Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Who's Got The Hairbrush?

So, in the latest health crisis in the land of Fireballs, my stomach decided late Saturday night that the time had come for open revolt. It marched into the streets, tossing rocks, yelling obscenities and starting fires. It reached a crescendo of anger, and declared it's open intention to start war.

Suffice it to say, Sunday and Monday were less than enjoyable.

But because I'm a slave to you all, and you need what I bring to the table, I'm soldiering on today in place of the lovely Mistress. It's what I do.

No Beaks is today's entry, and I can tell at first glance, just TOO MUCH CLUTTER. Three-column templates are not the way to go, honestly.

The content itself is gangbusters, all though I think you have to have been in on the joke from the get-go to understand the humor involved. Certainly, the About page lends itself to believing that this is a multi-author blog, but then it's possible that these Abouts are characters that pop up in the stories from time to time. Either way, I have no complaints about the content other than to say that picking up the thread of the frivolity isn't exactly easy.

Now, three column templates are about as easy to follow as LOST (premiering tomorrow night!) has been. It's just too much clutter. I'm not going to bitch about blog ads, because honestly, everyone most people I read are using them these days. Do they work? You fellas tell me. Personally, I think it looks cheap as hell. WeatherBug is fucking spyware, by the way. A few of your links are broken, too. Sloppy work, if you're trying to rock the three column template.

Here's how I've always pictured a good three-column: The About, Pics, Links, and Shout-outs on the left. A decently sized mid-section for content, say 550-650 pixels wide. The third column, for whatever bullshit you want to add, buttons and all that fooferall, should be small, and should NOT grab your eye when you first click over. This has none of that. I will say that the header intrigues me. Other than that, F triple minus for this template.

So, this is the classic half-and-half. I like the content, and the wit. I loathe the template. If it was the other way around, I'd give strong recommendation to ignore the shit out of this thing, but good-to-decent content usually draws me back in. So, today, you get a pass. I give it one star, because I cannot in good conscious go much higher. Come back with a rocking template, and watch that number increase.

My nuts itch just looking at it.


  1. Good - now I have something to blame my ball-scratching on...

  2. mmmm hairbrushes.

    Meh, on the blog. Beat me up for my incredibly short attention span, but with my ADD, a page that busy makes it impossible for me to actually focus on content.

    I know, I suck.

    but you love it.

  3. "because I cannot in good conscious "

    Had to point out, the word is conscience. Not conscious. Though if you read enough bad blogs, you may become unconscious. And if unconscious is bad, does that mean conscious is good? Or does it just mean you need more beer?

    Just askin'.


Grow a pair.