Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Even Dead Stops Stinking Eventually


Well hello there. It seems someone left a door open, allowing me to poke around in the entrails of some blogs for a while. No matter, poking around in entrails is something I enjoy, rather a lot.

Now, I know this place has a URL of I will fucking tear you apart. But I'm nice, mostly. I don't do tearing apart - I much prefer to poke you in all your sensitive places with my rapier and leave you looking like a pin cushion. A bleeding, crying pin cushion.

Today's reviewee was picked on a whim of mine. A blog called Nomadic Celebrations? Oh no, Nomadic Cerebrations. I thought yes! There will be some traveling and some writing and it will be interesting.

No.

I've read here long enough that I should have been forewarned that the chaff far outweighs the corn.

Nomadic Celebrations just doesn't deliver, well, anything. There is a total of 8 posts on the entire blog and I read them all. You can't accuse me of not being thorough. Pradeepsinghraghav is the author of the blog and while I can't pronounce his name, it doesn't stop me wanting to throw sharp things at his head, because damn.

First things first: edit your damn posts. You've got capitals where they shouldn't be and simple typos make the whole blog look messy. The ellipses. Oh god, the ellipses. One ellipse is acceptable if you're trailing off a thought. This guy, he uses multiple ellipses at the end of every. single. fucking. sentence. Stop it! Just stop it now.

His last blog post was way back in October, before the blog just fizzled out. There is no About page and nothing to tell me why he started blogging. The sidebar, while it isn't cluttered by Internet standards, still has shit in it he doesn't need.

The actual posts though, once I got past the ellipses and the random capitalisation in the first few posts, they weren't that bad. He talks a bit about the Capitalism of India and a little about corruption, but there is nothing to draw you in and keep you reading. Obviously there wasn't even enough meat to his story to keep him interested enough to write it.

So here is some free advice to all bloggers, if you're not passionate about it, don't fucking write about it. If you don't live it, love it, breathe it, what makes you think you can write about it with enough passion to draw other people in? If you're not loving what you write about, your blog will just trail off, leaving the Internet to deal with yet another dead blog.

And everyone knows that dead blogs are no fun for poking at.

The ellipses and capitalisations made me want to give you this:







But instead I give you a Meh, because just meh. You can't hate a blog that's been dead for over 7 months. Even the stink has disappeared by that point.

11 comments:

  1. New rule : If a blog hasn't been updated in the last 2 weeks, it won't be reviewed.

    Fuckin assholes.

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  2. I agree. It might cut your backlog as well.

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  3. Why did this review even happen?
    8 posts? Not updated for months? Why fuckin' bother?

    Honestly, you KNOW it's bad when I don't feel even remotely motivated to get my crow bar or bake even one pumpkin muffin.

    I am, however, still motivated to hump Blues' dishwasher.

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  4. It happened because I wanted it to happen. End of story.

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  5. When did Blues get a dishwasher? Is he hot? Is Luisito jealous?

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  6. Green-Eyed Kitty Whiskerpuss6/01/2010 9:15 PM

    Mongolian Girl, I take it there are no muffins for me then?

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  7. Even if he were active, which he is not, this self-absorbed naval gazer lost me with the very first sentence I encountered:

    "Being happy with current state would be belying with the very thought of us being human."

    I *think* I have figured out what he is trying to say, but the very fact that I have to run this drivel through my brain twice (No small use of resources, that, mind you. They fashioned the Echelon system after the workings of my mind.) in order to make sense of it speaks volumes about the clarity of thought NOT present here.

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  8. I'm sorry Mongo but what my dishwasher and I have now is true love (I got it fixed).

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  9. I think Green-Eyed Kitty Whiskerpuss is just about the fucking most sickeningly adorable name ever.

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  10. First, I've already guessed who whiskerpuss is. Second, wheat has chaff, corn has husks. Farm girl knowledge, what can I say?

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  11. Green-Eyed Kitty Whiskerpuss6/03/2010 11:01 PM

    Love Bites I stand corrected. I have no knowledge of corn and it's husks. Which is no excuse for getting it wrong.

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Grow a pair.