Naked Eye

Heads-up : Today's website is NOT WORK SAFE. Don't sue me if you little perverts get into trouble.

Humans are characterized by an unending quest for betterment, a passion for innovation, hunger for progress - all to get their porn faster. Sure Edison was the "Wizard" of Menlo Park, but he was also keen on delivering the nasties in moving form. Dial-up, broadband, fiber optic - the internet has come a long way to deliver kinks no one knew existed. Hell, rule 34 has porn for my kind covered, too.

So when I visited today's reviewee, I was presented with gallery upon gallery of female primates exposing their privates. Still pictures of not-at-all attractive ladies? What is this, the 90s? I truly am appalled, and that's not just because the blog is called "Hate and Anger". We get all kinds of blogs to review, but this is new. Since when were we in the business of critiquing pornography? It doesn't even look like the blogger takes these pictures, so it's not like I'm expected to appreciate "art" in pictures of annoying TV hosts.

Skipping right past the fugly template, and the annoying sidebar, I followed up on the tabs. Peter Parkour is a 39 year old trucker(!) who idolizes a certain red suited wall crawler. Although a tad on the verbose side, his profile page was the most complete I've seen in a reviewee, and it gave me some hope for my assignment. A Me 101 tab (guess your profile wasn't enough?) carries more info. than I care about, but got me interested in a series about his niece who was shot. Following up on the story, I found myself listening to Peter, an adult with stories, a trucker with intelligent thoughts.

Digging deeper, if you can stay on his blog long enough to skip past the silly thumbnails you'll find a an ex-con with a plan B, a 39 year old who's back in college. Just that one post told me more about you than other tab or silly list did, Peter. Sure you're sharing space with teenagers, love geek shows and Olivia Munn, but why behave like a horny undergrad? The best part about youth is that it's a one time affair. Your blog is "Hate and Anger". What hate and where's the anger? Just this one tiny piece?

You depend very heavily on the "I am" meme you've picked up from somewhere. I don't like the length of the posts, and hate the idea of formulaic writing, but you come across as guy I'd drink a beer or 27 with. It's not like you're short of things to say. You turned vegan 6 months ago, and as much as that thought repulses me, you clearly have material to work with. Cut out the graphs and blunt facts, talk about how your life is different. Get creative with words and sentences. I'd much rather have you say "I wake up ready to assfuck 14 virgins" than "I don’t wake up feeling swollen and sluggish".

Thing is Peter, you may not have a double masters from Cornell, but you have been on the road. You've been breathing for 39 years. You have thoughts and moments. Some good, some silly. You repeat yourself, but yours is a tale I'd read. You've been very active with your posts, but I found only a handful of writing in the 25 pages I looked at.

I started with the review annoyed at what I saw, and I'm wrapping up pissed off at what I read. Space trucker, here's the deal

1) STOP POSTING PORN. END IT. DELETE IT ALL. STOP.

2) Just stop it.

3) Start over. Get a fresh blog.

4) Use a clean template, no sidebars, no cock sucking assholes.

5) WRITE man, WRITE.
6) Stop using the "I am" meme as a crutch. Use all the material you have for free flowing verse.
7) Work on the length of your posts and your story telling style. Save some for the next post or two.

I would have given this review a one line "FUCK OFF AND DIE" and 10 flaming claws of doom, but I'll restrict myself to just 2.

If I've been a bit harsh, it's only so that you do something better with your hate and anger. For having something to show for years of "blogging", and showing potential, 1 star.




PS : Look, my people!