Tuesday, October 17, 2006

What the Phuck?

Before I start this review, I would like to lead you all in prayer...

"Dear Heavenly Mother, please protect me from all evil, clowns, and aging hippies who think they are funny. Oh, and please bless me with perky tits until I'm 50. Amen."

That's the exact prayer that went through my mind as I tried to read TOR Hershman's blog, the self-proclaimed "worlds funniest iconoclast." Now, I don't pretend to be the smartest person alive (I had to look up iconoclast in Wikipedia), but to read this man's blog I think you either need a PhD or tripping balls (my vote is for acid). His writing makes no sense to me in that it's fragmented and peppered with random foreign words. Either english is not his first language or he's fucked up on Mescaline and fermented rat piss.

I don't even know how to begin to tell you how much I dislike this blog. Maybe it's the fact that he loves (and I mean LOVES) to use the word moi. I counted its use at no less than 8 fucking times in the September 10th post. Nothing screams self-important asshole than referring to yourself as moi (or calling yourself the world's funniest iconoclast, for that matter). If his usage of this word as an attempt at highbrow humor, he's failed miserably. "Monty Python" and "Are you Being Served" is highbrow humor. This blog...is not. Maybe I hate this blog because his "official fan club", as it were, is on a Yahoo group and he's the only one posting anything on it (fan postings were disabled in 2005). It could also be the fact that he attempts to parody pop culture and other world issues with the most craptastic photoshop chop jobs ever. My cat could do a better job with photoshop, and she doesn't have thumbs.

Or it could be that he's just not fucking funny....hmmm, I think that's it. If you're going to call yourself the worlds funniest iconoclast, you better bring something more to the table than poop jokes and theories about the racial overtones of Kung Fu (which was canceled in 1975, BTW). Seriously, you are not funny. At all. Shit, my grandmother is funnier than you, and she's been dead for 5 years. And if you need further help in realizing just how unfunny you are, check out this episode of the Simpsons, watch The Daily Show and the Colbert Report, and then promptly rethink the title of your blog and the meaning of iconoclast.

As for the template...christ, who cares...I'm so pissed off right now at this douchebag, even a template that reaches through the monitor and fucks me senseless couldn't make up for having lost 20 minutes of my drinking time on reading this piece of dog shit.

Your rating:

A big, fat and a for being an unfunny bastard of the highest order.

18 comments:

  1. dude seriously needs to lay off the crack. The top blog post is a big turd on top of the Mona Lisa. In what universe is that funny? My 8-year-old son has more class than that (and that's saying something given the boy is totally into toilet humor).

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  2. Considering the dude hasn't posted but three times in the last two months, perhaps he's been remanded to custody for his own good.

    I generally like snotty, pretentious humor because I'm snotty and pretentious, but I don't get him.

    And the mois? Give me a break.

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  3. Ugh, here's to hoping that's true. What a mess!

    On a good note, I finally got to review a bad blog!

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  4. There's snotty pretentious humor, and then there's snotty pretentious humor that is only snotty and pretentious to the person, and anyone else is completely lost, appalled, un-phased, or promptly calls the short bus to take him in forrrrr-evvvv-errrr. [Yes. That was a "SandLot" reference.]

    Perhaps they came to take him away [ha! ha!], and if so, I need to find out who "they" are so I can send them a much deserved fruit basket.

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  5. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't get. Whew!

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  6. I'm willing to bet this guy's a hoarder as well. One of those nut cases that saves every single newspaper since 1962, has them stacked everywhere so that his entire basement apartment looks like a maze for lab mice.

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  7. Wow. Reminds me of my engineering professors who were so amused by themselves but the entire class had no fucking clue what the asshole was talking about.

    The major difference would be that my engineering professors were brilliant and set an example among the trade of engineering, while this guy's IQ must rank slightly lower than my shoe size which is a 16.

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  8. You know what they say about a guy who wears big shoes...he has big feet...hahaha! I slay me! Maybe I could take over Hersmans blog!

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  9. Actually, my son said the funniest thing about that...

    My daughter complained that my boyfriend had left shoes at my house (and they're huge). I said, "You know what they say about big feet." She gave me one of those teenage looks, and my son piped up with: "Big stink."

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  10. *gags at the idea of GNVP's wang*

    You know, I did date a guy who whore a size 18 shoe. I have to say, he was porn star ready.

    It was freaky seeing something that big come at you!

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  11. Sorry Kitty, I just couldn't let that slide...it was too good.

    As for the guy, sounds like a terrible conundrum!

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  12. I had a horrible fucking day, and I click in here and read this shit. Fuck.

    Size 12 1/2 here, by the way.

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  13. Are you talking about the blog or us tramps?

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  14. I hope he's talking about the blog!

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  15. I'm more beer wench than tramp.

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  16. I love all of you, ladies. I meant the blog in question. Work for me, right now, is like an all-day root canal dentist appointment, where the novocaine doesn't quite take, but he doesn't want to listen, and his assistant looks like Jim Belushi with a tight white dress.

    Again, not you guys. I'll try to be a little less obtuse next time.

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  17. You better love us. I suppose I'm more of a slut than a tramp anyhoo.

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  18. ".....everywhere so that his entire basement apartment looks like a maze for lab mice."

    Change that there "Mice" to "Kitties" and "Newspapers" to "Reciepts/recordings" & you've got it, Bitter M.

    BTW: The "Moi," that moi doth dig usin' when moi speaks of moi's stuff, moi got from Miss Piggy.
    I works at the 100% desired level, methinks.....errrrrrrrrrrrr, moithinks.

    )))((((((
    (*)...(*)
    ....U....
    ..[___]..- - -{Stay on Groovin'(DNA Jungle) Safari}

    TOR

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Grow a pair.