Friday, March 13, 2009

I Loved The Part When Jesus Got Bitch Slapped.

Welcome, welcome, my loyal followers. Let us prey.

First, I would like to take a moment to talk about life's little wonders. The moments in life where everything in the universe lines up perfectly. This week, I'm having one such moment. An opportunity to really shine in the hearts of men, and in the pants of women. Today, you are going to witness the blog reviewers' equivalent of winning the Powerball. Seriously, a moment of silence before the first lightning clap.

Today, it is my great pleasure to introduce you to Seven. Oh my, Seven. Oh my. Dear, dear Seven. I love your template. It reminds me of a classroom. I felt like I was about to really get schooled. The woodgrain desks, the chalkboard greens and chalk whites, I felt like you had something to teach me. I am happy your layout is wood, it will burn well. You believe your soul will go to heaven, I am here to tell you your blog is going to hell. Horrible. I wept.

I always loved Sunday School: the stories, full of miracles and supernatural oddities. I wish the guys that wrote the bible all had blogs. Them guys can write like nobody's business. You, however, cannot. No feeling, nothing. I dare any of the readers here at Ask to find something heartfelt or at the least, introspective. I couldn't. Look, Seven, you tell us that you express yourself better through typing. Bullshit. There is no way on earth that you could possibly do a worse job expressing yourself in person. Hellen Keller could at least give funny looks. What are you hiding, Seven? I want to know. Mostly because it has to be some killer sick shit. Really, you must be a twisted wretch of some sort if you feel the need to conceal yourself completely on a blog. I would give my left toe for a hit of acid and thirty seconds in your imagination. Oh, fuck, who am I kidding? I wish I could pay you to stop. Stop with the Jack Handey quotes. I'm not linking them, they are all over your blog. Stop with the Grace nonsense. Stop it. Stop the 'back in my day' shit. Young lady, you're not even thirty yet. Also, when you average about three comments per post, maybe asking your readers to write a post for you is a bad call. Go look, Askers, she did. More than once. She leaves the comment, her readers are charged with writing a post to correspond with the comment. Just stop, in the name of the Father.

and there will be blood...

Right here. Really, Seven, did you think you were going to get away with it? Really? Oh, you were hoping for Calamity, weren't you? No, I don't know what you were hoping for, submitting here. You dirty minx! You are hiding something, aren't you? You must have some real filth stored away, shamefully festering in a small corner of your being. Assuming your being is square. Again this is just wishful thinking and unfortunately for you, well, you're a big boring girl with a big boring blog. Listen, I love zombie movies. Zombies are badass. But I will be MeDamned if I ever trust any part of my being to a Jewish Zombie. You know the crowd here, you knew this was coming, and I just watched 'Religulous' last week so put on your sports bra. Your shit's about to get boxed, In the name of The Son.

Your 'About Me' page was a disgrace to human thought. Nowhere, in this abomination, did you tell anyone who you are. I know your siblings' names. That's about it. The majority of your 'About Me' is laced with Jesus. Trust me, I'm familiar with his profile. So is the majority of the fucking earth. Trying to love Jesus? Really? There is no 'try', Seven, only 'do'. You're either in or you're out. Are you waiting for a second date? Don't, I just texted with him, and he's not interested. Sorry. Askers, I apologize, this one could not be saved. Unlike Pilate, I find guilt in this blogger. I find fear. I find that her twitter updates are more profound than any of her blog entries.

I will take my gloves off now, dearest Brooke. I disliked your blog. I fucking hated it. I found myself wanting to gouge out my eyes, dip them in gasoline, place them back in my head and start singing 'Georgia On My Mind'. Yet, this is one of my longest reviews to date. Why? Because you brought your magic into it. Your stupid, 'Guns and Country First' Magic. Your filthy fucking blind obedience to the most horrible thing man has ever created: Organized Religion. Shame on you, bitch, for fucking doing this. I was raised with God-Down-The-Throat. At least what I was fed was entertaining. Fuck. Go visit my friend, Pistol Pete. He is a writer, and a christian, and a human, all at the same time. Look at his blog. You would be much better off studying him and his blog. Because whatever you are studying now is not helping you. There is no hope for your blog. It will never be entertaining. Never. Yours is a life that I am glad YOU are living, and no one else. I was appalled that you thought so lowly of your saviour that you would bring him down with your blog. My bad, LL Cool Jesus just disowned your existence. Ain't life a bitch sometimes, Brooke?

Oh, and you have just been reviewed by this Holy Ghost. I will be more than available, and much nastier if you care to come around to dispute my review. I'm giving your blog a rating. Here: please buy a vowel and a spirit. Go fuck yourself, you 'abercrombie posing', 'flaming finger'- loving, 'meh' -inducing fuck. The Amish wouldn't take your boring ass.

Amen.

133 comments:

  1. See, its not all hugs and handjobs at AAYSR this week. Happy Friday the 13th. Pumpkin muffin?

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  2. So wait, if I'm marrying god, do we need a minister?

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  3. Technically, no, we don't need a minister.

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  4. Thanks, skank. May Me be with you.

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  5. The best part of this review is how you really held back. You really took her feelings into consideration.

    Next time? Try to more honest, brutal and maybe even blunt.

    It would do you good to free your soul, Ghost.

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  6. So, God, how do you really feel about this one?

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  7. I know, Tits, I really need to stop censoring my inner voice. But I'm a gentleman, and I must be sensitive and understanding in my dealings with women.

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  8. Rachie: I didn't like it. At all.

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  9. So, how bad will you lynch me if I say you were a teeny, tad-bit harsh?

    You know, hypothetically speaking?

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  10. All I've read is that the "about me" page is a disgrace to human thought - gimmie a sec to finish it and get into character....

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  11. Was this one of those "someone else submitted my blog" things? Or is this actually the most clever parody of a bad blog EVER? Maybe she's actually a great big fucking satirical genius?

    (Um, probably not.)

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  12. I actually read some of her blog, and I feel sorry for this gal. Seems to me she's confused about religion, her future & relationships. She's lonely, she lives with her parents, and she's unsure of herself. I don't think there's anything fun in her corners, I'm afraid she hasn't developed any corners yet! Let yourself have corners, Brooke, God won't hate you, your friends & family won't abandon you and most of all, you'll learn to love yourself. Own yourself, like GoK does, except without being an asshole.

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  13. "Own yourself, like GoK does, except without being an asshole."

    Hello funniest thing I'll read all day.

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  14. Even I, the nice one, who Jesus has blessed with kindness and light, would have flaming fingered this. Ok, maybe meh.

    I just find it really hard to believe she realized what she'd be getting herself into up in the den of iniquity.

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  15. Atta girl, Cal. Tits: I'm so turning you into a pile of salt.

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  16. Ghost, man, seriously?

    Here's the thing, I think her blog deserved to be set to blast. It's not good.

    I'm thinking that before this review she was a girl. After this review? She'll be a dish rag.

    I just read earlier today (and some of you will know where)...

    Opinions are like assholes, but so are feelings. You know, everyone has them?

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  17. Remind me to never ask your opinion of my blog GoK

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  18. Christ, Key... I've read death-threats that were nicer than that.

    Still, I've got to admire your bravado: that was relentless.

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  19. Seriously, some of you are reminding me of an Old Testament mob: Stone the whores! Wait, you can throw stones, but don't talk bad about her ankles, she has an 'ugly ankle' complex.
    Can't have it both ways, sinners.
    NJ: thank you sir.

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  20. Ok, as I've delved further I will say this: the template is nice and clean, her writing is grammatically correct and she has a voice, and she's sweet like pie. I wouldn't add her to my reader or anything because I'm a godless heathen, but still.

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  21. Also, had Brooke been male, you motherfuckers would be asking for more stones.

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  22. I thank sweet baby Jesus every day that I don't have cankles.

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  23. Let us not forget, when you are reviewed by a man who throws genocide around like it's birdseed, then you are pretty much fucked.

    And you are truly tenacious, GoK.

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  24. I'd like to echo Calamity, here: why, oh why, would this person submit her blog?

    Writing about her father's "30-some years of salvation" and getting Key to review it is like asking a fecalphiliac for a proctology exam: there's no way it ends without a mess.

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  25. Thank you, Tits. That's the most coherent thing I've read in the last ten minutes.

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  26. Oh, Jubblies. I just ate, man. Chocolate cake, at that. Bleh.

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  27. Sorry, Cal.

    [isn't this where Key would offer a biscotti?]

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  28. Why feel bad for this girl? Anyone checked the URL lately? its "iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com" Not "iwillkissyourbobos.blogpost.com" We come here to read shit exactly like this.

    Let he who is without sin cast the first stone... guaranteed Jesus got rocks in his hands.

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  29. She wanted to get thrown to the lions, it makes her feel connected to her early Christian roots.

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  30. Thank you, Mr. Canada, for pointing that out. This isn't a feel good talk show hosted by an african-american woman.

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  31. Aren't you the dude contemplating taking it in the backdoor from GoK? I think you're biased.

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  32. Rachie, all humans are biased.

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  33. That's a given. I'm not even saying I'm arguing with ya'll. I just really wanted to type about the backdoor before noon. I haven't mentioned keister in 2 days, for fuck's sake!

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  34. Also, I think if I was contemplating getting it in the rear from you, I'd try to convince myself that you were only giving it to this girl so hard because 1) she sucks and 2) the website demands it, and not because you like to ram it in hard and make it hurt.

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  35. Rachie, you'd be better off just getting really drunk and accepting your fate.

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  36. So, umm. Yeah.

    I really wonder how it is that this was nominated for a review here. If she nominated herself, it was most likely as a result of reading about Johnny Virgil's review a few months back, as that's what prompted me to submit my narcissistic ass. And I was reviewed earlier this week.

    But, DAMN! I read a few reviews, and the FAQ, and all that shit first.

    First rule of communication -- know your audience.

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  37. Her laminate wood flooring background reminds me of my highly original corkboard one.

    I like that.

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  38. I think this should be linked in the FAQ.

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  39. Sheee-iiit, I really wanted to like her. Even when I was reading her blog, all I could think of was, "Damn, this girl is gonna get anal-raped on Friday, and she don't even know it."

    Also: Seven, if you identify yourself as a Christian and you're creating a personal space on the internets, tell us why? Christianity is fine, as long as you use it as fertilizer instead of a weapon. So, you know: expand. Why are you a bad Christian?

    I mean, are you like, Bad Christian, naughty naughty Christian? Or like, the bad kind of Christian, that hates them gays? Or are you bad at Christianity because you have an ounce of humanity instead of self-importance and singularity of mind, which is, in essence, good?

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  40. Rass: I couldn't figure that out either. I'm thinking she's of the 'hates them gays' variety.

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  41. I hope she hates them gays, because then I won't feel guilty about making her feel like a fucking loser.

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  42. Even if she does, she won't admit it. She'll come back with 'god doesn't hate homosexuality, he hates their behavior'. I'm always amazed at how quick christians are to throw god under the bus when it comes to saving face.

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  43. I dont understand why someone under 30 would get overtly religious.Or why he/she would sign up with a blog with "fuck" in the URL. Perhaps it's the "ask and ye shall receive" bit?

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  44. I knew this girl was in for it when I read her blog a few days ago. The review is harsh - but it lives up to the URL on this site. I sort of feel for Seven. I WAS Seven like 10 years ago, trying to live up to the demands my religion placed on me but deep inside knowing that I was really a whore and a drunk and a drug addict. Is that cognitive dissonance? I don't know. Her blog sucks, though. I, at least, had the decency to keep my boring Christian inner monologue in a private journal. P.S. Dear God, It's me Gwen. I know I don't worship you anymore but maybe you could do me a teensy favor since I devoted, like, 20 years of my life in service to you? Please don't let Gok review my blog.

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  45. Gwen, the odds play in your favor.

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  46. True, Gok. Although maybe I'm just tempting fate with my dubious prayer. Perhaps the masochistic part of me wants a verbal fucking from you.

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  47. I agree with you overall assessment wholeheartedly, however...

    at the risk of slings and arrows, you asked for one of us to "find something heartfelt or at the least, introspective"

    to that end, I offer this: http://www.ohmyseven.com/666

    (and no the irony of the number of the post I chose is not lost on me)

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  48. I promise if I am given the opportunity, I will show you all the grace and kindness I have shown Seven.

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  49. Eh, Hallmark does it better. I guess I fail to see the 'meat' in that post. It was generic, at best. Next?

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  50. Yeah, I'm just not feeling that post either. I find myself internally rolling my eyes at it. Boo hoo, you had to walk down the aisle at your brother's wedding by yourself. Boo hoo, your brother married your best friend. This is the part of her life she would do over if given a chance? And she's sobbing for a couple of hours at brother and best friend's rehearsal dinner? Way to make someone else's night all about you, Seven.

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  51. Yeah, Gwen, if I could have a redo, I would want to never read that post.

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  52. She even used that crazy Christian rhetoric, where they say something went wrong and don't really accept responsibility for their actions.

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  53. Because didn't it seem like she wanted us to feel sorry for her and tell her it was okay?

    Fishing is unbecoming.

    Jesus was a fucking carpenter. BUILD something.

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  54. Yeah, Rass, I hate that shit. If something bad happens its 'God's Will'? Bullshit.

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  55. Christianity's for soccer players and dwarves.

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  56. Rassles - You're right. The "What do you think?" at the end really says it all. And then part of me thinks she wanted everyone to say, "Well if that's the worst thing you ever did in your whole life, Brooke, then you are such a great Christian!" Well she's not going to hear that from me. My brother married by best friend. I was happy for them both. What could be better than your best friend becoming your sister? I don't even understand what her fucking problem is with it. Why was she sobbing for 2 hours at the rehearsal dinner? I still can't get over it. Have a cocktail or two. Eat good food. Have fun. Jesus Christ.

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  57. I've walked down the aisle by myself in a wedding. The bride literally said, "Sorry, we've got an odd number, and you don't really mind, do you?" So I was like, "I mind, but fuck it, my life is an embarrassment as it is, let's do this," and I fucking worked it.

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  58. I really didn't want to be a dick, but she left me no choice. Sure I could have just said nothing, but that wouldn't be fair to the readers here at Ask.

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  59. I'm not saying it doesn't suck to go to a wedding by yourself. I've done it and it didn't feel great. But like you said, Rassles, you just make it work.

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  60. As long as it isn't your own wedding, what's the big deal with not wanting to go alone?

    I've gone to many weddings alone.

    Oh yeah. Forgot. I'm a vulcan.

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  61. Pos - I can't (and won't) speak for all women. But for me, when I got to my late twenties and was seeing all of my friends get married, going solo to a wedding where romance and life-long commitment are the themes of the day was a little painful. Obviously, you're a Vulcan so you just wouldn't understand.

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  62. Hey, Miss Missives, does Seven know she's been reviewed?

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  63. Oh, you want to make her cry, don't you?

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  64. No, Rass. I'm not a FUCKING asshole. I just don't her calling 'foul' because she didn't have a chance to respond.

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  65. I hope she doesn't know - she's going to have a goddamned heart-attack.

    Pun intended.

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  66. Times like these often make me wonder: What would Jesus do? Well, I don't know about him, but Hardcore Jesus just gave me a high five.

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  67. "...so put on your sports bra. Your shit's about to get boxed..."

    Tee hee hee. I am SO using that line next time I'm about to beat the shit out of someone.

    I'm also the opportunity to be up to their elbow socket in horse vagine. Anyone? Come on now. I'm a sleepless mother fucker who loves God (the GoK version anyway)and am only trying to help.

    Can I get a wit-ness-ahhh! For Jeee-sus-AHHH! Praise! Praise!

    I don't like 'seven'. Mostly because I live in the 'buckle of the Bible Belt' and have to wear a scarlet letter around if I want to get served in any of the local establishments. Otherwise they just think I'm being all uppity about being a big ol' sinner.

    Whatever. Go fuck yourself 'Seven'. And you too GoK. Other than the sports bra reference I didn't get much out of the review.

    But, you know what? That still doesn't make you anything other than the omnipresent baked goods cream filling king of all man and beast.

    Pumpkin muffin?

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  68. And what's up with the most recent post? It's like the ten times lazier version of 'here's how people googled myblog'.

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  69. Dude, I would have let her know much earlier, but typically you do that for me. Oh well. Popcorn?

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  70. I think I'm getting mercifuller in my old age, because I don't think I'd have given her anything worse than a meh, even though I grew up Southern Baptist and have religious issues falling out of my ass.

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  71. Love Bites:

    I'm telling you that had Seven been male, you'da tore this blog a new one. I guarantee it.

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  72. Really, go read her new post. Horrible.

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  73. GoKdamnit! Fuck! Shit! Piss! Damn!
    I just read the post. Now my stomach hurts and I had to hold back a twistified desire to open a vein.
    I'm so sorry I told you to go fuck yourself God. Why don't I ever fucking listen? Why?
    Look, I'll do 42 hail DPH's and 72 strokes of the Hellbilly man pole to make up for this, ok?
    Right after I check the horse vag and eat a pumpkin muffin.

    Seriously - Why didn't I listen? That.Just.Sucked.

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  74. Oh Man, MG - I was so on your side.

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  75. Shhhhhh Bestey...shhhhh...
    Didn't you notice my self-assigned 'punishments'? I already adore DPH and Hellbilly's man pole.
    Also? Have you read that post? Or the one that is basically a list of words she had to put into her phone's dictionary or something?
    Fuck. Shit. Piss. Damn.

    Pumpkin muffin?

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  76. Also, try those links to Seven's blog. I think I killed her blog.

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  77. Scratch that, the links work. So does beer and vodka apparently.

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  78. Funnily enough, Key's comment about the review has been deleted from her blog...

    Is there any way that new post is a really, really subtle rebuttal?

    No - it's more of a nose in the air, I'm-going-to-soldier-on thing, isn't it? Oh, well.

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  79. point the first: I am fucing drunk.
    '
    point the second: I like reading about dreamsa nd I don't care what you bastards think

    opint the third: it is really sad that when I c ome hom and think, hay, I should ototally look and check out my google reader and then I decide to leave commnets

    point the fourth: she is definitely trying to stick it to us and proove that our opinions don't matter. fuck it. MOST OBNXOSIOUS BLOG oh fucking whatever

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  80. Friday the 13th WHAT

    I am getting Irish as fuck and I think I will blog about it.

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  81. If it's true that friends don't let friend comment drunk, then I'm a sworn enemy of Rassles.
    'Cause I love it when she comments drunk.

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  82. I have sympathy for this blogger because this is the blog I would have written if I'd lived up to my parents' expectations for me.

    And, after 43 years of life, I'm not pissed off about that anymore, I'm RELIEVED I fell off the straight and narrow and chose my own life. There, but by the grace of god, and all.

    But Key is still pissed about being breastfed the milk of Jesus from his mother's tit. And, while I get it, I don't feel it, anymore.

    Religion doesn't enrage me anymore, it just makes me sad for its adherents.

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  83. I guess that's the difference here, LB, stupidity is stupidity. Maybe when I get older, the rage will subside. I'm just not at a point where I see that happening any time soon. Enjoy the lavender bath and aromatherapy candles. I'll stick with my dumpsters.

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  84. LB - Yeah, that's sort of what I said upthread. I was just like this girl 10 years ago. I wanted nothing more than to be the perfect Christian, but struggled with knowing that deep inside I really wasn't. It's a tough place to be and I do feel sorry for anyone caught under the thumb of tyrannical religious doctrine.

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  85. I think that it's not necessarily stupidity when you have been brainwashed from birth to believe certain things about life, i.e., that hardcore jesus is going to torture you eternally if you lose faith.

    People wake up to reality at different ages. I was in my 30s before I figured it out. And it took about 3 years for the PTSD to subside from my religious upbringing.

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  86. Hey, things change. I get it. I'm sure she's a sweet girl that apparently every woman here has been at some point in their life. I just need to know when DPH is going to go through this phase in womanhood so I can brace myself.

    Look, I have friends that are christians, and they have personalities as well. Again, I stand by everything I said.

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  87. LB - PTSD, indeed. Not all religions are fire and brimstone. But when you are brought up in one that is all about hell, or in my case Armageddon, then it takes a long time to get over that shit.
    Gok - LB is right. It's not an issue of stupidity. I was brought up as Jehovah's Witness. It was all I knew and I had no choice until I was an adult to choose a different path. I wasn't stupid all those years, I was misled and controlled by fear. But I do get what you're saying about the lack of personality. You definitely can be a christian and have a personality. But sometimes those fundamental Christian religions make it really difficult to have a fun or interesting personality. Either way, your assessment of her blog was spot on, in my opinion.

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  88. I guess I missed the post where Seven hit on exactly how she was raised/threatened. I spent a lot of time on her blog, more than most of you probably could have withstood, hence the bitterness. I think I hit a sore spot and we are way off topic. If you were raised the same way Seven was, well, fuck! How would you know? I never got to see little Seven in her writing. I'm not disputing nor am I trying to discredit your issues, LB. You know that. But I'm not apologizing for any of this. Keep me around as a villain, I can handle it, or don't ask me to review. Biscotti?

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  89. would you consider participating in organized religion once more if i said i was building a church in your name? because you're a god in my book. blessings all around.

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  90. I wanted to play film critic wannabe for a day so I signed up to be a guest reviewer here, fucked up huh?
    I can imagine ghost of keywork and love bites already being like "ahh hell no!"

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  91. Franco, at this point, I'm willing to assume that anything is possible.

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  92. Hi..first time here...think your great. Thought Seven was.....sorry,just nodded off for a minute..Was much to clean for my liking. No profanity or debauchery...snore

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  93. Shelly: Please, for clarity, you think I'm great? Thank you.

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  94. Key:

    Great villains never pout just because the superhero disagrees with them.

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  95. LB: You're right, villains usually go for the neck again. Huh. Wonder what's going to happen here.

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  96. Superhero? I thought I suffered from delusions of grandeur. Well, I do, but my case isn't as serious as yours. Funny thing about brothels, they are typically void of sturdy soapboxes.

    Also, you did more than disagree. You found it necessary to go a step further. Blue on blue is what we called that sort of behavior in the military. Re: Same Fucking Team.

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  97. Oh, please, you fricking drama queen. I disagreed. That's it. And you're fucking comparing it to friendly fire?

    Give me a fucking break. When did you turn into such a pussy?

    People disagree with my reviews all the time. If you're going to review here, you need to be prepared for that.

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  98. Disagree all you want. But the holier than thou, 'key's just disgruntled bit' well, yeah, ok. That would be like me disagreeing with one of your reviews and then blaming it on your flaming menopause.

    Yes, I was throttled with the Book at a young age, but I appreciate some of the things I took from it. At the very worst, one could say I am upset with what Organized Religion has done to my parents, but in the end, that is their choice, and they are allowed grace after raising me.

    So, LB, there is that. I'm looking forward to seeing your psycho analysis of the rest of the reviewers around here. It just looks bad is all I'm saying.

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  99. Is there any part of this latest banter that actually IS like therapy? From the perspective of any therapist worth his/her salt is keenly aware of his/her own glitches? And is honest if a potential client simply needs to be referred elsewhere?
    Does AAYSR ever simply tell someone 'no' when it comes to being reviewed?
    Are the reviewers knowlegable enough about one another to know when personal glitches could get in the way of giving a 'clear' or 'clean' review?
    I was a "two star" review and it helped. It pointed out what is working and what is not from a different perspective. At the same time, the only thing my reviewer was glitchy about was the color purple (which there was a LOT of in my header at the time). Hardly something that would taint her review.
    Just thinking...

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  100. Key:

    If you feel one of my reviews is over the top, please feel free to say it. I'm not scared of criticism.

    One of the former reviewers here didn't have the balls to just comment in my review with one of my reviews that he disagreed with, and wanted me to pull it down. I will never do that, to anyone. I don't pull reviews just because I disagree with them. If I disagree with someone's review, and it occasionally happens, I will say so.

    Do you really NEED people to always agree with you? Or to never comment on what you say, particularly when you make an effort to go way past the point of no return on attacking someone's faith?

    For some reason, I was under the impression that YOU KNEW about your issues and could handle discussion of them. You made no secret of them in the review.

    I'm not sure this girl warranted the treatment she received. Is her blog boring? YES. Is she a shallow and vapid? Somewhat. Is she a downright evil person? It doesn't appear that way to me. In fact, she seems as defenseless as a small child, from my perspective.

    I didn't agree with your review, but as you can see, it's still here, without edits. So, what exactly is your problem, again?

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  101. MG: we aren't professional reviewers, and I think we make that clear in our FAQ. People should submit here at their own risk. Anyone who submits to a blog called "Iwillfuckingtearyouapart," and then subsequently can't handle being torn apart, is a fucking idiot.

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  102. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  103. I fucked up the last line of that comment.

    Look, I always go past the point of no return. That goes without saying. I don't need you to agree with me, I have more fun when people disagree. But when it's coming from people that think they know me well, I'm going to take it personal, just like you would. That 'Key is pissed' line looked like a weak apology to Seven. Please. Thanks for leaving the review up. I guess I just don't understand why you're slapping my hand now. Really, I've gotten much nastier on people here and no one called foul. Why call it now? Because you still are this girl. That's the only thing I can come up with.

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  104. This is exactly why any single payer healthcare system is doomed to fail.

    There's not enough therapists, or enough bucks to pay the therapists (if we did have enough) to deal with the issues presented here.

    Good luck!

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  105. The "Key is pissed" comment came from someone who used to be pissed, too, and isn't, anymore. It wasn't an apology to anyone, it was simply a statement of what is. You're pissed, and I used to be just that pissed, and I know what that feels like. But, it will pass. And eventually, you won't be pissed anymore.

    It was about YOU, not Seven. Seven bored the shiz outta me.
    You never bore me.

    But I do remember exactly what it felt like to be so angry. And when I was there, I hoped that someday I wouldn't care anymore, and that's pretty much where I live these days. I can't care enough about the god myth to get pissed about it anymore.

    And I feel sorry for people who are caught in the God trap, because I remember what that felt like, too.

    And when they are evil, I want to kick them, because they impose so many stupid archaic restrictions on the rest of us. But, when they are rather dull, but basically good-hearted people, mostly I pity them, because they have no idea how small the box is that they're living in.

    Seven isn't malevolent, she's just a rather dull girl who has no idea how to live without a big hand in the sky to rescue her.

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  106. If Seven would come burn a cross in my yard or something that would make her much more interesting.

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  107. Oh, well why didn't you just say so in the first place?

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  108. Huh. Who would have thought a fight would break out over a religious blog?

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  109. The only thing shocking here, NJ, are the contestants. I can't lie, I was really shocked that through all of this, I found opposition in the form of Love Bites.

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  110. Mommy and Daddy, please stop fighting. I love you.

    Your scared little pirate hooker.

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  111. Hey, there's bound to be infighting sometimes, my friend - we're purposely toeing the line between the most offensive shit ever posted to a comment-board and something kind of resembling civility... as long as we can slap-ass and call "good game" on each other, we'll be fine.

    I mean, I tried to start a spat with FF over popcorn, but she outsmarted me by not taking the bait. How was I to know that I was going to be left alone in the sandbox on that one?

    Goddamn popcorn with a kettle.

    Come on.

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  112. NJ, will you be my new daddy, please?

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  113. I'm with you, NJ, on the popcorn. Who has that kind of time?

    Maybe this is all just the product of two strong voices that haven't gotten laid in a while.

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  114. Done... wait, what?

    [re-reads prior comments]

    Ooohhhh. Sure, no problem.

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  115. GoK, you'll always be my fat daddy claus.

    NJ, I like anal. And lepers.

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  116. Hooker, go back upstairs, this shit ain't over.

    LB, just say it. You're getting soft, aren't you?

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  117. Lepers love anal.

    Or, uh, so I've heard.

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  118. Yeah, but they're always saying shit like keeo the tip!

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  119. Nice.

    Okay, I'm getting a little bit frightened... curious? Sure. Perhaps I'm even a little flattered. Overall, though, the general feeling is fear.

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  120. Getting soft? Motherfucker, I've ALWAYS BEEN SOFT. I'm the nice one on here, and don't you forget it.

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  121. LB: Professional or not, I happen to believe this place does provide a very nice service. Nice? Did I say nice? Dear Jesus, what the hell just happened to me?

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  122. I thought Calamity was the soft niceness here.
    NJ: go with that.

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  123. Sometimes, the nicest thing you can give someone is a hard kick in the box.

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Grow a pair.