Wednesday, October 29, 2008

One for sorrow

Do you know what a magpie is? Of course you do.

Do you know what a magpie does? Perhaps, but let me fill you in.

They are birds who line their nests with anything shiny or reflective they come to lay their beady eyes on.

Basically, they spy things of value to others, take them, and parade them as their own.

Welcome to the world of Los Cuatro Ojos. A magpie in blog form that posts pictures from around the internet every day.

A decent template, and a catchy title, which is all clever and bilingual and shit so it can leave both Patrick and Paco feeling like they've wasted their time.
It's really quite inclusive in it's monstrosity, I dozed off before I finished the not so hilarious tagline.

This kind of blogging has a place, I'm sure. Just not in my fucking reader.

I've never seen such a misguided waste of technology, web space, and obvious human effort as appears here. The fact effort was taken at all in the name of this cretinous creation is staggering.

I actually plead with you to explain to me what the fucking point of it all is?

Do you rush home daily, casting all other obligations aside, in order to post the same picture that will have been posted on four million other sites?

Do you have a thought of your own in that head of yours? There are mysterious 'essays' hidden away in links never to be explored.

Some of the pictures are funny, yes, but they were also funny on all of the other half billion sites I saw them on today.

This sepsis inducing collection of worthless, hacked to death humour is a dreadful reflection upon your own personality. Try as I might, having seen what you pass off here as a blog, I can only see your image as being rightfully tainted to the world at large.

I can't imagine you ever shaking with true laughter, just sweaty masturbatory residual fat rolling. I can never picture you picking up and returning an old man's 10 cent coin without knowing that you are concealing his quarter under your scabby hoof. I can't imagine you bringing anything of worth to humanity other than this shining example of all that is
wrong with mankind.

I can't imagine you imagining.

Soulless, worthless, and senseless uselessness which just drains my energy.

My life is worse off for having even fucking bothered.


  1. Miss Missives10/29/2008 3:01 PM

    Silage spilled across the blogosphere, stinkier than Stilton.

  2. The douche steals all this crap from the internets without linking to the sources, and then puts a copyright symbol at the bottom. My time would have been better served making my own goatse and taking pictures. They would probably end up on that blog.

  3. My favorite part of this review is the label.

  4. Yeah, but I bet this guy absolutely CANES me in the stats department. If I'm right (and I usually am) the lesson here is less original thought, more boogers on sticks.

  5. I find it strangely fitting that under his 'Daily Goodies' in the 'Today's Birthday' section, it is Joseph Goebbel, the infamous minister of Nazi propaganda, whose birthday is featured.

  6. will you be my bodyguard?

  7. I'm not even checking this one out. I'm way overdue on cutting someone so I have to pass.

  8. I was hoping I wasn't the only one who thought it sucked.

  9. I'm going to try posting pictures of boogersticks to test your theory.

  10. The blogosphere really is full of all kinds of shit, innit?

  11. why don't you cut him THIS time?


  12. Gimme a 'C'...
    Gimme an 'R'...
    Gimme a 'U'....
    Gimme a 'C'....
    Gimme an 'I'....
    Gimme an 'F'.....
    Gimme a 'Y'.....

    What's that spell? CRUCIFY
    What's that spell? CRUCIFY
    What the FUCK does that spell!!!!!!

    Just cutting them ain't cutting it, Father.

  13. I think I stepped in something. Oh, it's the blood of the guilty.

  14. 196 countries
    Average of 2000 hits per day.
    Record of 11,000 hits for one day.

    LCO will have hosted 500,000 unique visitors by the end of this month... 40% of whom look at more than one page... Which will lead me to break 1,000,000 hits before this year is over.

    You were on my site for less than 5 minutes... I can take a hit and as much criticism as you wish to dish out.... But... At least be honest and do a thorough vetting... Perhaps ...If you weren't 'so busy trying to be so very snarkily avant-garde... You might have more than 180 visitors a day... (Mostly from India, I notice.)

    Additionally... since you so blithely chose to overlook my rants and essays... You actually missed the part of my site that garners the most attention... My opinion essays have been featured on CNN and the BBC sites... In fact ... My highest hit days come on the days that I post an essay or rant.... Not to push the pin too deep... But my last rant pulled almost 50,000 hits in one week.

    Sorry if you're PMS'ing and can't laugh at the ridiculousness of what our fellow humans put themselves through ( Since you "beg" me to explain the meaning of the site!)... Didn't you read the description I submitted?!?... In fact... Your statement that my site is a "shining example of all that is wrong with mankind" Is exactly it , you doltish, dilatory dildo...

    Did I not state in my submittal that my site has "a decidedly sarcastic tilt towards exposing the ridiculousnes of it all"?

    I have no choice but to put you in the pitiable, petty, petulant, pusillanimous, pretender pile.

    In the meantime... I shall continue to build a steady stream of fans and readers and continue to regularly place in the top 100,000 of the 100,000,000 websites rated by Alexa. (I see that you've broken into the top 300,000.... Congrats!)

    Hey "People in the Sun"... You do that goatse... I'll post it!
    Hey "prayingtodarwin"... I've been to your site before... Not bad... But you're right... I absolutely pwn you in stats... You're not even in the top 1.5 million!

  15. Does FourEyes realize he just proved that most people are idiots, and we are the intellectual elite?

    We should all hit up MENSA.

  16. Foureyes isn't nearly self-aware enough to realize the irony of the fact that he submitted himself to our scrutiny, and then attempted to ream us. Yeah, dickweed. We suck. That's why you asked what we think.

    The consensus is that you suck. You can take that one, and stick it way up into your sitemeter.

  17. Of course, Rassles, we already knew we are the elite.

  18. Mensa? Does she do anal?

    But yes, elite.

  19. Jesus, irony. I used that same middle finger in a blog of mine.
    Please don't review my blog you scary, scary person. But here's a link to the post.


Grow a pair.