Thursday, August 26, 2010

Yellow Submarine

I've been terribly late (that's what she said? oh shut it) with this review, and I apologize. In fact, I still don't quite have the mental bandwidth for a big ass review, so read this post thrice if you feel it's too short.

I've mentioned before that we retreated to underground bunkers when life top-side got a tad predictable. Boy bands sealed the deal, we'd rather take lava pits than listen to Ronan Keating's soporific voice. No guitar solos? What the fuck were you humans getting into? Anyway, curiosity gets the better of us and we check on you cultured apes now and then. A great way to jump from shore to shore is reading, and blogs are a great way to get around. If they're written right. If they're not gaudy enough to make my retinas bleed. If the author doesn't peddle shit in lieu of writing. If no opportunity to tell a story is squandered. If opinions are brutally honest. Right.

Today we visit the exotic shores of India, where a billion people are apparently on the road trying to get somewhere (have you seen the blasted traffic there?). Jil Jil Ramamani is a blog maintained by a lady whose name is not Jil Jil Ramamani. I'm not sure what language the about me is in, and I sense a wall of culture I'm about to run into. There's something about why the blog is called what it is, it could probably be modified and used for your "prophyle". The design reeks of local pop-culture, and if that's your thing, sure. All that colour was a tad overwhelming, but I have a memo here that says no one gives a shit anymore. Navigation is piss-poor, I couldn't figure out how to get to the previous pages without using the archives. You do want your readers to linger, don't you?

The latest post is emo - so whoop-de-doo, "NEVER FORGET" (old inside joke Sindhu, never mind). You aspire to be a biker chick and I like that. Just wear some goddamn deo, ok? I get the feeling you're a college kid, and I guess life is exciting even when it's a fuckin' 120 degrees all year long. English isn't your first language (nor a Raptor's) so I won't nitpick about grammar and the like. I'm averse to blogging with lists, especially long ones, but yours' give me an insight into life on the other side of the globe, even if it isn't intentional. There's coming-of-age writing, some musing and other random shit I won't bother linking.

Thing is Sindhu, while I find your blog readable, your writing isn't always tolerable. Writing and talking are two separate things, and blogging like you're yammering about some female teenage shit I can't be arsed about makes me want to drink a gallon of bleach. I'm sure you like the loudmouth, constantly chattering you, but I can't be the only one who hates it. Knock that shit off, respect the medium you're on. I'm going backwards on your blog and since I'm hating it more and more by every post, you've probably gotten better over the years.

Since you like lists, here's one for you:

1) Edit, proof read and edit some more.
2) Use colloquialisms more sparingly, and with better context if you want international readership.
3) Don't write like you're cooing over the phone.
4) Write more often. And I'm not talking about "whee I'm back" posts.
5) Enough of the damned gtalk conversations.
6) More stories, more opinions.
7) Stop selling shit on your blog. If you must, use a separate website and link it up on your sidebar - it's shiny as it is.

Meh, back to my single malt.


  1. Or, I could have just linked up Scorpio's latest review/

  2. You know, I really like her header a lot.

    Not the yellow, though. Fucking yellow backgrounds. Damn my eyes.

  3. In the process of blogging with a very closed group of people (in this case my college community) in mind as the target audience, the colloquialism, slangs and local pop-culture references have gotten out of hand.

    As English is the language I consider myself most proficient in, I am suitably ashamed that there are grammatical errors.

    I've been trying to set the navigation right, but in vain. About time I got some help about it.

    The only thing I was hoping for was that you don't pick on the really embarrassing shit I wrote way back when I started the blog. Thanks a lot for taking the time to review my blog this thoroughly Raptor!

    P.S. Jil Jil Ramamani is a local pop-culture icon and I spell 'Prophyle', 'Reeding', et al that way on purpose to keep with the theme of Indian kitsch. I live in this tiny Indian town where you see signboards that say 'Child beer' :)

  4. Jil Jil, it's kitschy to misspell words in everywhere, that doesn't mean we have to accept it.

  5. Yes, I know the spellings are deliberate. I find the practice condescending to the millions of illiterate in your country but sure, whatever.

  6. I'd be happy to license any and all of my review content to you.

  7. Not knowing English does not make a person "illiterate".

  8. Good point, anonymous. Not knowing English, but choosing to blog in English, makes one a genius. (See Conrad, Heart of Darkness).

    Or something.

    Reminds me of a funny comment I heard once. "I'm a trilingual illiterate. I can't read in three different languages." I think that was Steven Wright.

  9. I was referring to Johnny Raptor's last condescending comment about the "illiterate millions" of India. Jil obviously knows English. Celebrating kitsch is not condescending. Americans make fun of hillbillies and rednecks, would you make holier-than-thou statements about that? Just because we're not as rich a country as the US does not mean it's ethically wrong for us to poke good-natured fun at certain sections of society.

  10. Put on your big boy panties, India. You're practically a continent. We're tired of coddling your feelings.


Grow a pair.