Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Douchebag Movement Spreads On

Have you ever met someone and though they may be slightlyh amusing, you can't help but look at them and think "Wow, they are trying way too fucking hard."? Or, perhaps you'd like another analogy! You know what friend you have who is amusing in their own right but just has a habit of taking things too far?

Yup! I assure you my spunk ain't that funky. That funky aftertaste is what A New Random leaves in your mouth. With "Random thoughts...spewed forth effortlessly on the little of substance currently happening in my life, most of which is clearly made up and never actually happened. Plus other crap." sitting on the top of the header [in a font that ever so effortlessly blends into the header image] pretty much lets you know that whatever smile you have on your face while reading will purely be a result of pain. And, before I go on, methinks that description has a glaring gramatical issue. Shouldn't it be "spewed forth effortlessly on what little substance currently happens in my life"? I ask for your help, beloved readers, for my english as a second language skills leave me skeptical of my blatant awesomeness.

The template isn't horrible, but it's not eye grabbing. It's black, gray, white, and various shades that fit between the awesome spectrum between black and gray. That's right. The header is black and gray, and the fonts he chooses to use in that header are, coincidently, black and gray. How's that for your reading ease? Not to mention the header is grainy and pixelated, and makes me kind of motion sick due to the lack of pigmentation. It all just melds together. I'm all about searching for things-food, jobs, the notorious clitoris-but when it comes to something that is purely for the purpose of being read, like, ohhhh I don't know a blog! I would generally avoid magic-eye stylings at all costs.

The sidebar is neat, but I would suggest using a drop down menu for the archives because those are just super sweet, dude.

The content goes back to what I started saying: he seems to be trying too hard. His personal description specifically states that he is "willing to share his idiocy on a daily basis with friends and strangers alike. I'm thoughtful like that." Of course you're thoughtful like that. Everyone who has a fucking blog is thoughtful like that, because that's the point of a blog! Sharing things no one really cares about is the brass tacks of blogging, but I thank you for stating the obvious. And I think the correct word is idiocracy. Idiocy is the state of being an idiot, which I think you can't share. Idiocracy, on the other hand, is like the STD your momma never told you about.

Again, I doubt my obvious awesomeness so readers help me out.

Not convinced homeboy is trying to hard? Read the Dannon Yogurt post and you'll see what I mean. He starts out with the traditional commuter guy telling another guy dressed as a giant fruit to fuck off and keep his fruitiness away, which is amusing and plausible. But then he goes too far and makes the man in fruit fashion fail to get a homeless guy to try his yogurty and fruity concotion. Not funny. At all. It's just beating the poor joke to death, which he started to do when he went past the commuter woman.

That's just how this blog rolls. Painful smile included with each and every post.

A and a is how I roll. Contrasting colors aren't the antichrist, consider using them, and having a template that shows a bit of personality is a good thing unless you really are the human equivalent of toast. Also, I've said it before-I think every reviewer has said it before-and I'll say it again: blogging does not make you cool, introspective, or funny. Having a sense of humor makes you funny. Just an FYI.


  1. Idiocracy isn't a word. It's a movie title.

    Black on white is much more contrasting than charcoal grey on black.

    Take your own advice on that one. Learn how to spell and use dictionaries yourself before you feel the need to trash someone else on theirs.

  2. hmmmmm.

    not to butt in but idiocracy is a word. but then again what bearing could the english dictionary possibly have on the existence of words?

  3. GNVP! You owe me $30.

    I told you that anything other than a glowing review would be blamed on a link.

    As for the blog, it's not bad and it's not great. He's got his moments of funny, but he's a lot older than I am/we are and I'm looking at it from the point of view of reading something my parents have written.

    But then there's really not enough use of expletives for it to be anything my parents created. And my parents know full well they try too hard to act cool.

    E took care of the idiocracy ordeal, so I'll just say that the look of our own blog is far from perfect, and I don't think anyone will fight you over that. But, considering none of us have any form of web-designing skills outside of "Oh! That looks cool!" we did okay. It's a work in progress, one that should progressively move towards it's end hopefully this weekend or early next week.

  4. I'm actually commenting. A moment of silence.

    Anyway. I wasn't trashing his blog. I was simply pointing out the undisputed fact, irrespectable of whether we could categorically be the kettle or the pot in this situation, that having your blog title in black and your blog description in gray while the background image is a combination of the two makes it easy to skip over both. I don't like the content, but that's all opinion anyway and he asked for mine when he clicked submit. He also asked for us to tell him what we liked and didn't like with his blog when he clicked submit, not for us to avoid being hypocritical in any way with the review.

    Oh, and fuck yea on the FOB getting the english portion of this exam correct. Thank you Da Buttah!

    Kitty, I'll buy your drinks on Saturday. Deal? Fuck me for not even knowing about the "link" issue until after I posted and you told me. Drunk Kitty is fun though :)

  5. Yeah I agree with you. Trying too hard and desperate to crowd please.

    Nothing wrong with trying to be liked but you should still be genuine.

    Typical that he would blame the negativity of your review, without it seems actually bothering to read it, for reasons that he supports the other review site.

    He berated me for not being able to accept criticism yet chooses to deal with the far more constructive thoughts you offer by just dismissing it.

  6. I find it highly amusing that you bag on someone for trying too hard...while it seems you haven't tried hard enough.

    Your header?

    Yeah. You may want to take a look at that.

    "Ask and You Shall RecEIve", son. A little more effort on ones own banner would be greatly appreciated.

    Don't be so quick to knock us 40 something, parental types.

    We know the I before E rule pretty damn well.



  7. Hmm...I find it ironic that your template is grayish with a lighter gray text. If this was a real blog--not one that critiques or whatever---it would have been scanned. But since you were speaking about Mike (A New Random) I read it...I had to. It was hard with your bland choice of colors, but I did it!!! :)

    But people--gotta keep in mind that if you submit your site, it will be critiqued. That's why I love Mikey so much (A New Random) because he can take the heat.

    Little wordy bastard! I just love him!

    Enjoy your day!

  8. I know the header is misspelled. Doesn't take a genius (sorry GNVP) to figure that out; however, as I said in my first comment this whole template is changing so why would I make someone go back and redo it for the sole purpose of switching an "i" and an "e"? And, in GNVP's defense, english is his second language and I think he does a lot better than people who have spoken english their entire lives.

    We never said our blog sets an example in the blogosphere, so calling us out on those things we didn't like in someone's blog really isn't going to do much. In fact, we did submit our own review site for bloggy review and we got reamed on almost every aspect of our blog. Did we huff and puff? Did we blame it on anything? Nope, we read it, took it with a grain of we-submitted-it-for-this-purpose salt, and did what we wanted with the "advice" given.

  9. Also, no idea why he thinks our review is unfair. If he really thinks we are so petty that we would just berate to our hearts glee over a fucking link, then he shouldn't have bothered. We've reviewed other people with the aforementioned link and they got what would be dubbed "good" reviews.

    Fair isn't the issue. He just didn't really care for your blog. The end.

  10. So wait, I need to clarify this issue because I haven't had my heroin dose yet this morning...

    He thinks he got a poor review because he links IT2M?

    If I remember correctly we've reviewed blogs that have IT2M linked and given them stellar constructive criticism and I fucking love you's....

    Or was that just me?

  11. Sorry ~deb can you define what you mean by take the heat?

    If by this you mean he rises above it and doesn't comment then really what is the point in submitting?

    If you aren't concerned about what others think, whether it's good or bad, why bother asking their opinion?

  12. Mr. Payne, are you available for a nooner?

  13. I'm available for a nooner, for what it's worth =0)

    Amen to Mr. Payne! He rally's against those individuals who dislike their reviews on the infamous "link" page because they specifically asked for it, so to speak, and yet he's huffing and puffing over his review here?

    And here I thought we were the only hypocrites in blogland!

  14. I've always longed for the day I would be controversial, I just always hoped it would get me more pussy than this.

    Damn it all!

  15. Let me make sure I've got this correct. If you submit to them, and they trash you, the whole point is, "Dude, you submitted, deal with it." Right? Right. So we have the same thing here, right? Right.

    Okay, so that's step one. Step two is, if you submit here for the express purpose of being able to run to all the other little sheep and complain about how much we suck, aren't you kind of asking for it? Personally, I could give a shit if you have a link to IT2M, if you know them, if you drive them to work every day. I. DON'T. CARE. But if you come here to try to start bullshit because you think we suck and they are great, so be it. We don't go fucking around with them. We're nothing to them. So why would anyone care what we do? You submitted for review. Plain and simple, end of story. Just like what happens there. We reviewed you, just like what happens there. Much like when someone starts shit over there after a review, we respond in kind.

    Never think though, for one second, we care one frigging iota if you link to them. We don't care. They don't care about us. We don't care about them, quite frankly. I've reviewed a couple of sites from known IT2M commenters. I've reviewed them fairly and evenly. Apparently, it's a badge of honor to get reviewed by us, and then say how badly we suck to them. Which is funny, because if you do the same thing to them, they send out the minions. We don't do that. Ever.

    Grow up.

  16. *snaps her fingers*

    Sorry. I'm in a beatnik mood today.

  17. oh that's too bad. I really like his site and his writing. It's entertaining...kind of relieving actually.

  18. I have that one song stuck in my head... what is it... Fuck I can't remember the name.


  19. "irrespective"

    Just saying.

    I don't see Mike going all OMFG over this review so why are you trying to create drama where there is none?

    Considering this blog is a spin off of IT2M because Buttah or whatever got a crap review, I would have to agree that most people would think that anyone who comments there a lot would get their ass reamed seeing as how almost every archived post makes referrence to IT2M.

  20. Oh please. GET OVER YOURSELF!

    Care to guess why IT2M gets mentioned? Hmm? Well, THEY posted about us being here, called us names, whatever. The typical response when the Kingdom is threatened. So, then, all the sheep ran over here so they could get reviews so that they could then go back to the Masters of the Universe and say "Oh my GOD, did you see how badly they suck? They said my blog was, blah, blah, blah". So yeah, we mention them in reviews because we don't want to appear like we're trashing them BECAUSE they are commenters or have a link or whatever. It's called Covering Your Ass. WE DON'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH THEM! Or you, for that matter. The world can't have two blog review sites, I guess. Or however many there are. There can only be the almighty IT2M, staring down from the mountaintop and casting judgement on all those below. Quite frankly, the only drama here comes from people who submit for the purpose of being able to run to them and say "Look, OMFG, they reviewed me! They SUCK!". Otherwise, read the other comments thread and show me where someone starts drama. We had one guy get going after a review, and that was over pretty quickly. But yet, whenever someone who thinks they roll with the Masters comes over here, then whatever we choose to say in a review is wrong and stupid and how could we say that and on and on and on.

    Perhaps a mirror would be in order, because we NEVER comment over there. EVER. We leave them alone. We DON'T want drama with them. They bring it here. Why? Why the fascination with us? If we suck SO badly, what's the point in trying to prove it even further? I defy anyone to explain it.

  21. My. Edits are a fantastic scapegoat.

    I'm not trying to start drama,I think we're just clarifying that his review had nothing to do with IT2M, which he suggested his review was solely based upon.

    The assumption may exist, but we've reviewed a few blogs that link to them or are avid commenters on the site, and we never reamed them for that association.

    Whatever reasons exist for why this site was started has nothing to do with anything, especially since not one person who reviews has ever had their own blog reviewed by IT2M or really ever read that blog until the anonymous comments started in June when Buttah's site was reviewed and they found a link to this site.

    Like Fireballs said, we don't really care if you masterbate to them nightly, ask for us to review you simply to laugh at our stupidity and mimicry, or are simply curious as to what we'd say. Motives are irrelevant, we'll still review you.

  22. Fireballs, my love, lest we forget they are not a review site. They are a smackdown site.

    It's all about nuances, darling.

  23. Would a nooner be some form of lunchtime liaison perchance Angel Dust?

    With regards to the review it’s a strange but not unfamiliar reaction isn’t it? It's like asking someone how you look in your new clothes and then when they answer with a cautious 'yeah it's ok' respond with a childish 'Well I don't care what you think'.

    Some people are so desperate to appear cool and down with their posse that they don't want to admit anything affects them. I mean if truly you don't care what anyone thinks why post thoughts on the world wide web? Why not simply write them on a piece of paper and keep them under your bed?

    IT2M’s review of my site stung, of course it did. How can I admit that if nice things said by people make me smile that harsh things said by people wouldn’t have an impact? Appreciating the good and pretending to ignore the bad is someone in denial as far as I’m concerned.

    I think IT2M serves a purpose just as you guys do and thankfully you both offer different types of review. I never criticised the site for their review, only some of the extraneous individuals that decided to put the boot in, but you do feel that it's only when people actually 'bite back' that the piranha frenzy starts and they actually have some entertaining fun.

  24. Heh. I think I've lost 5 pounds off my ass from laughing at this today.

    Let's see. Mr. Mikeypants is one of the leading proponents of the herd mentality, and regularly calls people crybabywhinebutts and worse over harsh blog "reviews."

    Who's crying now, eh?

    I remember my dad saying, all the time when I was a kid: "If you can't take it, don't dish it out." Sometimes, those who dish it the most really can't take it.

  25. Just because :

    After reading both sites, I would rather be reviewed by "Ask" only because the comments arent harsh or nasty. They are honest yes but not cruel. I read most of the "reviews" at IT2M and found them repetitive and boorish.

    At least yall got "flava". Plus, it seems that the folks with this site dont go looking for drama. IT2M came here to start it. Isnt that silly? As I saw it before "Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics;
    even if you win, you're still retarded." Sums it all up for me.

  26. You did start this blog after that psychadelic-whatsits bog got a bad review right?

    I ask because this blog is basically a carbon copy, with the link page and rules/FAQ etc., though not in looks.

    I understand that this was one of the blogs formed by people that have received bad reviews. I take it, it's something that happens all the time with people reviewed over there.

  27. psychadelicbuttersnazzy, thank you very much :)

    it was my idea to start some kind of review site, i admit that. it wasn't in response to a "bad" review, it was in response to my review simply saying "black template. have a boot up your ass," because i was hoping for a little more than that, even if it was negative.

    either way, they put this whole thing together and made it into something viable. i just putz around with the template...and apparently i suck at that other than commenting randomly and having a link on my website, i did nothing more than say "my review sucked. i could do better, y'all could do better! and maybe we should."

    there's only so many ways you can dress-up a review schemata *shrugs*

  28. Wow. Still gabbing about the same thing? Nothing in this world is original, unless you're going to break things down into a subatomic level in which case I will rock you mother fuckers like a hurrican because I may suck at English but I speak physics and nerd fluently.

    Not sure where I was going with that, but I do find it amusing that this whole thing went down. It's not like I haven't given more shitty and mean reviews. I found myself rather restrained.

  29. Oh, and did you know we were teenage wannabe goth nimrods? Just as I was getting emo enough to wear candycane socks.

  30. Aren't we all in effect copying the person who set up the very first blog. How many companies exist from entrepeneurs thinking they could do it different or better. Do we all only drive Fords?

    There was this Italian after WWII who was converting old tanks into tractors. He was making a fair packet and loved owning Ferrari's. He wrote to the chairman of Ferrari saying that he enjoyed owning Ferrari's but could they improve the gearboxes. The chairman wrote back and told him to leave Ferrari to producing cars and him to converting tanks.

    In response the tractor maker went on to establish Lamborghini.

    I'm not comparing either site to an Italian sportscar but the creation of a new venture can come about for a variety of reasons and going on about it is just churlish.

  31. *still drooling over the words Ferrari and Lambourghini*

    You know? Most people have no idea what the BMW symbol is. They have no idea that BMW was an airplane engine manufacturer until about 1932 when they realized they sucked at it and were making warplanes for the german Reich, so to cars they switched. It's not a pinwheel, or just a blue and white pie. It's an engine propellar. No one seems to know that.

    No one seems to care that the majority of cars on the road today are built on an existing cars platform and then tweaked. Audi S4? Yup. So much money for a Passat platform with luxury interior.

    Okay. Going too far with the car analogy. But nothing is original, and more than one thing can exist with similarity, but yeild completely different results.

  32. I'm a commenter at IT2M and I felt your review of me was quite unbaised.

    Ok, so it was a really good review, but just as with any site that gives opinions, there is going to be smartassery (yeah, not a word, sue me) that comes about when you give anything negative.

    People need to realize that when they submit, they are submitting themselves to opinions and not everyone will like them.

    On the same note, did Mike whine about this review? I didn't see that anywhere so I'm confused about the "big deal" being made of his attitude. I think I saw a link to the site and some commenter cheering, but that's it.

  33. He whined and then edited his post. I think you missed the whining.

  34. Ah ha! Thanks for the heads up. I suppose I did.

    I'm always late to the damn party.

  35. Maybe I try too hard too...but that Dannon post was funny. And what's wrong with trying too hard anyway? If we tried too not-hard all the blogs would be:

    i woke up and watched the simpsons. bart is so funny eat my shortz haha.

    I think I tried too hard to make that joke. I suck.

  36. Hmm. It looks like all the posts there have been deleted.

  37. IT2M was good for me, really. Which explains why I like how my blog looks like now. I just submitted my blog for review just to know how the changes are working for me.



Grow a pair.