And you think, "What the hell is he wearing? What heterosexual man would ever be caught dead wearing a purple velvet blazer and ankle boots? Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me."
Your attempt to redirect him with mind powers fails. Like a mosquito, he unerringly hones in on you, coming right up into your business and invading your personal space with his buzz.
And that seems bad enough, but then he opens his mouth.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
Your doelike eyes stare into his headlights, stunned by the fact that this tool has singled you out as if you have "pick me, douche" scrawled on your forehead.
"Ummm, come again?"
"Are you okay?" he asks again, more slowly this time.
"Sure," you say, turning away, slightly, to offer him your teflon-coated shoulder of doom.
"I just wondered," he says, breathing from his mouth, "because that must have been a long fall from heaven." He chokes on his own laughter.
You smile unsmilingly, and turn fully away from him, stifling his enthusiasm with indifference. He waits a while, then says, "Hey." You ignore him. "Hey," he repeats, a bit more loudly. You wish for him to leave.
"Fucken bitch," he mutters under his breath as he turns and splooges away, back to his corner.
Problems with this blog:
1) Hideous template
2) Ten million ads.
3) Humor that stopped being humorous when I was about 15.
4) FUCKING TRIES TOO HARD AND FAILS MISERABLY.
In short, I offer you the following site description, from the author himself:
This blog may or may not contain adult themes and may or may not be suitable for small children or nuns. Scary evil people and axe murderers will find this blog enjoyable.
If your are a small kid and you've somehow come across this site then make sure you tell all your friends about it, it will make you popular and rich!
We Don't get paid so make sure you leave a comment, subscribe, Stumble, Digg and all that other stuff. Fame and possible future profits are our award!
If you forget you might die, seriously its happened before, maybe.
Did I mention its a humor blog?
If you have to tell people that it's a humor blog, it isn't. Please stop polluting the blogo-sphere with your yak shit. This is one blog that should have been killed in utero before it was ever birthed in puke and sweat onto the interwebs.