Monday, November 17, 2008

The Mayor of Simpleton

Miss Missives would fashion a guess that most of us have an aunt who is always sending this sort of thing via email. I would bet it's pretty safe to say that nearly all of us have worked somewhere with the crazy cat lady that posts these frequently. How about the uncle that is replete with forwards of the scatological variety, with an occasional smattering of jug jokes and other novelties. Now throw in that odd girl you went to high school with but never really talked to who found you on Facebook and now regularly forwards you this kind of stuff so you know which board game she is. Now imagine all of these people, coming together to form the single, greatest collection of email forwards ever, in one place, for your enjoyment.

Oh my, oops is right Amy because this has to be an accident. I dove deep into the archives on this one dear readers hoping that Amy started this blog in earnest but perhaps became overwhelmed with the skill and time required to actually write so started posting this blather. Sadly, this one was a bad seed from the start.

Usually a good thing when it comes to blogging, Amy posts frequently, in April alone she posted 218 entries, an average of seven per day. Granted, she's mostly uploading but still, who really has time to do all this? Likewise, how much time does she spend actually searching for it all? Above her profile is written “Meet the Author.” Author? Really? Amy, that's a bit of a stretch isn't it dear? I don't think reposting Lolcats makes one an author.

What is it about people selling insurance that robs them of a genuine sense of what constitutes funny? Is it perhaps because when your in a room full of other insurance people, you get a big head because you are “the funny one” of the group? Maybe you are but that's like being the smartest kid in special ed, your still in special ed right? Clearly, with regard to blogging, the new rule is, if 'funny' is found anywhere in the title or description, it's not going to be funny.

I'm not even going to get into the perversity of ads all over the site. Amy, there are far more honest and respectable ways to earn a living dear. For instance, you could become a telemarketer, start your own pyramid scheme, bilk old ladies out of their pensions or learn to shoot ping pong balls out of your lady business.

Now I bet you're going to say, Miss Missives where's the artfully delivered constructive criticism you are known and loved for? Let's be honest with each other Amy, you didn't really come here to be reviewed because 99% of your material belongs to someone else. What you want is traffic, more click throughs, a few more votes for best comedy blogger, and to sell some t-shirts at cafepress.

Amy, you post things that most of us summarily delete from our inbox, the only thing that makes this a blog is that you have a template, a rather ugly one at that. This is a repository for lame forwards. It feels like is an old lady's drawer of 'humor' clippings from Reader's digest and McCall's. No one cares what board game you are, or what breakfast cereal you are, or even what utensil you are .

This site is soulless and the furthest thing from funny.









23 comments:

  1. Nicely done MM.

    Can you add the shining toilet bowl to it? That icon is extremely impressive.

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  2. I've been keeping it inside for so long, and I can't deal with it anymore.

    I.

    HATE.

    LOLCATS.

    U HAZ NO FUNNY.

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  3. Oh Rassles, are you too old for the Big Brothers, Big Sistas program? Cause I want to adopt you.

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  4. "...or learn to shoot ping pong balls out of your lady business."
    What a hoot!
    I would absolutely read someone's blog if they had believed this to be a good idea, actually tried to learn how to do it, and then written about it.
    But that's just me thinking us humans and life and choices are all messy and everything.

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  5. Lady business. That got me all excited.

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  6. Speaking of lady business, I think I'm going to be all up in DPH before you are Gok.

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  7. A little rough yes, but you do laugh when you are there.

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  8. Yeah, well, its for a noble cause. You're allowed, FF. Don't forget to smack her ass.

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  9. Spot on review but ouch, this one's going to leave a mark.

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  10. I'm cool with it, I asked.

    At least I think it is funny.

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  11. It's more fun when they fight back but way to take your spankin' Amy.

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  12. yeah, sometimes i like it like that

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  13. Wow, I think my eyes actually bled reading that. Horrible. She should be ashamed of herself!!!

    FF, you better spank me when you're in my lady business on Saturday. Hey, if I throw in an extra $10 will you diddle my skittle for me?

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  14. I think if I could be any board game, it would be Clue.

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  15. omg, she has a "donate" button to keep the site running.
    LOL!

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  16. Franco, if we're lucky, she will accidentally delete her blog. You could help her out even. I'm such a humanitarian.

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  17. Smooth GoK, real smooth.

    Did we go to the same charm school?

    You've done the Alma Mater proud.

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  18. It would certainly seem that way, joe. I'm just getting warmed up.

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  19. Damn... Too easy. She actually didn't even write that 10-annoying-songs list.

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  20. It's like my 67-year-old father decided to gather all his multitudinous email forwards together into one place. Except my father would have boobs instead of smiling suns. And there would be more jokes about Democrats. And Yankees.

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  21. None of the guys in my family forward anything, it's the lady folk. I swear to Buddha that if I open up one more email from the aunties and see animated cartoon angels and messages that "I'm special" when she sent it to everyone in her address book, I'm going to shove needles in my eyeballs.

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  22. The angels would like you to know just how special you are, FF. So go ahead with the needles. Pics, plz.

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  23. I think that about ten people that send me crap would love her site. My head actually imploded as the site loaded. Geeze, thanks.

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Grow a pair.