Thursday, June 04, 2009

Just the Facts Ma'am

Remember the hey look at my carrots guy with his sum total of twelve posts? Oh how I miss carrot guy. After last week with Michelle and her eight blogs I was really hoping for brevity, you know, that perfect starter blog of less than fifty posts. Instead I got The Bob Files, where Bob has thoughtfully written around five-hundred posts. Sigh.

Alongside a career in computer something or another, Bob writes professionally reporting on sports for a local paper. He has also been relatively prolific writing short fiction, comics and even poetry, but mostly, he reports.


He reports about his job, his hotel accommodations, the state of Chicagoland's icecream and his young son's foray into the newspaper biz. He conveys the facts in a straightforward manner. He covers the who, what, where, when and why. That's what reporting is and writing isn't. As a reporter you can't embellish, leave out details with abandon, condense characters, or create. Just ask Jayson Blair. As a reporter, you are a statistician, a recorder of happenings, not an alchemist.

Bob has a cache of his fiction stored on the blog but most of it is dated and his blog appears to be a repository for his body of work. Miss Missives delved briefly into the fiction but concerned herself mostly with the actual blog entries. That Bob reports rather than creates is my main complaint with the Bob Files. He begins writing about something that could build into a great story, but it never really goes anywhere. And Bob, don't tell Miss Missives nothing good happened, because if you are an observer, a natural storyteller, something interesting always happens. Remember Paul Harvey's The Rest of the Story? That's what kept coming to mind as I made my way through the Bob Files. Where is the rest of the story? Where is the hook, the meat, the twist, the thing that brings it all together?

Every so often, Bob hits the mark, makes the connection, shows his funny side and delves beyond the straight reporting. Still, it happens infrequently enough that I don't think he's going to grab people who happen upon the site.

As far as design goes, the space is clean and uncluttered. The drop down archive is helpful and the categories are manageable, making navigation easier. Bob, I would add a Home button to your tabs and perhaps a Best Of in order to get readers and keep readers. Bob posts regularly and has posts of varying lengths, so he's on track there.

This isn't a case of a blogger that can't write. Bob knows the difference between to and too, he doesn't split his infinitives. He can put words together in a way that is clear and readable, just very little I'd actually care to read. Now I'm not looking for sordid tales or BabyMamaDrama. One doesn't have to slide into the maudlin, dramatic, confessional posting to tell a good story. Is it fair for me to want Bob to spin his class reunion into a tale of boy makes good, or cheerleader got fat? Maybe not but why else will readers come back than for interesting material? Good writers who want readers do not just write for themselves. Good writers don't simply catalogue, rather they selectively add and remove details that make the colors of life a little bit brighter, the heroine a bit more ravishing. That's why we read them.

I will illustrate this with a bright, shiny example. If you look at this post, notice how she left out a slew of the mundane details, the minutiae. Notice that each piece of dialogue is fundamental in pulling together the moment. Notice how she tell you about her grandfather through his habits and actions and words, not a straight head to toe litany. What she writes in very few words builds two characters that you can just see in your mind. Now do you think it happened exactly this way? Probably not, but good writing made it larger than life.

My advice to you Bob is this, read over some of your favorite writers and figure out what makes them good. You can write and you like to write so put some time into making it good for the readers too. Writing is like sex and Old Man Dunphy was right, making sex is like a Chinese dinner, it ain't over 'til you both get your cookies. Because I didn't get my cookie Bob, you get this:






183 comments:

  1. Are you sure this isn't another of Michelle's blogs?

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  2. The template does suit the content, though.

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  3. Does MM refer to herself in the third person all the time?

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  4. OH MY GOD LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING CARROTS!

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  5. Also: Hook up? Two points, me. Self-high-fivery in action...NOW.

    Seriously, I just high-fived myself.

    But as Wolf pointed out, I misspelled Kenobi. Now I'm blushing. I should edit that so I don't look like someone who's never seen Star Wars or something.

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  6. Also, Bob, if you're going to be hanging out in Wicker Park and eating ice cream, you really need to hit up Margie's Candies. Ice cream there is a fucking art form. Handchurned, fresh toppings. Not like those bullshit sprinkles the Cold Stone sports.

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  7. Than-Miss Missives has no idea of that which you speak of.

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  8. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 11:24 AM

    Goodness, this review was so much more REVIEWY than yesterday's. Which you know, was just a character assassination.

    Fantastic, MM.

    Holy hell, those are some fucking carrots.

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  9. Well Viv, I did tell him he failed to give me a literary orgasm, that's character assassination for a man right?

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  10. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 11:34 AM

    Well, I think today's blog is the yang to yesterday's yin.

    One was all opinion, the other all fact.

    Last week was so much better.

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  11. Though Rassles never fails to deliver.

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  12. This guy was a little plodding but he was not at all a douche. He likes words but isn't enthralled with the sound of his own voice.

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  13. Oh, and? Excellent review, MM. Way better than that horsecock of nonsense that VVD baffed out yesterday.

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  14. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 12:00 PM

    You all should know that I'm spending the day repenting for my asinine actions of yesterday.

    I do pray for forgiveness and somehow think I may have had something to do with David Carradine's passing.

    He was just so disappointed in me.

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  15. Rassles, you're just saying that because I said you made me tingle in my shame place with your literary prowess.

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  16. Viv, that's what always seems to happen after an IFLY, the universe rights itself and sends douchebaggery in your direction.

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  17. Viv, you can do no wrong.

    MM, I love that about you.

    And now, back to writing: I have a very important Carradine eulogy to finish.

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  18. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 12:03 PM

    Right. We want the IFLY/GFY axis to be unbalanced.

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  19. I have already demanded that everyone call me Grasshopper Booms today.

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  20. Some editors ask this trick question in interviews for newspaper reporting jobs: "What are you better at? Reporting or Writing?"

    The correct answer is supposed to be, "They are the same thing."

    I think it's a stupid trick question, but the beauty in a lot of writing depends on good reporting — i.e. the noticing and selection of details, quotes and facts. I think that's why Rassles' stuff is so good. She notices stuff and picks the right stuff to share.

    When I feel like I'm losing my voice, I read stuff like this

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49856-2004Sep25.html

    and this

    http://www.sptimes.com/2004/06/03/Floridian/Mower_power_to_him.shtml

    to remember how beautiful good reporting can be.

    That was kind of tangential, but whatever. Those stories are really good.

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  21. The ultimate for me yesterday was that she took her blog down out of embarrassment. Really, who cares, we're a bunch of strangers really.

    A few posts ago, someone told me basically I wasn't funny anymore and that I was getting all deep like I was trying to win a Reader's Digest contest. Did I take the comment down? Did I shut my blog down? No. Did I care? Yes, for about five minutes.

    The prob was yesterday's reviewee takes herself way too seriously, oy.

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  22. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 12:07 PM

    I think we need to create the Omnibot rating.

    For blogs that look like their going to be awesome and then fall apart.

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  23. Like I said, yesterday's reviewee suffers from terminal uniqueness.

    She's quite sure she is the only one who has ever had her problems or opinions.

    Taking oneself too seriously is only detrimental to the one that is taken too seriously... Or you know, some really powerful Kung Fu like mindfuckery.

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  24. So the Omnibot icon will be like, "you think you're unique, but you're cold and robotic just like everyone else you poor, misled individual"?

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  25. Erin, that first article is excellent.

    You guys hear about that dude who became prom queen? He has very smooth skin.

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  26. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 12:20 PM

    Omnibot - You think you are unique and awesome, but really? You're just going to fall apart the second I touch you the wrong way, you cold, cold robotic knower of everything.

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  27. I want to be touched the wrong way.

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  28. Chris just wants to be touched, wrong or right.

    Great review, MM. I found I enjoyed his About page more than some of the other posts. He's clever and seems like a decent guy. Some of it's a little ho-hum, yeah, but not a bad effort.

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  29. That site is hilarious.

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  30. That site pisses me off. Half of them aren't family photos. And the captions are subpar.

    I hate it when I go to websites like that and think, "Dag, I could do this so much better."

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  31. Of course, the pictures are hilarious.

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  32. Rassles, making the blogosphere a better place.

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  33. FF - I'm glad you didn't take that comment seriously. What a douche. I love your mix of funny and serious. I like bloggers that touch on a huge spectrum of emotions. Those that only touch on one aspect, like humor are great and all, but there's then something missing and they start to look like a jack-in-the-box to me. You know exactly what is gonna happen. I like the surprise factor.

    Lovebites seems to give a good mix of pointing out character flaws and giving blogging advice. But sometimes it must be difficult to distinguish the douchery from the douchebag and sometimes just straight up bringing down the cretin is called for (like VV did yesterday). How do you point out that the blog needs to change without first pointing out what a dick the blogger is being?

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  34. Good call on that, Blues.

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  35. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 3:18 PM

    Sometimes you just have to call someone a dick.

    Dick.

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  36. As a former reporter, I have to echo Erin's comment: Half the job is engaging the reader. And you do that by observing, learning, filtering, presenting.

    There is a lot of room for beauty in there with the truth we are supposed to be illuminating.

    I like to think there is some kind of beauty or humor or connection in every story, if you can just find it. But, even then, reporters are still somewhat constrained in their style and voice.

    Blogging is different. In Bob's defense, it can be difficult to transition from reporting to storytelling. You get into habits that are hard to break.

    Personally, that is why I have a blog: To stretch my writing muscles beyond my daily professional exercises. To scratch that writing itch that the writing I'm paid for doesn't quiiiite reach.

    It is my hope that they each - my personal and professional writing - help strengthen the other.

    But, maybe Bob sees it differently than I do. :)

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  37. Well, I've made my blog public again so you can quit bitching about that, ok?

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  38. Siu- I don't think we ever run out of reasons to bitch but at least we can read your hot mess now:)

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  39. Plus around here people usually like a little point/counterpoint and will often point to some of the good stuff.

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  40. What a blessing this truly is. Thank you ever so much, Siuil.

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  41. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:06 PM

    But without bitching what the hell else would I do, Siuil.

    Gosh, I'm really just so tired from all the sleep I lost last night.

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  42. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:11 PM

    Did anyone go and read Siuil newest post? No?

    Well it's a great review of the review AND essentially she was pissed because she had heard it all before.

    Fantastic.

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  43. I refuse to reward such behavior on her part. I don't give my son what he wants when he's being a bastard and in turn, I'm not giving this thinskinned bitch the attention she so sorely needs and wants from the likes of us. Siuil, have a time-out.

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  44. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:16 PM

    Can she have a cookie when she is done?

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  45. I wasn't actually reviewing your review, I was responding to your comments. I'm starting to think you can't read.

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  46. VVD: only if it's chocked full of 'growthefuckup'. So yes, here's a growthefuckup cookie. Shove it.

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  47. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:19 PM

    Siuil - I'm starting to think you are a certifiable nutbag.

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  48. I'm very interested in your opinion GOK, especially as even the people on this site seem to have issues with your dickishness at times.

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  49. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:21 PM

    GoK is a charming dick. A rogue even.

    You? You are just calculating and twat-like.

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  50. Alright then, VVD. You can't discuss things with people who don't use evidence so I'll leave you to think whatever the hell you want.

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  51. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:23 PM

    Speaking of evidence, I always wondered if there was such a thing a a robo-vagina. And now I know.

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  52. Eh, VVD, it's not a vagina to me if the hymen is still intact.

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  53. Not to be to mean, Siuil, but, seriously, if "everybody" is "getting the wrong impression" of you ... shouldn't that be cause for introspection rather than attack?

    If "everybody" thinks you are X, there's really only one of two reasons: 1) You ARE X. And you are the only one who hasn't figured it out yet. OR 2) You are only showing people the X side of you.

    Either way, it's YOUR fix, darlin'.

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  54. Very witty...I bet you're proud of that one! Please excuse me while I sigh...

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  55. Borderline personality disorder much?

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  56. Zenmom, maybe you're right, but I'm happy this way, and there are enough people who don't think I'm a pretentious twat that I'm not going to change for a few people who think swearing wins arguments.

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  57. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:29 PM

    Can someone tell me what it feels like to know everything?

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  58. Clearly, you are fucking retarded. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

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  59. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:30 PM

    I have perspective now on how my mother must have felt when she was dealing with me when I was 18.

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  60. Can we all just get along? Usually by this time a few erotic lesbo comments are made and we cant get there until you shut up.

    You are a churlish ass.

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  61. Your mother try to make jokes about vaginas a lot when you were young, then?

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  62. Your mother try to make jokes about vaginas a lot when you were young, then?

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  63. "Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone. People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships."


    Just sayin'.

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  64. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:35 PM

    I think we have a diagnosis.

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  65. Just keep in mind, I am not a trained professional, just smarter than everyone else and misunderstood. Ooops, I have it too!

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  66. You do psychology too? Many talents!

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  67. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:37 PM

    MM - I love it when you "do" the psychology!

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  68. Chris I wasn't feeling the lesbo vibe but the jazzhands, they were definately for you.

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  69. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:38 PM

    I wonder if yesterday we were dealing with Sybil.

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  70. Robo-vagina. I wonder if you would have to oil that to make it work...hmm.

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  71. suilruin - you gots stamina, I'll give ya that.

    Now I'm kind of thinking you openened up your blog just to have another go.

    ...AND, I'm bored.

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  72. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 6:39 PM

    I know what you don't do. You don't call it cold or pretentious. It will be frigid if you do.

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  73. Fox- Water-based lubricants only--oil degrades Robovaginas lifelike flesh feel.

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  74. I'm quite comfortable with myself, you got me at a bad moment yesterday.

    I do find it very entertaining that you all seem incapable of attacking what I actually say but instead have to attack strawmen!

    Saying that, I'm done with you. I didn't want a fight, you guys did.

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  75. I can spellz, I promisss.

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  76. I would so disappoint you in so many ways!

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  77. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  78. A bad day? The whole people don't understand me, I'm feeling singled out, I'm not really like that stuff is all over your blog.

    Trust me, this sin't about yesterday.

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  79. Got it. No oil. I shall remember that. Unless of course I'm attacking a robo-vagina in which case I will drop it in an oil drum.

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  80. By the way,

    Oh My God Look at the Carrots!


    Who's manic now?

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  81. I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
    Everybody look at me
    'Cause I'm sailing on a boat
    I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
    Take a good hard look
    At the motherfucking boat.

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  82. Again, Miss Missives, without evidence (as in, examples) what you say is just what you say.

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  83. I don't have the energy to go and lift specific quotes, you yourself made mention of limited and fleeting friendships and run ins with bloggers and being called a troll and shaving your head so people don't focus on the outside. I'm just saying you seem to get misunderstood a lot.

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  84. Than, you are funny, really funny.

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  85. @MM
    Apparently mostly by people here who seem to (wilfully?) miss the point of everything I write.

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  86. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  87. I try, MM. Thanks.

    Ha. Suck it, Christopher.

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  88. No, I'm pretty sure you were talking abot a bunch of other people unrelated to those that populate these parts.

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  89. The fact that you think I shaved my head so that people wouldn't focus on the outside or that my post said that demonstrates the fact that you misunderstood what I wrote.

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  90. "I would gladly exchange any physical beauty for intelligence or ability, but since I cannot, I will have to content myself with looking less than my ‘best’ so that perhaps I (for I am not entirely innocent here) and everyone else will pay more attention to what’s inside."

    Que?

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  91. Chris, that's a low blow. We geeks are proud people.

    Meanwhile, on G4, Sigourney Weaver just fondled an alien half breed. At least that's what it looked like.

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  92. Quoting out of context is not really going to make you right. I didn't shave my head in order to stop people judging me by appearance, I shaved my head because I wanted to. The post was dealing with the idea that people should always try to look their best and that their appearance is a reflection of their worth. I was saying that I'd rather be smart than beautiful, and that I'll just look how I want to look and people will have to deal with me not looking as good as I could.

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  93. Siuil, I gotta agree with ZenMom, and it's something I pointed out yesterday: If you're constantly misunderstood, that has to have less to do with the world and more to do with you and how you present yourself.

    And this is a group effort here at Ask -- you don't get to pick your reviewer, you don't get to pick the day you're reviewed, and you don't get to dictate personal preferences. If you'd gotten someone else you might have gotten a different review, but you didn't, and them's the breaks. We are right out there in the open about what you get from us, and I still maintain that you got valid, constructive advice, both in the review and the comments. You just didn't agree with it, and that's your prerogative.

    That said, I'm honestly glad you opened your blog back up even though you didn't take a single one of our suggestions to heart. Don't ever get in the habit of hiding.

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  94. Calamity, I understand that it's not my place to dictate how you run your site, but reviews aren't usually like that on this site. Most reviews have four or five quotes or links to click that demonstrate what the reviewer is saying. This review didn't give examples, and that's my main issue. I don't think that calling me names is really reviewing me.

    As for people misunderstanding me, I am aware of that, which is what I was saying on my most recent post.

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  95. When's the last time someone else was right and you were wrong, Siuil? I'm not trying to be combative, I'd really like to know. When's the last time someone was able to teach you something about yourself? That's something I would like to read about. And if you've done it on your blog and I missed it, feel free to show me.

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  96. I get that you're not going to (and you wouldn't want our readers to) just take someone else's word for it, that you would have liked to have had links pointing out what Viv was talking about. I suspect there was a reason for the lack.

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  97. @Calamity

    I don't really write about that kind of thing on my blog. I frequently take other people's advice and admit that I am wrong, but only when they've provided me with something more than insults.

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  98. I'd like to know the reason for the lack of examples if anyone wants to tell me?

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  99. Also, I'm very sorry for hijacking this comment thread. It really wasn't my intention. I was just planning on informing you that I had opened up my blog again as so many of you were complaining about the fact that I'd shut it down.

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  100. This is your blog and you're going to run it how you want to, but I honestly think you're missing out on some valuable opportunities for self-expression, self-exploration, artistic evolution, and community building by insisting that your way is the only or the best way, by refusing to see the validity of at least some of the suggestions you've gotten.

    Don't ignore good advice because you don't like how it was presented.

    You have lots of potential, but I think you stand in your own way.

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  101. Siul: I've read exactly two of your blog posts and every comment you've made here on AAYSR. I need no further evidence than that to generally agree with Vivian's review and her assessment of the personality you are currently presenting online.

    The evidence, my dear, is all over these last two posts.

    You don't have to agree with the conclusion, but you cannot argue it away, either. Because, like it or not, this IS the picture you are painting of yourself.

    If you don't like it: Change it. If you don't think it needs changing, then you should just ignore those who disagree with you and move on. Because, trust me, your posts here are not changing anyone's opinion - only reinforcing it.

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  102. Our comment streams beg for hijacking.

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  103. I understand entirely what you were talking about in terms of writing a more personal blog, but I never intended my blog to be a personal blog, it was always supposed to be about my thoughts and opinions, not about my experiences.

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  104. I honestly don't know how or why you'd want to divorce them. Experiences serve to reinforce and elaborate and expand thoughts and opinions. If you take the personal out of your opinions, well, who cares? Explain please.

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  105. ZenMom, unfortunately I still haven't developed an immunity to online arguments. And I really don't think I'll change anyone's mind, but I did still want to explain myself.

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  106. Oh. My. Goddess.

    This chic is nuttier than squirrel poop. Seriously. Bi-polar much?

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  107. Oh Sarah, you make me laugh.

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  108. What I meant was that I don't want to talk about my day-to-day life, my personal relationships etc. That kind of information I prefer to keep to myself. What I wanted to write about was what I thought about issues, culture, music etc. I realise that you all find exclusively writing about that pretty dull, and I understand why and that if I continue the way I do I will be limiting my readership, but I'm fine with that.

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  109. That you make vast judgements on your blog without presenting anything personal or anything that paints you as imperfect or still learning is probably why you come across the way you do. You just don't get it and that is where your age may play a factor. I know plenty of twenty-somethings that are well ahead of fifty year olds in terms of self-actualization and being who they are and intelligence and open-mindedness, etc. You? Not one of them. This is, in my opinion a clear case of not knowing what you don't know.

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  110. What kind of vast judgements do you mean?

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  111. You had your review, whats this? Seconds?

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  112. You've clearly stated you dont give a fuck what anyone here has to say...why the shit are you still here?

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  113. Sarah, I'm here asking because I didn't feel my review really explained why it took that view, and as this blog is supposed to be about 'improving the state of the blogosphere' (or something like that) I thought that discussing it wouldn't be out of the question.

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  114. Fucking selfish. I feel sorry for Bob. Sorry, Bob, todays review is all about someone else.

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  115. @Sarah
    When it was just insulting me and nothing else, I wasn't too interested, but now some people are being constructive so I am interested. Being called robovagina isn't really helpful to me, even if it is entertaining.

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  116. @GOK
    I did apologise for hijacking the thread a few comments up. I only commented her and not on yesterday's comment thread because people were already talking about me here.

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  117. Oh, please just stop. You're fucking needy.

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  118. And yet, you're still here. Fuck your boat.

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  119. Sorry, guess I misunderstood what the point of this site was.

    I'll be leaving now (really).

    I apologise again for hijacking this thread.

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  120. Maybe the nutty squirrel poop got stuck in her ears and she couldn't hear the explanations that were given. Or maybe her robo-vagina needs some lubricant because the gears are grinding too hard and that's why she can't hear. I wonder.

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  121. You know what Sil? You are right. ViviVonDoom was totally out of line intimating that you were robovag, and someone around here, someday is going to sit her down and give her a stern talking t. In fact, I myself will offer to put her over my knee for a good, hard spanking if someone thinks it will help.

    Chris?
    Than?
    Do you think it will help??

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  122. I think it would help immensely. Rimjob?

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  123. Thanks Key for not leaving me hanging out there with an offer of girl on girl corporeal punishment, you da best.

    Oh wait, I meant, you da beast.

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  124. Anytime, Miss M. My cock feels like its been forgotten here at Ask.

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  125. MM, can I help? Please? ;)

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  126. It'll certainly help me. Can I bring a camera?

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  127. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 8:13 PM

    Alright. It's too bad she's gone because honestly, just having the one link was a mistake. I was going to have two.

    But the other one was only going to link to her entire blog because the whole thing reads like stereo instructions on how to be domineering and cold.

    Sorry. That's just the way it is.

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  128. I really think the thing she is most pissed about, is that you didnt put up a ton of links to all her posts. What a crotch crumb!

    Boo hoo!

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  129. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 8:19 PM

    I think she's pissed because we didn't fucking love her.

    Plain and simple.

    Oh and I may have pointed out everything she's already been told in life.

    She should own it.

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  130. It was probably the fact that you didn't find her interesting enough to link more than once. That probably tickled her, I think I'm so awesome bone.

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  131. Also, she probably thought she could hide her real self by blogging and have oodles of people love her. But when you saw through the charade and called her out on it, she didn't like it because a stranger said what numerous others have already stated.

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  132. Yea, well...she should probably get used to the fact that people arent going to like her.

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  133. Viv, you could have I fucking love her'd all day long but had you pointed even out one element to work on, we'd be having the same discussion.

    Because she is never wrong.

    She is just misunderstood.

    By everybody.

    Now how about the spanking?

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  134. We're all 'just misunderstood'

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  135. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 8:26 PM

    I bet she is just seething because she said she wasn't coming back and now she's gotten her explanation and she can't argue it.

    And yes, I've been horrible.

    Like I said earlier, I'm repenting today for my asinine comments that absolutely no one else agreed with.

    Spank away, Miss. I'll take it like woman.

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  136. Throw in some fuzzy handcuffs and a flogger and I'm there.

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  137. Ha! I was just thinking the same thing, Viv. She has probably written and deleted a few responses. Because she threw in the (really), she cant come back now!

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  138. She's gone now, so that's that.

    Less talking, more spanking.

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  139. Uh, speak for yourself, paleface, I'm never misunderstood.

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  140. Oh, she isnt gone. Shes reading.

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  141. Not just reading. Angry lurking.

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  142. Ghost, did you just call ME paleface?

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  143. I bet she tweets. Or twits, whatever the fuck its called. She is probably motherfucking us to death to one of her robofriends.

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  144. Lmao. Ok, just checking.

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  145. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 8:32 PM

    I can just feel the seething in the air, underneath her invisibility cloak of disgust and obvious self-awareness.

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  146. Man, I haven't been motherfucked in months.

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  147. Ever feel like you're being watched?

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  148. Are there internet police that arrest cyber voyeurs?

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  149. I dont think so. People like us just try to taunt them into the open, just to see how fast we can get them to hide again.

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  150. Oh right....here, let me spit shine that halo of yours Ghost.

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  151. Don't worry ghost, they won't come for you.

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  152. Um, I think everyone comes for me. I just don't want to get arrested this year.

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  153. Vivian VonDoom6/04/2009 8:44 PM

    I would imagine she might actually be "harrumphing" right now.

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  154. Eh, I dunno. I still picture her doing the enraged screech.

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  155. Angry keyboard mashing? Oooh oooh, maybe a retaliation on her blog. Oh wait, cause if she did that then we would know that she was lurking. I sense some emo art to do away with ones frustration.

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  156. Vivion VonDoom6/04/2009 8:50 PM

    Oh no, on her blog, her just points out that if my name isn't ironic then I should be a drag queen.

    Because, obviously, anyone named Vivion VonDoom takes herself entirely seriously.

    Literal like a 5 year old.

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  157. Whatever, I'm glad she reopened her blog. I want to read it.

    Still...after yesterday, I get the distinct impression that she doesn't really give a shit about anything I have to say, so I probably won't.

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  158. I'm glad she reopened it too.

    And we all care about what you have to say, Rassles.

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  159. Boomer, you make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

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  160. Because your word? Fucking solid.

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  161. You know, I actually don't think she expected us to love her. Someone who consistently feels misunderstood wouldn't. But I think she definitely wasn't prepared for such a resoundingly negative reception.

    Ah well. Another unhappy customer served.

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  162. I don't closing her blog down was ever the point.

    And my word isn't so much solid as it is gelatenous.

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  163. Think it was the point. Think!

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  164. She doesn't want to be understood or liked. Her whole identity is wrapped up in how no gets her. If you understand her she is no longer special.

    And MM is a hot ass succubus of prose.

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  165. MM, I think we've found your tagline.

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  166. Chris, I think you are right on about the whole special thing.

    And thank you, I will now frequently refer to myself this way, as in

    Miss Missives, hot ass succubus of prose, thinks this blogger is a literary lightweight.

    See Thanatos, it's even in third person:)

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  167. Thanks for the review. I was a rhetoric major in college, so – no – you didn’t make me cry!

    Ironically, I waited until I had a solid year’s worth of blogs before submitting for review.
    While I don’t agree with everything you wrote, I thought you made some good points and I found your criticism constructive without being too snarky. I could argue that – yes – I do have posts that would probably appeal to what you were looking for. However, with 530+ entries you’re not going to locate them without more of a guided tour. I do have a Favorites tag which links to my personal favorites. I will try to make that more obvious to new readers.

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  168. Awww, Bob! Hi! I almost forgot there was another review up.

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  169. Seriously, guys. Look at those fucking carrots.

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  170. ¡THIS CHEESE IS BURNING ME!

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  171. Dude, siuil, you're lucky you got Vivian. That wasn't a character rending, it was a gentle admonishment. And, frankly, I don't deal well with teenaged hystrionics. Siuil...you's a dick.

    Sorry, bob. This was hardly fair. Sorry your review thread was mucked up by a twatty teenaged emo whatever.

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Grow a pair.