Thursday, August 07, 2008

Dog Vomit...Bitch Please.

I'm known for having a strong stomach. I can eat a plate of lasagna while watching an exploratory laparotomy on the surgery channel, I can discus a child's raging case of scabies over lunch, hell, I can even make a poop joke over a vat of fondue. What I cannot look at is animal vomit. I especially cannot look at a picture of what looks to be said dog tasting his vomit. I can't read about it and I certainly cannot look at it. Having said that, I'm trying not to let this post taint (heh, I said taint) my overall view of Petite Gamine, even though she's kind of a mommy blogger.

It's no secret that I don't really like mommy blogs, but I can't help but like this blog, especially the posts about asses, getting discovered as a blogger by her hubby, and finding almost half her underwear collection in the pool drain. I'm down with the creative use of swears and her easy, breezy style of writing. She doesn't pretend to be a high-falutin' writer, try too hard to be funny, or take blogging too seriously, which is how I like my blogs. I doubt I'd become a regular reader, however, because she tends to get a little too Gymboree for me. The template is cute, suits the title, and she's got a rockin' pair of sweater puppets.

I give it for being the breath of fresh air of mommy bloggers, and a for scarring me for life with that dog puke post.

88 comments:

  1. Ooh. The dog vomit was BAD. Especially this early.

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  2. I've seen dogs fight over worse looking vomit. I like this blog a lot, but I fear the recent outing may have put her out of commission. I think I spelled that wrong.

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  3. I like her, but I don't like her, but I like her. Kind of. Totally. Like her. Do I? I have no idea.

    Goddamn good-and-evil shoulders are acting up again.

    I can picture her speaking exactly how she writes, and I like that, and she's got some good stories. Something about her seems slightly off to me, and I can't poke it properly.

    I'm going with like.

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  4. I really like her.

    She doesn't post enough, and probably because of whatever is going on, which is a shame for a reader.

    But she is a bit nuts, and I think she'd slap me if we knew each other, which I like in a chickie...

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  5. Please don't EVER do this with a font again. EVER.

    And this? Meh. If you write something like this about a spouse, and they find it? You better be prepared for a divorce. I would ONLY recommend writing something like this on a password-protected blog, or a livejournal or something. I get that we all need to rant. I do. But, I don't like that you did this. I don't think it's healthy. It doesn't allow for anyone else's perspective but your own. And, in all seriousness, I think you need to talk to an objective professional. Because if that is reality, you should already have left. That you are staying, and blogging about it? Not good.

    This blog leaves me feeling like the person who is writing it is unbalanced and needs help. And I like a trainwreck as much as the next person, but this is a painful train wreck with massive injuries, and it hurts me to read it.

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  6. In short, there is such a thing as too much truth. And, this blog crosses the line for me. The post I mentioned above? Totally passive-aggressive to write this shit out in a public venue, but not deal with it. You hate your marriage. I get that.

    So, why do you stay?

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  7. LB: that is exactly why I am holding a fundraiser for her. She needs a large pipewrench. To beat her husband with. Divorce is a bitch and she has multiple children. She probably should have left him a long fucking time ago. Sometimes people need a good push, and I'm always in linebacker mode. The cool thing is, I can always use a new pipewrench.

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  8. Divorce IS a bitch. But, going through life as a passsive-aggressive ______ who can only say these things on your blog? That's worse.

    I get that the husband is an ass. On the other hand, this behavior, as demonstrated on PG's blog, makes me wonder what his side of the story is.

    There are always two, you know.

    Of course, my ex-husband's story is that I'm a complete and total psycho bitch from hell, and we all know there isn't a damn grain of truth to that.

    ;)

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  9. Yeah, you're right. I need a new pipewrench. I would never ever ever fucking write something like that about my ex, we talk about shit like that. But I'm inclined to half way agree with your ex, I imagine that you have the ability to be an incredible bitch. Nothing personal, this is coming from one of the more insufferable assholes the midwest has ever seen.

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  10. I can completely and entirely own the category of bitch on wheels. I can be completely ruthless. But, generally speaking, I have to be pushed pretty hard to get into that mode.

    I've written a lot of shit about my ex-husband, and it's been therapeutic. And, I have no problem saying he's a complete waste of skin and oxygen. But, I also made damn sure that he never, ever, ever, has had a chance to read it.

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  11. Yeah, when I was in the middle of my divorce, I posted a rather unfavorable review of my exwife's behavior. 20 minutes later I took it down. Just didn't seem right. Oh, and I want my members only jacket, so I submitted yesterday.

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  12. I hope I get to be the one to do your review. ;) I can't believe it took you this long to suck up the courage.

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  13. Actually, it took me this long to start writing a again and clean up my template. I'm a lazy bastard.

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  14. Brown-nosing? Not me. If anything, I may be guilty of being overly flirtatious.

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  15. ah yes, that explains the confusion, for me, flirtation always consists of a facial extremity in an anal cavity.

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  16. Please. A fund-raising campaign? If that isn't the lowest way I've seen for a raccoon to try and get in some vulnerable woman's pants.

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  17. Xbox: You expect tossed salad on the first date?

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  18. 'Expect' makes me sound very demanding... 'Aspire to' is more accurate...

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  19. I'm just sticking to my guns. If it doesn't feel like extortion/prostitution, it's probably masturbation. I'm about as far from brown-nosing as you are from seeing a live vagina. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

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  20. Well, I guess I'd rather live in denial too. Don't forget to wrap it up, dreamer.
    LB: It's low enough for me.

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  21. Wow...not for the first time, I'm reminded how much dating has changed in the past 20 years...when a tossed salad came with ranch dressing.

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  22. Yeah, rimjobs have taken the place of holding hands.

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  23. Rimjobs are more unhygienic than dumpster fucking.

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  24. So, rimjobs in a dumpster would be extremely unhygienic? I wish my parents had spent more time explaining healthy sexual behavior. No, no I don't.

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  25. I shudder when I think about how traumatic it actually would have been to talk about my parents re: sex. I'm kind of thankful they sent me out into the world, blissfully unprepared to deal with penii.

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  26. Yeah, I have enjoyed the lessons I have learned on my path to extreme perversion.

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  27. Some of them made me feel extorted/prostituted.

    I bet you'd have liked those.

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  28. I'm a big fan of prostitution/extortion, so you're probably right.

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  29. There's no denial, and wrapping it up would defeat the purpose greatly.

    Snatch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner these days.

    Yee fucking haw.

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  30. Robbing graves is only a laughing matter when revenge is involved. But I do applaud you on not just throwing the corpse away.

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. fuck it. I don't have the patience to do that. Read it if you want.

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  34. the wife's away, why not, go on then....

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  35. I hate excuses. I don't like to make them and I don't buy them. You want to know the story? The truth? Sit your ass down and read.

    Clearly I am not able to write as freely as I would like on my blog since the king of douchebags has read it and continues to read it. Was it my fault? Yes. Everyone has their own reason for starting a blog. Mine was simple: to keep in touch with a friend, share updates of my family and post a few pictures. It was public, but seriously, who was reading? I was a dumb ass way back when and posted and allowed comments about my family of a personal nature. I allowed comments with my last name in them. Again, who was reading? Then I broke the first rule of blogging (I didn't know there were any at the time) and asked people to add me to their blog roll and totally pimped myself out asking, begging, them to read me. Well, I got lucky and a few really nice people came over and left comments and thus a real blog had started for me. I had motivation to write all of a sudden, not for them, but for me. Having an audience was somehow therapeutic. I enjoyed the comments and the friendships that came out of them. I realized at that moment that I wanted to be a blogger. I wanted to really write, but write true and from the heart. You ask do I really speak like this? Yes, I do. That's why as Bitter Mistress said, the words flow, the swears aren't forced. It's just me.

    My husband found out about the blog because like every good stalker in the world, he was googled. Our last name popped up in the search and boom there was my blog for all to read. Investors to read. Strangers that I didn't know but wanted to know me. Creeps. That was the day he was notified of my blog. Someone called him to tell him it was out there. He read it and confronted me. Threatened me and told me I needed to remove it. Threatened divorce. At this point I was thinking you know, maybe that wouldn't be so bad but like Love Bites mentioned, there are two sides to every story. I never said that I was perfect or that I was a complete innocent in all this. I'm not. But once he TOLD me to shut it down, I felt this sense of defiance. I felt loyalty to my new friends and lurkers. Maybe I should have felt it towards him, but then again, he did ask me to get an abortion, so how great can his story be? Wanna hear it? He said that people that blog (that means you) have low self esteem and blog in order to get validation from narcissistic individuals in order to make themselves feel better. He said that the people that left comments could say what they want without knowing anything about me and feel safe because they're sitting behind a computer screen hiding themselves from the real world. Is this true? Maybe. Do I take all my comments to heart? No. You can't. You have to have a mind of your own and make your own choices. But until someone walks a mile or ten in your shoes, who are they to judge you and your choices? If you ask for help, then you deserve the comments, but if you are just you and people come out and start calling you passive aggressive because you are still hanging on to something that maybe they would have left in the dust a long time ago is bullshit. My blog is for me and like I said to my husband very publicly, you should feel fucking privileged to read my thoughts. Just like it is a privilege to be a part of my family and a step father to my oldest sons. You don't have to like it, you don't have to read it. As I have said all along, I am not here for you. You aren't always going to agree with me and that's ok. That's what makes for interesting conversation. That's what makes people divided and common. Not everyone is going to like me and you know what? I'm ok with that. Maybe you like me one day and you hate me the next. Fine with me. If I start to live my life for everyone else then I lose who I am. Kids or no kids, I am in a tough situation. I'm not a quitter and I wrestle with that every day. I blog about it because it makes ME feel good. If you, in turn get something out of it, then great. If it stirs up an emotion that makes you uncomfortable or angry, then go with it. Tell me about it. I feel honored to read others' blogs even if they suck and get the short bus. It is a personal yet public thing which makes it very fragile indeed. I may not like your blog and I may never go back there again, but for a moment in my life, you were important to me. That should mean something.

    So, with all that said, call me crazy, call me unbalanced, needing therapy, nice rack, whatever. That's what makes me me and I'm always going to be just that. It's the day when I stop being true to myself that I am going to need a good kick in the ass. I love this site and I appreciate the review. My blog is a work in progress as is my life. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. I'm just happy to be here today.

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  36. Sorry about all the removals. Had some changes I needed to make.

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  37. I really should have not left that so open.

    PG: Rimjob?
    Xbox: No. Your head is pretty well wedged in that space.

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  38. Rim job? Only if you return the favor.

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  39. I reciprocate. That's my redeeming quality.

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  40. PG, you do have a nice, whoreish rack. I want to motor boat you.

    And I love your blog. I love you. I want to marry you and raise our children together so they can be like the Von Trap children in the Sound of Music. I'll be Maria, you be Capt. Von Trap.

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  41. Why do I have to be the dude? Can we both be lipstickers and send our kids on a beauty pageant run?

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  42. Fine, I'll be Maria and you can be Liesel. Happy now, you whore?

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  43. Liesel is hot and she likes nazis. Since you're such a dictating bitch, we should get along fine.

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  44. I'm gonna have to go with 'not a cunt' on this one. And I have known quite a few. Maybe it was a bad judgement call to trash her husband, but I don't think it's particularly 'cuntish' behavior by any means.

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  45. I think we should dumpster wrestle, nekkid of course, over the cunt/non-cunt issue.

    In my experience, male cuntdar can often be fooled by a nice set of jubblies.

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  46. I've always been an ass man myself, so my cuntdar is pretty tit-resistant.

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  47. Rimjob. Thanks, but I'm going to pass. I'm not much of a shit-licker.

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  48. There is nothing cunty about writing that entry, fwiw. The cunty part comes in publishing it. Just my 2 cents, I'm sure lots of people have thought I'm a bitter, evil, bitchy cunt, so I hope no one takes this the wrong way.

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  49. Yeah, it really is a numbers game. If I get a yes, I'm comfortable with a 10% efficiency rating.

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  50. Can you explain the attraction of having someone lick your asshole to me? Frankly, I don't get it.

    Better yet, do a post on your blog about it.

    I double-dog dare you.

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  51. I love "my blog is just for me."

    If that were true, it would be private. Bloggers with public blogs blog for an audience. Most bloggers are complete and total attention whores.

    The big down-side of that is that some bloggers leave victims behind, in the real world, which actually matters a hellalot more than this game we play online.

    I think about mommy-bloggers like Heather Armstrong, who basically whores out her family life to make money. Heather B. can be pretty damn funny at times, but she also violates her family relationships at times by exposing their personal interactions to world.

    And, tell me: Does her daughter have a choice in the matter? How is her daughter going to feel about this stuff when she's 14?

    Did your husband have a choice?

    In general, I think using a blog as a place to trash one's intimate partners is crass. And yeah, I definitely consider it passive-aggressive behavior.

    I do think that bloggers need to think about this shit seriously. I think we need to think about why we write what we write, and where our boundaries are. What are your boundaries, PG? Is there ANYTHING at all that you consider off-limits?

    See, I have no problem with you talking about the issue with how you were parented. But that list of things you hate? What exactly is the point of that? If you really feel that way, why aren't you fixing it in the real world?

    Personally, I think you wanted a pity party. I think you wanted an audience for your suffering, and you wanted people to commiserate on what a monster your husband is, and you trashed him to get that emotional fix.

    That's just my take.

    (Sorry, edited & reposted for clarity)

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  52. God, I feel like I'm channeling Drizitche today....

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  53. LB - How do you know what I am doing about it? You have no idea. You're a hypocrite. Yes I am a cunt. I am a huge cunt. I have a fucking beautiful cunt. What's your excuse? Do you tuck it or just push it to the side? Want a business card? I have a few extra hundred sitting here.

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  54. We're all hypocrites, sweetie. And some of us even recognize it.

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  55. Why don't you clarify, not for ME, never for me, but for YOU, exactly why you needed not to WRITE that post, but to share it with the world?

    I can totally understand needing to write that post. I can't understand what happens in the brain of someone who publishes something like that about their spouse.

    But hey, not only am I a cunt, I'm an old cunt. Having said that, I'm an honorable old cunt, for all of that.

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  56. Now that I've gotten over the dog vomit...

    I kind of know how she feels. I was a novice blogger once and did things that I would never do now. NO ONE used to read my blog. Why would they?

    Now hundreds of people read my blog every day (per my Sitemeter, not my comments or anything). There are people out there that could really do some damage to me, and there are some really crazy ass mean people who read my blog. But I don't stop blogging. I'm a bit more guarded now. I never say my kid's names or anything. I write about funny things they say, but not their personal hurts or anything. I have a long, long way to go and a lot to learn.

    But still. I had no idea people would read my shit. There are so many blogs out there that nobody ever reads (for good reason, most of them). I just assumed mine would be one of them.

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  57. I don't ever remember you doing shit to promote your blog, though, Chick. If I remember correctly, I had to BEG YOU to let me review you, back when we were getting the site up and running again.

    I think a lot of the people who submit here are looking for a bump in readership.

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  58. Hit publish to soon...

    But I totally get what LB is saying. Because, um, yeah. I need to think about this kind of stuff. I didn't think about it enough in the beginning and thank God it's not bit me in the ass that hard (except for a few mean anonymous commenters). I tend to be very open and perhaps I should think more before I post.

    So thanks, LB. For that. :)

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  59. Or validation. Except Glamourpuss of course. We all know that's not what she was looking for at all.

    *snickers*

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  60. True, LB. You did email me. :) I remember because it went into my spam folder. The word fuck drives gmail crazy for some reason.

    And no, I don't generally promote my blog at all. Good point.

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  61. 10 things why I am a cunt:

    10. I was gone for a while and people wanted to know where I had been and knew I had been going through some shit with my husband.

    9. I didn't know he would read it. (didn't really care though because it's still there)

    8. I write what I am feeling, whatever it is.

    7. I am not one to censor myself.

    6. My marriage is shit and we are probably getting a divorce. (before the list)

    5. People who thought he was so great were living in delusion until I set that straight.

    4. Maybe deep down I wanted him to read it.

    3. I am true to myself first and foremost. Where is he true to me?

    2. I'm not here to make friends with you.

    1. If he didn't like reading what I wrote, then maybe he shouldn't have said those things. Where's the responsibility on his part?

    Please bitch. I don't need a pity party. Sometimes the truth sucks. Sometimes reality isn't so pretty. If you feel the need to censor yourself, go ahead. I'm not whoring out my family.

    I've also already posted about making the blog private. If writing that makes me a cunt, so be it. I'm a cunt. Your personal opinion, and let's just call a spade a spade, this is fucking personal and you know it, really doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot to me.

    Also, if I HAD a daughter, I'd want her to grow up to be just like you. But since I have sons and you seem to swing a pretty big dick, I think they still might have a chance.

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  62. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally believe you.

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  63. The list of things about the husband? Wow. That felt like the time when I was 12 and I got stuck over-hearing my best friend's parents argue about each other's failings in the sack ("When you go 'uh, uh!', it just doesn't do it for me anymore.") I knew that I would always feel a little dirty because of the experience. But I could have stopped listening. And in this case, I could have stopped reading. In both cases, I didn't. Misery = compelling shit.

    For me, it's all about the cringe test. If I read what I've written 5 years later, is it going to make me wince? That particular post smacks of cringe.

    But that post is not the whole blog. There's funny, wonderful shit in there.

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  64. Wonder if these two are related:

    7. I am not one to censor myself.

    6. My marriage is shit and we are probably getting a divorce. (before the list)

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  65. Fuck it. I'm going off to write about mouth to ass sex.

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  66. PTW writes:

    But that post is not the whole blog. There's funny, wonderful shit in there.

    Yes, I agree. I liked some of this blog, which is why this post was so distressing.

    Sometimes, blogging is about learning WHEN and HOW to censor yourself. You don't really have to lay everything out there.

    That's what a private personal journal is for. There are some issues that don't need to be aired for an audience.

    The other night, I was at a bar with a bunch of friends from work, and one of my female co-workers kept referencing this "funny" scenario that happened with her soon-to-be-ex husband. And, of course, my boyfriend and I are total voyeurs, and we wanted to hear the story. And the girl told us.

    The story was so laced with pain, and bitterness, and regret, and it had so much personal information about her ex---it made EVERYONE horribly uncomfortable. It was NOT funny. In no sane world will it ever be funny. And, now, I will never be able to see her ex without visualizing him with a handful of cum in the flickering blue light of a computer screen.

    *shudder*

    Some things deserve to be published. The post on being abused and trying to avoid that behavior--there is a point to airing stories like that publicly. It HELPS people to hear it. You learn something, as a reader.

    But the list...there was no good reason to publish it. And, that's where judgement comes in, as a blogger, about where the lines of telling your secrets, and TMI, fall.

    And, the fact that you WANTED your husband to read that? Appalls me.

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  67. Key:

    Well-done you. IMHO, there aren't nearly enough stories about ATM out there in the blogosphere.

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  68. I really REALLY want to go on a date with XBox.

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  69. See what happens when I take a day off to go yard saleing? Damn. But I got two awesome powerwheel's ATV's for $12.00! Hope to God that the work.

    Here's my thoughts (as if anyone asked):

    Remember my old blog, no, I didn't think so. I listed the reason that I destroyed it as being approached by the State Police and that was true, but there was another reason. I had written something personal about my hubby and he read it. We had a HUGE fight. I felt like I had dirtied the whole blog because of the fight. I would never feel the same way about the blog. I also felt like I had betrayed him because people in our town, people at his work place were readers. So I left for a more anonymous venue.

    There's nothing anonymous on the web. Esp. if your hubby is a geek. He can find me just by my ISP address.

    I liked this blog, I liked the writing, it was entertaining and for some blogs, I can barely make it through two posts before I am clicking out.

    She wrote dangerously. I liked that. I hated her husband and I don't even know him, but it sounds like someone else here does, I think that's the problem. For me, I connected immediately over that relational tension and that's good for the reader.

    Good blog, great review, too much real-life exposure for the writer, which led to a real ass-fisting on the comments.

    This is very common and not unlike the first lady writers in the 1800's who had to hide their identities simply for being writers. This is life on the web, I am sad that the blog is not available to the public now.

    This is another reason why my victim's screenshots that I have taken to showing, are valuable. The readers can see the blog even after it ceases to exist.

    Keep writing Petite G. and get yourself an anonymous venue on wordpress. You'll love it.

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  70. One final comment and then I'm signing off for the night.

    Thank you to all my loyal supporters and some that have come out of the woodwork.

    Thank you Bitter for an honest and constructive review.

    Thank you Mutha for the nice words. I think that the people that really understand what I write have some personal experience in the matter.

    And finally thank you LB, yes I said thank you, for being honest and although at times a bit harsh under the circumstances, maybe we have more in common than you or I know. I normally don't apologize for who I am or what I say but I do think that I said some things that in the heat of the moment sounded ok, were not 100% true. I don't know you and you don't know me. Maybe it's better that we don't. Who knows. Either way, I did learn a few things along the way.

    1. Lists are for 12 year olds.
    2. Not everyone is going to like me.
    3. We all have our moments that make us strong, weak, sad, hurt and angry and I think I experienced all of them today.
    4. That we can all agree to disagree at times.
    5. I asked for it.

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  71. Wow, interesting how this became controversial. I glossed over the post in question mainly because 1) I'm not married and don't give a damn, and 2) I've been dumped because of my blog and didn't give a damn. Posts like that strike a chord with people, and that's fine. You'd be doing something wrong as a blogger if no one had a visceral reaction to what you've written, and those are the blogs I like.

    But, yeah, if you're going through a divorce soon, you should probably make it private for the time being. Totes understand.

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  72. In a funny way, PG has taken the review astonishingly well, and taken he points on board, considering she was called a cunt somewhere in there.

    That SO gives me the horn.

    Mr Lady - Name the time and place, I actually don't think you would slap me.

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  73. Xbox: Right down here. Anytime.

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  74. And after reading all this I'm too late to see the blog. Damn, people take themselves seriously.

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  75. People in the sun - I'll send you an invite. I have to warn you though. I've been told I'm a bit of a cunt.

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  76. Thanks. Just came back from your blog. I don't think you're a cunt. But what do I know. It's been a while since I've seen one.

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  77. Well, she has the equipment to be a cunt, but overall, she's the anti-cunt.

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  78. Apparently Ghost, I'm not allowed to make lists anymore either. Is LB a grandmother? But that's ok. At least I know my review was not fluffed by begging for mercy. What's the point of asking for a review if you're going to beg for slack? If you can't take the truth, then it might be time to start asking mommy if you can extend your curfew an extra hour.

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Grow a pair.