Don't Fuck With Me...Imma Esplode Any Minute...

Ok, babies, this winter really has to fucking end. I'm turning into a certifiable, homicidal, bitch on wheels who has no time for fucknuttery and shit ass blogs. Fortunately, the blog I'm about to review is not a shit ass blog, and since he's blogging from Wisconsin, he can feel my pain about winter. However, having to write about how great this blog is is really getting on my nerves. So, just to mix it up a bit, here's a reverse-positive list review of Nitro Vista:

1. Stop being all cute with that handsome picture in your profile. No unattached woman wants to look at a picture of a handsome man who has thoughts on the internet. Especially when said man lives one day's drive away from her. Serious, ugly yourself up a bit, will ya?

2. Stop blowing my image of guys being insensitive jerks by posting a beautiful little post about your kid and then post a sweet image of him sleeping. I, like most women, do not like my views on the opposite sex challenged.

3. Knock it off with funny posts about Walgreens/Wal-Mart. Reviewers hate laughing...shit, we even hate chuckling. So, knock it off, will ya?

4. Stop it with your good grammar, well thought out posts, and opinions. Frankly, you're just showing off with all that thar book larnin' and it's making me crabby.

5. Quit being witty and funny. Again, no one likes laughing and we're certainly not impressed by your repartee. As a matter of fact, I get the sneaking suspicion that you think you're better than me, don't you funny boy? Wanna go? Well do ya?

6. He also really needs to bugger up his template with ads, flash, gifs, and sidebar gunk. You really need to distract readers from your writing so they don't feel bad about their own shitty blogs.

Seriously, though, this is a good, nay great, blog and you get a but you need to stop being so awesome because then I'll have to blog-stalk you, boil your html code, and go off the Glenn Close-lined deep end...and nobody wants that.