Monday, June 08, 2009

How Twitter Killed the Blogosphere

I have the ennui today. And you are not helping, Blue Lanugo. I come back from vacation with my kids and my first task, this bright and sparkly Monday morning, is to review you.

What can you say to review a guy who posts screenshots of his twits on his blog?

Perhaps you could choose what you are going to be? A blogger? Or a twitterer.

Frankly, I don't think you can do both. Most of us have only so much creativity in any given day, and clearly, you're spilling all of yours on twitter.

These are things I hate to see on a blog:
  • Videolinks/youtubes - unless they are quite rare and special

  • Posts of photos with no caption or explanation

  • References to twitter stardom and/or wittage and/or comments


Fuck this noise. Your blog is crap. And the worst part is...you're a talented writer. You could have a great blog, I suspect, if you threw yourself into it.

But you don't. So, just do us all a favor and kill it quickly, instead of slowly suffocating it beneath the weight of two years of mediocrity.

105 comments:

  1. I have yet to find a twitter stream worth following. And there are many who use it for instant communication, I wonder if I'd like someone who talks so much.

    There was this college humor sketch I saw where some dude went around yelling his tweets in real life. Funny.

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  2. I am anti-Twitter. I do not need another bullshit internet networking scheme to be unnecessarily addicted to.

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  3. It's funny - I read bloggers that Twitter, but if I find a new blog that's all, "Check out Tweets" or something, I automatically get annoyed and refuse to read it.

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  4. OMG, Rass, that's so funny, because I have exactly the same reaction and bias to twitterers. If people try to promote their twitter stream throught their blogs, I automatically think, "fuck that noise, i'm not reading, you twitter whore."

    And the most ironic part of all that is that I'm the one who hooked CALAMITY on twitter.

    I'm a twitter pusher, but not much of a twitter user.

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  5. Also, facebook is bad enough.

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  6. That's hilarious. He posts pictures of his tweets and shows a stream of it at the top of his blog. A bit much me thinks.

    I twitter. I have a stream of my tweets. But it only shows the three most recent and it's at the very bottom of my blog so it's less annoying.

    I stopped using facebook. Too many people I don't like found me on it.

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  7. John Stewart did a really funny segment about Twitter on The Daily Show awhile back.

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  8. Nah, the best part about Facebook is ignoring people you don't want to be friends with. Sometimes I'll send them messages like, "Dude, seriously? I never liked you."

    Okay, I did that once.

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  9. I kept my facebook account for the simple fact that all my pictures are on there and I haven't burned them to disc. But I don't use it. However, I like the idea of messaging people and telling them I never really liked them. :D

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  10. Vivian VonDoom6/08/2009 12:02 PM

    Twitter is killing blogging.

    My lethargy is killing my blogging.

    Meh.

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  11. If you are annoyed or hate twitter, so does Hitler. I thought this was amusing.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd4WZ3LqCKw

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  12. I like Twitter because MySpace and Facebook piss me off. A lot.

    Twitter is like being in a bar or coffee shop with people you like, giving you their best stuff.

    Quickly and without the stories about how they had to have gall bladder surgery.

    But for pete's sake, don't fucking blog your Twitter shots, that what your mutha fucking Twitter is for.

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  13. I like facebook. I have this limited profile that just about displays my name. You can't search for me or add me, and I get to choose what dirty details I can share. Good stuff. So when I get adds from annoying cousins I just set them up with the limited profile and as much as they hate me for it, they can't really complain.

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  14. I like facebook because I can choose to reject the popular kids from high school who once rejected me. Booya, mothafuckas.

    Sometimes, i'll add them, just to see what boring shit they're up to these days, and then I'll "deface" them for fun.

    I might have some issues.

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  15. But seriously, rassles, isn't it funny when people you totally hated in high school suddenly want to be friends?

    I realized this year..."I never liked you people..."

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  16. Also, in regards to being in a bar/coffee shop with people I like, making me laugh? I already have ask. I don't want to know any more people. You people are enough for me.

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  17. I live with a man who actual says, to someone's face "You know what, I never liked you anyway." I've seen him do it and the guy still wouldn't shut up.

    So I live those fantasies out through him.

    He also spits on Fred Phelps crew.

    That leaves me to play nicely with others on Twitter, I guess.

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  18. But isn't just a tad satisfying when the people you dislike add you, then you check out their profile and realize how much better you are doing than them. I guess I'm a big asshole because that makes me feel awesome.

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  19. Oh and evidently, I can't actually write anything legitimate today.

    I apologize for left out word. I have to blog in pictures on Mondays.

    The brain is like "fuck this Monday shit".

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  20. I really just don't give a shit about them.

    I make fun of people that I randomly see who want to play catch-up. Where do you work, where are you living, fake smile, touch my arm. Once they whip out the arm touch I'm pissed. It's a sure sign that someone is a fake fucking window shopper.

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  21. I live in the town that touches where I went to high school. If I see someone I went to school with I do one of three things:

    Completely ignore them.

    Pretend like I have no idea who the fuck they are.

    Look them dead in the eye and walk away.

    It's all pretty much the same thing.

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  22. I haven't lived in my hometown for close to 20 years now, and I think I prefer it that way.

    But sometimes, when I'm feeling morbid, I wonder where they'll bury me, given my lack of roots.

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  23. Cremation for the win. When I die, my future children can buy a coffin from walmart, burn me and throw my ashes in the forest. Yup, I'll even put the details in my will.

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  24. I think I'm most annoyed by the fact that this guy is using an audio book for a book club.

    I may be a purist, and I understand people live busy lives, but I have a sneaking suspicion this guy could squeeze in a book like Valis between all his Tribune Twitter joke write ups.

    And as far as rootless, post-mortem logistics? Blast my rigamortis ass into space.

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  25. Ohhhhh Yancey! You're speaking my language with that 'blast my ass into space' bit. Except for I would like to be alive and just deal with the fact that I'm going to croak out there. At least I'll see some amazing things first.
    I did full on Twitter for one weekend and thought I was going to go insane. I mean, everyone I was following was funny and I love their blogs, but it was just too much.
    People from high school? Shit, maybe I'd remember someone enough to dislike them if I hadn't been so fuckin' stoned the entire time.

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  26. Yeah, I'm full on twitterfucked. I really should spend more time writing, but I can't be bothered to put my phone down.

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  27. I have notified blue, via twitter, of his review. Ah, I love being me.

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  28. Vivian VonDoom6/08/2009 2:33 PM

    You are a mother fucking genius, LB.

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  29. LB notifying of review via Twitter = perfection.
    Oh, and LB? Did you know DPH had blogged about some "Lawyer Bitch" on her blog? She referred to her as "LB", I proceeded to call "LB" a cunt, and then DPH thought I was calling you a cunt.
    A comedy of errors.
    But, you know I would never call you a cunt. Mostly because I'm afraid you'd Twitter me to death.

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  30. I twitter, but it's set to private, so you have to ask to be bored to tears first. Why anyone would want to blog about their twitter posts is beyond me...maybe if they wanted to expand on an idea, but even then...WTF?

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  31. I know, I have been spending too much time talking about Twitter lately. But, the fact is, that's what I've been obsessed with. And my blog is for talking about what I've been up to! Right? I've been having alot of fun with it, and my blog reflects that. Unlike blogging, it's a type of writing I can fit into my day job schedule.

    I disagree with you that I have to decide to be a Twitterer or a Blogger. I think I can be both. But I do need to spend more time on the blog and less time twittering. It's true!

    Thanks for taking the time to look at my blog. I appreciate the feedback.

    Blue

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. I removed the previous post because it was talking about its Twitter account too much.

    But seriously, I agree with you, Blue. I think you can do both, but your blog supplements your Twitter, and it should probably be the other way around if you want to have both in your life.

    Also, "a lot" is two words, you son of a bitch.

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  34. But, the fact is, that's what I've been obsessed with. And my blog is for talking about what I've been up to! Right?

    Wrong-o. A blog is for writing. If you want to talk about what you've been up to, get a fucking facebook and update your status message 27 times a day, like the rest of the fucking sheeple.

    If you're going to blog, fucking WRITE, goddamnit.

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  35. Actually, if you want to get really picky, Twitter is really for telling us what you've been up to. It's right there on the homepage: "What are you doing (sic)?" Twitter's original purpose was to tell people where you're going and what you're doing at that particular moment, should it be interesting to the rest of your network (especially if they might like to meet up with you). It's only after the rest of the world found it, that people started using it as a mini-blog template (that and the fact that I never really go anywhere interesting, so I use it to commentate on weird shit that I'm watching on TV).

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  36. In other words: Twitter: yor doin it wrong.

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  37. Okay, so who is going to buy me this shirt?

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  38. Oh my god. I want that shirt too. That's one of my favourite movie quotes.

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  39. It can't be your favorite because it's mine and I'm a bratty little shit.

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  40. Man, I'm sure glad I decided to add the "s" to my name when I was picking my avatar.

    Twitts, tweets, WTF?

    I had to wikipedia Twitter like a few weeks ago to figure out what the fuck it was. My conclusion is that it is the ritalin-ridden version of blogging and it doesn't appeal to me at all. If I want to slather my wit all over the internet, I'll come here and do it, right??? Right???

    And I hate that Key is always tweeting instead of blogging.

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  41. I ran over a tweet with my car the other day. Then I blogged about it. Best of both worlds.

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  42. Ack. I just cant bring myself to twitter. Isnt it basically like texting to a large group? I text enough.
    My husband informed me this weekend that he has started twittering. I died a little on the inside when he said that.

    My husband twitters...I feel so dirty.

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  43. LB insisted (INSISTED!) that I start Twittering. No, really. She basically internet-napped me and extolled its virtues and made me sign up and everything. And then she promptly fucked the hell off.

    I, on the other hand, became addicted to the shit.

    I love it, though, and I ain't giving it up, whether my blog suffers or not. Twitter actually gives me blog fodder quite often. And anyway, it's my blog and I'll kill it if I want to. Although I don't think I am. Am I?

    Nards!

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  44. Holy shit people. While I understand everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's sad to see there is a group of blog police out there. My five tweets are on my blog. So what? I blog for me. If someone wants to read it fine, if not, that's cool too. I think the guy is hilarious. If I find value in it, yay for me. If I don't, I move on. Have fun and don't worry. AOL is trying to make a comeback so there will be plenty of opportunity to slam something else soon.

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  45. Anonymous, clearly you are retarded. How about looking through the FAQ and submission form, shit for brains. Also, it saddens me that people still comment as 'anonymous'.

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  46. Everything you say about BlueLanugo may be true, but I've slept with him and I can tell you he's clutch in bed.

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  47. Trixie's right, you guys. Blue can lay some serious pipe.

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  48. Oh, that's cute, Trixie. But this review has nothing to do with sexual prowess or lack thereof. I think the reviewer, if anything, may be implying that while your boy maybe good in the sack, few people will ever know, because his skills at drawing in new victims are somewhat lacking, to say the least.

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  49. BB: Alright you can have Monster Squad. But if they ever make a shirt with a clever phrase from Labyrinth I so have dibs on that shit.

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  50. Yeah, um, I hate to disagree, Ghost, but pretty much everything has to do with sexual prowess.

    Two words: Burt. Reynolds.

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  51. Trixie: now we're talking. Three words: Ghost of Keywork.

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  52. Seriously, I could be hung like, well, me, but if I can't interest someone in the product, I might as well be a fucking eunich.

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  53. God, I love Burt Reynolds. Especially when he stands next to Loni Anderson.

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  54. We aren't so much the blog police as the blog A-team. We don't come unless you call. I love it when a plan comes together.

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  55. Yeah guys, to be fair.. I submitted my blog to this site, for review. It was months ago. I had forgotten about it.

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  56. LB's right, though. You can write. You should do more of that. Leave Twitter on Twitter.

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  57. Ghost: Prowess ≠ Product

    Two words: George Muresan.

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  58. Yeah, right. I assume Muggsy Bogues could satisfy you then. Look, you can sit here and tell me about how size doesn't matter, blah, blah, blah. Look, I don't care what you say, a horse can literally just sit there and at the very least, stretch you out. A minnow, on the other hand, can wear itself out just trying to let you know it is there.

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  59. I submitted my blog back in march. I changed my url again because my blog became compromised for a second time. So here's the new url for my future review.

    http://ladyfoxglovespirit.blogspot.com/

    Sorry that motherfuckers keep compromising this shit.

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  60. What a vivid analogy, thank you Ghost. :P

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  61. I twitter. But honestly, I have yet to see the point. It's like standing on your back porch, taking a leak, and shouting to the world "Hey! I'm on my back porch taking a leak."

    See, no subtext.

    As for Facebook, although I understand what you're saying about rejecting the kids who fucked you over in grade school, but my memory's way too short for that. After all, we were all dicks. If that was my criteria for Facebook friends, I'd have no friends at all.

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  62. Half of my facebook friends list is composed of people I've actually had sex with, so who am I to judge?

    Actually, I jest, I think I've only slept with 5 of them. I'm not sleeping with ANY of them currently, of course.

    But, truthfully, people really were dicks to me in high school, and I really still despise most of them.

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  63. When I use Twitter, I don't think of my audience as the world. Just the people who follow me. And really just the people I like and/or know who follow me.

    And Facebook just bores me what with all the quizzes and plant throwing and "Kid #2 just said the cutest thing" updates. Not to mention Facebook envy. I just can't handle it.

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  64. Trixie,

    I don't care how fucking huge his penis is, if he never uses it, it's worthless.

    As are his writing skills.

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  65. Hah, now calamity, you can add a new fun game to your facebook usage. You can peruse my friends on facebook and wonder who I slept with...

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  66. I already have to wonder about my own friends and whether I slept with them, don't make me wonder about yours.

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  67. Burt Reynolds. tee he he

    LB: Shoulda been stoned in high school. Everybody looks kinda nice through the purple haze. just sayin.

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  68. MG: Nice? I don't know about that. To me, everyone just looked really busy.

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  69. They looked busy, and like they were going to tell on me.

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  70. Speaking of WRITING on a blog, remember Jeremy Kerman? That review I did? Nothing since 10 May. WTF?
    I was so hoping I'd inspired him to come up offa that info about how he pulled shit for the 'Congressman' or 'Senator' or whatever it was he called that criminal...er...um...I mean...elected official he worked for.

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  71. I'm amused at our bizarre declension from Burt Reynolds to George Muresan to Muggsy Bogues. We've concocted a rather unsettling catalog of representative masculinity here. I say three cheers for regular dudes.

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  72. GoD: Yeah, nice. But that's when I was managing to get my hands on some seriously good stuff. Before that one time I took a bunch of total shit and thought my neighbors were eating their dog.
    That? Not nice.

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  73. Boo to settling, Trixie.

    MG: I blame Carrot Top.

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  74. And I say, "WTF?"
    No, no, I say, "Burt Reynolds!"

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  75. Carrot Top has really rad arms. I'm just saying. Don't judge me!

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  76. Remember Burt Reyolds and Sally Fields in those Bandit movies? I was so gonna have me a slightly criminal yet good looking and funny boyfriend just like Sally some day.

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  77. I've only slept with one of my Facebook friends. And I am still shagging her regularly.

    If they ever came up with the concept of Facebook awkward acquaintences, then maybe.

    But I'm not a good ex. You know that whole "we can still be friends" thing? -- um, yeah. Not so much.

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  78. GoD: Yeah, I've blamed Carrot Top for many things. But, you know, it's always a good idea to let go of resentments like that.

    Cal: Um, but I actually AM judging you for that. Scary!

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  79. Smokey and the Bandit is cinema gold. "I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only."

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  80. Pos: I'm a terrific ex. Amazing! Supportive! But it takes about 2 years for some reason. Before that? Crow bar to the face mother fucker.
    Also? I'm so happy you're regularly shagging someone, and I don't know why???

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  81. Cal: EXACTLY! WOW! I just felt like I am 12 and all dreamy about being part of Burt and Sally and Smokey and The Bandit someday.

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  82. I still own the pair of steel toe Docs that 'I took off for no woman'. Needless to say, I had lots of ripped pants and shorts.

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  83. Look, it's not my fault Carrot Top is buff. Blame the steroids.

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  84. GoD: That's seriously retarded. You realize this, right?

    Aaaaaaaand, oh my!
    Now I do believe I'm going to Tweet everyone.
    Here we go:
    Oldest dog just farted, taking her out to shit.

    G'nite all.

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  85. Oh, one more thing for you Miss Cal. Knock off that Twitter crap. It is NOT okay that you've killed your blog.
    I miss it. Completely. I might even take my hat AND Doc Martin's off for it if you started writing again.

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  86. Retarded? Nah. Chauvinistic? Maybe. Also, I was younger and lazier. And a much more blatant asshole at the time.

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  87. My blog's not dead, dammit! I'm posting, like, every two days or so. That's still alive, right?

    I don't blame Twitter, I blame having blogged for 3 years. I get repetitive. I also blame the stupid man in my life.

    But I'm pleased to know I'm missed. You can find me on Twitter. Hah! Ok. Just proved your point.

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  88. I think I would have championed leaving the Docs on. Purrrr.

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  89. "So what? I blog for me."

    ORLY? God, if I had a nickel for every time I read that I'd be a billionaire...

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  90. Seriously. If you blogged for you, your blog would be private and no one would read it.

    So please, don't do it by half measures.

    You may write because you feel compelled to write, but if you have a blog, you're hoping to do it for some sort of audience.

    We're all whores here, but at least we know it.

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  91. Also, for the record, I'm a pretty decent ex. I get along with almost all of the non-assholes. That excludes my ex-husband and one ex-boyfriend. I have a tendency to hold on to the decent people in my life.

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  92. Fuck. Work has finally blocked Twitter. Shit, shit, shitty shit shit!

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  93. Wait... Looks like I can Twitter from other apps, just can't get to the website.

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  94. Cal: You've been posting every few days? My reader must be fucked up. I'm not seeing updates there. Your damn Twitterfest must be fucking up my reader.
    I think I will blame everything on Twitter from here on out.
    Forgot to pay the water bill? Fuckin' Twitter!
    Said something nasty to the check out lady at the grocery store? Twitter made me do it!

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  95. And here I was hoping that meant you'd be blogging more often. Hah!

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  96. Cal: Just checked my reader and your blog wasn't even in there anymore! Fuckin' Twitter!

    LB: Am I going to have to blame you for this? I mean, Cal claims you Twittered her to death or something.

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  97. If I ever kill someone, it won't be via twitter.

    Also, i read gawker's twitter roundups so I don't have to actually read twitter:

    http://gawker.com/tag/we-read-twitter-so-you-don.t-have-to/

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  98. Gawker & Twitter in the same place? Oy vey? I think I'm just going to go outside now and pretend the internet was never even created.

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  99. I blog plenty. More than some people I know. :P

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  100. MG: Wonder why my blog disappeared for you. I'd blame your feed reader, not Twitter.

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  101. I blog plenty. Heh. I will confess, though, that my current state of happiness has rendered me rather blocked at times.

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  102. Hi. I've been thinking about what you said and so I wrote something about it.

    http://blue-lanugo.com/2009/06/feedback.html

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Grow a pair.