Thursday, March 18, 2010

What Doesn't Itch

A reivew, by Dartboard Jones.

Bienvenidos, Amigos. It must be slim pickin's for writers these days, because one of the crazy bitches at AskAndYeShallReceive is actually going to let me review. Needless to say, I am drunk with power at the moment and I can't wait to tear into someone else's shitty website.

So who's up? Sartorially Inclined. A blog about men's fashion.

Okay, I'll give this a shot. I probably should preface with the fact that I barely know how to dress myself. I buy clothes once a year and it's usually when I pilfer from the discount rack at the Gap outlet.

I think I'd almost rather collect DNA samples from Oprah Winfrey's used incontinence pads than read a blog about fashion, but Madame Bellicose told me if I didn't do it she was going to beat me with a 9-iron.

To start things off I dig the use of a SAT word in site name.

Sartorially: adj. Of or relating to a tailor, tailoring, or tailored clothing: sartorial elegance.

You bust out that word at a Harvard bar and I guarantee you get Minny Driver's digits. How 'bout them apples?

Not much in the About Me: "How would you describe your style?" I asked. He replied, like the perfect eloquent jackass he was, "Smooth and slow burning."

That's it? Well at least I know you are a pretentious pink-shirt wearin' douchebag. Not a necessarily a negative in my book, provided you keep me entertained from this point forward.

The layout is sexy. It's stylish. It reminds of LeBron James wearing an argyle sweater and a polo shirt. You can't exactly explain why, but damn he's looking good. Simple black text on a white background with a neat and recognizable logo at the top. If only every website that is submitted for approval here was like that, I imagine Rassles anger induced hemorrhoids would go away.

So with such a leadup, what would you expect? Maybe some fashion tips for a cro-magnon dude like me who want to spruce up their look. Maybe insider reporting on the fashion industry? Some snarky writing about do's and don'ts of fashion this year?

Nope. None of that. Instead you get....well, I'm not exactly sure what the fuck this is supposed to be. He does things like posting a bunch of pictures of green things. Then he takes an album cover and posts things that have the same colors in them. Then he had a post of pictures of basketball players, recycled from a GQ list. Hey I have an idea, why don't you either post an interesting link, OR contribute something to the blogosphere, instead of repeating what someone else said. If I wanted a list of things to read that other people wrote, I'd go to Digg goddammit! I don't know, I guess for a guy who buys his underwear at Walmart and owns one suit, maybe I'm missing some inner fashion brilliance. Maybe I'm not.

Look, L.A.S., let me be clear. I don't dislike you, I just think you are boring. The frustrating thing is that he writes for Debonair and the articles could actually be contrived as interesting. Well, as interesting as Brooks Brothers loafers and Ralph Lauren cardigans can get. I personally would rather read a phonebook. But it's not like L.A.S. is bad writer. Every once in a while he'll put out a gem. I just wish it happened more often.

I've decided that reading this blog reminds me of a job I had in college once where I swiped ID cards at the campus recreation center. I would sit there staring at the wall as I swiped ID cards for hours at a time. It was safe. It was never stressful. It was also the most boring 20 hours a week I've ever had.

My advice L.A.S. ? Be more insightful than just posting pictures of clothes you want to buy, and then maybe we can talk about giving you some stars.

Because you bore the ever living shit out of me.

31 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed this review. As to the pink shirt wearin' douchebag, I can't stand high maintenance men.

    I need my men mildly ungroomed with a crusty stain on their t-shirt.

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  2. I completely agree with Madame Bellicose. A man should spring straight from his bed into his comfortable trousers and his butcher's apron, none of this fannying about.

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  3. Do not understand fashion. I just don't. I understand showering and getting dressed, and I understand that some things look more professional than others, and I understand that it's a whole lot of money and time and effort that I don't want to spend. I have movies to watch and beers to drink.

    Although I do get the Nato strap obsession, based on principle rather than style. Unfortunately that doesn't save this blog, notwithstanding clever pro-pleated shorts posts.

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  4. If I read more GQ and less High Times I'd probably like this blog a lot better.

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  5. Thanks for the review guys, much appreciated. I will say this, the downfall of my blog is that it isn't necessarily written for those looking for style tips as much as it is a way to highlight various products/looks/ideas that drive my enthusiasm for garments - ala for the already "advnaced". Anyhow, cheers.

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  6. wow, I've been reading his blog for a while and I think you pretty much nailed it

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  7. LAS:

    I think the question you have to ask yourself is...is this blog for you to express your enthusiasm, or is this blog for you to share your enthusiasm with others, hopefully in a way that is contagious, like a fashion transmitted disease (FTD).

    If the former, fine, if the latter, what you're hearing is...you're DOING IT WRONG. There is nothing about what you're doing right now that has a chance in hell of making people catch your enthusiasm.

    Your blog makes me want to NEVER go clothes shopping again, and I actually like clothes...a lot.

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  8. In short, you are driving a pointy stiletto knife right into the passion that drives fashion. YOU'RE KILLING FASHION, you style murderer.

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  9. today's man could use an injection of personal style. praise to sartorially inclined and the rest of the lots trying to help men improve themselves.
    sounds to me like the commenters here are just jealous that they can barely dress themselves in the morning so they can sit behind their computers and project their insecurities on the www.
    but again, that's just my OPINION.

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  10. Love Bites- I consider my blog a style blog as oppose to a fashion blog. To me there is a distinct difference (and not just one defined by gender or sexual orientation). I actually dislike "fashion" so being a fashion killer is fine by me.

    I take and appreciate constructive criticism, but on a whole I think all of this comes down to misunderstanding the motives behind the "men's style blogoshphere" (a term I am not fond of, but has slowly worked its way into the online lexicon).

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  11. LAS:

    You're killing style. You've made it dull.

    Consider your post on Vans. Did you REALLY need to post all 13 shades? Or could you have posted the one BEST SHADE and told a story about why you love these shoes so much? The one would have been interesting. The other, I can easily find in the catalog.

    Are you a catalog? OR A FUCKING WRITER????!!!

    Right now, you're a goddamn catalog.

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  12. Love Bites- I've posted about why I love Vans Authentics around 20 times on the blog, which is why I led the post off with a disclaimer relating to the lack of actual written content. You can't judge a blog by simply clicking though two pages of its posts. The archive/tags are there for a reason.

    I realize my blog can resemble a catalog at times because it does serve as a primer on good products made by good people. I guess you could say that one function is to alert people less entrenched in the world of new gear being released.

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  13. Sartorially Inclined satisfies all my needs in terms of men style. It is well-written and shows clothes of all price ranges. I enjoy it thoroughly . Fuck you guys for the disparagement.

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  14. I have one friend who worked for years as a manager at Abercrombie & Fitch and then Macy's. He was straight, but he had more clothes than any seven women I know. He never left the house without matching, and even his "dress down" clothes were meticulously and systematically selected.

    One day I caught him putting lemon juice in his hair to bring out the highlights. Even though I love my friend dearly, this post brought back those awful feelings.

    Upon reading a few posts (which was all it took to convince me never to click back there), I've never been more thrilled to be out of style.

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  15. Sartorially Inclined is one of my favourite menswear blogs (and I have a list of about 20 I read regularly), if not perhaps my favourite. I think the problem is had I come to Sartorially say, 2 years ago, I'd have probably agreed with the negative comments on here. It's a fairly refined blog as blogs go, and often doesn't need more than a few simple photographs to tell the learned reader the desired story.

    And yes, I am using the "You don't understand because it's above you" angle. I'm using it, and it feels fucking great.

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  16. If you don't care about men's style then there is no need for the negative comments. Thus, this review is irrelevant.

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  17. "And yes, I am using the "You don't understand because it's above you" angle. I'm using it, and it feels fucking great."

    Okay fine. This represents everything I feel about fashion:

    http://failblog.org/2010/03/19/top-model-fail/

    Now go fuck yourself while I go shop at Old Navy.

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  18. "If you don't care about men's style then there is no need for the negative comments. Thus, this review is irrelevant."

    Wait sorry, for the redundancy guys, I have to respond to this.

    Dude didn't you read what I wrote? I didn't write a review about the fashion industry, I wrote about how L.A.S. has a stupid blog about fashion. I could have easily given him 4 stars with a "fashion" theme, but didn't because he is boring!!!!. All he does is post pictures of things he wishes he could buy or did buy. How the fuck is that supposed to hold anyone's attention?

    If you want to run a blog of "neat pictures", at least post things that are interesting, like www.toxel.com does.

    L.A.S. doesn't have a blog, he has an LL Bean wishlist with a nice layout.

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  19. This is fucking absurd. I realize that all a review is is one's opinion, i get it. I also get that you don't give a rat's ass about style. (Sartorially Inclined is a style blog not a fashion blog.) But how does not caring about style give you the right to review like this. I like style and therefore read Sartorially Inclined and, coming from a person who actually like reading this stuff, is entertaining and informative. Go fuck yourself.

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  20. Dear Anon,

    My head is way too full of basketball to be completely coherent right now, but I must ask you this--you do understand that L.A.S. was reviewed BECAUSE HE ASKED FOR IT, right? It wasn't some random StumbleDiggDelicious whateverness. He asked for it.

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  21. Looks like L.A.S. brought his entourage of whiny little bitches with him.

    The commenter who claimed this review is irrelevant should take it up with L.A.S. for having submitted his blog for review, and should have just asked you whiny little bitches what you thought of his blog.

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  22. Whiny lil bitches indeed! Someone needs to go home and iron the pleats back into their shorts.

    Totally agree with Dartboard. Booooring.

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  23. Wow. Hell hath no fury like a bunch of whiny metrosexuals scorned. Look out LAS, they've got their selvedge denims in a bunch and they're coming out swinging their man purses.

    By the way, these reviews are OPTIONAL you twits. The author of Sartorially Inclined asked for the review.

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  24. "(Sartorially Inclined) is a style blog not a fashion blog."

    -OH! Well fuck me running! That changes everything!

    Seriously, I'm happy for L.A.S. that he has at least one fan---cause it sure as hell isn't me.

    Anonymous, there is no nice way to say this. You're an idiot.

    L.A.S. submitted an insanely boring blog to a website called "Iwillfuckingyearyouapart" and you are miffed the review wasn't very nice?

    I bet you think strippers like you too.

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  26. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't fashion defined as a custom or style at a specific point in time? Distinguishing between the two is just fucking nit-picky semantics.

    See this:

    http://sartoriallyinclined.blogspot.com/2009/10/debate-tuck-ered-out.html

    is about how you relate to clothing, what you like about it, what draws you in. Personally, I like that better than "Buy these shirts here and by the way, sometimes I am dry and witty but I always like these shoes."

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  27. Nice review.

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  28. <3<3<3 Dartboard <3<3<3

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  29. Personally, I think you should feel honored, Dartboard. Hateful/Spiteful comments usually mean that you wrote a good review.

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  30. Dear Wankers,

    if you are a man reading a style blog you are obviously a gigantic dildo who most likely gets laid very little and then only in the missionary cuz the trannies who do pick you up know you are a mark, jesus christ, get back in your M3 convertible and shut the fuck up, you're the guys who dress like monkeys and think you look swell, use expensive eau de toilette and sit around shit ultra lounges drinking single malt cuz you think it's cool while discussing hair gel and shouting out quotes from the Hangover and thinking you're orignal and funny... i quote the great Ed Hammel and say "go fuck yourself"

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Grow a pair.