Wednesday, August 27, 2008

So, beauty IS only skin deep

Goody fucking gumdrops.

I had myself a semi when I saw the name of the blog up for review, Tatooed Mama.

I have both tattooed, and I have a mama, so this should be right up my street.

Lovely stuff’ I thought, ‘we’ll get some great drunken inking stories from a spunky lady living it up with kid in tow’.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

Credit where it’s due, the blog looks good. Nice and pretty, not laden down with bling.
Also, she does state very clearly what the blog is all about:

“…marriage, tattoos, cupcakes, little one, my love for electronics, and even useful info.. You know, things that I think you need to know or buy.”

Hideously, that is very accurate.

That’s where the credit ends, why anyone other than family or stalkers would be interested is beyond me.

It’s very, very dull.

There are almost zero personal entries in there. So few in fact, I can show you the highlights.
This, as it includes her gorgeous daughter and farting noises, was funny. This, I thought would be the beginning of something interesting as I moved through the archives, but there it ended, and we were promptly back to frosting, or her blackberry, or one of her other sites, or why she’s changed her layout for the 643rd time.

Telling us over and over again that you are not a writer doesn't help matters.

Frustrating to read, especially when she gave a faint glimpse of some of the sarky attitude she has.

Oddly enough, on Monday I visited the blog and none of the navigation worked, everything landed back on the front page. Unfortunately for me, by Tuesday it was back in working order, but I soon found that the whole thing could have been easily summed up by those front page entries.

You seem like an interesting lady but you don’t show us any of it. Cute kid, interesting body art, but a dreadfully boring blog, and frankly I’d rather scrape the tattoo of Freddie Mercury off my scrotum with a rusty spoon than read another entry.

At best, I'm the wrong audience by a country mile, at worst this is so very, very:

(I guess I’ve blown my chances of having a freebie from the husband?)


  1. Perfect description. The blog does look good, but it is just a bit... meh.

  2. Two thoughts. First, the blog design is pretty, but what in the hell does it have to do with being a tattooed mama? Nothing, that's what. At the very least, you should think about using a graphic with one of your tattoos or going with something Ed Hardyesque to fit your blog's name and them.

    Secondly, she stops short, and I find this incredibly frustrating. For instance, consider this post. All of her tattoos are meaningful to her, and she shows us a picture of one, but does she ever explain what in the sam hell it means? Please be more expository.

  3. I'm a girl, so I kinda like the design, even with teeny type and three columns. She could stand to roll up the archives and categories. The pictures are pretty. And I like tattoos. And she has a darling child.

    But this is where I don't get the world sometimes. Why blog if you can't write? Or if you can't write, at least be interesting? Isn't that kind of the point? Or maybe it's not and I'm laboring under a misapprehension.

    I think I'd really like the Tattooed Mama in person. But on screen something is missing. And don't get me started on the ellipses.

  4. Ah, I love The Tattooed Mama. She's a great person and a niche blogger.

    Not for everyone.

  5. Ok, look, mothers with tattoos, emo kids with neck tattoos, the general public: tattoos don't give you personality. Nor does it give you any kind of 'street cred'. Knowing that, if your tattoos are meaningless, well, you're just a fucking easter egg. This blog was total shit, and I haven't been so happy in such a long time. It's good to see you guys doing what you do best: creating new orifices. I think I'm going to go rub one out.

  6. I love this review! It only confirms what I've already said, my blog is boooooooring! It's sad but I hardly have time to write in it and when I do, it's something random... yet I still have readers?! Who knows why!

    and a guy had to do my review? Yikes! I don't think I have ever had a male reader, well.. besides my husband, who only reads my blog to find out what I've been up to...

    :) So awesome blog design, lame ass content. I can live with that.

  7. and look at her dignity and grace.

    Now if Key can just do whatever it is that he's doing over there with dignity and grace.

    Remember Key - God is watching.

  8. God is probably laughing, too. Maybe pointing.

  9. Re: the blog design, I never said 'awesome'.

    I said "..the blog looks good. Nice and pretty..."

    That's not filling me with awe by any stretch of the imagination.

  10. Father Gene - I didn't say you stated that my design was awesome. ;) awesome, good, pretty, like, it's all the same to me. I've chosen to go with the former..

  11. Laughing, pointing and telling his buddies, "dude, you've got to see this shit."

    And Gene - Couldn't you just let her have that? Did you have to hit your lack of awe all the way home? She does design blogs for a living.

  12. Betsey - Could you ever imagine me saying "nice and pretty"? Hella nice maybe.

  13. Tattooed mama - Fair enough, just clarifying.

    Betsey - I know she does and she's free to use my endorsement "the blog looks good. Nice and pretty", not one that says "awesome".

  14. Oh Tattooed Mama - You are hella pretty too!

    I suggest your next tattoo says "nice and pretty"

    Hey, now that I say that... I think that's what mine will say too.

  15. Betsey - Nice & Pretty. Done deal. Only if it's a tramp stamp.

    and I was perfectly content with writing a blog post today that said "Thanks for the review and for not ripping me totally apart."

    Shit. Plan was spoiled.

  16. Perhaps you should channel your inner redneck and go all ape shit on them.

    And the tramp stamp location is already full. Is Nice and Pretty a good chest piece or no?

  17. We all need something to cling to. I chose chocolate.

    Also, if you wouldn't say "nice" or "pretty," find something you would say and make your blog look like that instead. I'd say Raxicoricofallipatorius, but I haven't a clue how that translates to blog design. Something in blue, perhaps.

  18. Betsey, for a chest piece, if you're naming the girls "Nice" and "Pretty," that could work. But one might be a little miffed.

  19. Well that's better than "lefty" and "not as big as lefty".

  20. Damn! I should have thought about that before I got my chest piece. Ugh.

  21. could always try 'nice' 'personality' for a chest piece...

  22. God quit watching along time ago, trust me. But when he does look down on me, I'm sure he's telling his peeps, 'That's a cock. I made that. Bow down. It's perfect.'

    Also, go check my blog again, wenches. I'm actually going to whore myself out for something decent. We'll start the aplogies with you, Tits. Calamity, you're next. Betsey, I can call you that, right, this is as dignified as I'll ever be.

  23. That is no way to actually get sympathy votes in the hottest blogger contest, Key.

  24. I'm not looking for sympathy, I do charity work throughout the year, and this is a pretty good opportunity. I'm a scumbag, but I'm not a fucking scumbag.

  25. Oh jeez... No one was calling you a scumbag.

    At least not today.


Grow a pair.