More Sex, Less Mess

Calamity here. Long time reader, first time reviewer. And dang, there's more to this than meets the eye. You actually have to, like, read the blog and formulate opinions and delve deep for the most snarktastic comments you can come up with while actually providing, you know, helpful suggestions and useful feedback.

It ain't easy, y'all, but I think I'm up to the challenge. If I'm not, you can all bite me. But not too hard.

What high hopes I had for this my first review. "LoudCloud: Random online exploits of a bent bisexual." Fantastic! Two-way smut and snarkiness! Can't go wrong.

Wrong.

The design is ok. Clean, easy to read, organized. I'd consider bumping up the size of some of the text (dates, posted by, etc.) because it's blurry and difficult to read in Firefox. I'm kind of a type whore, so the graphic quotes are fine for me. Breaks up the text nicely. One problem: after I've clicked "Read More" and read the rest of the post, the back button takes me to the index page of the blog. Not gonna hit "Read More" if I can't get back to where I was without clicking a zillion times.

English as a second language? Fuck, I can't read much of it because of the whole foreign language thing. Argh!! I'm trying to be understanding, really. And, honestly, his English is rather good, all things considered. But I'm tripped up on the awkward phrasing and I can't help it. Also? The prose is a glaring shade of purple. "Blustery eyes?" What? You should get that checked.

The ennui is thick here, folks. There isn't a thing in the world that's going to suck this guy out of his self-imposed boredom with everything and everyone. He has "pseudofriends" and thinks everything is absurd or idiotic. There's no doubt the guy has brains, but he likes to trot them out to display with lines and lines of SAT words mashed up and convoluted. Dude, I'm a devout logophile, but there's a line, buddy. Sometimes brevity really is the soul of wit.

There are flashes of cleverness: "I was swiftly sucked into a time-warp. High school! Haha! Zits! Rampaging hormones! Circle jerks! Kidding, again." (Although methinks he's not kidding.) And if he'd stick with more of that and less wry pomposity, I'd be more inclined to read. Maybe.

As to the hijinks or exploits of a bent bisexual, I'm sad to report that two pages in I haven't found the first salacious post. There's lots of writing on boredom, stupid people, and how conceited this dude is and not much else that I can tell.

This sort of self-aggrandizement is a total turn off for me. Tell me something real. Why are you blogging? Just to trot out your blasé musings? That's not enough for me. Dig deep. Find some meaning. Tell me a story that doesn't include puffed up verbiage and an expression of just how languid and unmoved you are by your own assholishness. Do you have relationships with people beyond superficial snarkage? If so, that might be interesting to know. And maybe it's there but I can't get past the self-satisfied smirk and frothy text to find it.

Give it a pass unless you are familiar with the inner workings of Manila or if you enjoy overblown ego and misanthropy run amok.

Rating:



(posted for Calamity, who is having technical difficulties)