Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It's An Acquired Taste, So You Should Acquire Some.

I think Kitty summed things up well yesterday: There is no way a review was happening. None. Between shitting out my colon and a cornucopia of other internal organs and spending a weekend with my most favorite drunk, I actually had to call into work to take a few days off. I even missed my flight back home. I was hurting. Goddamn I'm getting old.

But it's double your pleasure and double your fun, and who doesn't want a lot more GNVP in their life? Afterall, I'm a fuckin' pimp, and I keep my pimp hand strong while maintaining cool as the other side of the mother fuckin' pillow. Hallelujah hollaback! And, I want Bimbo to keep that in mind, 'cause there ain't nothing I love more than a nappy headed ho, other than a self proclaimed Bimbo, whom I am now picturing in go-go boots and a yellow pleather thigh length dress. Mmmmm.

*Clears throat* Right. The moment has passed and I'm afraid I can't let her join the ranks of my most awesomest hoes because to be a proud member of the GNVP Pimpette's you must have consistency and due diligence, and this bimbo has none. She hasn't even posted since the end of April and she didn't even have the courtesy to e-mail us to tell us that her blog was going kaput and that we shouldn't waste my our precious time reviewing it. BLASPHEMER! She couldn't even hack it in blog land for over 9 months. Some people.

To her I say:

And I'll add a

NEXT STORY!

And the next story is rather lucky that she came after the trollop, because just the fact that she hasn't quit and posted yesterday makes her look much mo' gooder.

Just A Mom seems to think that being a mother is "More Than Enough" to make your blog extra righteously awesome, and I think most of we reviewers have proven we tend to disagree; yet, I can't seem to hate on her in light of the fact that Sunday was Mother's Day and there's nothing like a holiday devoted to Mom to make you realize how much you still love and absolutely miss your mother, and how Mother's Day just isn't right when all you can do is bring as many bouquets of flowers as you can carry on a subway to a cemetery and talk to a cold grey grave.

The template is pretty horrible, but beta makes it damn near impossible to come up with a good color scheme on any of their blogs without understanding how to do widgets, which I know I don't. The template is very kitschy. It makes me think of what my family always dubbed "American-Style": houses wrought with tchotchkes. You know, the house with the montage wall to their children that lined the staircase? No one does that but Americans. I swear to you.

On the template front, I recommend she have more posts on the main page than just three, especially if a lot of the posts are of her paintings. I like the artwork, but I want to do some reading too, because the posts aren't half bad. They're the prototypical story-telling posts, where the author talks about the goings-on in their life. What she writes about doesn't really do it for me, but at least it's not all about her kids and thank G-d there isn't a photo-tribute to her precious darlings in every post. Everyone thinks their children are precious wonders who are unlike any other kid, everyone else thinks you're a douchebag and that your kid shits, cries, and is annoying like everyone else child. GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!

Anyway, I give Mrs. Jan and wish you a happy belated Mothers Day.

Also? Mad props for loving your children as much as you do. I know a lot of mothers that would view autism and schizophrenia as something to be ashamed of, and you, my dear, put it right out there. That's awesome.

2 comments:

  1. I so knew you were taking a picture of that wall. Right, trying ti play it off all cool like you were looking at shit on your phone. WHATEVER biatch!

    Oh, and way to make me tear up at work over your momma shpeel. Fucker.

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  2. Gee, if I knew you were coming over today I would have straightened up. I appreciate the review and have changed my format to include more posts. Thanks,

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Grow a pair.