Ask And Ye Shall Receive

172 Comments:

At 7/11/2008 7:42 AM,  Chris in Happy Valley said...

Slagging off your countryman? Isn't that treason?

You know what I like? A cup of milky lukewarm tea and a rocket and American cheese sandwich while I watch Antiques Roadshow. Sometimes the rocket is a bit too zesty, however, so I just stick with the cheese singles.

That's what this blog is like - Canadian cheese singles.

 

At 7/11/2008 8:00 AM,  Angel said...

It reads like, I don't know, like maybe his lithium dosage is a tad too high. Possibly numb from the neck up? You can tell he's probably a good guy, but something killed his creativity.

Screw it, I can't even lie to myself about it. The dude is DULL. I'm terribly afraid this may be the best he has, guys.

 

At 7/11/2008 9:15 AM,  Calamity said...

I've abandoned this blog. Utterly.

 

At 7/11/2008 9:41 AM,  Love Bites said...

Potty mouths!

 

At 7/11/2008 9:49 AM,  ghost of keywork said...

Canada: Stop exporting, plz. Sorry, NJ, but this type of shit makes me want to go buy a Bryan Adams album. And listen to it.

 

At 7/11/2008 9:54 AM,  Nutjobber said...

At least you people can get away from it - I live in a place where people are proud of fucking Alanis Morissette & Avril Lavigne.

"Neil Young?" I say, hopefully.

"Who? Oh, you mean Sum 41?" they reply, directly before I throw myself off a bridge.

Sorry; that should read "directly before I throw them off a bridge".

 

At 7/11/2008 10:14 AM,  Saskboy said...

"They" assigned a Canadian explicitly? "They" were probably afraid they couldn't get their heads around the Canadian blogging experience, eh? ;-)

Yes, I agree my blog's been bland as of late. I haven't had many moose stroll through the back yard, and no families who fell through the ice got rescued in the last few weeks. I'll do my best to clean up my bANALity for you especially :-D Would you like some rhubarb crisp?

 

At 7/11/2008 10:23 AM,  Nutjobber said...

Somebody get a note to the mewling crybabies we've had wailing & moaning as of late: take a look at Saskboy's response to his review, and shut your collective fucking mouths.

Good on you, Saskboy. Now, all you have to do is euthanize your blog...

 

At 7/11/2008 10:43 AM,  Love Bites said...

"They" assigned a Canadian explicitly? "They" were probably afraid they couldn't get their heads around the Canadian blogging experience, eh? ;-)

Actually, we are a multi-national crew. But, I think the boredom might have killed off the Americans. NJ is the only one with enough innate resistance to the banality of Canuckistan to be able to handle it.

There really is a serious sucking sound from up north most of the time. You're lucky you have NJ to provide a shining example that not all Canuckistanians are boring fucks who write about curling.

 

At 7/11/2008 10:45 AM,  Love Bites said...

I think they must feed y'all a non-stop diet of Avril, Shania, and Celine as toddlers in order to enable you to tolerate the drab insulated dullness of daily life in Canada without offing yourselves.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:06 AM,  Nutjobber said...

Surprisingly, I've never quite thought about it in those terms, but I think you're right: I am, indeed, the greatest thing about Canada.

Many thanks for helping me to this realization, Bites; I shall send you a Nelly Furtado CD to destroy at your leisure.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:07 AM,  Saskboy said...

Love Bites, I can only hope you visit Canada one day so that your eyes are opened to the land of beaver tails, and loonies.

"You're lucky you have NJ to provide a shining example that not all Canuckistanians are boring fucks who write about curling."

Silly multi-national, curling isn't in season in July. It's CFL time.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:16 AM,  Rassles said...

Don't completely hate on Canada, I mean, they gave us Kids in the Hall and Trailer Park Boys.

Even fucking all-American Jack Bauer is a dirty pucklover, 'eh?

 

At 7/11/2008 11:20 AM,  ghost of keywork said...

Look, I like hockey and hot lesbians just as much as the next guy, I just wish Canada would stick to their guns. More hockey and lesbians, plz.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:28 AM,  Love Bites said...

CFL?

Canadians Farting Loudly?
Canuckistanians Fetching Lollypops?
Canaweenies Fucking Live?

Nah, that last one is way too interesting to be on Canadian television.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:29 AM,  Love Bites said...

p.s. Lies bloggers tell themselves,

"I'm not usually this boring."

 

At 7/11/2008 11:32 AM,  Nutjobber said...

Hockey's as gay as lesbianism.

Also, though I'm not backing off of my proclamation of "Nutjobber is the Greatest Canadian", we did manage to spawn both Phil Hartman & basketball.

CFL: Curtly Fucking Lions. I mean, how else would you fuck a lion?

 

At 7/11/2008 11:36 AM,  ghost of keywork said...

I don't think being 'coy' would be an option when bedding a lion.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:39 AM,  Love Bites said...

Canachuckles Frolicking Liberally

(Freaking socialists)

 

At 7/11/2008 11:47 AM,  Rassles said...

When lions fuck, do they do so unsheathed?

 

At 7/11/2008 11:58 AM,  Calamity said...

All I know is, I blame Canada. But the bacon's not bad.

 

At 7/11/2008 11:59 AM,  Calamity said...

Re: lions, coitus is brief and perfunctory.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:03 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Conservatives Fighting Liberalism.

...And just 'cause we got Bush-Lite in power up here, think of it as nothing more then a temporary lapse in Canadian judgment; Christ, it took the incumbent liberal Prime Minister accepting bribes for the conservatives to win the next election, and, even then, they won by a margin as slight as your typical-conservative's hold on reality...

Burn, Bites? Ooooh, burn.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:09 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Like gonorrhea, that really must burn.

@Calamity: I guess that would make you the duty expert.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:09 PM,  Love Bites said...

I think my fanny's stinging.

I don't think I've ever seen an unsheathed lion penis.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:09 PM,  Love Bites said...

Question:

In Canada, do restrooms say, "Potty Room" on the doors?

 

At 7/11/2008 12:10 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

So, you have seen a sheathed lion penis. I am so not going back to the zoo. Ever.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:11 PM,  Calamity said...

Wait, they have restrooms? Not just holes in the ice?

 

At 7/11/2008 12:11 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

I think the bathrooms have signs like "Remember our good neighbours to the south".

 

At 7/11/2008 12:15 PM,  Father Gene said...

I do love some beaver.

I think this guy could be a genius.

This is like a Ricky Gervais take on a blog, no?

 

At 7/11/2008 12:23 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Bathrooms in Canada are just the same as you've got in the Americas, folks - the little inuit-fellow who hands you a pair of snowshoes while you exchange pleasantries, usually culminating in an awkward "how aboot those Leafs, eh?" Then, it's on to the bacon-eating circle-jerk while watching Catherine O'Hara & Eugene Levy make-out in A Mighty Wind.

It's the same in Canada as it is everywhere else, you guys.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:28 PM,  Love Bites said...

Keywork:

I've seen an unsheathed giant tortoise penis at the zoo. You know what's really fun? Explaining to your children, and the grandparents, what those two turtles are doing, exactly.

And the noises...

*shudder*

 

At 7/11/2008 12:28 PM,  Formerly Fun said...

This is the guy that never gets laid because he can't get past the friend stage. "Hey, I'll make you a Rhubarb pie and we can watch 28 Days. Do you want to see my radish?"

milquetoast

 

At 7/11/2008 12:42 PM,  Saskboy said...

FFun, you can fantasize all you want about my radishes, but you'll have to stick to playing with your beautiful California Girls, I'm spoken for.

I must say, I'm a little disappointed in all the Canada cliche stuff going on in the comments here. You'd think y'all had never talked about a lion in a condom before.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:43 PM,  Calamity said...

Did a Canadian just say "y'all"?

 

At 7/11/2008 12:50 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

That's not right.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:51 PM,  Rassles said...

Sask, what are you talking aboot? Condoms? I meant claws.

Potty mouth.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:54 PM,  Saskboy said...

Condom isn't potty talk, silly.

What, you don't teach your lions safe sex in America?

 

At 7/11/2008 12:56 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

That was a low blow. You know the state of our education system down here.

 

At 7/11/2008 12:59 PM,  Rassles said...

Our lions are known for extravagant carelessness. They're the cause for feline HIV.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:00 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Our lions could totally kick Canadian Lion ass. You like apples?

 

At 7/11/2008 1:06 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

Canada is like Narnia, right?

 

At 7/11/2008 1:11 PM,  Saskboy said...

Canada is like Narnia, right?

Only in that both have currency more valuable than the American dollar. THAT was a low blow (and also right now not true, as the C$ is a bit below the greenback).

 

At 7/11/2008 1:14 PM,  Rassles said...

No, Narnia is real, and Canada is just this mythical land where lions practice safe sex, everyone wears flannel, the policemen are mounted, and men with thick, naughtily arched eyebrows write fancy diatribes on boring blogs.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:14 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

You see, you NEARLY pulled that off.

Apologising for the nice slagging off of yankland ruined it.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:21 PM,  Saskboy said...

Oh oh, I was called boring again. If I keep being insulted by people on the Internet, I might start to get my feelings hurt.

"Apologising for the nice slagging off of yankland ruined it."

Sorry, my turn to buy into Canadian cliches, eh?

 

At 7/11/2008 1:22 PM,  Love Bites said...

The U.S. once conquered Canada with a troop of girl scouts, but we kept it on the down low so the Canadians wouldn't cry.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:24 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

They were really pissed when they discovered the only oil to be had was on Celine Dion's face.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:27 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

What with their floppy heads and beady eyes and such.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:27 PM,  Rassles said...

Andy crazy mispronunciation. Get your own language.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:29 PM,  Nutjobber said...

"Girl scouts?" I thought they were called "draft-dodgers".

Either way, you shouldn't have left so many flags over here; by the time we ran out, we had to start burning our own to keep warm.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:31 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I once asked a guy in Buffalo to define "sentimental" for me, and he said, "oh, that means you're half-crazy."

 

At 7/11/2008 1:35 PM,  Saskboy said...

Yeah, I'll get right on that own language thing, since ENGLISH seems to be taken by ... Australians.

I'll make a deal. When Michigonians stop saying "ruff" for "roof", Americans will stop mishearing "about" as "aboot"?

==

"The U.S. once conquered Canada with a troop of girl scouts, but we kept it on the down low so the Canadians wouldn't cry."

I guess you missed how chocolate lady Laura Secord single handedly gave the American invaders their butts wrapped in foil and called them Kisses. Thus was born both the expression "kiss your ass goodbye", and the famous Hershey's Kisses. Unfortunately Girl Scouts had more experience with unhealthy junk food. You can't blame Canada for liking the trans fat.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:36 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

I nodded off during that last comment...

 

At 7/11/2008 1:36 PM,  Calamity said...

Buffalo? The stupid leaked over from Canada and infected him.

Mississippians have no such excuse, however.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:39 PM,  Rassles said...

I thought the sentimental were half-crazy?

 

At 7/11/2008 1:39 PM,  Nutjobber said...

We are a leaky people...hell, that stupid in Buffalo actually slid all the way from Quebec.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:44 PM,  Rassles said...

How the hell did it survive the Falls? Stupid is resilient.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:47 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Frogs are blockheads.

 

At 7/11/2008 1:57 PM,  Rassles said...

So it's French slipping in. I thought that shit was quarantined in Quebec. It'd be easier for Buffalo if you could be a soft-skulled peoples, like the Swiss.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:12 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Ah, the Swiss: if blond-hair was money they'd rule the world... but if stupid was cash, it'd be all Buffalo, baby.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:15 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Know who else is stupid? New Mexico.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:16 PM,  Love Bites said...

They make some damn good wings up there, though.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:17 PM,  Love Bites said...

New Mexico's stupid leaked up from Mexico. But Cal is right, Mississippi's belongs to Mississippi.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:17 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Alaska's full of dummies, and the Japanese couldn't think themselves out of a cardboard box... and don't even get me started on Trinidadians.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:18 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

Don't get me started on the thick fucking Irish

 

At 7/11/2008 2:19 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I have heard Mississippi referred to as "America's Crotch".

True?

 

At 7/11/2008 2:21 PM,  Calamity said...

True, Jubblies. Alabama is its gall bladder. And El Paso is its armpit.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:22 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

Dunno about America's crotch, but if the states needed colonic irrigation, it's where they'd shove the hose...

 

At 7/11/2008 2:22 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Rio de Janeiro was voted "Armpit of the Universe" last year, and Winnipeg is changing its name to "Fuckwit City" and filling its town-square with custard and troglodytic children educated in North Dakota.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:23 PM,  Nutjobber said...

It's unfortunate I didn't see your comment, Calamity, before I made-up the "Armpit of the Universe" award.

Shit.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:25 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Florida: The Herpes on America's Shlong.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:25 PM,  Rassles said...

Here in Chicago, we're all tits.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:29 PM,  Rassles said...

Doncha think Rio seems more like the Crotch-Pit of the Universe...

 

At 7/11/2008 2:30 PM,  Calamity said...

Florida chafes and is so moist. Not to mention that smell of oranges and corruption.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:30 PM,  Love Bites said...

I feel great pride in being a resident of America's taint.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:31 PM,  Love Bites said...

Rio is the Athlete's foot-infested big toe of the universe.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:37 PM,  Saskboy said...

I'm not sure whether I should let y'all amuse yourselves, or interject some more to see what comes of it.

I've reviewed your review by the way. Enjoy. Or not.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:38 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

"y'all" ?

you must be from Southern Canada then....

 

At 7/11/2008 2:39 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Oooh, goody: I LOVE review-reviews.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:41 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I give your review-review a "meh".

If, however, you had just literally posted a picture of a slighty-buttered piece of toast, it would have been KILLER.

Instead, meh.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:42 PM,  Calamity said...

Sask, I would have liked your blog a smidge more had that little green plant-y thing behind your head been weed. I thought it was at first and was overjoyed, but sadly, it's a sad, broken little flower. Much like me now. Sad. Broken. Sober.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:51 PM,  Love Bites said...

I was hoping for tears or some drama we could sink our collective teeth into.

Your blog = styrofoam. I've said it before, but never was it more true.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:51 PM,  Nutjobber said...

And nice - don't foget nice, Calamity.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:52 PM,  Love Bites said...

Laurie Kendrick, for instance, sucks almost as much at blogging as you do, but she was at least able to stir up some damn fine drama.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:52 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Who else can we pick on?

Where's Xbox?

 

At 7/11/2008 2:52 PM,  Love Bites said...

Calamity is the nicest of the not-nice.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:53 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Laurie Kendrick sucks almost as bad as Olympia, Washington.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:53 PM,  Calamity said...

Surely by now that goes without saying. I mean, obviously I'm nice. And easy.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:53 PM,  Love Bites said...

God, this week has made me nostalgic for both Laurie AND George. Laurie's drama spilled over onto at least 4 ADDITIONAL blogs. That's some hard shit to top right there.

And, we got keywork out of the proposition too, which kinda owns.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:54 PM,  Love Bites said...

Shit, Laurie Kendrick sucks as hard as BREMERTON, Washington.

And that's some hard suckee right there.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:54 PM,  Love Bites said...

Calamity,

You're so damn nice & easy that butterflies shoot out of your ass during sex.

You're so damn nice & easy that you have a hair color named after you.

Hee!

 

At 7/11/2008 2:55 PM,  Nutjobber said...

THAT'S where Keywork came from?

Holy shit - talk about finding a gold-nugget in a steaming, heaping, self-glorifying, diseased pile of grade-A, top-of-the-line horseshit.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:55 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

I've been here popping up every 20 comments or so but you've just ignored me.

Bastards.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:55 PM,  Saskboy said...

"you must be from Southern Canada then...."

90% of us are, including me.
I prefer to think of myself as more of a westerner though. And I'm laying the y'alls on you thick because you seem to like it, even though I only type it and never say it.

Nutjobber, you try finding a photo of "slightly" buttered toast on the Internet, then I'll accept your "Meh" at face value.

==

Calamity, you're not the first person confused by the partial prairie lily. Why do you like pot more than flowers?

 

At 7/11/2008 2:56 PM,  Calamity said...

The butterflies are a neat trick, aren't they? Right up there with the swirly tongue.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:56 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Calamity's so nice that she thinks in rainbows and burps the Sesame Street theme-song.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:57 PM,  Love Bites said...

Yes, Keywork came here to chastize us for being big meanies to Laurie, and never left.

Heh.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:58 PM,  Love Bites said...

Seriously, Cal, I wish I had butterfly butt. All that ever comes out of my butt during sex is...

Oh, nevermind.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:58 PM,  prayingtodarwin said...

This blog angered me greatly. Here's the thing: I've done my time in Saskatchewan. I married into it, I lived there for 5 years, there is a really really good chance Saskboy and I have some mutual acquaintances. Dude, that place is chock fucking full of interesting shit. Take your pick: a town called Climax, a chocolate milk called Vico with a rabidly loyal fan base, a town on the border that put up giant horse ankle bone as their town symbol (at night, when it's lit from the inside, it looks EXACTLY like a giant penis). For god's sakes, if you're really hard up, there's the farmer who stalked Anne Murray.

Saskatchewan is the Arkansas of Canada. The humor is right fricking there, waiting for you to exploit it. And you choose to do nothing with it. I am now making the internationally recognized throat sound of disgust (loosely translated, it comes out as "ghaw!", but with more phlegm).

 

At 7/11/2008 2:58 PM,  The Grumpy Voter said...

Hmmmm, potty talk.

I have to defend my fellow Saskatchewanikan your bubble-eyed clunt of a reviewer reviewed, well, predictably. I don't know what it is about blogs like "Ask And Ye Shall Receive" that makes me believe we are all gathering to hear the four horsemen of the apocalypse fast approaching. I make this comment because it occurs to me that reviewers at this skid mark of a blog *Ask And Ye Shall Receive" have less than nothing better to do than embrace their inner emo or worse, abuse solvents - perhaps it is in the act of solvent abuse that reviewers find nirvana. God knows they'd have to get out of their mother's basements long enough to let the sun bring some color to their pale emo skin, but no, can't do that - gotta bitch slap another blog, conduct another review in which they transpose their own laughable self loathing on the rest of the world.

Perhaps it is a statement on the decline of our culture - we gather in throngs to watch reality television shows that celebrate the absolute worst aspects of humanity and we call that entertainment. Perhaps it is because people like reviewers at "Ask and Ye Shall Receive" come from fatherless homes, or maybe "mommy threatened to cut it off" a bit too much if they kept touching themselves during the salad days of pre-adolescence. I will close my review of Ask And Ye Shall Receive's review of Abandoned Stuff By Saskboy by affirming their right to pollute cyberspace with a thousand and one ways to say "fuck" "shit stain" or "homo" because I'm a democratic kinda guy. It's important that sites like this exist - to remind us of what our culture has become in it's dying hours.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:59 PM,  Love Bites said...

Calamity is so nice that fairies sprinkle pixie dust on her keyboard when she's blogging.

She's so nice that you can lick her words right off the screen and they taste like bubblegum.

 

At 7/11/2008 2:59 PM,  Calamity said...

Bites, you were going to say lube, weren't you? No?

 

At 7/11/2008 3:00 PM,  Love Bites said...

@ Darwin:

In the taint of the U.S., we pronounce that sound as Pshaw, with emphasis on the p.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:00 PM,  Love Bites said...

Butterscotch lube, to be specific.

hahahahahahha

 

At 7/11/2008 3:01 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Did you call me a "clunt"?

What's a "clunt"?

 

At 7/11/2008 3:01 PM,  Love Bites said...

Wait! I nearly missed it!

Skatch has brought us a troll. A really nice, long-winded troll.

Ah, Skatch. You shouldn't have, but I'm so damn glad you did! Hostess gifts are the best.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:03 PM,  Love Bites said...

A clunt is skaska speak for pussy, which he ain't getting.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:04 PM,  Nutjobber said...

All right, so, what - are you auditioning for a spot among the elite, Grumpy Gus, or what?

Glad you spent so much time missing the point, though; must really burn you up inside to get to all that effort and have it come off as making no difference whatsoever.

It's okay; I forgive you.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:06 PM,  Calamity said...

Four horsemen? Can I be Conquest? Please? She has the best outfit.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:08 PM,  The Grumpy Voter said...

Passes the solvent to reviewers of Ask And Ye Shall Receive:

"None for me thanks, I haven't lived in my mom's basement since 1985."

 

At 7/11/2008 3:08 PM,  Saskboy said...

prayingtodarwin are you talking to me, or the Ask crew?

If to me, you need to do more than skim the first page of my blog.

Grumpy, thanks for the defense, but it's alright, I asked for the review and whatever came of it, I'm just having fun, no hurt feelings, really.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:11 PM,  The Grumpy Voter said...

>>Grumpy, thanks for the defense, but it's alright, I asked for the review and whatever came of it, I'm just having fun, no hurt feelings, really.<<

Rider pride, ya bastard. Also, are you having problems with weeds (the legal kind) in your garden this year - it's bad in the Toon.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:12 PM,  Rassles said...

Is it just me, did Grumpy Voter aptly name himself?

 

At 7/11/2008 3:12 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

yes, he hasn't missed a ballot since 1976

 

At 7/11/2008 3:15 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Oh, woe; woe is me!

Say hello to the apocalypse for me, gramps. I'll be too busy slitting my wrists in my mother's basement while I curse my alcholoic father for beating me into submission lo those many pain-filled years ago...can you even believe I have the emotional wherewithal to live after such a loathsome & traumatic upbringing?

Thank GOD I have shitty blogs to rip on; at least then I have somewhere for this massive swelling of self-hate to go.

[slits wrist; shakes fist into sky; with his final breath:]

"Curse you, Grampa Voter! I've seen the light too laaaaaate!"

[dead]

 

At 7/11/2008 3:15 PM,  Calamity said...

I think people might be surprised if they knew who we really were and what we really did. I know my uncle was surprised when he found out I was really Vicki Stubing. He kept bothering me for cruise tickets after that.

Wait... what's this solvent doing here?

 

At 7/11/2008 3:17 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I’m actually a transsexual from the Cayman Islands who irritates old people with my gum-chewing.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:19 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

I'm Van Morrison's mother

 

At 7/11/2008 3:25 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Y'know, he did tell me that his mother was a hot piece of ass.

Good to know, Xbox; I'll try and disregard what Van Morrison tells me from now on...

 

At 7/11/2008 3:27 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

I can't deny, I AM past my best.

Well, wouldn't you be, raising that grumpy fucker?

 

At 7/11/2008 3:28 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Jesus, I'm late. Yes, I came over here from Laurieville, Her and Bagel told me I should blog, so I listened. I got over here and well, I think I spend more time here than anywhere else. So, now that I am here:
@Grumpy Voter: Fuck you. There.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:28 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Fuck raising him - I'm trying to figure out what part of your body that you squeezed him out from.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:30 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Also, I just saw Rassles face. I want to mount it.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:30 PM,  Xbox4NappyRash said...

Suffice it to say, I now have only one hole down there.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:30 PM,  Saskboy said...

"Also, are you having problems with weeds (the legal kind) in your garden this year - it's bad in the Toon."

Probably will soon, it's raining a lot. Finally! Until now I've had no trouble keeping up to them, and the skeeters have been bearable even. No one's even croaked from or caught WNV this year.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:30 PM,  Nutjobber said...

So, what do we got here:

Vicki Stubing
A transsexual from the Caymans
Van Morrison's mother
A raccoon

That, friends, is a pretty rad fucking crew.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:32 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Saskboy & Grampa Voter having a conversation, in their own inimitable way, on OUR site?

Folks, we just hit the motherfucking jackpot.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:33 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

@NJ: a raccoon mounting Rassles' face.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:35 PM,  Calamity said...

Jubblies, they're conversing about gardening. On our site. And not even naked, midget, bukkake gardening, either. The gall. The utter cheek!

 

At 7/11/2008 3:39 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Oh, good, he gardens. That means he has a shovel. Which means he can bury that heap of fertilizer he calls a blog.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:41 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Seriously, Cal: they are talking about the weather.

Online.

And OUR site is "polluting cyberspace"?

Hey, fellas: hot enough for ya? Y'know, it's not the heat, it's the stupidity...

 

At 7/11/2008 3:48 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

I think GV's knee must be a'swellin.

 

At 7/11/2008 3:55 PM,  Nutjobber said...

"Smells lack ray-in, don't it?"

"Nah, graym-pa - that's yer gain-green actin' up."

"Well sheee-oot, boy - yer right, ain'tcha?"

 

At 7/11/2008 4:01 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

I'm fixinta mosey down to the saloon for a nahce sarsparilla.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:03 PM,  Saskboy said...

Hey, it's always important to live up to expectations set by peers.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:12 PM,  Nutjobber said...

"Hey, where's momma at, grampa?"

"Well, I buried 'er in the garden, boy."

"Shoot - why'd ja do that?"

"I was tryin' to grow myself another one for a three-sum, but she's startin' t'stink down there, ain't she?"

"Ain't nothin' but carrots growin' down there, grampy."

"Ah, well...she'd prolly only grow a li'l bit anyway."

"Yup - a li'l bit o'momma'll do you no good, huh grampy?"

"What? Boy, you're gonna tell me that a buck & a quarter ain't better than no single dollar?"

"I guess I dint think it through, gramps."

"Sometimes, boy, I think you need your head examined, thinkin' like a muffin-head like that. Your momma thought like a muffin-head too, and see what it got 'er?"

"A slow death in a shallow-grave, pappy?"

"Yer darn tootin'."

 

At 7/11/2008 4:12 PM,  Rassles said...

Key: mmmmrrrf mrfmn.
NJ: I fucking hate you, because now in my head I have images flashing through like this going through my head.

Goddamn transsexual Caymanites.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:13 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

You should apply that idea to your writing. Or any idea for that matter.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:16 PM,  Rassles said...

I would be more entertaining, then, wouldn't I?

 

At 7/11/2008 4:17 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Ok, my last comment was directed at Shasta. Or whatever his name is.

@Rass: You can hum, right? I love fridays.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:18 PM,  Rassles said...

I need to correct my fantastic sentence structure.

"I fucking hate you, because now I have images like this flashing through my head."

What the hell is my problem? I need comment editor.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:23 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I rarely say this, Rassles, but some things are better left alone.

A gangrenous nutsack, for instance, and the icepick of horror that the image has shoved into my brain...that was scarier than that picture of Flutter's massive cranium, and who would've thought we'd say that this week, huh?

 

At 7/11/2008 4:31 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Yeah, I enjoy Rassle's structure and overall willingness to be flirty with raccoons.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:35 PM,  Nutjobber said...

It's a slippery slope though, Key: once you go 'coon, you never go back.

...That's how the saying goes, isn't it?

 

At 7/11/2008 4:36 PM,  Calamity said...

Wasn't it, "Once you go 'coon you never get poon -- because of the rabies"? No?

 

At 7/11/2008 4:39 PM,  Nutjobber said...

"Once you've got rabies, forget about making babies."

 

At 7/11/2008 4:39 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

NJ had it right.
@Calamity: I'm disappointed that you are falling back on 'rabies' quips.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:40 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Or: If you have rabies, expect your children to foam at the mouth and fear water.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:40 PM,  Nutjobber said...

That a raccoon's life, isn't it Key: always with the rabies jokes.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:42 PM,  Nutjobber said...

Is "rabia" a word? I'm desperate to rhyme something with "labia".

 

At 7/11/2008 4:43 PM,  Calamity said...

I'm disappointed, too. So disappointed, in fact, that I'm going to force myself to watch Cujo and a mea culpa.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:44 PM,  Calamity said...

AS a mea culpa, I mean. Jesus, editors don't know shit.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:47 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Yeah, I've been searching for a word that rhymes with 'labia' since I got my stripes.
@Calamity: You do that. I'll be digging through your garbage.

 

At 7/11/2008 4:56 PM,  Rassles said...

Flavor-flavia?

Yugo-slave-ia?

Maybea pun?

 

At 7/11/2008 4:58 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Oh, you're good.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:02 PM,  Nutjobber said...

I don't mean to "dissuade-a-ya" but I gotta run.

Peace out, munchkins.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:05 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Adios, eh?

 

At 7/11/2008 5:07 PM,  Love Bites said...

labia
maybe a
bitch to rhyme.

And for uterus
you'd have to use a puter, plus
what rhymes with penis?
I think I feel it between us.

But cervix is harder.

p.s. In real life, I'm Florida's (secretly gay) (secretly an oompaloompa) Governor.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:11 PM,  Rassles said...

I've got a sure fix for cervix: the first half of this sentence.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:11 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Crucervix?

 

At 7/11/2008 5:11 PM,  Rassles said...

Like, "I'm sure fixin' to go cervixin'."

 

At 7/11/2008 5:15 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

I'm sorry ma'am, the guests prefer that you remove your cervix from the punchbowl.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:15 PM,  Saskboy said...

You don't have to rhyme with labia when you live in Regina like I do.

Besides, you can just cheat and use your tibia.

Shasta McKeyhole apparently would confuse Regina and labia pretty easily, given how well he can remember Sask(atchewan)Boy.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:22 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Whatevs. That's what happens when you're completely forgettable, I suppose.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:26 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Also, do me a fave, replace your favorite grooming product with a hornets nest.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:31 PM,  Saskboy said...

"Also, do me a fave, replace your favorite grooming product with a hornets nest."

How about we settle on a beehive haircut for me, and ANY grooming product for you?

 

At 7/11/2008 5:35 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

Whatever you say, Sparky. As long as you promise to keep bees in it.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:44 PM,  Saskboy said...

For a snarky snob who calls me sparky? Of course.

 

At 7/11/2008 5:48 PM,  ghost of keywork said...

I'm adjusting my monacle, please leave a message. Snarky snob? I say, old chap, come up with that on your own did you?

 

At 7/14/2008 12:29 AM,  Saskboy said...

I put up another low impact blog post, just for you Nutjobber :-) Enjoy.

 

At 4/29/2009 2:56 AM,  Saskboy said...

I just flipped through the comments here again. Good times.

 

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