Friday, March 14, 2008

Effexor Mom Blogs About Zoloft Mom

Lord knows, I love a mommy blog more than having my teeth cleaned. I love it more than replacing a gadget inside the tank of my toilet. I love it more than pushing a mower across four inches of uncut grass in the heat of summer in the deep south. Are you feeling me, yet?

Even better than a mommy blog? A stay-at-home mommy (SAHM) blog. Oh, happy happy joy joy.

And, when I read this:
no posts for the next few days, as the sources of my inspiration have once again gone to their grandparents' house for the weekend.

in their absence i'll be looking to other places and activities for inspiration.

but this blog has no place for those stories.

You can imagine my reaction. What. The. Fuck???!!! All we get is the fruits of your uterus, but none of the naughty bits? Fuck this, I want to read her OTHER blog.

Anyway, the review:

This is a not-heinous blog with occasional charming stories. She can write, and write well, though she apparently misplaced her shift key when she left full-time employment. The stories are funny, for the most part.

No thought has been put into the design, and there is nothing about it that draws the eye or interest, but at least it isn't a hideous template of doom (tm).

But would I read on a regular basis? Probably not. It hits one of my pissy buttons.

So, let's go with it...because I love the smell of napalm on a Friday morning.

Rant mode:

Dear Mommy Bloggers of the World:

It worries me when women subsume themselves in mommydom. As a working mom, I'm slightly envious of those mysterious women I sometimes pass at the school, dropping off my child for yet another unexcused tardy. These women, who volunteer at the school. Who play tennis in the mornings with other SAHMs. Who I see sipping coffee in Starbucks with toddlers in tow while I'm rushing in and out lest I be late to work (again). They look so relaxed, so casual, so low-stress. And, it appears to me, at least, that they have chosen this lifestyle. I mean, I don't think anyone sewed her hair to the front door of her house or chained her to the radiator. Or, that her ass was somehow melded to a toilet seat.

Thus, when a woman bitches about her freely chosen life, using words like this:
she does her best to keep it together but sometimes feels like she's going to pull her fingernails out. her house is a mess and her clothes are out of style. she likes to think she has a cool, edgy hairdo but really she is two weeks overdue for a cut. in a former life she was witty and fun. now, most days, she is just tired.

I want to stab her in the face and then tell her to fuck off. Hey, barbie girl, welcome to grownupville.

Bitch, do you realize how fucking lucky you are to have those precious days with your children? Do you realize that working moms like me would give our left titties to be able to afford to stay at home? Do you realize that the one thing I do not covet about your life is this tendency to become fixated on child-navel-gazing to the exclusion of all else? Do you realize that this unhealthy fixation with your SAHM status is making you loathesome and disconnected from the practical realities of most of the rest of the world?

I realize it is en vogue right now to engage in this sort of, "oh, woe is me, I'm giving up my exciting career and sacrificing regular haircuts and fashionable clothes to stay at home with my chilluns who are driving me crazy." Do these women get that being a SAHM is a privilege? I would just like to point out that most women in the world don't get to stay home full-time with their kids and focus solely on mommying. Most women in the world do not have the financial resources to afford to stop working and live this posh life of finger painting, playdates, sloppy kisses at 10 a.m., and chicken nuggets. You are enjoying a privileged life that is afforded to you by your husband's earnings and your whitebread American suburban economic status.

So, you better fucking appreciate it. Stop bitching and show a little gratitude for the life you lead. Because, frankly, the way most SAHMs approach blogging makes me want sit them down at my kitchen table and serve them a nice hot cup of shut the fuck up.

Got it? Or, do I have to get ugly with you?

I don't hate your blog. You write well, or you would if you could start using proper capitalization. You need a new template, but half of the blogosphere could use an update.

But, your perspective annoys me.

I give you 1 star:

and, a

The next time you are tempted to bitch about your life, I want you to smack yourself. Then, count your blessings.


  1. Sing it sister. This is why I love you.

  2. I'm a' smack myself right now...a martyr-slap for the sins of the mommy-bloggers.

    Bites, did you ever know that you're my hero? That you're everything I would like to be?

    That you are the wind beneath my...what're those things?

  3. Then I guess you don't like Dr. Laura?, who thinks that every woman can chose to stay at home and is very much against child care.

  4. Dr. Laura is irrelevant to me. Should I care? Has Dr. Laura asked me to review her blog recently?

    Grow some balls, sweetie.

    And, jobber, you know you rock my world (part 2).

  5. You used to really scare me--OK, you still scare me a little--but the "hot cup of shut the fuck up"...well, I'm glad I wasn't eating, say, Cheerios at the time.

  6. You nailed this one. Hard.

  7. moi? scary? Hah!

    Stop that snickering, Calamity.

  8. All I can say, Love Bites, as My GOD THANK YOU! I used to think that being a SAHM was great, till I tried it. Then I had to get back to adult reality, and quick. Great review.

  9. Well, I have to say that I think you've got me pegged wrong, but I asked for it. Maybe if you knew me you'd understand that I'm nothing like you think I am.

    Thanks for the review.

  10. This is a bullshit review of a stay-at-home-mom who is obviously reaching out for some sort of connection to the outside adult world. Frankly, I admire her devotion to her children. I want to wrap my arms around her and protect her from self righteous fucked-up women like you. I was not a stay-home-mom. I got my law degree and worked my way up the corporate ladder. I fought for the underdog - women like Zoloft Mom. You are way too judgemental! Review the blogs and leave your own personal shit out of it.

  11. We are all reaching out for an outlet to the world, dumb ass. Of course it's judgment, it's a REVIEW.

    That said, as one tired, pissed off, wonderin' why the children have no clean clothes, I'm out of groceries, and tired in this moment of dealing with teenage hormones, I just wish I could do that now--but I haven't any choice. Feelin' it, LB, feelin' it. But, tomorrow, I'll be damned glad I am who I am and they are who they are. I'm lucky.

    And, really - what I hear you saying is this isn't your cup of tea. Nor mine. There are plenty of people out there that will enjoy it, and power to 'em.

  12. Dumb Ass? I have never been called that before, but I guess it takes one to know one.

    Life is all about choice. Zoloft Mom chose to have children with a man that would support her, so she could stay at home with her kids. That was important to her. I knew that I did not want that for myself and chose a man that would support me in going back to school and working outside the home.

    I really don't know why anyone would submit their blog to this site at all. It's a bunch of crap!

  13. Please save your guilt-ridden mommy rant for your psychotherapist and leave zoloftmom out of it. She asked you to review her BLOG, not your perception of her choices in life.

  14. Not a stay at home mom3/15/2008 3:31 PM

    No matter who you are, being a mom of young kids is stressful, and you end up feeling pulled in multiple directions. Zoloft mom would just as likely feel like she wanted to pull her fingernails out if she were working away from home. That's not a sign of a stay-at-home mother. It's the sign of a mother of young kids, period.

    I thought the rant regarding her profile was excessive... a blog is meant to be a personal outlet, so if she's feeling stressed and tired, why should she not say that?

    That said, I liked the blog, but hated the lack of capitalization. Hopefully future reviews can focus more on the blog and less on ranting at the blogger.

  15. Interesting...reactions remind me of "birds of a feather." Also, personal blogs open themselves up to personal criticisms. Can't deal? Don't submit to this site or don't read it. Also, criticism of our review site will be taken far more seriously by non-anon commenters. Pussies.

  16. I'd laugh if someday you ripped a blog apart and they commented with a "You know, you're right. It is a piece of shit. I think I'll lay off writing and try masonry". Or something like that.

    New reader here, so forgive me if that's already happened.

  17. "Bitter Mistress" is a non-anon commentator? That's a strange birth name.

  18. "Bitch, do you realize how fucking lucky you are to have those precious days with your children?"

    I loved that right there. I read this blog a lot. I Rarely go to the blogs reviewed. (that did not change in this case) but I wanted to comment.

    Um, I say if life is so ho hum for those lucky enough to spend that daily quality time with their "chilluns", get a book, make a play date with your best friend or fuck the shit out of your husbands as something ELSE to do.

  19. Hey, Love Bites,
    You know Ren and Stimpy?
    Now you've got "Happy Happy Joy Joy"
    stuck in my head!!


  20. I didn't go to the blog, but I wanted to address your "mommy rant".

    A. Fucking. Men.

    I don't have anything against SAHMs. But thank you for finally saying how freaking LUCKY they are.

    I'd kill to have that choice.

  21. I say if life is so ho hum for those lucky enough to spend that daily quality time with their "chilluns", get a book, make a play date with your best friend or fuck the shit out of your husbands as something ELSE to do.

    This was my point. Thanks for getting it.

  22. There have been plenty of SAHM's that have submitted blogs for review and you haven't ripped them to shreds. I am wondering what ticked you off so much about this particular one?

    Your site states that "it is our goal to give bloggers solid, constructive feedback on their blogs." I think you are a little off base on this one. You tell women to "grow some balls" and call them "pussies." It takes no real courage to do what you did to the content of this young woman's blog.

    I am frankly tired of hearing working moms complain about how tough life is and how they have no choice. You chose the men in your life. You chose to have children, sometimes way too many then you can handle. My neighbor, who is a SAHM once informed me that she was jealous of me. She saw me go off to work everyday and wondered what it would be like to have a career. She fantisized about my life, just as much as I did about hers.

  23. One thing that I do agree with is the comment you made about wanting to read "her other blog." I get the feeling when reading her blog that she is getting to a deeper place, but stops short. It's what she doesn't write. She leaves you wanting more.

    I also see a young woman trying to be perfect. The perfect mom, the perfect wife. She obviously is struggling with the nonsense that she has been fed by the religious right. It's o.k. if she doesn't get her hair done for two weeks or two years in my case. I want her to keep writing and give us more.

    I would have liked to see a little less clouded rage and a little more compassion in your review. Zoloft mom got the courage, after a few glasses of wine, to submit her blog for review. I give her credit for that. If you would have read her blog, you have seen her fragile ego. You are dealing with real live people here. She now, not only thinks her blog sucks, but that she sucks as a person.

  24. Non-anonymous means having some kind of identity as opposed to NO identity, even if the identity you choose is not your birth name. It shows you stand up for your opinion, especially when there's a link readers can follow to who you are.

  25. Omigod.

    This is kinda like blaming Judas Priest for those kids killing themselves, isn't it?

    (You guys remember that? That was CRAZY.)

    If she now thinks that SHE sucks as a person because one of our intrepid reviewers had an opinion, then SHE (the original "she", not the reviewer) maybe has some issues to sort out.

    If I wandered over to someone's blog and asked if my new haircut looked shitty, and somebody said, "yes; it looks as though someone has shat on your melon", I might be hurt because I thought I looked cool, but I wouldn't begrudge them their opinion...after all, I asked for it, didn't I?

    By the by, anonymous, it is not up to us as reviewers to suss-out the fragility of our reviewees respective egos; they submit, we you think that Ashlee Simpson gives a flying fuck that I consider her a harbinger of the apocalypse?

    No, she doesn't - she puts out her crap, and the people who like it will buy it; those who don't will complain about it on a blog.

    Are these parallels making sense, or have I finally gone 'round the bend?

    In closing, I would like to say: who's "Jenn", and why is she so funny?

  26. Well, my mom said it was between that and Bitch of My Loins, so I think she made a good choice. Thanks for playing though!

  27. Omg, you guys!

    I just got back from a whirlwind day away from my brats (got my hair done, a pedi, then met my bff for an AWESOME game of tennis!!) and found your comments! Omg! I totally can’t believe everything everyone’s been saying!

    Thanks SO TOTALLY much for everyone who stood up for me! You are the best! But seriously, to those who are worrying about me I am SO fine! I admit, I was a bit sad at first… that Bites is such a meanie! But then I was like, “whatever,” left my snot nosed kids with their nanny and drowned my sadness in a venti frappucino. And now I am so over it!

    Thanks, too, to Bites, for making me realize what I have. I thought that all I was going to get was some constructive criticism on my blog but I was SO pumped when I found the life advice, too! She is TOTALLY right. My life does rock, my husband IS the bomb and my kids are awesome ALL the time. I’m never going to complain about anything again!

    Thanks, guys! You are all amazing!

  28. Wrong! Zoloft Mom is not "Not-heinous". More like Not un-awesome! Not Un-fucking-non-hilarious, Hater! (You are to be commended for nice, consistent CAPS USAGE, though. I'll give you that, even if your perspective doesn't fail to annoy me. )

  29. Love Bites, you owe us a better finished product. Ostensibly, your job was to pick apart Zoloft Mom’s blog, brewed up with a hot, foamy cup of descriptive cuss-word metaphors and seasoned with your cute Rant Bitch Tough Girl persona. Cool. What we got was a melodramatic oversimplification of a complex women’s/feminist/parenting based on your own “slightly envious” stereotypes of other women.
    The worst part is that none of this has Shit to do with Zoloft mom, who seems more concerned with getting the poo off her hands and floor than whatever it is you’re talking about. This is not heavy stuff. Save us the pretension and your personal bias about sacrificing career, money, and personal time vs. sacrificing time at home with family (Oh! And don’t forget about the problem of poverty!), and actually discuss what you read at Zoloft Mom’s site.
    As a regular reader of her blog, it seems to me that you either spent too little time reading her page or you just wanted a reason to vent about your own hang-ups.

  30. That judas priest shit was real, just FYI. Those frickers really did it, and they deserve whatever they get. Also, Ozzy really ate the bat's head, no lie.

  31. What does that mean? WHO deserves whatever they get? I don't understand...

    What is going on in this comments-section? Why with all the question-marks?

    Since when do we owe anybody anything? We aren't obligated to deliver jack-shit, and if Bites feels like venting, she vents - apparently that forces you, the reader, to go completely apeshit and spend WAAAAY too much time yelling about it in the comments.

    You didn't think the review was fair, or good, or whatever the fuck you're going on and on about; we get it. Well done. Now, don't you have some angry letters to write to your congressman or something?

  32. There have been plenty of SAHM's that have submitted blogs for review and you haven't ripped them to shreds. I am wondering what ticked you off so much about this particular one?

    None of the SAHMs that I've reviewed have seemed to lack appreciation for the fact that being a SAHM is a choice they are lucky to have. Their blogs haven't been a bitch fest about how not-pretty and frustrated they are now that their lot in life is to raise a bunch of kids. And yeah, it frustrates and annoys me to read that kind of blog, the kind of blog that is about nothing but your children and/or how difficult it is to do what you are doing.

    Welcome to the world of being a mom. It's a difficult choice. But, no one held you down and impregnated you, and no one forced you to stay at home. You did, however, request that I read and comment on your blog, and when your blog spends a considerable amount of time on this subject, that's what my review is going to be about.

    Your site states that "it is our goal to give bloggers solid, constructive feedback on their blogs."

    I think that my solid, constructive feedback on this blog is this: If you don't like your life, change it. Otherwise, stop bitching about something you chose to do.

    I think you are a little off base on this one.

    I disagree.

    You tell women to "grow some balls" and call them "pussies." It takes no real courage to do what you did to the content of this young woman's blog.

    Oh really? As opposed to the courage it takes to comment anonymously, without an e-mail, any identifying information, and a blog of your own.

    You don't like the review? Boo-fucking-hoo. Being a mom, whether it is a SAHM or a working mom, is not easy. No one ever said it was. But, those of us who are moms, no one put a gun to our head and forced us to take on these responsibilities, either. Most of us did so freely, choosing to be parents.

    You don't get to bitch about the life you choose. If you don't like it, change it, but don't ask me to approve of your take on it. And, if YOU ask for a review, don't bitch when you get what you asked for.

    I don't hate this blog, but I wouldn't read it, because people who complain about their lives, but aren't willing to change them, annoy me. Their blogs annoy me. It's time to stop being a pretty princess and living the life you chose.

    Guess what? There aren't any re-dos.

  33. And, by the way, I don't need anyone to defend me here. If you don't like what I've written, sod off.

  34. I know you don't need defending, sweetheart...I just like yelling at people.

    It's an ugly personality-trait, I'll admit, but I'm coping.


  35. I love your personality, jobber. ;) And sometimes, I like yelling at people, too.



  36. The problem I have with your comments is that you didn't even READ the blog. Maybe you read a page or two, but it is obvious that you didn't look at very much of it - because your take on zoloftmom is COMPLETELY off base. It's laughable, really. The kind of moms you rant against certainly don't blog about their kid shitting on the floor or about the mice in their cupboards. They pretend that stuff doesn't happen.

    You claim to review the blogs, but you don't really read them. Hope you're better at your day job.

    Oh, and my name is ELLEN. Middle name MARIE. I don't have a blog for you to see, and I find it interesting that I can't seem to find one by "love bites" save her "reviews" (I use that term loosely). You seem pretty anonymous to me.

  37. Wow - touch a nerve with the Mommies or what? Look at all the vitriol!
    I was just popping in to say, as a SAHM (who doesn't want to be known as a Mommy blogger - shudder!), hear! hear!
    I, too, grow quite weary of the persistent whining of mommy bloggers, who can't appreciate the suhweet life they have. Btw, where can I get a box of "Shut the Fuck Up"- I'd love to serve some up at my blog!

  38. Dear Defenders of Zoloft Mom:

    Someday, at some point, bloggers much like this one may find themselves in the position of their children discovering what they've written online.

    How do you think your children are going to feel about your "need for connection"? Do you think they are going to understand your perspective? Or do you think they are going to be hurt by it?

    There is a lot happening in the blogosphere these days. I find much of the mommyblogging set and what they write about unsettling to say the least.

    These things you write online...they are't going to go away. The odds are good that they can be found ten years from now. Or five yeras from now. Or one year from now.

    Is waht you are writing about your children something you have their consent to post? Is it something that may cause future harm?

    I think in the harshness of my words, the message has gotten lost. Not only should the blogger in question realize her good fortune in having the privilege to stay at home and raise her children full-time, but she also needs to be aware that her children might someday read what she has written. Is what she has written going to help them, or hurt them?

    I'm not bitter about my choices. Far from it. I like my life, and while I didn't get to choose whether to work or not, I also like being a working mom. But you also aren't going to see me, on my personal blog, spending time ranting about how difficult my life is. There is a sense, when I blog, that I own my own choices.

    The idea that one doesn't own these choices is absurd to me.

    And yes, this is how I really felt about this blog. Take it as you will.

    This is my honest, unvarnished perspective as someone with no emotional interest in this blog, and no axe to grind.

  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

  40. The kind of moms you rant against certainly don't blog about their kid shitting on the floor or about the mice in their cupboards. They pretend that stuff doesn't happen.

    Wrong. The only kind of moms I've ever ranted about (and I've reviewed a huge number of SAHMs on this blog, some of whom I love) are those who act like their choices involve so much sacrifice.

    Wake up and smell the coffee, sweetie. That's what it means to be a mom. Deal.

    I don't get my hair cut often (in fact, the last haircut I got was self-administered, before a business trip). My house is often dirty. My kids have shit on me, puked on me, and peed on me. And I've never once posted a blog about how miserable it comes with the job.

  41. You also may want to keep in mind that these are the moms that we hear about in later years when their children are teenagers, that, Oh My God, they are not the Dad's biological children. Not all of them, mind you. But a good number of them. They are SAHM. They are Cashflow rich, with a lot of time on their hands....and oh doesn't the pool cleaner guy look good today...Hubba Hubba!


  42. So after all of this, I finally went back and read the blog.

    A couple of thoughts to throw into the mix here:

    1. I still second my Amen to Love Bites originally about being frustrated that a lot of SAHMs don't realize how lucky they have it. And that "you picked the man you'd have kids with, you should have picked someone who could support you better" bit - well, that makes me want to scream. But, whatever.

    2. I'm a working mom and my kids puke on me and blah blah blah.


    I blog about it.

    Of course motherhood is a choice. So is every single aspect of our life except some kind of life threatening disease or something. If we didn't blog about our choices, what the hell else would we blog about?

    Choice or not, when I find myself standing in a mixture of cat vomit, spilled oatmeal and baby shit - I'm going to blog about it. And there may be a line something like "HOLY HELL WHAT THE HELL DID I SIGN UP FOR?!?!?!" And probably a fart joke.

    3. After going back and actually reading the blog, I didn't really pick up on the "poor me I have to stay at home" vibe.

    4. What I DID pick up on was the "I have nothing of interest about me except for my kids." And I've always thought THAT is why mommy bloggers get a bad rap. Because OMG, seriously. You're a MOM. So are the rest of us. But you STILL have other things of interest in your life, don't you?

  43. And, yes, proper capitalization is a big deal. Or at least, some kind of attempt at it.

  44. It just keeps going & going, doesn't it?

    Too bad we didn't review this blog on a Monday - it'd be the old news that it is now, but in half the time...

  45. Well Holy Shit.

    Apparently you were asked to review a blog written by the second coming.

    I had no idea there were so many nameless masses out there so quick to defend anybody.

    Hell, this just made me realize how few people really like me or would even half-assedly defend me, let alone spend an entire day bitching about a review that I may have requested from a site that notoriously rips people new holiness.

    I am going to go cry myself to sleep now. First because I don't have this many friends. Second, I'm a mom who has to work and Third? Well hell... I actually have nothing because I'm just not deep enough, feminist enough nor did I marry a man rich enought to let me stay home with my puking kids and apparently that was my choice and I should know that.

  46. 先っちょのドリル具合がいいって言われたw

  47. Wow, that was overkill.

    Your comments on the blog itself were drowned in your searing, envious diatribe bloated with your own personal issues.

    You also chose to have children-- and to work a job on the dayshift. You agreed to take yourself out of their lives and plunk yourself in the middle of a job, or a career. If you are quick to defend your decision because I don't know what lead you to it, then consider the same for a SAHM. Maybe you're a single mother. Maybe you think you need 'nice things'. Maybe you don't realize there are other options outside of the box. I don't know, and I don't really care. You think you have a right to complain but a SAHM should never be tired, sad, upset, or stressed? Get with the fucking program. You have unrealistic ideas of the lives of SAHMs. I'm not saying it sucks ass, just that you inappropriately assume that a mother is not allowed to admit a shortcoming because she chose to become one. Fuck off, nobody's perfect.

    You DO have a choice. I know SAHMs who make ends meet with blog advertisements, selling Avon or Mary Kay or Tupperware, writing and selling books, selling wall art and stock photography, working from a home office as a company consultant.

    I find it bemusing how you can unleash the devil's fury about a woman complaining about being tired, while you yourself complain about your own position in life.

    Welcome to Grownupville.

  48. YOu would so totally be right if I once, even once, complained about being a working mom in my review.

    Bite my left tit, you vicious hag.

  49. I love being a stay at home mom. It's hard sometimes, but when I was a single mom for 13 years and had my kids in day care, that was pretty darned hard too. I will take this job over that one any day of the week.

    That said, it is hard though. There are things that I never thought about when I was a working mom dreaming about staying home. That the very lack of outside interests would drive me nuts sometimes. But I have to say that I daily love my job, I cherish my children, but anyone who thinks that it's a picnic has a mistaken impression of what this is really like. But of course, working moms do have it harder. That's just the way it is. They do our job, plus their other job and most time they do Dad's job too.

    There are a lot of people who are stay at home wastes of time and I despise that. They don't care about the kids, they give us all a black eye. The feed the stereotype. But I don't really see this blogger as that. Maybe it's because I have been guilty of bitching about my own job, here at home.

    I am grateful to see this through the eyes of someone on the other side of the fence. It's good to be able to come back to a point where I cherish my job as SAHM and realize that I am lucky to be here.

    That said, today I wrote a blog post about a possible job description for a SAHM, I would not DARE to write one for a working mom because even though I have been there, it's been a long time and I don't dare write about what I don't know anymore.

    It is possible to love your job and still long for something else on occasion, whether you're a SAHM or a minister or a fortune 500 CEO. It's human nature.

    I love Ask and Ye Shall Receive, you know that, right? Feel free to spank me now. I probably deserve it.

  50. I love you, Jan B., and always have. You inspire me.

    As far as SAHMs go, they mostly don't get on my nerves, but it is a privilege that I never even dreamed of having. I would hate to see someone fail to realize that or even to waste it. Because really, having those years with your's a gift we don't all get.

    I would snatch it away from some of you and take it for myself, if I could.

  51. Hell yes. You scare the hell out of me, and give me tingles all at the same time.
    I am truly grateful to Maria at Immoral Matriarch for sending me your way. This is just the kind of thing I need to read every day. Snark, with, and balls to the wall truth tempered with intelligence and personality.

  52. Well I agree but I contemplate the collection should have more info then it has.


Grow a pair.