Thursday, March 15, 2007

Attack of the boring mommy bloggers

Hello, y'all, it's just cheerful ole me on this rainy spring day. I'm doing a two-some here because, frankly, I suck. And I forgot to do a review last week. But it is the first time...EVER. So there. I stick my tongue out at all the other slacker reviewers whose ranks I've joined.

Okay...first up: Temporarily Me. Oh, goodie. Another mommy blogger. Call me cynical and jaded, but as a mom with two kids, I'm not all that interested in reading about the exploits of a toddler. The new kid smell wore off a while ago. If you must blog about your kid, I have two thoughts: 1) short and pithy--make me pee my pants laughing or, 2) post pictures.

I like some things about this person...she has mommy whine wine nights. I love those. Her musical taste on her profile is decent but girl...HINDER? WTF are you thinking? That is just crap...the musical equivalent of potted meat...overprocessed and totally disgusting.

C'mon now.

The template? dearest, you way overpaid for this. Your template designer did a sloppy job cutting the graphic and putting it on your header. The text she used was practically illegible. There isn't enough contrast between the background colors and the link colors (pale blue on peach? Do you want to make me go blind?) And, she should have created cute text captions for you on the ACTUAL BACKGROUND COLOR. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

In answer to the question of "are you tempted?" by temptation designs, the answer for me at least would have to be HELL NO. Just say no. You can get a way better design for free, truthfully.

And the colors are weird.

I give it one star because she's clearly trying, but this blog needs some help. And...just say NO to "blog explosion" and "rent your blog" too. ugh. Before you start pimping your blog out, why not make sure there is some worthy content there to pimp?


Next up...oh good, another Mommy Blog (aka: Who Said That Crap?). (sigh)

The layout? Much, much better. (Temporarily, do you see how her colors contrast so you can read her text and how the cute font matches the background? Now, go kick your lazy template designer's shoddy arse). It could be improved by getting rid of the blogger navbar (which your designer should have done for you). Way too much fucking crap in the sidebar. Consider drop-down boxes for the archives and recent posts. Get rid of everything after "contact me." And don't center your sidebar vertically, for Christ's sake.

The content? Zzzzz. No train wrecks, kinky sex, three-somes, or chick crushes for me here. And I have a few words of advice, straight from one of my blog crushes..."I do wish you would get over your unhealthy reliance upon the caps lock."

I'm sure your friends love it, but there is nothing of interest for me on either of these blogs. I gave blog #2 one star for effort.

And both bloggers should count themselves lucky that I am in a super good mood today, because truthfully, on a Monday, they'd have gotten flaming fingers.

Mommy bloggers, instead of blogging, why not get a nice livejournal or a myspace? Haven't you ever considered one of those? Because really, y'all want to network, not write. And that's what you should do. You won't need to pimp your blogs (and you are both TOO. FUCKING. WHITE. to ever use the term pimp) if you actually learn to write well...

(Brevity is the soul of wit. Read it. Learn it. Live it.)

ahem. Back to my regularly scheduled spring rainshower.

p.s. Make that "Attack of the Whiney Mommy Bloggers." Whoa. They hate me. They really hate me.

Again, people, we don't review the unwilling. Y'all submitted for review. You asked for it, and you got it. Now stop acting like whiney babies or


  1. Oh I don't hate at all. I am a regular reader, I knew what I was getting to. I was just surprised is all... you usually do better then that! A flaming fist up the ass, a kick to the crotch even a pass on the short bus with my complimentary helmet. I could deal with that.
    But you're review was... meh.

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Grow a pair.