Monday, September 08, 2008

Genius is in the eye of the beholder

What the blogosphere really needs more of are tripped out post-adolescents with no discernible responsibilities or life experiences.

Benjamin Disraeli once said, "Mediocrity can talk; but it is for genius to observe." The best bloggers are also often the best observers. They recount, with vivid detail, life's rich pageant.

Genius, my dear, you are not. But, we shall still observe and learn from you. You do some things right (although, this is, I suspect, luck and not skill). You do more wrong.

What this blog does right:
Some of our readers could learn from this blog's template. Stripped down, naked, set on an angle, it forces the reader to focus in on content, without distraction. Once I got used to the odd horizontal nature of the layout, my appreciation grew. It's dark like my soul, but some people appreciate a little darkness. At least it isn't home to ten million widgety busy gizmos that make my head want to explode.

The title, however, could use work, as could the self-description.

What this blog does wrong:
The content is hilariously awful.

I decided midway through this review that this blogger must be male. After all, women generally don't feel a need to brag about our mad whizzing skillz.

However, before this blog is deleted, you should read it. Not because it's good, oh, no, it isn't good. It is the opposite of good. But, you should read it anyway so you don't miss out on its inadvertent humor and gems like this:
Most of the menu items sound like names of terrorists so I’m sure they must taste like the bomb

Or, this:
When your body is aching and shit and your brain is throbbing and all, the natural response is to provide pain relief to it. How? By massaging and shit, resting, stretching, yoga postures, drinking more water, etc. The pain is a natural feedback mechanism to healing.

Literally, EVERY FUCKING POST drips with ironic opportunities for cynical mockery.* Dude...there's your new title. Run with it.

The blog isn't long, and it looks like it started in June and ended in July. However, some days, especially Mondays, we just need something to ridicule.* This is one of those days. Enjoy!

It won't make you think, it won't reveal any heartbreaking posts of staggering genius, but it might just make you spew coffee on your keyboard as you read through this poor sap's first month of hyper-acute navel-gazing and self-aggrandizing proclamations that fall into the category of sadly ridiculous.*

At the least, spending ten minutes browsing this blog will make YOU feel like a fucking genius. I give it:

Quick like a bunny, before he knows he's been reviewed and deletes his secret shame, run like the nasty voyeurs you are, and laugh your guts out. And, never say I don't give you anything, you bitches.

*my suggestions for new title possibilities.


  1. Jesus. Kids today, eh?

    "Today I want to talk about sleep cycles."

    Today I want to talk about how you suck harder than Katie Morgan.

  2. The titled implied that we'd receive so much more than we were given in the content.


  3. Yes, well, I'm just glad he discovered Starbucks. It's refreshing to know that they will never run out of idiots at Starbucks.

  4. IM, yeah, but none of us asked for this shit.

  5. Worthless shit.

    Defaming the good name of excrement.

    (...and LB - you need to answer my question sweet pea)

  6. boy genius says "I’m pretty damn glad that Obama won the presidential election campaign."

    He won the democratic nomination dumbass.

    You know what my favorite part of this blog is? You can read the whole thing in 5 minutes. Finally a pantload too lazy to be prolific.

  7. before he knows he's been reviewed and deletes his secret shame

    Google Cache much?

  8. Occasionally, but only if they're worth it.

  9. Wow.

    That title.... could he be sued for false advertising?

    My stuff's not great, but I'll be damned if it's not better than that.

  10. Feel like a genius now, doncha? Just doing my part to build your self-esteem. ;)


Grow a pair.