Thursday, April 07, 2011

Drivel for Nice People

So I have this friend, Blubbering Vlad, who's the type of guy who you want to be around when there's trouble brewing. Not that he's all that handy, or good with his fists, or even all that smart; he's just a hell of a lot of fun. And he's likely to help keep the heat off your trail acting as a distraction to any authorities who may be inclined to give you a second glance.

Needless to say, when I go on the prowl, his place is one of the first stops I make on my way out of town.

But when the phone rings and the miracle of modern caller ID tells me that it's Blub, I will not ever pick up. Never. Because, fun and useful as he is out running through the swamps, trying to have an actual conversation with him on a phone is excruciatingly dull, dull, dull. The guy simply has nothing to say and uses way too many syllables to get that nothing conveyed.

Reading today's blog (A Hundred Indecisions) reminded me of my dear friend.

The author, who reveals her name very reluctantly and tells us virtually nothing at all about herself directly, is 24 year old Gini from Delhi, an architecture student, and .... Well, shit, that's kind of it. She writes in complete sentences. Complains about poor spelling in text messages. Seems to grouse regularly about the life she has laid out before her, as though she is powerless to effect a change. Hell for all I know, she is. But it seems pretty fucked up that she seems to have virtually nothing positive to say about becoming an architect for all the time she seems to devote to it.

What does that leave me with? I am left with another iteration of the same old question -- what the hell are you writing this for? You do not seem possessed of literary demons that must be unleashed, lest they eat you up inside. If anything, you seem to have literary kittens that occasionally need a ball of yarn to play with or to have their bellies scratched. I am not transported within your words, I am instead driven to fits of ADD. The remotest shiny bauble captures my attention over your words.

So. What the hell can you do about this? Is it so awful? No, not awful. Just dreadfully mundane. And I suspect that this is a direct result of Gini writing this blog before she has experienced anything.

No, that's not true. She has. As a newly hatched from the nest High School grad she traveled alone from her home in Delhi to Chennai, over two thousand km distant, and took up at school there, trying to fit into a culture very different from what she was used to. A writer would have wrested an entire novel from that setup alone.

So, let me leave you with a question and then a rating. First the question: Gini, when you sleep at night, what do you dream of?

And now for the rating.

Meh. Meh. Meh.

Figure out why you're doing this, and if you aren't doing it because your muse will fucking kill you in your sleep if you don't, don't submit for a review from a bunch of clove cigarette smoking, beret wearing, edgy, aging hipsters like us. We'll all be that much happier. I promise.


  1. Mongolian Girl4/07/2011 10:32 AM

    I had a dream the other night that I was kicked in the face by a horse. It's time for me to write again. Thanks.
    Oh, and for those who are used to me acting a violent fool on there: Don't make me put a sock on the end of my crow bar and pop you in the mother fuckin' kidney.
    Otherwise, I really did just want to thank Woperchild for this review. It inspired me.

  2. Dearest Woper,

    If you have indeed inspired MG back to regular blogging, blessings on you. MG--same bat channel?

  3. Mongolian Girl4/08/2011 12:49 AM

    HIF - you're a peach. And my writing isn't on a blog at this point.

  4. Literary kittens - love it.

  5. I'm not a comment whore, not by a long shot, but seriously -- what the fuck?! Was the review that bad? (If so, tell me you disagree) Do people just systematically avoid reviews I write? (If so, why?) 4 comments on this review. 2 on the last.

    I find it extremely hard to believe that I managed to say all that there is to say on the matter.

    Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick...

    (Mongolian Girl, Here In Franklin, and Grumpy get a pass in my book.)

  6. Scorpio,

    I wonder if it's just a case of blogging ennui. I haven't written anything new on my blog in weeks and I find myself reading and commenting less and less. Part of it is work load--I write my fingers to the bone everyday and it's hard to summon up enough brain power to put together a coherent post. Or maybe it's spring fever--the outdoors calls me to come out and play (and by play I mean sit on my deck with a glass of pinot grigio and the latest Vanity Fair) most afternoons.

    It's certainly no reflection on your reviewing skills.

  7. Mongolian Girl4/13/2011 10:20 AM

    I don't think this is a reflection on your reviewing skills, Whop. I think (and always have) that if AAYSR was marketed in the blogging world that people wouldn't just end up here on a fluke. I'm a good example of that - having happened onto this site (can't even remember how now) by chance.
    As for the "regulars", who knows? At this point I get here when I can. This morning, for instance - the only reason I have time to be here is beacause my 9am appointment canceled.
    I hope you won't take any if it personal, Whop. I liked your review. And it really did inspire me to work on some writing.

  8. Please don't take it personal Scorps. I read the review but never clicked over to the blog, mostly because I don't give a shit about her blog, so I don't have an opinion. And I'm not one for just saying "nice review." I want to contribute something a bit more than that, but you tend to cover everything that really needs to be said.

  9. We could try to become relevant and market ourselves, but that would take A GREAT DEAL OF EFFORT on the part of myself and all of the reviewers, and honestly? That's a full time job. I have a fucking job. I have TWO jobs. Three, if you count all the sites I write on. And I just don't have time to check back on people, see if they're improving, pet their hair and make sure they're okay and not fucking shitting themselves over the internet.

    Without reviewers and commenters who care about finding new blogs, what's the point? If we don't follow and engage our submitters, why should we expect them to care about our opinion?

  10. I know how you feel Scorp. You work hard on a review and it gets ignored.

    It seems the commenters care less and less about their own reviews, but maybe because there are fewer people around commenting altogether? I don't know. I find it slow on a lot of the blogs I frequent and I think it's all part of a slump. I've been in one myself, hence not commenting here in fucking ages.

    What Shiny said was just it for me. I didn't have time even to read the blogs I love and have been reading for ages, let alone try to get engaged with a new blog, no matter how great it seemed. It's a slump, but I'm coming out of it.

  11. "You do not seem possessed of literary demons that must be unleashed, lest they eat you up inside. If anything, you seem to have literary kittens that occasionally need a ball of yarn to play with or to have their bellies scratched."

    This is one of the best sentence pairs I have read this week. One of the others involved "and then she dramatically coughed up a pile of sparkly pumpkins and walked away as if it were totally normal," so you know how high my standards are.

    Or perhaps how low they are. I guess it depends on your perspective, really.

    Only now I feel sad because I suspect I have a flock of my own tiny juvenile felines to tend.

  12. Oh shit, now I feel like a fraud. I hate posting comments after someone complained about not getting enough comments. It's like when you plan to clean your room later, and then your mom tells you to clean your room and then it feels like less of an achievement.

    I'll have you know I didn't read any of the comments before posting mine. I'm just lazy and only comment on things weeks after reading them.


  13. Yeah. Point taken.


    I went off my meds. I'm back on them now and not a big fucking baby anymore.

  14. With regards to comments - I rarely get more than double digit comments on my reviews and even fewer on my personal blog (which for all practical purposes is dead). I put it down to MG not spazzing out on my reviews but really, I think its because my reviews are as uninspired as the blogs I'm tasked with.

    I too suffer from the lack-of-time syndrome. Only 2 blogs on my reader are active and I haven't even visited them in 4 months. We're online all the time, shouldn't we have more time?

  15. Mongolian Girl4/14/2011 3:21 PM

    I think marketing would be a piece of cake. It wouldn't be about going back to those who have been reviewed, but letting bloggers easily find AAYSR, sign up for a review, and easily let their readers know when they get one.
    The key? Charge money for the whole thing.

  16. Take it as a compliment, the less comments the better the writing, usually shit i read with tons of comments come from the ass-suckers who all write mundane drivel and then comment back on forth on each other's golden turds as if they had just wrote fucking War and Peace, i like it here cuz yinz mofo's are funny and shit and after reading what some of these people put out for public consumption it just re-enforces the fact i'm a fucking genius... or at least very stoned.

  17. Are you guys reviewing Scorpio's review?


Grow a pair.