Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Wandering? I'll Show You Wandering.

I fucking do not understand. Please, explain to me why this poor little girl would submit her blog here. It's not even fair.

It's just...everything is presented so basely, so numb and uncomplicated, and readers are given the impression that she finds these ideas and opinions freshly inspiring...I feel sorry for her. This little fucking goblin makes me feel sorry for her because she has a lame blog about stale observations coupled with the audacity to imply she wants to be a writer and does so without a speck of pretension, and I have to ask: is this blog a joke?

There is no way a trilingual woman with an advanced degree in software engineering could think that something like this served as radical expository when it reminds me of exchanges with my junior high pen pal from Senegal, who was assigned to me in Social Studies and all of our letters were graded essays on "what I learned in class" and "things about my country" and all that bullshit. No one in class really cared; we were a bunch of little racist American brats that wanted to see pictures of bone-necklaced tribespeople riding giant hyenas or ripping roasted zebra meat from the bone. Then one time, between letters, while we were waiting for a picture of school life in Dakar, fucking Nancy Baumgarten asked our teacher if they had cameras in Africa. That, my friends, taught me two significant life-changing lies: I hate blazing ignorance and I am better than other people because of it.

This blog reminds me of that unwarranted superiority. Every word she writes elicits this reaction:
  1. I judge her simplicity and unfairly blame it on Mauritania.
  2. I remember that she is from Mauritius, not Mauritania, and they are two very different countries.
  3. I am comforted by my lofty acceptance of our cultural differences.
  4. I imagine people judging her for cultural differences.
  5. I realize am better than other people. Because of the lofty acceptance.
  6. I realize that acceptance is not the same thing as caring.
  7. I feel guilty for my lack of emotional connection with the blog, even when she opens up.
  8. I get angry, because that shit's not my fault. It's the fault of the wandering mind (change the title, it's horribly misleading) that never really wanders much farther than the tip of her own fingers.
  9. I am such a fucking self-important douchebag for reacting this way.

So I feel superior to her as well as all of those hypothetical bullies that I created in my brain, and then I feel like a dick. Basically this blog made me think about me and not at all about the blogger.

Is that still the sign of a good blog? No. No it's not, I've decided.

She made me analyze myself being such a fucking simpleton that I wanted to just give her a piece of my brain to help with mental indigestion. HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL? DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING? DO I FEEL ANYTHING? How can we relate as human beings when there are all these insipid fences everywhere that aren't even fun to climb over?

This is extremely frustrating. I hate you because you make me hate myself. And to the readers: I'm sorry you had to sit through this review.


  1. Shiner, old stick, you sound like you need a beverage.

  2. I hope to GOD you're just weeding out these ones so that you can get to the really awesome ones.

    How many more of these before we get something we can sink our teeth into?

    Are we there yet? Huh? Huh?

  3. Fucking Christ, there's like ten of them. They're tedious and draining and lame.

  4. My six year old has more to say than this one.

  5. I'm glad someone finally made use of the gimp orgies tag. I thought 'gimp orgies' covered at least 60% of the blogs submitted.

  6. Holy shit. Her post definitely read like the deep thoughts of a sixth grader.

  7. oops

    It actually reminds me of a sermon, with a bunch of rhetorical questions and shit.

    And I have vergueza agena, which doesn't translate well into English. It roughly means feeling the shame that someone else should be feeling, but they don't.

  8. Miss Missives6/02/2010 2:14 PM

    I should change my name to vergueza agena. Maybe V-agena for short. Thanks for that Mdme

  9. this blogger makes me have vagena.

  10. According to her naked spinning woman brain test I have an IQ of 160 or better.


  11. Franklin, I do not doubt your brilliance at all, but I think she spins both ways for everyone. Regardless, yes. Duh.

  12. We should start a Vah-geena Regime.

  13. True Fact - My grandfather spent years in his childhood on the island of Mauritius. Once he left, he never went back.

    I think I might see why.

  14. Oh pooh.

    On the other hand, can I just take a moment to personally thank Shiner for taking on this behemoth. It's obviously a tremendous amount of work. Good thing you have that trust fund--I would hate to see Ask suffer because of a paying gig.

  15. I know. Shiny's the fuckin shit.

  16. (Pssst. Blues. I get the feeling Franklin is mad at me)

  17. Shiner, if you were here I'd pour beer down your throat and tickle you all over until it came out your nose.

  18. Green-Eyed Kitty Whiskerpuss6/02/2010 9:04 PM

    Three posts and I wanted to stab myself. If I'm driven to it, I'm sending her the bill.

  19. What the hell is going on here? Honestly, the blog is boring as hell. What's the problem in just saying that? This self-mutilation over stating the obvious is completely unecessary, Shiner.
    Yeah, you may have a superiority complex, but that doesn't mean there aren't boring-as-hell blogs out there that, unfortunately, reviewers for ASK are going to have to read and review.
    Oh, and I shall be adding myself to V-agena troops and calling it good.

  20. How is it that she made me feel guilty for finding her boring? Guilt. Guilt guilt guilt. Angry now. Fucking bitch.

  21. Shiney, let go of the guilt, the blog author has removed her work from the blogosphere. It would seem you have done a justice to all mankind.

  22. Goddammit, I probably made her fucking cry.

  23. You're fucking kidding? It's been taken down? That's what I get for being late.


Grow a pair.