Thursday, October 16, 2008

New Delhi's Depp

I'm in a bad mood.

Timmy's mammy has pulled him from the alter boys, and I really could use his services.

So, what have we this week? Why the Blackbeard Chronicles of course, well shiver my fucking timbers.

I wish mister Crowley was a real bastard, then I could dissect him properly. Unfortunately this fucker seems to be a decent chap, articulate, with a reasonable sense of humour.

Although he has an Irish name, he IS a lawyer, in India. Obviously.

Can you imagine that fucking divorce hearing?

'You sir, get the estate, the staff, the assets, the marble rickshaw, and the children, and you Madam get to torch your wretched corpse on a flaming pyre'

'Sir gets to light it'

Anyway, the blog.

This Indian lawyer, is, um… a pirate, well fuck me anyway. Judging by the header a dead pirate who hangs around the set of Dawson's Creek.

The content is good. 'Good' in the sense that if I said 'average' it would be seen as an insult, so 'good'. Better than average.

It's varied, ranty, funny, even intriguing now and again.

Always written to a good standard.

Well done young man, now fucking listen up, my problem with you is this: I don't believe you are really into it.

I think you have a blog because you think you should have one, and you apply yourself to it in the same way you do to every other project you undertake, the result is a job well done, but nothing more.

It's formulaic, forced, fabricated, and monotone.

Something is missing, the real bite, the real spark, the real belly shaking. Basically, any personality. Your allegiance to Metallica is the only hint of human I can smell.

You said your blog was like a turd, it's not. Examining a turd can tell you a lot about from whence it came, and what makes it what it is, your blog does not.

2 stars for a job well done, (which is quite the bollock tickler seeing as I actually don't really like it at all) and due to zero 'uuumph' , you get a meh.


  1. I added this guy to my reader recently, not sure how I came across him, probably here. I´m too much of a lazy bitch to dig into archives though so I added him purely because he´s piratey, he´s in India and he´s a man (I read so few dude blogs that when I find one that can even remotely write I give them the benefit of the doubt).

    I like what little I´ve read so far though.

  2. I dig Crow. He's good people, in this dry, detached, and entertaining sort of way. But I agree, he needs to get more into it. Because when he does, it's awesome, and when he doesn't I get mad at him in my head and leave offensive comments.

    So take that, Crow.

  3. So you wouldn't eat crow, Rass?

  4. I like it, in a kind of bored with it all and resigned way. But you're right, Father. It needs a bit more effort.

  5. key: no, but I'll take some humble pie.

  6. I like Crowley, but I wish he'd give us more. He's snarky and hilarious on here, I wish his blog showed more of that.

  7. Crowley would like to thank the Padre for this review. It greatly relieves Crowley that he has (yet again) gotten away with murder.

    Crowley also hopes and prays that Timmy the altar boy comes scuttling back to the good Father. Rather he have Father's ferret roaring up his arse than I ;)

    And I agree with Father and the rest of the gang; that I need to put more into BBC, and that it could do with a general increase in the snarky-quotient (I Lurve Bites. Nobody's ever called me snarky). Remedial efforts shall be made henceforth.

    Right then, wankers. Now for Crowley's reply to the review.

    1. Padre, terribly sorry to cream your image of a divorce hearing in India. The 'wife on the flaming pyre' bollocks went out of style with Carnaby Street trousers. The average divorce hearing in India, today, goes something like so:

    'You madam, get the estate, the staff, the assets, the kids, and most of your husband's income for the next gazillion years. And you sir, get to sit on a red-hot poker and rotate.'

    2. You don't believe that I'm into it? Well, I am, though I also agree that you may not get that impression from most of my posts. You DO remember what I do for a living? So, some of that lawyer drabness has a tendency to dribble (and sometimes flood) into my blogwriting. But thanks for pointing that out.

    3. Formulaic? Hmm, could be. Forced? It could sound so. In real life, I'm not very expressive of my emotions. Can be mistaken for a dead halibut on a slab. So, yes, the 'forced' bit is probably right. FABRICATED? I honestly sound like that? I assure you, sir, all this stuff has happened to me. I may have embellished a little bit to make it sound interesting and funny, but all this is fact. Monotone? Working on that, working on that....cut me some slack :P

    4. Zero for 'ummph'? Ok, I can live with that, but does it look like I have tits? :P

    All the same, thanks for review. I was expecting a real bollocksing from the Padre. I guess I got off light.

  8. Could you please write more "lawyer in india" stories? I'd like those, particularly if you inject your wit and perspective.

  9. LB, believe me, I'd love to write funny/interesting lawyer stories. The sad bit is, there are really very few of those. Also, the really funny ones will become 'inside jokes', which probably only lawyers would get....but still. Request noted. Will put up some more of those :)

  10. Kind of like how accountants tell jokes about deferred taxes and laugh their asses off, and then I laugh at them and they think I get it?

  11. Funny, articulate, witty, but formulaic.

    You've numbered your points for the love of Jesus...

    Let loose Mr Crow, let down your barrister wig hair. Treat the world like your statue, perch, aim, and defecate.

  12. Accountant jokes? Like how Sherlock Holmes never pays tax because he makes brilliant deductions? ;)


Grow a pair.