Monday, June 23, 2008

Motherfucklehead


It’s nothing but a raw deal when a proposed "humour" site pushes its way through our Ask-net on the same morning that I become aware of George Carlin’s passing.

Hey, Canucklehead: Tough luck, sucka.

Immediately, it occurs to me that I’ve had more fun falling ribs-first onto a fence than I was having cobbling together this review; that kneeling on a land-mine would probably be preferable to searching & searching for gold in these howlingly-unfunny posts; that I am, right now, poking razor-sharp BBQ-tongs into that fleshy-area between my belly-button and my nether-regions just to counteract the numbing nothingness of this site.

Google? Firefox? Entrecard? Who fucking cares? Two posts about gambling, another with Father’s Day quotes, and yet another full of books he likes for summertime-reading. Oop, here’s a couple of videos, also, like above, on the front page, and this entire experience is just a bold-fonted, screaming, absolutely text-book example of a bored blogger filling their space with mundanities.

Look at this post, with two horrific grammatical abominations in the first paragraph alone; it’s not like the writing has to be picture-perfect, Canucklehead, but saying "my entire tripped was paid for" just shows a lack of concern for what you're writing, maybe a too-trusting view of the almighty-powers of spellcheck. Also, as a fellow Canucklehead, I find this hackneyed and boring-as-fuck exploration into the oft-mocked "eh?" and other Canadianisms to be as poorly-executed as a dandelion-rope lynching and twice as useless.

I know you feel me, dog (and word to yo’ mutha for doing so), because you’re taking a break, and that’s a very, very good thing. If I thought you would listen to me for even one precious moment, I would implore you to knock-off the relentless whoring and just write. Honestly, do you need a paypal-account for people to buy you a beer? Really? To paraphrase a line from The Simpsons, you’re just cyber-panhandling, sonny-boy - that’s all it is.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready...



...fourth finger withheld due to the common-sense exhibited by the taking of said hiatus.

15 comments:

  1. itchy buddha6/23/2008 12:01 PM

    I would like to quote the author here-

    sad....but true

    he who knows himself best,gets the blessing of the buddha

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, I'm delighted to get the review .. albeit one that seems a tad negative. No need to beat around the bush ... what exactly are you tring to say? Go ahead, I can take it ... the grammar and spelling suggestion is duly noted, and yes - likely ignored. I never have got a red cent from my pandering - but It will remain simply because I enjoy the picture. Anyway, cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Here, Canucklehead, I'll say it: cut off all ten of your fingers. Now. Done yet? Good, now get rid of those toes. Basically, amputate every limb or appendage that could possibly form words on a keyboard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. scratchy budda6/23/2008 12:32 PM

    lucky that he's not drits

    otherwise he'd have to cut off his wee-wee too

    ReplyDelete
  5. I knew George Carlin's death would hit hard to the frequent flyers of "Ask...". I thought of each and every one of you this morning when I heard the news. I also interrupted my husband's shower to tell him. I thought it better that way because I would not be able to notice his hysterical sobbing.

    While I was afraid Nutjobber's review might be influenced by his mourning, I see that I was wrong. It's legit.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 'Too bad he isn't drits'....
    Er, yeah, I suppose (who the hell is 'drits'?)

    anyway....wake me up when september ends...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm glad he has a google search box on there, 'cause I've been looking for one of those.

    Load of bollocks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. On behalf of my entire nation, I would like to apologize for this steaming pile of crap. First Rush, then Celine Dion, now this. We have a lot of fucking atoning to do.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I atone for nothing and WE have nothing to atone for. Some canadians are trash and some canadians are excellent, just like some immigrants are trash and-

    Hmm.

    I'm assuming Drits is me, since I'm the butt of the cutting jokes. I'm also then left to assume that Buddha is a true and genuine failure for being unable to spell my name correctly, especially since I pretentiously sign every comment I leave.

    But let me suggest this - perhaps the sense of futility and despair that saturates my writing stems from an all too complete awareness that blogs like Canucklehead's do exist.

    In that light, unable to ignore such offenses, a chronic frustration and rage seems almost mandatory.

    My solution is thus. Rather than issue thumbnail pics of a flaming middle finger, for blogs like this one we should hencefore email to them directly a full size, hi-def, professional shot photo of my cock dipped in caramel sauce.

    Nobody would dare submit a trash blog again, and we'd all be spared the pain.

    That said and solved, I have no solution for Buddha. Thoughts?

    ~ Driz

    ReplyDelete
  10. annoyed buddha6/24/2008 2:57 AM

    no driz, the buddha isn't gay but he still loves you

    internal joke
    the one who was supposed to notice has already prayed to buddha about it

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dritz, if you'll send out a picture of your cock dipped in caramel sauce, I'll submit my blog to this site!

    That's a big deal because I've sworn to never do that. I know what they'd do to me, and I can't handle rejection of that magnitude.

    Maybe it's really true, though. Everybody has a price?

    Oh, and by the way, budda, if you had asked, I would have told you the trouble you get into around here if you misspell a name.

    Isn't that right, Jubbles?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Brutal. Like up the ass with no lube brutal.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Up the ass with hot sauce lube brutal. And richly deserved.

    ReplyDelete
  14. There's nothing gay about cocks and caramel sauce... is there?

    *worried*

    I gotta go talk to my pastor. I might have SSAD.

    ~ Driz

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  15. Driz, worry not: dipping one's cock in caramel is in a three-way tie with ordering pea-snaps on pizza & watching Ellen as the least gay thing in the world...

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.