Friday, August 18, 2006

Martinis are bad.

Especially Lychee flavored martinis that do, in fact, taste like a lychee.

Yes, I've had more than my fair share of those. Yes, I'm going to hate myself in the morning. Yes, I'm going to repeat the phrase "You fucking idiot!" over-and-over again when I get my credit card bill and note how much money copious amounts of delicious martinis cost in a city that isn't the ghetto fabulous epicenter of it all, which is something sort of strange because usually when I get this hammered in a new place I'm on business. Vive la corporate card!

Anyway, we--and by we I mean the lovely, awesome, amazing, and sexy as all fuck reviewers of this here blog--seem to be getting a bit of shit about the content factor of our reviews, which I think could use some clearing up. {or maybe it doesn't and I'm just tired of stumbling around the hotel room and I'm out of people to drunk dial}

{I think I speak for all of us when I say} I am not in the business of telling someone their blog is absolute shit simply because their topic of choice isn't something I, personally, am interested in. I'm not going to go on these tirades and bitch and moan, and rant my little heart away over the topics people choose to write about. It's their space on the internet, they can do whatever the fuck they want with it.

In my own opinion, I think it's a shitty thing to focus on, and the topic and content of a blog is something fairly close to the person doing the writing. People write things for a reason--whatever far fetched unfathomable reason that may in fact be--and I highly doubt it's my place, or anyone else's place for that matter, to put that reason under attack simply because I don't get it, or don't like it, or don't agree, and simply because they opted to submit their blog for a review.

A submission isn't tacit consent for us to rage war and be total douchebags for the sake of it, and it certainly isn't consent to be put under a microscope and analyzed to the point of invading your privacy as well as affecting loved ones, simply because we just didn't like what we read and now have a raging war between us and the author of the reviewed blog. If you don't think it can happen, then you obviously haven't seen or read the far more popular and ever so friendly review site .

Yes, content is taken into consideration, but I don't think it's our place to make that the end-all be-all of a blog review. We aren't here to validate your existence in the blog-o-sphere, and we certainly aren't here to scrutinize your posts with all the vigor of an AP English teacher.

We will speak to writing style, and have. We also will point out when you fuck up this mighty language called English. We will certainly point out when the aesthetic of your blog detracts from the writing, or makes it impossible to read the writing.

If you think we're too nice, well? Sorry. If you really want us to rip your blog apart and comment on every facet of it then let us know. As far I see it from my drunken 34th floor hotel room, I think people would prefer not to have the heartbeat of their writings and musings placed in the hands of six people who don't know them but for what little you can gleen from their lovely spot on the web.

This is supposed to be fun.

Or am I totally offbase, and completely wrong in my thinking?


  1. I think one of the main purposes of us reviewing blogs is to provide an alternative to "It's a mommy blog, it sucks, I hate it, go fuck yourself." That's not a review, that's an insult. You see it time and time again over at IT2M (although they've changed up a bit since their "strike" - heh). I'm not that guy. So far, most of the stuff that I've reviewed (other than the obvious stupidity of having IT2M submitted here) has been decent to great.

    If I get someone who cannot form sentences, or chooses to use some god-awful template, I'll say so. I don't want to be a clone of any of those so-called "bitches". There's no point to it.

    I think the hope would be that we provide an intelligent alternative as reviewers. I'm not implying that the people that review for the other place aren't intelligent, it's more that they seem to like being dicks for dicks sake.

    From, the top three definitions for the word "review":
    1. To look over, study, or examine again.
    2. To consider retrospectively; look back on.
    3. To examine with an eye to criticism or correction: reviewed the research findings.

    That's what we should do, and in my opinion, will do.

  2. To me, it's what you do actually do, and I think your reviews (and I'm not going to consider mine here) have been right on the money, the exact thing I'd have been thinking if I pulled up that blog.

  3. I find it suspect that (they) got called to the mat and went on strike.

    My blog looks a certain way to me. It is nice to get some feedback as to how others see it, rather than the one or two people who stop by and feel obligated to comment just because I commented on their blog.

    Even then, they only read the top post and split. I tried to simplify it by putting in "The Essential Squid Collection". I am still trying to figure out how to roll up my archives. Oh well, it's a work in progress. Besides, in 100 years, none of this will matter, right?

    As for this blog, I really like Pac Man and the objective reviews.

    Back 20 years ago, I'd give you a run for the money on black eyeliner. But those days like great punk music are long since gone...

  4. Fireballs: Exactly. And it still strikes me as hilarious that their reviews got much nicer shockingly around the time we started.

    Trouble: thank you ;) We have gotten some shitty blogs (and I'm rather pissed I didn't get to review them), and we usually say that they suck. We just leave out the "go die" aspect of it.

    Squid:The "strike" cracked me up like no other. You're going to go on strike for people actually reacting negatively towards you being a total fucktard and berating everyone that submits, simply because they submit? HAH!

    If you want help on how to roll up archives and posts, let me know. I can send you the code :)

  5. Agreed with all of the above.

    Oh, and Kitty Kat, lychee martinis are a GOOOOOOOD time, no question...

  6. I love your reviews and I think the only people who are douchebags are the reviewers over THERE.

    They've been very quiet and doing their bit for charity of late.

    Uh huh!

  7. i didn't read any of the other site but I'm going to take your word that they are a bunch of shitdicks who enjoy taking a mandagger up the rectum on a daily basis. oh, you didn't say that? well, i did. you guys do a good job of not ripping people's shit apart based on content. and your reviews aren't always good; i should know, i got a shitty one but i got some readers out of it too and that's all that really matters because i'm narcissistic that way.

  8. The Internet (and blogging in particular) is serious business. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. It's a way to validate one's day-to-day existence and intellect.

    Either that, or I agree with everything you just said and people should really lighten up.

  9. Yeah, you can really "POINT OUT WHEN THE AESTHETIC OF A BLOG DETRACTS FROM THE WRITING" with your ALL CAPS gray font on black.
    You're obviously an expert.
    You don't even realize how hard it is to read paragraph after paragraph of ALL CAPS.
    I only want to read so I can laugh at your stupid loser asses.

  10. I was given a "boot" by IT2M because the reviewer thought my post about some guy calling me was childish. Uh-huh. My blog is about me dating; what the hell else am I going to write about? The best part was all of the traffic that review generated and I gained several regular readers because of it.


Grow a pair.