Thursday, July 03, 2008

Jesus, drive it home

Twice Infinity is one of those made up phrases you repeat over and over in your head, trying to grasp it's meaning, if any exists. Twice Infinity is something that you have to concentrate on to do the same.

This is a blog which says it focuses on religion, science and politics and the relationship between them. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

On the face of it, we're in trouble here, there is nothing non-generic about it, the template is out of the box, the header is stock photo standard fare and Matt is a lucky chap I'm being paid twice infinite zero to read it, or else I'd have been out of there like a rat up a drainpipe.

Onwards and upwards, this is a blog that the author really cares about. It is uber-focussed on its topic, he's recently renovated it and spent time wording his about page which references his -wait for it, manifesto.

You can tell that a lot of care and craft and thought goes into almost every post. Impressively, he manages to tackle an things like philosophy without sounding pretentious, even raising a faint curl to my lips.

Despite my initial lack of interest, some of the entries were quite enjoyable, to the point of making me think...shudder at the thought.

When I saw there was a manifesto, I was ready for a dump truck of opinions, but it never really materialised. Matt stops a bit short of the knockout blow. He's intelligent and he's articulate, no doubt about it, but I just missed the vital 'burn in hell (or a laboratory) forever' element.

Matt, you approach your blog like I want it to be as a reader, content is king, you write well, you're informed and are focussed on your audience. That gives me the horn.

The down side is attraction, the template and header is bland and the same as a billion other blogs, the majority of which you are better than. I'm not saying give us nipples, but something slightly more unique and identifiable would make a difference. With such a specific range of topics, your audience is always going to be limited, so give yourself some chance of getting them in the door.

Also, while I'm cautious about encouraging a change in style, I think you're just missing the bullseye on your posts, don't be afraid to slam home an opinion.
Feel free to offend some people even, don't worry, Darwin will forgive you.

You are better than a one, but I'm not sure about the two, mmmm, aaaaahm, oh go on then, for some decent evolution, without the big bang:

80 comments:

  1. Father Gene, you nailed this review.

    I like this guy, and I want to go back and read his blog, but the Father is right. (Saying that like that gives me chills.) There are posts that will require me to be sitting down and concentrating without SpongeBob playing in the background.

    I think Father Gene is right (there I go again) by saying that Matt should go just a little deeper. I realize that maybe it's intentional to keep his blog neutral so that readers are more able to form unbiased opinions, but if he showed a little more passion the blog would immediately feel a little less sterile.

    And who is he? Did I miss a personal page? I now know he's a Christian with some common sense and some major intelligence, but that's it. I'd like to know more.

    The template is boring, yes. That doesn't bother me. My only real problem with his layout is that horrible link to read more. I hate that. I realize this is just a personal preference, but I hate it. I clicked once. Let me read you. I just might not be in the mood to click again. Normally, I won't bother.

    While I don't know how often I'll go back, I know that I will. I guess that's good enough!

    (I am waiting anxiously to see what a certain someone here thinks of this blog. I think I'm even giddy about it, and it's just sad... and a little creepy.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with both Mr. Shafer & Mr. Einstein on one solitary point, and that’s usage of the term "religion". Though science can and, possibly, should be shot through the prism of morality, said morality is not the sole property of religious ideology; a doctrine, in and of itself, is an idea taught as a truth, and, as such, cannot be used in conjunction with the "search for truth".

    Ethics/morality can be, and frequently is, separate from religion, a two-headed beast that governs itself rather than adhering to that specific dogma of "faith".

    Of course, that’s a personal opinion from an atheist bastard... thank fuck we have a Father on the team here at Ask, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've done enough thinking for 6 months off the back of this, don't make my face explode.

    I really need a really bad blog to review by the way. I have many years of celibacy induced frustration to release.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Man am I glad you got this one, Father Gene. I'd have just stared at it in consternation because there's no way I could have come up with a cogent review. And I'm realizing that I don't read a lot of serious blogs, unless you count a few feminist or sex blogs (yes, sex is serious). This probably says a lot about me.

    But I couldn't agree more with the review. There's something to be said for focus, craftsmanship, and dedication.

    Also? My brain hurts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. True: I'm looking forward to an evisceration, Good Father-style.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Calamity, you do make me titter so.

    Serious feminist blogs.

    Even my housekeeper's shoulders are shaking.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gene, don't make me go all manifesto on you.

    Ah, who am I kidding. My manifesto would include things like, "It's the boy's job to take out the trash and open doors and make me cum first."

    ReplyDelete
  8. The boy and I often argue about the same points...

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm sorry, I couldn't make it through two posts. As a recovering Southern Baptist, any sentence that includes oxymorons like religion and science in the same sentence, with a serious face, makes me gag.

    I actually like the template ALOT better than the content. But that's just because I hate baby Jesus and make him cry daily.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Please don't ever make me read it again. I think I have religion-induced post traumatic stress disorder.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I once stepped on Baby Jesus' hand with a golf-shoe, and he's surprisingly resilient...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I still say we fire Father Gene. He can't even fucking spell 'focused.' His reviews read like stale, day-old coffee, which, while not dissimilar to Love Bites, lacks the caricature of personality and unbridled insecurity of LB.

    We can laugh with, and laugh at, LB. With Father Gene, I just want to roll up a newspaper and smack him with it until he stops making noise.

    So in review: LOL > MEH, any day of the week. Fire this trash on grounds of failing to endear himself to me correctly.

    ~ Driz

    ReplyDelete
  13. Is that the royal 'we' Driz...?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think you'll find newspapers don't work on Father Gene. The power of Christ compels him, though.

    ReplyDelete
  15. and newspaper my hole...

    woe-is-me weekly more fucking like

    ReplyDelete
  16. Baby Jesus jokes always make me want to tell a version of "The Aristocrats".

    Also, I must commend our intrepid in-house review-reviewer Driz for his opinions and unrelenting attack on all things Ask; I will send you that picture of my cock, sir, though it will be accoutrement-less due to the fact that cocks dipped in caramel-sauce is, like, super gay.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maybe if you dip it in something more manly, like Tabasco? Or A-1?

    ReplyDelete
  18. ...or a vagina, occasionally

    ReplyDelete
  19. I could dip it in a bear-trap?

    Something painful & stupid? That's fucking manly.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Pshaw, Calamity. Real men dip their wicks in Crystal's Hot Sauce, as your fiance told me recently over oysters.

    Baby Jesus may someday be metal. I'll like him better then.

    Driz has all the seriousness of an overly earnest college wankster who feels he's an intellectual because he avoided joining a frat and he knows a few big words. Don't you have some roommates you could kill to add interest to your commentary?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hah! Maybe baby jesus BECAME metal because of people like me and you, jobber. Thinking about that evolution makes my brain hurt, though.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Baby Jesus will never be metal; the best he can hope for is porcelain.

    Also, for the record, I am typing this while dipping my cock into a bowl of Frank's Red Hot and, I'll tell you, it still feels pretty gay...of course, having the guy next-door "give me a hand" doesn't help.

    ReplyDelete
  23. How offensive do you think this is going to get, Bites?

    I mean, if prompted, we could really do some damage with the various sinners and malcontents on this site...tee hee hee.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Driz:

    Get back to us when you've dipped your cock in something less gay than caramel sauce or your roommate's ass.

    ReplyDelete
  25. How offensive? Offensive enough to make baby Jesus cry. A LOT.

    ReplyDelete
  26. baby Jesus would want to grow the fuck up

    ReplyDelete
  27. Baby Jesus was crying when he told me that I should skin cats, but they were tears of joy because I listened, not because he felt bad for the cats.

    Baby Jesus: cat-skinner.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have a feeling that Baby Jesus would want us to grow the fuck up, but except for that one time involving cats, I really don't listen to Baby Jesus...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Baby Jesus told me to like gay men, but I had to make an exception for Driz.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I once caught Baby Jesus giving Santa Clause a handjob. God was holding the camera. Sadly, this scene was still more believable than Scientology as a 'real' religion.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I once had a baseball-bat that I named Jesus, but I broke it's neck, so I got a bigger bat that I named God, but I broke its neck too...now I don't believe in Jesus, God or wooden-bats.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I believe in wooden bats and power tools. I met two women at a batchelor party that had rather creative applications for both. Now if they could find a way to get Baby Jesus and God to do a three way with a horse, I might reconsider my beliefs.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Baby Jesus gave me a back-rub and told me to vote republican...which was weird 'cause I'm Canadian.

    Either way, to my relief, Baby Jesus told me he was kidding; nobody votes republican anymore except for Love Bites.

    Oh, no I didn't!

    [snaps fingers]

    ReplyDelete
  34. Once I drop-kicked a republican. Or was it Baby Jesus? I think there was a cross involved...drop kicked, crucified, what's the difference? Either way we're defying gravity.

    Shit, my stigmata is acting up again.

    ReplyDelete
  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Baby Jesus told me that one of our reviewees this week has a pole up her ass. And, he put it there. He's a bit of a freaky boy, that Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  37. p.s. Baby Jesus told me that he kicked Obama out of his church like a football, headed towards the goal posts.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm surprised Baby Jesus talks to lapsed Southern Baptists. But maybe the Republican thing got you an "in."

    Either way, the Flying Spaghetti Monster told me Obama was just using that kick to get sympathy votes from atheists and Jews.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Was this before or after I had a three way with Obama and God?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Baby Jesus shit on Obama's chest, voted Nader, and then found a taco that looked just like me.

    ReplyDelete
  41. ....You people disgust me.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Mel Gibson only hates jews because Baby Jesus speaks with a lisp and once had an unpleasant experience with "juice".

    ReplyDelete
  43. Dipped their wick is from Shakespeare in Love. I don't know any Baby Jesus jokes, but I do like to exclaim "Christ on a cracker!" when I'm surprised, which doesn't go over well at work. And I like Father Gene, as long as he understands that I will space out during homilies unless he has props.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wow.

    I was expecting to be utterly torn apart.

    I was pleasantly surprised. Apparently I'm not awful. Your comments were helpful.

    Glad I made you think. That's the point.

    [PS: I am now mentally scarred, possibly permanently impaired, from reading the comments above. Some of you people scare me.]

    ReplyDelete
  45. Baby Jesus also once had a problem with dipping his wick in caramel-sauce, which explains the gay-ass lisp.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Baby Jesus just gave Matt the thumbs-up for taking the review like a champ, but then he got into the bourbon and peed in Margaret Thatcher's eye.

    Baby Jesus: a study in polarities.

    ReplyDelete
  47. 3 reviews and not one death threat.

    I can't decide if I should be pleased or not.

    Ignore the rest of them Matt.

    Soulless mongrel societal faeces that they are.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I heard that, one time, back in the day, Baby Jesus picked up a flatbed-truck and crushed an orphanage full of pagan children; I asked him about it recently, and Baby Jesus laughed it off, saying, "no, no...they weren't pagan children, just regular, innocent children".

    I called him a "prankster Jesus", and he stopped laughing and just nodded very ominously.

    ReplyDelete
  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I think Loki might have a thing or two to discuss with Baby Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Baby Jesus has a hard-on for killing innocent children. Also, his favorite color is chartreuse.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Baby Jesus: gayer than five cocks dipped in caramel-sauce.

    ReplyDelete
  53. One time, Loki and Baby Jesus were engaged in a cuddly round of queer fisticuffs, and Baby Jesus clocked Loki in the balls to thunderous applause, drew a firey "BJ" on his chest with his eyes, and Loki passed out and woke up with the clap.
    Gonorrhea = inspiration for Ragnarok.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Baby Jesus thinks Sylvester Stallone is sophisticated and eats barbed-wire for breakfast.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Baby Jesus shits bacon and bleeds moonshine.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I just ate Baby Jesus and he tasted like pork-rinds.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Pork rinds give indigestion, but I'll bet Baby Jesus gives you a rainbow hangover.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Baby Jesus is lounging in my colon.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Baby Jesus once ate 14 balls of yarn at one sitting; he said that hanging out in my colon reminded him of that, for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Baby Jesus can knit a sweater with his ass. In rainbow colors.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Baby Jesus is covered in a very fine fuzz, and when he gets really angry he sweats mercury.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Driz's eyeliner etched scrawlings for unrequited affection are starting to sound entertaining

    ReplyDelete
  63. When Driz scrawls my name on his thighs with a razor blade and stands outside my house with a boombox over his head playing "In Your Eyes," I might start paying attention.

    ReplyDelete
  64. p.s. I need validation. Someone go and enjoy my insults, en francais, here.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Nope. I'm holding out for ass pictures.

    ReplyDelete
  66. ....whispers...

    Baby Jesus thinks you're all fuckers

    ReplyDelete
  67. Baby Jesus told us what you did to him behind the altar, Father Gene.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I confess to almighty God ...yada yada yada... I'm forgiven.

    Who's got the tequila?

    ReplyDelete
  69. I'd offer you mine, Father, but I'm a little gunshy after you drank the last bottle out of my belly-button while I was passed-out.

    "Try this wine" indeed, Gene.

    ReplyDelete
  70. quit whinging, you don't hear the other alter boys complaining.

    ReplyDelete
  71. It's hard to complain when their mouths are full...

    ReplyDelete
  72. Full?

    well flattery will get you everywhere

    ReplyDelete
  73. Touché, sir...I believe you get the points on that take-down.

    Hey, who's keeping track of these things, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  74. I think the only ones left are us, gary glitter, and lucifer.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Well, Lucifer owes me; HE can keep score.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I leave work for a couple of beers and come back and you guys are still playing spin the bottle?

    Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  77. For an entire year I've been surrounded by homeschooling mothers who put shit on their taglines like "With love in Him."

    Man, I love you crazy people. You bring joy. Even Jesus is laughing.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.