Friday, February 19, 2010

So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth.


A review from Chris:



I was asked by the lovely Madame Bellicose to do a guest review. She promised me an "internet hand job" if I reviewed a blog. I am not sure what that might be but I'm all for new experiences and have never wanted to turn down a hand job, corporeal or otherwise.

The blogger today is Dr. Zibbs at That Blue Yak. I can't tell what he is a doctor of as his About Me section is a litany of movies he likes and other assorted fluffery but nothing about him. I think he is married and he appears to have a Twitter account as he mentions this in every third post. His blog is a melange of bad html and Youtube videos where he then comments on the videos or pics in a very pedestrian way.

I must admit that I only made it through a few dozen of his posts before giving up. Between the 32nd mention of his Twitter feed and the pointless "look at this" posts I surmised he thinks of himself as a humorist. Dr. Zibbs let me you in on a little secret, no matter how sophomoric, no matter how base your "random musings" are, there are 100,000 other blogs on the internet just like yours and you will find a dozen or so people that will tell you that you are funny. You are not!

What you are is trite and banal.
You give the reader no reason to come back to your blog. Your blog is a pablum of the internet; tasteless and generic. You neither made me like you nor hate you and in failing to do so, you engendered the worst emotion that a reader might have: indifference.

I see that you posted a whopping 518 posts last year and hundreds the year before. Impressive, but a shitload of crap is still crap, just more of said crap.

I wont even start on your sidebar widget that acts like voice mail so that your readers may leave an audio message. WTF, are they incapable of leaving a comment in the, wait for it, comment section? What in the name of Mohamed's mustache wax possessed you to throw that widget up there? I listened to a few and it was was bad,very bad, you made my soul cry.

For now I give you the flaming finger, thricely (three times).







Get rid of the videos and pictures and write! Banish the doo-dads and gee-gaws from your sidebar and write some more.

21 comments:

  1. Chris for that review, I give you four jazz hands!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So Chris, are you ready for that hand job yet? Hold on, let me get ready.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Blue Yak,

    If you made Chris' soul cry, then you get every flaming finger he can throw out there.

    Dear Chris,

    I hope your soul feels better now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy shit, Chris. I knew you had it in you -- seeing as I was your reviewer, and all that -- but this review made tears well up in my eyes with pride.

    I didn't even go toss up any blue yak, and I know that the review was spot on because I have seen so many of those 100,000 other blogs just like it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. *picking myself up from the floor*

    So, weirdly...
    I'm reading Gone with the Wind, and that picture you have there, Chris? Forever more I will totally picture Rhett Butler like that.

    *sigh*

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  6. Chris, I would, in the words of our Great Rassles, so totally shame fuck you right now.

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  7. TY all for the kind words and the awkward sexual images.

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  8. I don't think it would be possible to encapsulate That Blue Yak better than this. Top marks.

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  9. I'm going to eat 'Ask' for breakfast and then get my video camera to begin the process of mass producing Chris' cyber hand job.
    Then, I'm having a nap and a cigarette.

    ReplyDelete
  10. mongoliangirl2/20/2010 10:28 AM

    Remember when Brittany
    Spears was all crazy and that crazy queen made the screaming 'Leave Brittany Alone!!!' Youtube video?
    Unless you're willing to do that for for blue friend, Mr. London Street, I am never goong to listen.
    'Top Marks'. Really? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...

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  11. mongoliangirl - Lovely though I'm sure you are deep down, you've rather spectacularly missed the point which is that I agreed with the review.

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  12. You are so off but cute review.

    Signed, Ted Morris.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Busted! It's not Ted Morris. It's me, Dr Zibbs from the blog THAT BLUE YAK.

    I wouuld like to thank you and take the opportunity to tell people that my Twitter names are @DrZibbs and the famous @FatherKelly - which is followed by many, many celebs. So there you go.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Busted! It's not Ted Morris. It's me, Dr Zibbs from the blog THAT BLUE YAK.

    I wouuld like to thank you and take the opportunity to tell people that my Twitter names are @DrZibbs and the famous @FatherKelly - which is followed by many, many celebs. So there you go.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Is anybody else confused by the Dr. Zibbs/Ted Morris/Father Kelly identity issues? Congrats on all those "celebs" though. Impressive.

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  16. Ted, the Dr., and whatshisface sound like pedobears to me.

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  17. mongoliangirl2/20/2010 10:47 PM

    Mr. London Street - you are so kind that I shall now offer you a pumpkin muffin. (Believe me when I tell you that you are seriously fucking happy now.)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Zibbsy old fellow, just because Johnny Kage says he's a celebrity doesn't make him a celebrity. I promise.

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  19. amazing review, but most of all i enjoyed yours and your friend strange sence of humor

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  20. How did my name get dragged into this review?

    BTW your review of my review will be up on the greastest website of all time www.johnnykage.com in about a week.

    Plus we will review your website as well. It will take that long because we plan on reading all your content, not just the two previous months, and the first couple posts as you did for us.

    Interesting what can happen when you save a nerd from getting pushed into a locker back in high school. Free magic internet hackery for life.

    We'll let you know when it is up.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.