Sex Kitten or Plodding Pussy?

A review by Miss Missives:

When I saw my latest victim, Pitter Patter of Pink Piddy Paws: Tackling life and love with laughter and kitty treats, nestled among the days emails, I threw up in my mouth a little. Kitty is a divorcee' who has named and themed her blog after her cat.

Pretty, pretty please, not another blog filled with picture after picture of some woman's cat dressed like Hermione from Harry Potter. No more lumbering, lengthy, lamenting posts of nights alone forming cobwebs in her underbrush and dulling her senses with the dulcet tones of Deal or No Deal and cheap Thai takeout.

Never one to shirk work without good reason, I gave serious consideration to slamming my fingers in a door so that I'd have a worthy excuse to offer up for having not completed my assignment. Sadly, I couldn't think of how to satisfactorily slam both hands simultaneously so I relented and began my descent into what would no doubt be putrid platitudes, the stinky spatter of kitty spew and a festering filthpot of feline felching.

Right off the bat, Kitty alluded to her upcoming review where she wondered if she'd, "take it up the tailpipe from her reviewer". Now Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Miss Missives is a lady and the only thing I'll be strapping on for your review are my ass-kicking boots.


Thankfully, Kitty writes very little about her cat and much more about her affinity for girl boobies much like our resident Dirty Pirate Hooker, her boyfriend's inappropriate fascination with little people and her sex life.

Sometimes titles promise titillation, but end up rather neutered upon reading. Some posts are quietly confessional and relateable. Others are a little sexy and sweet.

Kitty dear, you are funny, personal and sometimes snarky but you are one rambling, wordy trollop. Your writing would seriously benefit from a giant, eye-pokingly sharp red pencil. Cut out 30% of what you originally plunk down and you'll be 80% more readable. Your paragraph structure, or lack thereof, starting every sentence on a new line and abundant use of extraneous punctuation is less the interesting meanderings of conversation and more the spastic flailing of someone who should don a padded helmet. When people over thirteen write things like, "This weekend was A..M..A..Z..I..N..G..!!!," it makes Miss Missives want to D..I..S..M..E..M..B..E..R them slowly while they are fully conscious!!!

As for the niceties or lack of when it comes to the overall structure. For the love of Miao-Shan clean up your sidebar, it looks like a twelve year old girl's junk drawer all manner of detritus tumbling about. As for your posts, I prefer 'posted by', 'comments', and 'labels' at the end of the post rather than at the beginning as you have it. When the post begins with the title and date, your site looks much cleaner and easier to navigate.

Kitty, there's good stuff here and you post regularly so you get a big gold star for that but much of it's buried in wordiness and lost in your sometimes nonsensical wandering. You don't have to lose your 'voice' by structuring your writing more carefully, it would actually make your point of view come through more clearly. That along with some relentless editing and you're on your way.