Monday, March 10, 2008

Two Q's and a Z in the Scrabble Game Of Life


This is going to be one of those weird situations where I have to yell about a template, but the writing is fantastic and the author is hot attractive, so my feelings are torn.

First things first, though. I'm not sure what happened last week with certain..ahem reviewers last week. So, for our lack of work last week, my humblest apologies. Secondly, I have to say that there are times when we communicate in the background (well, me and Love Bites, anyway) and we moan about whether or not we should turn up the venom (or snarky-ness, as it's been put to me), or we should continue down the road we're on. My thoughts are as they usually are on this subject. We're reviewers. We're not getting paid for this. Occasionally, something we're going to love comes across our plate, and sometimes we'll see something horrendous. Each reviewer has his or her own voice, and I think generally we strive to help. There are times, and don't mistake it, that we do unleash a bit. When I click on a blog link that I get sent, it's fairly simple. I want to be entertained by what I'm reading. I also want a visceral experience with a cool, easy to manage template. I'm not looking for fucking Shakespeare, I had enough of that in junior high. I'm not looking for Michelangelo, I can see that whenever I want. Just make an effort in both departments, writing and aesthetics, and you should do well here.

So, onto today's entry. The Almost Royal is a WordPress concoction. I do realize that WordPress isn't anywhere near as customizable (without coughing up the dough, anyway) in terms of template as Blogger is. So I'm willing to say that even though this "template" is obviously not what I'm guessing would be her first choice, I'm not going to completely rip it apart. What I am going to say is this. I don't know if WordPress has the same kind of hacks that Blogger does in terms of being able to roll up your archives (and I'm too lazy to look at the moment) and/or your tags, but something has to be done. When a tag extends into the blank space along the sidebar, my artistic sensibilities start crying. Like Jesus just punched me in the groin. It literally makes me want to claw my own eyes out. It happens in both IE and Firefox, so I can't even claim browser lameness. For the love of Jim, find a way to fix that, please. I beg you, Sarah, because honestly, I sincerely love the prose.

You are 25, and for me to say that you write better than most of the 40 year olds I know is saying something. I read through a fair amount of your archives over the morning, and it is an amazing journey, to say the least. I'm really quite pleased that this was delivered to me to review, because I can give it my highest recommendation.

So, listen. Here's the deal. I know WordPress isn't the best for template manipulation, and I'm sure that in terms of everyday life, you could give a rat's ass what your template looks like. However, because I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't say this, find a way to roll up your considerable archives and find a way to consolidate those tags. Please.

Don't change one goddam iota about anything else, please, Sarah. Continue to exercise your considerable talent with the keyboard. I'm genuinely impressed by everything about you, and I don't say that often.

Hopefully, we'll be back on full schedule this week. I make no guarantees, of course, but I'm sure everyone's mid-winter break is hopefully over.


  1. Mea culpa! I had family descend upon me and what with all the shopping and eating out had no time whatsoever to devote to internetdom.

    I promise to do better this week. If I don't, I offer my considerable ass for spankings.

    But this blog? Awesome. Adding it to my blog roll.

  2. When I first discovered The Almost Royal I went back to the beginning and read every. single. entry. I'm not kidding, ask my husband. I lost three straight days to vodka and the archives. Her blog is the reason I started mine.

    (P.S. Hi my one true fake love Calamity!!! So nice to see you!!)

  3. Sorry, the winter here is causing me to crawl into a deep hole of despair...I'll crawl out of it tomorrow.

  4. Many apologies, Sir Balls; I'm back this week with a bellyful of fire and a blog to take it out on...

    By the by, what's with you getting all the good blogs lately?

  5. It's all gravy, kids. I'm just glad you're all back.

    NJ, it's just my turn, I guess. The Indian emo's have all retreated into darkness and good blogs emerge. Just lucky for me, anyway.

  6. I fucking love the almost royal! yay sarah!


Grow a pair.