Tuesday, December 21, 2010

What Has She Got That I Don't Got?

Boobs for a start. But I digress.

When I first opened Helena’s blog, as I do any blog, I read the first couple of posts, checked out the layout and had a gander in the comments. First impressions? Neat - a bit girly pink, but in non eye-molesting shade, wannabe Hyperbole and a Half personalised header, widget bar that is a bit wide and full, but perhaps I am just envious because this young lady has decent amount of followers. Unlike myself.

Next I headed to the archives – starting in January 2009. When I got there I wanted to stab myself with the closest stabbing implement. What were all these links? Could I be arsed figuring it all out? No. So I moved on. It was in September 09 that I found a post that I didn’t have to click on to read, nor was it the crap arse badge fest of February 09.  In 09/09 I found the wondrous tale of Larry the Majestic Palm. Holy crap - hold me back. I doggedly continued my trawl and well, what can I say? She is cute, she is inoffensive, rather wholesome and delightfully crafty. Some posts definitely tickled me and she done taught me stuff I never knew.  This was hilarious but unfortunately Helena was only the conduit to the awesomeness. I also liked this idea for the shopaholic in your life.  This post took ‘Life in the Pitts’ to a whole new level. As an aside, I recall a rather famous blogger professing her love for the lack of a shower. Perhaps because it is stinking effing hot in the Antipodes we shower once, even twice a day. To not do so is foreign and horrifying to me. Aside over.

Did Helena hook me in and make me want to read more? In a word - no. I actually thought I had found a blogger who was happy just to blog, show us her wares and prattle on about her husband. But alas - she is also one of ‘us’. If she wants to join the gang, I do wish she would practise a bit more. (I do NOT mean write more; the sheer volume of her blog has cramped up my scrolling finger.)  If a blog is not a place to hone one’s writing skills, where else can one do it? I think Helena already has the idea that she can do it here. It sounds like she has some sad stories that need to be told.

Helena, you provide a space that is fun, friendly and mildy diverting. That in itself is no mean feat. (Other than our initial archival linky link disagreement, I had no beef with you) However, if writing is a lifelong ambition, you need to start getting on with that. It doesn’t mean I want you to get all wankery and introspective and start wearing a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches, but I do want you to experiment with words, rather than just blurt out the funny thing your husband said. Get some imagery and atmosphere going on. Now go!


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  2. I wish bloggers wouldn't tell me something is funny. Helena is nice and certainly more entertaining that lots we see. I think you gave her some great advice that she really should follow. I wouldn't mind seeing her resubmit in six months.

  3. That sponsorship shit annoys me to no end. Just fuck off with the flogging, already.

    Anyway, RedPenner? I just called the girlfriend "wankerly" after reading it above, and she was greatly irritated that I would do such a thing. Long story short, I blamed you, so now she hates you. Well, she doesn't hate you, really... she more thinks that "wankerly" is stupid, but it's pretty clear that she only feels that way because I had, just then, called her "wankerly".

    So, in summation, I look forward to getting a lot of usage out of "wankerly", especially as it pertains to the girlfriend. Appreciado.

  4. I almost referenced Hyperbole and a Half in my review this week too.

    It wasn't going to be a complimentary reference though.

  5. That's...just...I...well...

    I wish she would write more about her smelly husband sleeping in her arm pit.
    And being raised by people who followed her from a blueberry farm in Michigan to Utah.

  6. Hmmm this review wasn't very rippy or tear-y. Just saying

  7. NJ, do you think "wankerly" is more offensive to guys or gals? Because I was considering calling my guy that but then worried maybe he would be more pissed at RPR than your girlfriend was.

  8. I think there's loads of good advice in here - I hope she takes it too.

    I'm no judge of anything, mind you. I think Hyperbole and a Half is the very worst kind of shit (that and the Bloggess).

  9. I thought it said 'wankery' but I like 'wankerly' too.


Grow a pair.