails. To be honest, tho, I deserved to be up there a lot more. Well anyway I'm glad you saw my truth.

    ReplyDelete
  4. From Chris' "blog":

    "The 37-year-old Fond du Lac man testified Tuesday in Calumet County Circuit Court that he went to a hotel room expecting to get fucked and sucked by a girlfriend, but instead was greeted by four angry twats who proceeded to tie him to the bed and then glue his cock to his stomach. One of the nasty whores was the man's wife! I'm wondering if the freaks used Krazy Glue or just plain old Elmer's! I think either would have gotten the job done, given enough time. I'm also wondering what would happen if they allowed his fuck tool to get hard, and then glued the head to his belly? When the engorged member softened, it would be all fucking stretched out and that would become painful, I would think."

    Obviously we're dealing with Norman Fucking Mailer here, folks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gap: your artwork is very cool. Thanks for sharing. Your kitchen, however, is uber scary. Maybe you should like, do some dishes.

    xoxo.

    Much love!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I humbly make a request of AAYSR. I have been a loyal commenter and believe I have added to the jocularity at times if not the overall melange of quick wit/tranny references/late 80's throwbacks, and for that I request a new name as not to be confused with slingblade.

    I have 3 you may choose from.

    Good Chris
    Chris classic
    Huge cock Chris(HCC or HC2)

    Discuss

    ReplyDelete
  7. I clean it every morning. By 3Pm it looks like that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry Chris, I already have Huge Cock Chris. Chris/FF

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wait! His archives go all the way back to July 2009! If that history is to be believed, then he knows a thing or two about 'blogger burnout'.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You trash a veteran on September 11th? You people really have no scruples. BTW, if you took the time to read some of his articled you'd realize that a lot of them are very interesting. Yeas, some of them were a little wacky, but that blog is different. I really don't think he cares what it looks like at all. It actually looks pretty damn good fo a regular blogger template. You know, your blog isn't anything special either. As far as I can tell, he's the only one who had the guts to tell you so.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dude, don't speak to me about respecting vets. My grandfather spent 4 years in the Marines during WWII, all of my uncles served, one uncle has served about 4 tours in Iraq, a cousin was in Desert Storm, and my dad is retiring with 40 years in the Air National Guard. And if any of them authored a shitty blog like this, I sure as hell would make fun of it, so don't think that just because you served 1 year in Iraq 6 years ago, you're something special on the internet because you wrap yourself in the flag one day a year.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, Chris/Ray...you're so pure that whenever you deign to comment on any blog at all you just somehow magically suck the scruples right out of people. You're a like a moral vacuum cleaner, sucking evil out of the blogosphere so you can purify us all through your comments. You're perfect and we're all rotten and you're perfect. I'm impressed.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Apparently Captain Douchebag didn't like my comment (i.e. completely missed the point). Hiding behind military service as a way to dodge criticism and using it to assert that you are some how better than those who have not fought is a vile perversion of the oath you took. Strapping on a gun doesn't make you better, smarter, or a fucking saint for the rest of your life. I'm tired of these whiny crybabies who call themselves soldiers.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Chris, Thank you for your service, you are still a huge pantload!

    Better now? Is momma's baby all better?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Chris, I want to marry you for the "pantload" thing. It's a truly underused insult.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I believe you are aware of past offers, I await your reply.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It bears repeating:

    "Apparently Captain Douchebag didn't like my comment (i.e. completely missed the point). Hiding behind military service as a way to dodge criticism and using it to assert that you are some how better than those who have not fought is a vile perversion of the oath you took. Strapping on a gun doesn't make you better, smarter, or a fucking saint for the rest of your life. I'm tired of these whiny crybabies who call themselves soldiers."

    Perfect.

    I won't be around commenting for a few weeks because...as of tonight I'm off to work with the Pentagon saving children from certain death and/or addiction at the hands of Columbian drug lords.

    I don't expect fanfare when I return. Your emails are enough.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Isn't September 11th really more of a day to honor firefighters and police officers and paramedics?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I guess there were military officers in the Pentagon...nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I celebrated September 11 by giving my boyfriend a blowjob to thank him for his 16 years of military service (navy). Feel better, Ray? I don't give a shit if pantsload Chris served or not. That doesn't diminish the simple fact that he's a tool.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes there are tons of military there, Rassles. My brother's friend has an aunt who knew someone who worked in the Pentagram and said you're right, tons of military. I get emails from them a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Also, Chris, I acknowledge that you think I am great. Thank you for quoting me. That's two quotes from two different sites who know I'm great-and all in a matter of 2 days.

    If I had a penis it would most certainly be erect.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Y'all have to go read Chris's whiny flag-draped response to this.

    Apparently, trashing Chris is trashing God, the U-S-A, the American flag, baseball, apple pie, and the Army (hoo-rah).

    Ego, thy name is Chris.

    p.s. Chris--you're an idiot. I'm quite certain that has NOTHING to do with the branch you served in.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have not, as of yet, received any responses about my new name nor a reply from the lovely Allie.

    Hop to it ppl!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I responded Chris, maybe you should be kickass chris

    ReplyDelete
  26. If you're insistent on being called something other than the name I see you using I will call you either Kris...or worse, Criss. I prefer Chris since the minute another review gets published we'll all have moved on. We should just call the other Chris "Ray".

    ReplyDelete
  27. Pantload Chris is him , I shall be just Chris

    ReplyDelete
  28. Chris, yes, but only if you wear an American flag tuxedo while processing down the aisle waving an American flag to a Toby Kieth montage and followed by a flock of grateful Iraqi children.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I don't know Chris, but you need to come up with something quick, or I'm gonna confuse you with this toolbox.

    Just the other day he was raving about how AAYSR was the most awesomest shit ever and other bloggers just don't get it.

    Make up yo buttfuckery mind.

    By the way, what in the hell does this guy have to do with 9/11? Just cause he's military he supposed to get his douchebaggified ass kissed? He probably waits all year so 9/11 will roll around and for one day of the year, people will treat him with respect. Better luck next year!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Chris/Ray says "It's brand new and there is only two posts"

    Miss Missives says short bus kids should maybe aim lower. Now he's starting anpother blog, this one for reviews. You guys want some popcorn while we're watching this trainwreck??

    ReplyDelete
  31. Actually I think it's more like the retarded kid getting hit by his own short bus than a trainwreck.

    He's got like two commenters and he's already starting a spinoff blog.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Dude's trying to play both sides of the fence. He's all, "How dare they mock a veteran on 9/11. The effrontery!" And then he's all, "Oh, they played into my fiendish little plan like the cowardly dupes they are! Look at my stats soar into the tens! Bwahaha."

    His blustery self-aggrandizing is purely pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  33. He's now playing off this whole flame war as some kind of master-manipulation to generate more traffic to his blog. Sure...keep tellin' yourself that Private Limpdick.

    ReplyDelete
  34. And is it just me, or does he kind of look like the heavy mouth-breating dude who splatters his brains out in the shitter from "Full Metal Jacket?"

    ReplyDelete
  35. My blgog is great. Jealousy will get you know where eh badabing. You can just sit here and talk about me all day long and see that I got over 500 new traffic hits and readers have told me that my current blog is a contender in several contests. My new blog may not have to many comnets yet but its only a day old. READ MY STATS. THEY DON'T LIE. Shame shame lashing out at a vet on the 11th! Then it gets real worse and you lash more on the 12th and 13th. It's the 14th today and you're still lashing traffic my way. Tomorrow will be the 15th and you will STILL be talking about me. And that little people, is how you will make me GREAT!

    ReplyDelete
  36. WTF are you babbling about?

    ReplyDelete
  37. So we gonna make it to the 16th then, homestyle? eh? Yo since ya'll all seem imprevlious to tryth lemme spell it out for you: YOU DON'T GET GREATNESS. A GREAT PERSON WOULD UNDERSTAND MY BABBLE. My stats just told me that I got 4 new hits off just these comments here. You should see the traffic on that 9/11 post? Yo shitbirds the sheer numbers would make the crumbling Towers look like childs play. Any ideha how quickly I'm going to get propelled to the top at this rate? My specialty is tralatitious artistic license. Looks like its really catching on too. I'm reviewing all you jealous hags..................very soon.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I like our new anonymous weiner. He's clearly the craziest one of the bunch. Do you think he'll ream us for suggesting that maybe he should get into his local tricare provider and get his meds?

    ReplyDelete
  39. I'm impervlious to your crazy ramblings Ray. You can take your "tralatitious artistic license" (?) and shove it up your ass.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Also, I have the feeling that Ray is typing while jerking off to his stat counter.

    ReplyDelete
  41. While you're busy impalaling inncocent veterans, God bless Shalom, I am busy rising like cream. The devil will die soon and this blog will be a springboard for greatnest (ASSHOLE WHO NEED WORDS DEFINED: GREATNEST: GREAT + NEST: A PLACE FOR GREATNESS TO NEST, THRIVE, AND THEN TAKE OFF) 5 more people in just the last 10 minutes. That's 2 a minute douchslags so that in 60 minutes 50 new readers will have seen my work, my review of you and will have emailed me. SHUT THE FUCK UP, QUIET. WHAT IS THAT NOISE? IT'S ANOTHER EMAIL COMING IN.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Someone is definitely pulling our virtual leg.

    ReplyDelete
  43. TO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE REAL QUALITY TOP SHELF WRITING AND GENUINE ARTISTIC LISENSE YOU CAN GO HERE

    THE REAL DEAHL

    DON'T STAY HERE; YO THESE SUCKA GOING DOWN LIKE THE SSPOSIDENNE.

    ReplyDelete
  44. God, this is better than TV, a traffic accident, and a house fire, all rolled into one.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Commmanomma yaccccccccccccccca lalalalaa bbbbbbbbbbbbbbargggggg. MAAAMAAAAAAAMEEEEEEE SHITBIRDS, SEE. If you understood what true greatness is I wouldn't have to explain what I just wrote today because you would already know. When you can grasp the essence of a reverse double foward 3 layers intended irony then maybe I might come back and make your blogg greater. How you rise to greatness in such a short period of time is by being DARING. Something I know about.

    THE REAL DEAHL

    ReplyDelete
  46. This is the best day ever. Ray stands in stark and interesting contrast to today's blog reviewee. Ray is crazy interesting. Ray is a goddamn train wreck. I want to see if he eventually offs himself.

    ReplyDelete
  47. IT'S TRASH-A-VET WEEK HERE AT ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELLE TOALS. CLINGADINGALINGDONG, HELLO: TRUTH CALLING...MY BLOG IS GREAT AND YOURS IS NOT AND YOU CAN'T STAND IT. DARK CONTRAST IS RIGHT THO, I AM A MASTER OF IRONIC SARDONIC AND SPECIFIC ARTISTICAL LYRICAL LICENSE, COVERING THE US STATES.

    But really, yo yo yo, you should all be ashamed for this groteske outburst of inhumaniny.

    THE REAL DEAHL

    ReplyDelete
  48. I've got Black Sabbath's "Crazy Train" stuck in my head now, thanks to Ray.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Yeah, being a veteran makes you interesting and worth reading. Go fuck yourself, Ray, Chris. Simultaneously. Also, did Chris save anyone on 9/11? Just curious. Chris is being trashed because he's a shitty writer. Askers like veterans. Veterans that can write worth a shit. Discuss.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Pssst, I know because I'm a combat veteran that has been reviewed and done reviews here.

    ReplyDelete
  51. This guy really shouldn't have stopped taking his meds and you know what Ray/Chris, all thatr traffic? That's us coming over to witness the mental midgetry, we'll tire of you soon.

    ReplyDelete
  52. No what you can't understand is that my greatness has created a virtual frenzy of curiousity across the entire internet. When you start getting emails telling you that you're in Alaska then you can believe it's true. Until then I choose to believe that stats are true, they communicate with me in ways you can never understand.

    I BAKED AN ENTIRE STARVING FAMILY OF 10 PEEPHOLES SIX MEALS THIS PAST 9/11 AND ON THE ONE IN 01, 2. YOU DON'T HAVE TO COUNT THAT TOWARD MY GREATNESS...MAKEANONEVERMIND BECAUSE ACCORDING TO MY STATS I'M DOING JUST FINE. AFTER 9/11 HAPPENED I KNEW THAT SOMETHING MUST BE DONE; IT WAS NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE FOR AMERICANS TO LAZY THEMSELVES FIDDLE FRONT OF TELLY. SO LIKE MOST PEOPLE I DID MY GOOD DEED. THAT WAS THEN THIS IS NOW. I HAVE PHOTOS THAT PROVE I DID SOMETHING. I'M DOING LOTS NOW WITH MY BLOG. THERE SO.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I hope your stats are telling you to take your meds, Ray.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I AM GOD. I AM GREAT. I RULE. MY BLOG IS GOD. I AM A GOD AMONSGT BLOGGERS. I AM UP AND COMMING WITH A STELLAR VOCUBABBLERY. DENY. ENGAGE. I AM THE SUN AND THE MOON WHY THE WHOLE UNIVERSE AND EVERY GASEOUS EMISSION FROM URANUS TO THE MIDDLE EAST. No more. You get NO MORE GREATNESS!!!!!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMMMAMAMAMAMAAMLUCY BUT YOU ARE ALL HOPELESS!

    ReplyDelete
  55. But did they throw pickles at you, Ray? The fantasy doesn't work for me unless they threw pickles.

    I'd like to suggest that you rename your blog...Full Metal Retard.

    ReplyDelete
  56. They only throw pickles at Chris Knight.

    Pretty sure this Ray dude is quite the punkster.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Ray doesn't want to play with us anymore...guess he's packed up his pills and gone home. Oh well...

    ReplyDelete
  58. Full Metal Retard?? Uh, that was great.

    ReplyDelete
  59. GOOD SUGGESTION! IT TAKES A THE MIND OF SOMEONE WHO MAKES THEIR HOME IN GREATNEST TO BE ABLE TO BE TRANSVESTITE ENOUGH TO ADMIT THAT YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. I MIGHT JUST CALL MYSELF FULLMETALRETARD.BLOGSPOT AND THEN SLOWLY DEGRADE MY LIFE INTO A SERIES OF BLOG POSTS THAT LOOK LIKE INSANE RAMBLINGS.

    CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG. YOU WILL LOVE RAY BECAUSE RAY LOVES RAY.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Dude, it's the Indian guy...I thought he killed himself.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I'M GREAT ONE MORE TIME THIS WEEK AND NOW I'M GOING TO SETTLE IN HERE FOR GOOD.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.