Mommy Blogs, Attack

So. Another mommy blog. Another STAY AT HOME Mommy blog.

What to do, what to do? Do I rip her to shreds or love her to pieces?

Let's take wagers, shall we?

Ah, I can't postpone the agony anymore...Are you ready for it?

Whenever I see another mommyblog in the queue, I sigh. I think about rocking mommyblogs we've had in the past, like Here in Idaho or Drunken Housewife. Then, I psych myself up to wade through another morass of boredom, because 9 times out of 10, mommyblogs hoover harder than a hooker on a deadline. [damn! alliteration!]

But not today, bitches. The Immoral Matriarch is what a mommy blog SHOULD be, if there have to be mommyblogs. This is the standard against which all other mommy blogs are measured, and against which 99.9% of them fall short. This blog, in short, rocks me like a hurricane. I'm in the midst of developing a major girl crush, here.

There are boobs! There is lactation! There is gratuitous use of the fuck word! There is multisyllabic writing! There is a woman with thoughts, and strong opinions, and a kick-ass FAQ! There is a fantabulous template! There is dark sarcasm and motherfucking HAIKU, bitches! There is a little too much shit in the sidebar, but after the week I've had, I'm so not in the mood to bitch about a few minor twinkly thingamajigs.

This is blogging, as it should be.

You know, mommybloggers of the world, they didn't remove your brain or your guts or your heart when they took the bun out of the oven. Nor did those organs, hopefully, stop functioning in some kind of frankensteinian chemical reaction to lactation. So, maybe, when you blog about the precociousness of your offspring, you could throw in some of the real shit (like Maria does), and thus, stop sucking.

That would be, like, fucking awesome, ya know.

Maria, I'm sorry to hear that your computer has broken right when I'm about to tell you that I fucking love you.

But I do. I fucking love you, and possibly, I want to have cute multi-ethnic babies with you. I'll even do all the lactating, bitch. ;) You're that awesome.



p.s. Dear readers, if you go there, please plan on spending an hour, minimum. Start with the prologue and work your way through the background before you even hit the posts. It's that good. You are going to want to get this chick drunk on cheap-ass wine and pillage through her brain before you're done...shouting vociferously about immunizations and breasticles all the while.