Thursday, July 10, 2008

Potty Talk?


You have got to be shitting me:

"My blog is up for review this week by Ask And Ye Shall Receive. As you can tell from any of their reviews and URL, they have a tendency to use potty talk and pull no punches, so expect a slaughter."

From all accounts I’ve gathered in my sleuthing of this analogy, anal-sex is uncomfortable, at least at first; Abandoned Stuff is the blog-equivalent of banal-sex, in which the adrenaline-gland is dry-humped by the flaccid cock of mediocrity, and, holy fucking hell, I’ll put that up against anal-sex on the "uncomfortable" scale any goddamn day of the week. In fact, though I’m not gay, I’ll take a poker in the ass just to prove this theory to myself - that’s how serious I am about my displeasure at having to sift through page upon page of sheer, unending boredom.

Look, I’m not using the word "banal" lightly here, or like some hyper-intellectualized snob sniffing down at the peasants who don’t happen to fill my glass with the varied and sumptuous wines of good writing; by any standard, save the rose-tinted glasses Saskboy must employ to read his own work, this blog is indeed "dull and unoriginal", is, actually, the very essence of the phrase "boringly ordinary and lacking in originality". Some examples:

"On Wednesday I played soccer with friends, and fortunately took a ball with me. I’m able to lift my legs on Thursday, so I’m slowly getting into better shape."

"I went to the garden yesterday, and had a beat leaf, and a radish. I also picked some rhubarb, and it’s getting turned into dumplings today, if all goes well :-)"

"I really like Canada Day. It’s fun to spend it in Regina, but I wish I could be joining my friend Jesse in Ottawa again this year. I’ll make due in the Queen City, however. I’ll watch some movies, see some live music, and avoid a sun burn. Last night I barely avoided a burn I think, and spent the dark hours of the evening watching “Arlington Road” [8/10] (for the second time in my life), with Patty."

These are just randomly culled from various posts, and they’re like the drivel that comes out of the overzealous-conversationalist with nothing to say who corners you at a dinner-party - idle-chatter just for the sake of it. For fun, I’m going to try one of these myself:

"I once ate an entire pineapple. My friend Bobby once bet me a dollar that I couldn’t jam my fist in my mouth, but when it got stuck I had to tell my mom. I like birthdays. They are special, though I’d prefer to spend money on doodads and gimcracks than on toys that nobody really needs. Peanut-butter makes my face swell. I am feeling good."

Same fucking thing, and it took me 28 seconds to write...which leads me to believe that he spends less time working on his writing than he does fidgeting with his camera to paste pictures of his goddamn vegetables online. One post is the same as the next, except for this stunning announcement that Saskboy has made the shortlist of Top Canadian Political Blogs. The excitement across Canada is palpable, a frenzied electricity crackling across the country like when Sweden broadcasts their picks for Top Grass-Cutting Blogs, or when the finalists for Top Bulgarian Accounts-Receivable Blogs are given their day in the sun.

I mean, fuck. Empty words litter these pages, and I’m becoming more and more ornery the further into this blog that I get. Abandoned Stuff is why the general population hates blogs: the mundane minutiae of one’s life told so uninterestingly that a wordless post with a photo of one solitary, single piece of toast, slightly buttered, would improve the overall-tone of this thing a thousand-fold.

In the spirit of the sterilized-ambience that the colour gray brings, and because Sakboy isn’t, to my knowledge, some irredeemable asshole, he gets a colour-inverted finger, flaming:



I want the blog to kill itself with a bazooka, but maybe, reincarnated, Saskboy can put a little more effort into the crafting of his new blog which isn’t, in any way, related to Abandoned Things; the writing’s kind of important on a blog, dude, so, maybe, I dunno, focus on it?

152 comments:

  1. Slagging off your countryman? Isn't that treason?

    You know what I like? A cup of milky lukewarm tea and a rocket and American cheese sandwich while I watch Antiques Roadshow. Sometimes the rocket is a bit too zesty, however, so I just stick with the cheese singles.

    That's what this blog is like - Canadian cheese singles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It reads like, I don't know, like maybe his lithium dosage is a tad too high. Possibly numb from the neck up? You can tell he's probably a good guy, but something killed his creativity.

    Screw it, I can't even lie to myself about it. The dude is DULL. I'm terribly afraid this may be the best he has, guys.

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  3. I've abandoned this blog. Utterly.

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  4. Canada: Stop exporting, plz. Sorry, NJ, but this type of shit makes me want to go buy a Bryan Adams album. And listen to it.

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  5. At least you people can get away from it - I live in a place where people are proud of fucking Alanis Morissette & Avril Lavigne.

    "Neil Young?" I say, hopefully.

    "Who? Oh, you mean Sum 41?" they reply, directly before I throw myself off a bridge.

    Sorry; that should read "directly before I throw them off a bridge".

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  6. "They" assigned a Canadian explicitly? "They" were probably afraid they couldn't get their heads around the Canadian blogging experience, eh? ;-)

    Yes, I agree my blog's been bland as of late. I haven't had many moose stroll through the back yard, and no families who fell through the ice got rescued in the last few weeks. I'll do my best to clean up my bANALity for you especially :-D Would you like some rhubarb crisp?

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  7. Somebody get a note to the mewling crybabies we've had wailing & moaning as of late: take a look at Saskboy's response to his review, and shut your collective fucking mouths.

    Good on you, Saskboy. Now, all you have to do is euthanize your blog...

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  8. "They" assigned a Canadian explicitly? "They" were probably afraid they couldn't get their heads around the Canadian blogging experience, eh? ;-)

    Actually, we are a multi-national crew. But, I think the boredom might have killed off the Americans. NJ is the only one with enough innate resistance to the banality of Canuckistan to be able to handle it.

    There really is a serious sucking sound from up north most of the time. You're lucky you have NJ to provide a shining example that not all Canuckistanians are boring fucks who write about curling.

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  9. I think they must feed y'all a non-stop diet of Avril, Shania, and Celine as toddlers in order to enable you to tolerate the drab insulated dullness of daily life in Canada without offing yourselves.

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  10. Surprisingly, I've never quite thought about it in those terms, but I think you're right: I am, indeed, the greatest thing about Canada.

    Many thanks for helping me to this realization, Bites; I shall send you a Nelly Furtado CD to destroy at your leisure.

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  11. Love Bites, I can only hope you visit Canada one day so that your eyes are opened to the land of beaver tails, and loonies.

    "You're lucky you have NJ to provide a shining example that not all Canuckistanians are boring fucks who write about curling."

    Silly multi-national, curling isn't in season in July. It's CFL time.

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  12. Look, I like hockey and hot lesbians just as much as the next guy, I just wish Canada would stick to their guns. More hockey and lesbians, plz.

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  13. CFL?

    Canadians Farting Loudly?
    Canuckistanians Fetching Lollypops?
    Canaweenies Fucking Live?

    Nah, that last one is way too interesting to be on Canadian television.

    ReplyDelete
  14. p.s. Lies bloggers tell themselves,

    "I'm not usually this boring."

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't think being 'coy' would be an option when bedding a lion.

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  16. All I know is, I blame Canada. But the bacon's not bad.

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  17. Re: lions, coitus is brief and perfunctory.

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  18. Conservatives Fighting Liberalism.

    ...And just 'cause we got Bush-Lite in power up here, think of it as nothing more then a temporary lapse in Canadian judgment; Christ, it took the incumbent liberal Prime Minister accepting bribes for the conservatives to win the next election, and, even then, they won by a margin as slight as your typical-conservative's hold on reality...

    Burn, Bites? Ooooh, burn.

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  19. Like gonorrhea, that really must burn.

    @Calamity: I guess that would make you the duty expert.

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  20. I think my fanny's stinging.

    I don't think I've ever seen an unsheathed lion penis.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Question:

    In Canada, do restrooms say, "Potty Room" on the doors?

    ReplyDelete
  22. So, you have seen a sheathed lion penis. I am so not going back to the zoo. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wait, they have restrooms? Not just holes in the ice?

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  24. I think the bathrooms have signs like "Remember our good neighbours to the south".

    ReplyDelete
  25. I do love some beaver.

    I think this guy could be a genius.

    This is like a Ricky Gervais take on a blog, no?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Bathrooms in Canada are just the same as you've got in the Americas, folks - the little inuit-fellow who hands you a pair of snowshoes while you exchange pleasantries, usually culminating in an awkward "how aboot those Leafs, eh?" Then, it's on to the bacon-eating circle-jerk while watching Catherine O'Hara & Eugene Levy make-out in A Mighty Wind.

    It's the same in Canada as it is everywhere else, you guys.

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  27. Keywork:

    I've seen an unsheathed giant tortoise penis at the zoo. You know what's really fun? Explaining to your children, and the grandparents, what those two turtles are doing, exactly.

    And the noises...

    *shudder*

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  28. This is the guy that never gets laid because he can't get past the friend stage. "Hey, I'll make you a Rhubarb pie and we can watch 28 Days. Do you want to see my radish?"

    milquetoast

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  29. FFun, you can fantasize all you want about my radishes, but you'll have to stick to playing with your beautiful California Girls, I'm spoken for.

    I must say, I'm a little disappointed in all the Canada cliche stuff going on in the comments here. You'd think y'all had never talked about a lion in a condom before.

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  30. Did a Canadian just say "y'all"?

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  31. Sask, what are you talking aboot? Condoms? I meant claws.

    Potty mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Condom isn't potty talk, silly.

    What, you don't teach your lions safe sex in America?

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  33. That was a low blow. You know the state of our education system down here.

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  34. Our lions are known for extravagant carelessness. They're the cause for feline HIV.

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  35. Canada is like Narnia, right?

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  36. Canada is like Narnia, right?

    Only in that both have currency more valuable than the American dollar. THAT was a low blow (and also right now not true, as the C$ is a bit below the greenback).

    ReplyDelete
  37. No, Narnia is real, and Canada is just this mythical land where lions practice safe sex, everyone wears flannel, the policemen are mounted, and men with thick, naughtily arched eyebrows write fancy diatribes on boring blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  38. You see, you NEARLY pulled that off.

    Apologising for the nice slagging off of yankland ruined it.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh oh, I was called boring again. If I keep being insulted by people on the Internet, I might start to get my feelings hurt.

    "Apologising for the nice slagging off of yankland ruined it."

    Sorry, my turn to buy into Canadian cliches, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  40. The U.S. once conquered Canada with a troop of girl scouts, but we kept it on the down low so the Canadians wouldn't cry.

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  41. They were really pissed when they discovered the only oil to be had was on Celine Dion's face.

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  42. What with their floppy heads and beady eyes and such.

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  43. Andy crazy mispronunciation. Get your own language.

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  44. "Girl scouts?" I thought they were called "draft-dodgers".

    Either way, you shouldn't have left so many flags over here; by the time we ran out, we had to start burning our own to keep warm.

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  45. I once asked a guy in Buffalo to define "sentimental" for me, and he said, "oh, that means you're half-crazy."

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  46. Yeah, I'll get right on that own language thing, since ENGLISH seems to be taken by ... Australians.

    I'll make a deal. When Michigonians stop saying "ruff" for "roof", Americans will stop mishearing "about" as "aboot"?

    ==

    "The U.S. once conquered Canada with a troop of girl scouts, but we kept it on the down low so the Canadians wouldn't cry."

    I guess you missed how chocolate lady Laura Secord single handedly gave the American invaders their butts wrapped in foil and called them Kisses. Thus was born both the expression "kiss your ass goodbye", and the famous Hershey's Kisses. Unfortunately Girl Scouts had more experience with unhealthy junk food. You can't blame Canada for liking the trans fat.

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  47. I nodded off during that last comment...

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  48. Buffalo? The stupid leaked over from Canada and infected him.

    Mississippians have no such excuse, however.

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  49. I thought the sentimental were half-crazy?

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  50. We are a leaky people...hell, that stupid in Buffalo actually slid all the way from Quebec.

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  51. So it's French slipping in. I thought that shit was quarantined in Quebec. It'd be easier for Buffalo if you could be a soft-skulled peoples, like the Swiss.

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  52. Ah, the Swiss: if blond-hair was money they'd rule the world... but if stupid was cash, it'd be all Buffalo, baby.

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  53. They make some damn good wings up there, though.

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  54. New Mexico's stupid leaked up from Mexico. But Cal is right, Mississippi's belongs to Mississippi.

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  55. Alaska's full of dummies, and the Japanese couldn't think themselves out of a cardboard box... and don't even get me started on Trinidadians.

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  56. I have heard Mississippi referred to as "America's Crotch".

    True?

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  57. True, Jubblies. Alabama is its gall bladder. And El Paso is its armpit.

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  58. Dunno about America's crotch, but if the states needed colonic irrigation, it's where they'd shove the hose...

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  59. Rio de Janeiro was voted "Armpit of the Universe" last year, and Winnipeg is changing its name to "Fuckwit City" and filling its town-square with custard and troglodytic children educated in North Dakota.

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  60. It's unfortunate I didn't see your comment, Calamity, before I made-up the "Armpit of the Universe" award.

    Shit.

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  61. Florida: The Herpes on America's Shlong.

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  62. Here in Chicago, we're all tits.

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  63. Doncha think Rio seems more like the Crotch-Pit of the Universe...

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  64. Florida chafes and is so moist. Not to mention that smell of oranges and corruption.

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  65. I feel great pride in being a resident of America's taint.

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  66. Rio is the Athlete's foot-infested big toe of the universe.

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  67. I'm not sure whether I should let y'all amuse yourselves, or interject some more to see what comes of it.

    I've reviewed your review by the way. Enjoy. Or not.

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  68. "y'all" ?

    you must be from Southern Canada then....

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  69. Oooh, goody: I LOVE review-reviews.

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  70. I give your review-review a "meh".

    If, however, you had just literally posted a picture of a slighty-buttered piece of toast, it would have been KILLER.

    Instead, meh.

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  71. Sask, I would have liked your blog a smidge more had that little green plant-y thing behind your head been weed. I thought it was at first and was overjoyed, but sadly, it's a sad, broken little flower. Much like me now. Sad. Broken. Sober.

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  72. I was hoping for tears or some drama we could sink our collective teeth into.

    Your blog = styrofoam. I've said it before, but never was it more true.

    ReplyDelete
  73. And nice - don't foget nice, Calamity.

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  74. Laurie Kendrick, for instance, sucks almost as much at blogging as you do, but she was at least able to stir up some damn fine drama.

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  75. Who else can we pick on?

    Where's Xbox?

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  76. Calamity is the nicest of the not-nice.

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  77. Laurie Kendrick sucks almost as bad as Olympia, Washington.

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  78. Surely by now that goes without saying. I mean, obviously I'm nice. And easy.

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  79. God, this week has made me nostalgic for both Laurie AND George. Laurie's drama spilled over onto at least 4 ADDITIONAL blogs. That's some hard shit to top right there.

    And, we got keywork out of the proposition too, which kinda owns.

    ReplyDelete
  80. I've been here popping up every 20 comments or so but you've just ignored me.

    Bastards.

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  81. "you must be from Southern Canada then...."

    90% of us are, including me.
    I prefer to think of myself as more of a westerner though. And I'm laying the y'alls on you thick because you seem to like it, even though I only type it and never say it.

    Nutjobber, you try finding a photo of "slightly" buttered toast on the Internet, then I'll accept your "Meh" at face value.

    ==

    Calamity, you're not the first person confused by the partial prairie lily. Why do you like pot more than flowers?

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  82. The butterflies are a neat trick, aren't they? Right up there with the swirly tongue.

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  83. Calamity's so nice that she thinks in rainbows and burps the Sesame Street theme-song.

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  84. Yes, Keywork came here to chastize us for being big meanies to Laurie, and never left.

    Heh.

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  85. Seriously, Cal, I wish I had butterfly butt. All that ever comes out of my butt during sex is...

    Oh, nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  86. This blog angered me greatly. Here's the thing: I've done my time in Saskatchewan. I married into it, I lived there for 5 years, there is a really really good chance Saskboy and I have some mutual acquaintances. Dude, that place is chock fucking full of interesting shit. Take your pick: a town called Climax, a chocolate milk called Vico with a rabidly loyal fan base, a town on the border that put up giant horse ankle bone as their town symbol (at night, when it's lit from the inside, it looks EXACTLY like a giant penis). For god's sakes, if you're really hard up, there's the farmer who stalked Anne Murray.

    Saskatchewan is the Arkansas of Canada. The humor is right fricking there, waiting for you to exploit it. And you choose to do nothing with it. I am now making the internationally recognized throat sound of disgust (loosely translated, it comes out as "ghaw!", but with more phlegm).

    ReplyDelete
  87. Hmmmm, potty talk.

    I have to defend my fellow Saskatchewanikan your bubble-eyed clunt of a reviewer reviewed, well, predictably. I don't know what it is about blogs like "Ask And Ye Shall Receive" that makes me believe we are all gathering to hear the four horsemen of the apocalypse fast approaching. I make this comment because it occurs to me that reviewers at this skid mark of a blog *Ask And Ye Shall Receive" have less than nothing better to do than embrace their inner emo or worse, abuse solvents - perhaps it is in the act of solvent abuse that reviewers find nirvana. God knows they'd have to get out of their mother's basements long enough to let the sun bring some color to their pale emo skin, but no, can't do that - gotta bitch slap another blog, conduct another review in which they transpose their own laughable self loathing on the rest of the world.

    Perhaps it is a statement on the decline of our culture - we gather in throngs to watch reality television shows that celebrate the absolute worst aspects of humanity and we call that entertainment. Perhaps it is because people like reviewers at "Ask and Ye Shall Receive" come from fatherless homes, or maybe "mommy threatened to cut it off" a bit too much if they kept touching themselves during the salad days of pre-adolescence. I will close my review of Ask And Ye Shall Receive's review of Abandoned Stuff By Saskboy by affirming their right to pollute cyberspace with a thousand and one ways to say "fuck" "shit stain" or "homo" because I'm a democratic kinda guy. It's important that sites like this exist - to remind us of what our culture has become in it's dying hours.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Calamity is so nice that fairies sprinkle pixie dust on her keyboard when she's blogging.

    She's so nice that you can lick her words right off the screen and they taste like bubblegum.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Bites, you were going to say lube, weren't you? No?

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  90. @ Darwin:

    In the taint of the U.S., we pronounce that sound as Pshaw, with emphasis on the p.

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  91. Butterscotch lube, to be specific.

    hahahahahahha

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  92. Did you call me a "clunt"?

    What's a "clunt"?

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  93. Wait! I nearly missed it!

    Skatch has brought us a troll. A really nice, long-winded troll.

    Ah, Skatch. You shouldn't have, but I'm so damn glad you did! Hostess gifts are the best.

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  94. All right, so, what - are you auditioning for a spot among the elite, Grumpy Gus, or what?

    Glad you spent so much time missing the point, though; must really burn you up inside to get to all that effort and have it come off as making no difference whatsoever.

    It's okay; I forgive you.

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  95. Four horsemen? Can I be Conquest? Please? She has the best outfit.

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  96. Passes the solvent to reviewers of Ask And Ye Shall Receive:

    "None for me thanks, I haven't lived in my mom's basement since 1985."

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  97. prayingtodarwin are you talking to me, or the Ask crew?

    If to me, you need to do more than skim the first page of my blog.

    Grumpy, thanks for the defense, but it's alright, I asked for the review and whatever came of it, I'm just having fun, no hurt feelings, really.

    ReplyDelete
  98. >>Grumpy, thanks for the defense, but it's alright, I asked for the review and whatever came of it, I'm just having fun, no hurt feelings, really.<<

    Rider pride, ya bastard. Also, are you having problems with weeds (the legal kind) in your garden this year - it's bad in the Toon.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Is it just me, did Grumpy Voter aptly name himself?

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  100. yes, he hasn't missed a ballot since 1976

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  101. Oh, woe; woe is me!

    Say hello to the apocalypse for me, gramps. I'll be too busy slitting my wrists in my mother's basement while I curse my alcholoic father for beating me into submission lo those many pain-filled years ago...can you even believe I have the emotional wherewithal to live after such a loathsome & traumatic upbringing?

    Thank GOD I have shitty blogs to rip on; at least then I have somewhere for this massive swelling of self-hate to go.

    [slits wrist; shakes fist into sky; with his final breath:]

    "Curse you, Grampa Voter! I've seen the light too laaaaaate!"

    [dead]

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  102. I think people might be surprised if they knew who we really were and what we really did. I know my uncle was surprised when he found out I was really Vicki Stubing. He kept bothering me for cruise tickets after that.

    Wait... what's this solvent doing here?

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  103. I’m actually a transsexual from the Cayman Islands who irritates old people with my gum-chewing.

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  104. I'm Van Morrison's mother

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  105. Jesus, I'm late. Yes, I came over here from Laurieville, Her and Bagel told me I should blog, so I listened. I got over here and well, I think I spend more time here than anywhere else. So, now that I am here:
    @Grumpy Voter: Fuck you. There.

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  106. Also, I just saw Rassles face. I want to mount it.

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  107. Suffice it to say, I now have only one hole down there.

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  108. "Also, are you having problems with weeds (the legal kind) in your garden this year - it's bad in the Toon."

    Probably will soon, it's raining a lot. Finally! Until now I've had no trouble keeping up to them, and the skeeters have been bearable even. No one's even croaked from or caught WNV this year.

    ReplyDelete
  109. So, what do we got here:

    Vicki Stubing
    A transsexual from the Caymans
    Van Morrison's mother
    A raccoon

    That, friends, is a pretty rad fucking crew.

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  110. @NJ: a raccoon mounting Rassles' face.

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  111. Jubblies, they're conversing about gardening. On our site. And not even naked, midget, bukkake gardening, either. The gall. The utter cheek!

    ReplyDelete
  112. Oh, good, he gardens. That means he has a shovel. Which means he can bury that heap of fertilizer he calls a blog.

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  113. Seriously, Cal: they are talking about the weather.

    Online.

    And OUR site is "polluting cyberspace"?

    Hey, fellas: hot enough for ya? Y'know, it's not the heat, it's the stupidity...

    ReplyDelete
  114. I think GV's knee must be a'swellin.

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  115. "Smells lack ray-in, don't it?"

    "Nah, graym-pa - that's yer gain-green actin' up."

    "Well sheee-oot, boy - yer right, ain'tcha?"

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  116. I'm fixinta mosey down to the saloon for a nahce sarsparilla.

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  117. Hey, it's always important to live up to expectations set by peers.

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  118. "Hey, where's momma at, grampa?"

    "Well, I buried 'er in the garden, boy."

    "Shoot - why'd ja do that?"

    "I was tryin' to grow myself another one for a three-sum, but she's startin' t'stink down there, ain't she?"

    "Ain't nothin' but carrots growin' down there, grampy."

    "Ah, well...she'd prolly only grow a li'l bit anyway."

    "Yup - a li'l bit o'momma'll do you no good, huh grampy?"

    "What? Boy, you're gonna tell me that a buck & a quarter ain't better than no single dollar?"

    "I guess I dint think it through, gramps."

    "Sometimes, boy, I think you need your head examined, thinkin' like a muffin-head like that. Your momma thought like a muffin-head too, and see what it got 'er?"

    "A slow death in a shallow-grave, pappy?"

    "Yer darn tootin'."

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  119. You should apply that idea to your writing. Or any idea for that matter.

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  120. I would be more entertaining, then, wouldn't I?

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  121. Ok, my last comment was directed at Shasta. Or whatever his name is.

    @Rass: You can hum, right? I love fridays.

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  122. I need to correct my fantastic sentence structure.

    "I fucking hate you, because now I have images like this flashing through my head."

    What the hell is my problem? I need comment editor.

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  123. I rarely say this, Rassles, but some things are better left alone.

    A gangrenous nutsack, for instance, and the icepick of horror that the image has shoved into my brain...that was scarier than that picture of Flutter's massive cranium, and who would've thought we'd say that this week, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  124. Yeah, I enjoy Rassle's structure and overall willingness to be flirty with raccoons.

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  125. "Once you've got rabies, forget about making babies."

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  126. NJ had it right.
    @Calamity: I'm disappointed that you are falling back on 'rabies' quips.

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  127. Or: If you have rabies, expect your children to foam at the mouth and fear water.

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  128. That a raccoon's life, isn't it Key: always with the rabies jokes.

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  129. Is "rabia" a word? I'm desperate to rhyme something with "labia".

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  130. I'm disappointed, too. So disappointed, in fact, that I'm going to force myself to watch Cujo and a mea culpa.

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  131. Yeah, I've been searching for a word that rhymes with 'labia' since I got my stripes.
    @Calamity: You do that. I'll be digging through your garbage.

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  132. Flavor-flavia?

    Yugo-slave-ia?

    Maybea pun?

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  133. I don't mean to "dissuade-a-ya" but I gotta run.

    Peace out, munchkins.

    ReplyDelete
  134. labia
    maybe a
    bitch to rhyme.

    And for uterus
    you'd have to use a puter, plus
    what rhymes with penis?
    I think I feel it between us.

    But cervix is harder.

    p.s. In real life, I'm Florida's (secretly gay) (secretly an oompaloompa) Governor.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I've got a sure fix for cervix: the first half of this sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Like, "I'm sure fixin' to go cervixin'."

    ReplyDelete
  137. I'm sorry ma'am, the guests prefer that you remove your cervix from the punchbowl.

    ReplyDelete
  138. You don't have to rhyme with labia when you live in Regina like I do.

    Besides, you can just cheat and use your tibia.

    Shasta McKeyhole apparently would confuse Regina and labia pretty easily, given how well he can remember Sask(atchewan)Boy.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Whatevs. That's what happens when you're completely forgettable, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Also, do me a fave, replace your favorite grooming product with a hornets nest.

    ReplyDelete
  141. "Also, do me a fave, replace your favorite grooming product with a hornets nest."

    How about we settle on a beehive haircut for me, and ANY grooming product for you?

    ReplyDelete
  142. Whatever you say, Sparky. As long as you promise to keep bees in it.

    ReplyDelete
  143. For a snarky snob who calls me sparky? Of course.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I'm adjusting my monacle, please leave a message. Snarky snob? I say, old chap, come up with that on your own did you?

    ReplyDelete
  145. I put up another low impact blog post, just for you Nutjobber :-) Enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  146. I just flipped through the comments here again. Good times.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.