Thursday, February 12, 2009

Vanilla, Chocolate, Pirate.

Today's scheduled victim was in a terrible trebuchet accident and the kind crew here decided it would be easier on the family not to run his review. Instead, we have one of our guest reviewers to fill in. If there's anyone Miss Missives would call to take over a lashing session, it would be the Dirty Pirate Hooker. She's clearly a masochist and a sadist because she is voluntarily walking down the aisle with Ghost of Keywork in the near future. She is flexing her mean muscle here a little in preparation for married life where she'll have to keep her dirty little raccoon in line. -Miss Missives


Good morning, it is I, the Dirty Pirate Hooker. I’ve been dying to do a guest review and when the lovely Miss Missives popped up in my inbox with today’s review, I was excited! I was expecting a blog about some wannabe whore that I could shame in front of the masses. Instead I got this.

Let's talk about your template, shall we? First of all let me say, that 20 posts per page are way too fucking many, and because of how many you have on each page, your blog takes forever to load. The first thing my eyes are assaulted with upon visiting your blog is your ginormous fucking header. You boast on your header about your "twisted" sense of humor, but the only thing I found funny on your blog was your disgusting need for people to like you. I mean come on honey, have some dignity. Do you really need 14 ways for someone to follow you? That just screams, "I'm fucking desperate, love me". Also, the navigation on your blog sucks. Get a drop down for your archives and do it by month and year. Nothing irritates me more than clicking on "older posts".

I need to clue you in on a little secret. Are you listening? Blog awards are like getting a medal at the special olympics. You may be a winner, but you're still fucking retarded. Sure there's something to say about being given an award, but you file away that fuzzy feeling and you leave it at that. You don't post them up on your blog and list the number of times these awards have been given to you. And seriously? You have a humorblog button that lists how many people voted for you? You're not even funny, like at all. The only thing I'm going to say about your pathetic attempt to make money off of your blog is, that design sucks and all of the clothes on there are ugly.

As for the content, I really have nothing nice to say. My first thought when I started reading was, "can I be mean to a woman who just got punched by her ex"? Then I kept reading and decided yes, I can. Lisa, you don't take responsibility for anything, which is clearly evidenced here , here, the second half of this post, I could keep going but I think you all get the point. I fear that blogging is like a popularity contest for you. Bitch, you're addicted to your blog and are blogging for all the wrong reasons. You don't even write about anything in particular. It's all just crap that I have no interest in reading and I can't even fathom why others would want to either.

The only time that I laughed out loud while reading this waste of space was during this post. I want to be bff's with the kid who texted you and then later wrote the apology letter. I want him/her to have their own blog because that was some truly entertaining shit right there.

Lisa, I hate your blog and wish that it would die a slow and painful death. For that reason, I am giving you 3 flaming fingers, and this one as well. It seems so fitting.









153 comments:

  1. This blog is almost everything I hate about blogging.

    If only she were pandering for sponsorship to go to Blogher she would be worse.

    Speaking of which, I tried to get someone to sponsor my drunken, scene making, party crash for Blogher and no one took me up on it.

    I hate domestic violence, but her blog made me want to punch her too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tits, when is Blogher? Would it help if I sent you boxtops? My punk's school seems to think there is some value in them.

    And yes, this bitch sucked ass.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tits, I'm sure your husband hates having to tell you twice.
    Oh, the review: aaaaarrrgh, that be scathing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ghost, it's hard for him to tell me anything twice, when he has to use pictures for me to understand it at all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That's what I thought. I'm trying to play nice, Tits. Is it working?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Betsey Booms, I will sponsor you. I need someone else to throw up in the bathroom of the Westin with me. It's tacky alone, but classy in pairs.

    As for, "You may be a winner, but you're still fucking retarded."

    All I'm saying is, GoK better watch his ass. I'm so stealing you from him. That was genius.

    (I will add that I don't understand why everyone has signatures at the end of their posts. Are these all group blogs? I thought it was taken as given that the person who owns the blog writes on it. MAKE THE SIGNATURES STOP.)

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  7. Mr.Lady: I hate signatures too. The only ass I'll be watching is DPH's. I'm pretty confident that my glorious balls trump whatever battery-powered prosthetics you may or may not have to offer.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mr. Lady, I agree with you on the signatures and I was going to say that, but I sort of felt like that was really the least of her problems.

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  9. Because of my meanness overload earlier in the week, I feel like I have to find something nice to say. Here it is: I want to steal her dog. She is precious and I love her. I want to nom on her ears and scratch her little pot belly.

    Hooker, you are so right about this blog. Plus it has the three-column template of doom. And where's the twisted stuff? I couldn't find any. Not even a corkscrew.

    I usually try to hate the blog, not the blogger, but reading what she wrote about divorcing herself from her family? Is that's all it takes to write your flesh and blood off -- not being invited to participate in a lavish lifestyle? Or did I miss something heinous, like wire hangers?

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  10. Oh my god. I can't even express in the normal range of human emotion how much I hate this blog. I can't breathe, I hate it so much. I hate when people claim to be twisted and then they aren't. It's a huge let-down for me.

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  11. Cal, yes the dog was just about the only good thing on that blog.

    And I totally agree with you. I don't think I have ever hated 'the person', but I genuinely hate this bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This blog did have a twisting effect in that I feel nauseated. Other than that, her blog really twists my sac. That's a bad thing.

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  13. I was wondering when the Hooker was going to review. Nice job.
    This chick is a fucktard. Get over yourself already! You orphaned yourself in 2006 and you're still whining about it in 2009? I cut ties with my mom in Dec. of 08 and I'm already over it. Grow up.

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. Ok, that blog about Lisa disowning her entire family because she and "her boys" didn't get invited to the fabulous beach house? That makes me glad for her family that they don't have to deal with such a self-centered human being anymore. Maybe Lisa has behaved entitled all her life, which is probably WHY they don't include her in family stuff. Plus she seems annoying. Maybe she actually is a nice person in real life but it's certainly not coming through in her blog. I can see how hiding behind words can make us bold to a fault. I'm a humanist...I believe in the goodness of people. So I'm hoping against hope that this blog is just an extreme version of Lisa and not the real deal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ghost, I don't need plastic. Plus, my tongue can outlap your balls any day. Think about it; you know I'm right. Don't worry, we'll let you watch.

    I missed the disowning part. Over a beach house? I GOT wire hangers, and that was on the best day, and it still took me 10 more years to disown those fuckers.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Seriously, Mr. Lady. I got belts, spoons, you name it. I still LOVE my parents. I just can't wrap my brain around this woman's mentality and justifications. Maybe there is more to the story that she just isn't able to talk about.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Trebuchets are really useful, with the right upgrades, in Age of Empires II.

    Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Outlap?

    GoK baby...you've got competition.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank fucking god for Thanato. I was beginning to think I was the only nerd around here.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lady: you don't produce semen. I'm still not scared. Because you will never be able to put pearls on her neck like I can.

    ReplyDelete
  22. She could always just grab some watered down lotion and squirt.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Of course it would lack that "just out of your nuts" warmth. This is where the microwave comes in. I admit, not as compact a procedure, but still.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Eh, I love the purple headed yogurt slinger far too much to give it up entirely.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love Rise of Nations way more!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Is that like Rise of Pants?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sorry, Thanato broke my concentration. I have some 12 sided dice to go roll...

    ReplyDelete
  28. DPH, good fucking call on that Letter of Apology. (post-scripting with "send that loser son of yours to counseling"? brilliant.)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Rass, right?!? And what kid that age has the balls to send someone's mom a text saying, "U stupid bitch".

    I hope that kid is my punk 10 years from now. I hope, I hope, I hope.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Getting pissed because your sister didn't invite you to the lakehouse? For reals? Sisters can be bitches, or wrapped up in their own lives or just assuming...whatever, you are really going to "breakup" with a sister over that? Good luck having friends for more than a few weeks, because your her expectations of others meeting her imaginary needs is waaaay too high.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh, and if that's all it takes to break up with a sister, good luck being married.

    ReplyDelete
  32. DPH: loves the cock.
    Dude that fucking kid is a badass!

    ReplyDelete
  33. FF, have no fear. In her most recent post she says that Facebook is her new bff.

    This might be good for her. At least FB can't punch her in the ovaries when she's being a self centered whore!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Mr. Lady - Anytime you want to sponsor anything that involves the possibility of you and I ralphing our guts up in a hotel bathroom, you're on like donkey kong.

    Ghost - Fabulous job playing nice.

    DPH - You are a dirty whore. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  35. While I admit that kid is badass, if my kid ever did that to an adult, well let's just say I'd pretend to be angry and then behind closed doors high five my husband over raising such an awesome creature.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Betsey, really...tempt not a desperate man.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Mr. Lady - If I lived by those words, I would have never landed a husband.

    This explains his propensity towards drunkeness.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hey I'm an engineer. I've been that way for almost 3 years now. You get used to after a while.

    Command & conquer FTW!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Shouldn't the reviewee have commented by now, letting us know that she has posted a response?

    ReplyDelete
  40. I like when they pretend the review never happened.

    It's my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My phone is pretending that comments aren't happening.

    ReplyDelete
  42. She's probably coming up with a "twisted" response that she can later blog about and ask people to vote for her on humorblogs cause she's soooooo funny.

    ReplyDelete
  43. We are all just hateful awful people.

    I'm sorry. Sometimes I channel Steel Magnolias. There's really no cure for it.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sometimes I channel Goodfellas.

    Then I beat a bitch down with a phone.

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  45. I took one look at her blog and promptly threw up.


    The end.

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  46. Oh, did anyone tell that her review was today?

    Although, I can't believe she's not checking her sitemeter.

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  47. Sometimes I channel Bambi and shoot single mothers in the woods.

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  48. If by 'awful' you mean 'awfully attractive' then yes, I am a very hateful, awfully attractive person. Biscotti?

    ReplyDelete
  49. >>Sometimes I channel Goodfellas.

    >>Then I beat a bitch down with a phone.

    Early contender for quote of the week?

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  50. And yes Tits, I left her a comment with the link about 30 minutes ago. But she has comment moderation, so it hasn't posted.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Comment moderation is for pussies.

    Now? I'm just channeling Joe Pesci, mostly because they always fuck you in the drive-thru.

    ReplyDelete
  52. This blog is the Weezer of all blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  53. And, I don't mean the band.

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  54. BB, I will sponsor you going to Blogher this year if you promise to tongue kiss Mr. Lady for me and maybe grope a boob.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Really? Because I thought of it as more of the armadillo cake of the blogs.

    "I do love a good piece of ass."

    And J? I'd be divorced when I got home but thanks anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Well, we do talk about weddings and psychotic animals. Especially since the Hooker is marrying one.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Or rather, the Ouiser of all blogs.

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  58. Is it just me, or is today's blog done in blush and bashful?

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  59. It's done in Pank and Pank.

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  60. Now I kind of want to have an armadillo cake at our wedding.

    Oooh! Maybe a raccoon roadkill cake!

    ReplyDelete
  61. And the review was penned in skank and skank.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Do not disparage Ouiser. Ouiser would fuck this blog up with a glance and a well-timed rejoinder.

    ReplyDelete
  63. You don't suppose we've ruined this girl's weekend, do you?

    You know, since this year it's all about her?

    ReplyDelete
  64. Well, she ruined my week having to read her blog, so I'm ok with ruining her weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  65. If I were her, this would have totally ruined my weekend. I would burn you all (well, including me) in effigy and sworn mighty (futile) vengeance with shaking fist and righteous fury.

    And then I would cry. With snot bubbles.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I bet she disowns us.

    And I'm not inviting her to beach house.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Speaking of beach house, this bitch will be there in 48 hours.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I love beach house.

    My love for beach house is similar (but greater) than my love for lamp.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Similar TO.

    The dropping of words is contagious. Like leprosy.

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  70. I have to say that I hate this blog more than ANY blog I've seen here in the longest time.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Cal, you funny lady.

    LB, blogger should send this blog to everyone who signs up as a "what not to do"

    ReplyDelete
  72. Considering my husband keeps sending me emails that read like Yoda wrote them, THE seemed superfluous.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Tits: Read them, you will. Understand them, you will not.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I think we need to develop our own award, using this graphic.

    ReplyDelete
  75. First of all: can I have that award? I have daddy issues, I do, I do.

    Second of all: You want to know what is really pissing me off? I realize this is a small thing compared to the other blogging atrocities on her page, but why does her headline read "Lisa"s Twisted Blog"? She uses a quotation mark instead of an apostrophe to denote possession. It is making me crazy. I mean more than I already am.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Oooh, I'm sorry "Twisted Lisa"s Blog". I switched up the words. It's such a misnomer that it's confusing me.

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  77. Gwen, that's funny, I didn't notice that at all and I spent a lot of time looking at that stupid fucking header while her page took an eternity to load. Clearly I'm not an observant person.

    ReplyDelete
  78. DPH - I choose to believe you have firewalls in your brain that protect you from those types of things. I, unfortunately, do not have such inherent protective features and, therefore, I notice a lot of shit that I really, really wish I hadn't.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Firewalls? Its more likely that those tidbits die trying to cross the immeasurable distance between skull and brain.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Ghost, I don't even understand what you just said there, can you draw me a diagram please?

    Where's my helmet?

    ReplyDelete
  81. I was implying that there is a lot of empty space in that gorgeous noggin of yours. Kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  82. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  83. I didn't mean to cause a mini-fight between you two. The last thing I want to do is come between you. Wait. Maybe I do.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Oh Gwen honey, this isn't a fight. This is foreplay.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Ghost, then next time just fucking say that, LL Cool Jesus!

    ReplyDelete
  86. Yeah, Gwen, this is the verbal equivalent of my hand down her pants.
    Whore: you like it. Don't lie.

    ReplyDelete
  87. If you make an award based on that picture and use it, I will tongue kiss all of you at BlogHer. At the same time. Even Yoda, so BB doesn't have to get a divorce.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I think that DPH should come visit you next time with an axe in the back of her pants, kinda like your former neighbor.

    ReplyDelete
  89. There is something fucking not right about BB's husband if he'd divorce her for making out with another woman. We'd send him video, for god's sake.

    ReplyDelete
  90. That's one hell of a Blogher party crash.

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  91. This bitch.
    She's got a honey pied French Bulldog. I want a honey pied French Bulldog.

    Could care less about her actual blog because I'm narcissistic.

    ReplyDelete
  92. I'm quite certain you ARE narcissistic, don't think I don't see all of your 6-times-a-day facebook status updates, but this blog sucked dusty desert camel balls. You missed nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Well, LB, at least I wouldn't have to explain why I keep an icepick under the bed.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Oh, you're into piercings. That's hawt.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I wonder how many keys to my room the hotel would give me?

    ReplyDelete
  96. I think I need to go home. I just visualized a blogger pile up in room 657 and I think i'm a little moist.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Lb, um, set phaser to stun and reread I.M.'S comment.

    ReplyDelete
  98. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  99. Well Lisa, you obviously do care since you're the one who submitted your blog to be reviewed.

    And all of those excuses you just laid out, don't excuse the fact that your blog still sucks ass and that you're a dumb bitch.

    Have fun in hiding. Are you by any chance in a huge vagina?!

    ReplyDelete
  100. If only I could resurrect comments.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Well, you sort of can:

    Twisted Lisa here.
    The reason I have my comments moderated is because the man who punched me, is stalking my blog trying to find out where I am. I am currently hiding because my life was threatened as was the life of my child. I really don't care if you like my blog or not...

    I can't believe that you are making fun of someone who has been physically abused and has chosen to leave.

    BTW, I have no internet where I am hiding, I borrow a friends cell phone to check email, sorry I wasn't holding my breath waiting for your review...I have other things on my mind right now.seek2find

    ReplyDelete
  102. We aren't making fun of her because she's been physically abused. We're making fun of her because she has a terrible blog. And, that isn't changed by the fact that she's a repeat victim.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Cool - It's like a zombie comment.

    Only it didn't have a brain alive or dead.

    Nice resurrection, DPH.

    It's like the LL Cool Jesus of comments.

    ReplyDelete
  104. PS - The world would be a cool place if people had to be nice to because someone punched you.

    I'd be like a queen or some shit.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Oh my, I love you whore.
    Lisa: you getting flogged by some dude didn't make you a shitty writer. The point of domestic violence is to control through fear and power, not flood the blogosphere with shitstain blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  106. From her blog: Here is the recipe, from what I can remember since I am still locked out of the house without my possessions.

    I call bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Yeah, I don't think I ever once said anything about it being funny that she got punched.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Exactly, LB. If Ghost hit me, his ass would be sleeping in his mother fucking car while I was cozy in the house with my kid.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Seriously. As someone who got punched in the FACE, and not in the chest, I have to say that if you are REALLY hiding out and being stalked on your blog, the items you are posting seem specifically designed to provoke your attacker.

    Getting in the way of a fist doesn't entitle you to shit, frankly. And, I'm saying that as someone who has been there, done that.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Most of my childhood was designed by fist.

    Hold on, I have to blog about how everything that is wrong with my life is because of that.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Its pretty sad when your only gimmick is getting hit.

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  112. Ghost - I can see you talking about me, duh.

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  113. Tits: you possess more than one gimmick, I love your stupid.

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  114. It takes a particular fiber of being to be my brand of stupid.

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  115. Really? I always thought it had more to do with chromosomes. Eh, you always keep me on my toes. I know better than to expect any consistency in your dumbassery.

    ReplyDelete
  116. I have to say, in all sincerity, that I used to live like this blogger, and even blogged it. But then, I went to therapy and worked very hard not to be a participant in domestic violence.

    In all seriousness, it takes two to tango in these relationships. You will not progress until you address and deal with the role you play. Playing the victim works for a while (and I will freely admit that I've been there, done that, although I could at least write the shit out of my victimhood). But, unless you want to keep living like that forever, the problem isn't him, it's YOU.

    And I say that with a sincere desire to help you.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Ghost - You know, if I had feelings, you might just hurt them.

    I drink because you're an asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Yeah, that recipe post for like egg sandwiches or something was really strange. If I were locked out of my house by my abusive boyfriend, I think I'd have better things to do or write about than recipes for sandwiches. I might be remembering incorrectly but I think she said they were sandwiches she used to make for him.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Seriously: I have a sincere desire to victimize DPH's danger zone.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Jesus Ghost, you're so insensitive!!!

    Sooo, you wanna come by in an hour and do that?

    ReplyDelete
  121. Whore: you bet your black ass I do. Oh, look, I just said 'I do'.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Ghost - you're welcome.

    Mostly because I see my influence at work in your use of words and phrases like shiv and danger zone.

    Now just remember, I know you only hit me because you care.

    ReplyDelete
  123. You know I wouldn't hit you so hard if you just brought out the 'A' material right away. But I'm glad you understand why I have to hurt you. Dum dum.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Ghost - You know the totality of our interaction is only because I've always been a sucker for the pity date, right?

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  125. I know, Tits, and I amazed at how much MORE I pity you now than I did when this whole thing started. Biscotti?

    ReplyDelete
  126. Ah! At last! I had sorely missed those tremendous flaming birds of doom.

    Also. I agree. That blog is about as twisted as a Q-tip.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Ghost - It's a sweet, fluffy little world in your mind that you are mayor and lone resident of.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Know what else is sweet and fluffy? Cotton candy. I love cotton candy.

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  129. Gwen I was thinking the same thing. Who blogs about sammiches in the midst of a crisis of that magnitude? You know who does that? Crazy people, and not fun crazy like us.

    I can't empathize if you're an idiot. I think I only like people who use humor(actual funny humor, not like humorblogs humor)to mask a myriad of childhood traumas.

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  130. And don't you think if you had a Punchy McBeaterson stalking your blog it might be wise to go private?

    LB, your right. It might only take one to start it but it takes two to keep playing.

    ReplyDelete
  131. 132 comments and nobody said it so I will: I'd hit it. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  132. It's like "A Good Man is Hard to Find," where a punch in the stomach would make us all see ourselves and the world clearly for the first time. Only it didn't. She just continues pretending to see the world with her pink shades. I wish her well, and I hope she never gets punched again, but I also wish for her to wake up. Changing your abuser's name from Mr. Twisted to Mr. X is not closure, it's avoiding the issues by disguising your pain with a joke.

    ReplyDelete
  133. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

    NO. im not coming back here i'm not clicking anything on this blog i'm not going to be abused every again.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Listen, as an only child, I fully admit that I can be queen bitch of self-centered whining, but this chick makes me want to punch a kitten.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Oh, and I once didn't talk to my parents for 3 months last year because they "forbade" me from dating a 21 year old, but that's just cuz they didn't understand how good the sex really was.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  136. Now I feel all left out because I didn't have a traumatic childhood.

    Dammit. There's nothing hotter than triumphing over opposing forces.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Rassles, I've considered divorcing my parents because my mom wouldn't buy me an Easy Bake Oven. I'm still traumatized that I never ate that weird little cake like all my friends got to.

    Assholes.

    ReplyDelete
  138. The comment section on Ask is my favorite place to be.

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  139. J- it's quite like the warm spot in the pool, ain't it?

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  140. More along the lines of the perfect spot at a concert. You can jump in the pit any time you want, but the view from outside is just as fun.

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  141. Under no circumstances are the words "makes me want to punch a kitten." acceptable.

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  142. Nice one DPH.

    Geez, I leave for a little while and this place turns into a fuckin block party.

    I don't know what I think of this blog because I didn't read a single post, because I boycott all blogs that have "funny" or "humor" in their header or otherwise claim somewhere that they are gonna make me laugh. It's too much pressure for me to deal with and I can't read on.

    When I read the comments about signatures I was all, "fuck you bitches, I always sign my posts" but then I accidentally caught a glimpse of her signature and it made me want to make love to a cactus, so I decided to stop signing my posts. Then I decided that I couldn't let a humourblogger influence me in that way, because then the humorbloggers would win. And I fucking hate humorbloggers.

    Did I mention I hate humorbloggers?

    ReplyDelete
  143. Dammit. Missed out on a fun commentchain again. More than the twisted bog...er, blog, what I really wanna know is: (a) Where in the world do you build trebuchets these days?; (b) what exactly was the trebuchet accident?; and (c) does this fellow also do siege engine accidents?

    On the reviewee. I may be sounding insensitive as hell here (but, what the fuck, it's almost valentines day), but if she's in hiding, and has no internet, how the holy FUCK is she churning out 200+ posts a year?!?!?!!??!?!

    ReplyDelete
  144. I feel the rare need to comment here. Why the fuck is she posting Eggs Benedict recipes when she's been abused and locked our of her house? Is this a fair question?

    I do love Eggs Benendict though and will try out the recipe.

    And where is her kids if she's been locked out of her house?

    ReplyDelete
  145. I don't know about you guys, but if I was broke and locked out of my house I would want nothing more than eggs benedict. Or waffles. No, beer. No...waffles.

    Who am I kidding?

    Beer.

    ReplyDelete
  146. or perhaps...GoK, help me out here.

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  147. Eh, if I was locked out of my house it wouldn't be eggs or beer. Fire axe to the fucking door is my recipe for lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I'm late to the party on this one, and this blog annoyed my ovaries. When my ovaries are annoyed I turn into She-Hulk and go apeshit.

    Is she a victim because he beat the shit out of her, or did she attract an abuser she's a victim? What came first?

    And orphaning yourself over some stupidfuckinginvitations? There's no other reason- no "They molested me" "They beat me" Just simply, "They don't beg for my attention and affection." If I wanted to visit my sister I'd say, "Bitch, put some clean sheets on that bed, fill your liquor cabinet and fire up that hot tub, I'm coming over." I certainly wouldn't wait and whine about it when it didn't happen.

    But then again, if she were my sister and invited herself over, I'd promptly leave the country. What an energy-suck.

    Good review, DPH. Nailed it.

    ReplyDelete
  149. "Blog awards are like getting a medal at the special olympics. You may be a winner, but you're still fucking retarded."

    DPH- You are fucking hilarious and should be a permanent fixture here (as if you weren't already).

    That blog header, and lame ass crap she writes about sucks hard... just like my mom. Sorry did that just come out of my fingers?

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.