Thursday, March 25, 2010

Mama loves parentheses

Guest review by jen’lltellya.

Today it’s all about Warm Chocolate Milk. Yellow makes my brain hurt. The thought of Warm Chocolate milk just makes my stomach churn. Some mommy bloggers drive me crazy. I got lucky this week and got all three.

When you first open Warm Chocolate Milk, you are greeted by a huge blog header surrounded by vast amounts of mustard yellow. You are greeted by Susan who explains in her “About me” that she is a 30-something married whose whole existence is it make warm chocolate milk for her two boys. I’d like to think my own role on this planet is more than being subservient to the chocolate milk demands of the spawn of my loins.

Susan also likes parenthesis. Lots of them. She is prolific in her use of parenthesis. I’ve never seen a blog with so many aside comments. Susan, not everything is an aside. Not every post needs them. Commas can also be your friends. They, like parenthesis, like to be used. See? Commas.

After you get through the yellow, the extra parenthesis, the queasy feeling you get from thinking about hot chocolate milk, Susan isn’t a bad writer. She is honest and open, and even better, you find some funny in her world.

She identifies herself as a mommy blogger. Susan, rip yourself away from that. I think you are selling yourself short, especially when you delve into unexpected places like this. Then sometimes, you whine but then you say hobo baby and I laugh. Hobo baby.

Stop it. I want to be mean. I tried to be horrid and harsh, but I like you. I want to hang out with you, make you mixed drink you’ll like.

You say, “I write this blog because I love to write, and because the connection that is made here to other women is important to me.” Well, you don’t have to be a mommy blogger to connect with other women. You just have to relate to them through your writing, talk about the other things you think about, not just what the kids do.

Change your damn template. Come up with a new blog name besides warm chocolate milk. Warm chocolate milk just screams bottles buried under the back seat of the car in the summer. You are not a milk maid. Your whole existence is NOT to make your boy children chocolate milk three times a day.

I give you two stars because you made me laugh and for your honestly.

You get a meh for your template.

Go find something that’s more about who you are instead of the crap you have on your blog now.


  1. I like this review. It may in fact be a do-over. We may have reviewed Susan before, but I was too fucking lazy to go back and check. I don't think we liked her much the first time, if this is the second time. Anyway, Susan submitted about 60milliontimes, so she was reviewed. Today. Possibly, also, in the past.

    I think I've succumbed to the ennui.

  2. Love Bites: Thank you; I am not crazy. I could have sworn I'd seen this one reviewed before.

    Isn't (luke) warm chocolate milk just 'hot cocoa' (which defo sounds much more appealing).

    Like my use of parentheses?

  3. Ah--so the sense of deja vu isn't drug induced after all.

  4. Maybe this time she'll listen and change then.

  5. Sometimes it's nice to do a re-review and see what's happened with a blog a few months down the road. That's my opinion, of course.

  6. Well, Thank you (I think). I'll work on the parentheses. No, I was not reviewed before, but, I've commented here and gotten ripped apart a few times in the comment section. A few of you came over and took a look at my site, but no one ever gave suggestions before. I appreciate it.

  7. Warm chocolate milk might just be hot chocolate,but formal names are nice sometimes.And soothing in a strange way.I agree Susan needs to expose the inner thoughts that make her amazing and beautiful,and stray personality wise from mommyville.What a lonely place sometimes otherwise.

  8. Wow, that anonymous comment was weird. I'm sure I had something interesting to add, but reading a comment without spaces after periods and commas makes me lose my train of thought.

    "What a lonely place sometimes otherwise."--What's that, being a mother is lonely? The world is lonely in general? I'm so confused! And I had so much to add to the conversation!

  9. Susan needs to be careful or her gravestone will read only 'Wife & Mother'.

  10. Susan needs to be careful or her gravestone will read only 'Wife & Mother'.


  11. Okay, if you need reviewers, give me something to review, because I really fucking hate it when people refer to themselves as "Mama" in the third person, and every time I check this site I get fucking pissed off.

  12. I didn't mean I was Mama, I meant she was Mama. I would never refer to myself in third person.
    And can I take back a star, because I swear she isn't going to listen to anything

  13. Relax Rassles.. no one is referring to themselves as "mama" in the third person. Not me, not Jen. So, pull your panties out of your rear. Oh, and FYI I'm working on my layout, blog header and background color...changes coming soon.

  14. Ladies, I was merely referring to the title. Chill out.

  15. Hooray! Change is your friend!

  16. Oh good we're all friends :) Where's the mixed drinks??

  17. Please tell me AAYSR is not as dead as my blog. Please.

  18. Seriously, give me a blog to review. My bike got stolen and I hate everyone right now.

  19. Rassles, why don't you review
    Mongo and whup her upside the head for her lack of blogging?

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Grow a pair.