Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. What's that? Do you know me? I don't think so, but I can assure you, I know you. All of you. Having lurked long enough, I thought it was time to give you what you need, a dose of my opinion.
A hefty dose.
So the question of the day is, what do I think? What do I think of the intellectual regurgitations of one Blonde Goddess? Do I like her? Well, do I?
I didn't think I could. Between the Russ Meyer inspired header art and the blogroll that surely lists everyone in the entire Blogger directory (with the exception of any blogs that I read on a regular basis) and the otherwise plain vanilla template, showing little to no signs of any original thought, I felt a certain sense of joy, as I have not had the pleasure of ripping anyone apart with my bare fingers for quite a while.
My anticipation was palpable as I settled in for my first post -- a diatribe about refusing to perform oral sex on her husband/boyfriend.
A hefty dose.
So the question of the day is, what do I think? What do I think of the intellectual regurgitations of one Blonde Goddess? Do I like her? Well, do I?
I didn't think I could. Between the Russ Meyer inspired header art and the blogroll that surely lists everyone in the entire Blogger directory (with the exception of any blogs that I read on a regular basis) and the otherwise plain vanilla template, showing little to no signs of any original thought, I felt a certain sense of joy, as I have not had the pleasure of ripping anyone apart with my bare fingers for quite a while.
My anticipation was palpable as I settled in for my first post -- a diatribe about refusing to perform oral sex on her husband/boyfriend.
Hmmm. If that's your kind of thing. But not "ripping a new asshole" worthy.
What else have we here? Depression and menopause. Something about pervy dolls won in a contest. Boob sweat and farting. And more of that TMI sort of shit.
The further back in the archives I worked, though, the more fun I had. (Fun!?) I was finding myself enjoying what she had to say. Not an every day sort of taste, but the kind of thing you help yourself to every now and then. Like Burger King or an episode of South Park. An irreverent, self-deprecating, "I don't give a fuck what's proper" sort of attitude, like what you'd get if Sam Kinison rewrote all of Erma Bombeck's old material, that was ... well, goddammit it was infectious. Which pissed me off. Because I really wanted to rip SOMEONE a new asshole.
And the worst I could say to her was ... the nickname's kind of a cliche. Blonde Goddess? Really? And she hasn't written anything new in over a month. I mean, who the hell submits for a review and then stops posting? What kind of grade school shit is that?!
But then I found this, which I thought expressed the whole "Why we Blog" thing pretty damn well. And then there was this, which gave me a pretty open and honest glimpse of the person behind the stupid avatar and nickname.
So, in the end, the Blonde Goddess isn't the best writer in the world, and she's maybe not the most original, but she did something really difficult. She made me give a damn. And she made me laugh occasionally without being too forced or telling me ahead of time how fucking hilarious she is...
So, today, (BEGRUDGINGLY) you get one star out of me. Write more often, put up an About Me page, and give us a short "Best Of" section and you might get another.
What else have we here? Depression and menopause. Something about pervy dolls won in a contest. Boob sweat and farting. And more of that TMI sort of shit.
The further back in the archives I worked, though, the more fun I had. (Fun!?) I was finding myself enjoying what she had to say. Not an every day sort of taste, but the kind of thing you help yourself to every now and then. Like Burger King or an episode of South Park. An irreverent, self-deprecating, "I don't give a fuck what's proper" sort of attitude, like what you'd get if Sam Kinison rewrote all of Erma Bombeck's old material, that was ... well, goddammit it was infectious. Which pissed me off. Because I really wanted to rip SOMEONE a new asshole.
And the worst I could say to her was ... the nickname's kind of a cliche. Blonde Goddess? Really? And she hasn't written anything new in over a month. I mean, who the hell submits for a review and then stops posting? What kind of grade school shit is that?!
But then I found this, which I thought expressed the whole "Why we Blog" thing pretty damn well. And then there was this, which gave me a pretty open and honest glimpse of the person behind the stupid avatar and nickname.
So, in the end, the Blonde Goddess isn't the best writer in the world, and she's maybe not the most original, but she did something really difficult. She made me give a damn. And she made me laugh occasionally without being too forced or telling me ahead of time how fucking hilarious she is...
So, today, (BEGRUDGINGLY) you get one star out of me. Write more often, put up an About Me page, and give us a short "Best Of" section and you might get another.
And God help the poor miserable illiterate fucknugget who gets me as a reviewer next (if there is a "next"), because I was denied a good ass-reaming today.
Scorpio - was that the type of TMI you were talking about?
ReplyDeleteAny time someone writes about times that they queefed during sex, it wanders into territory that I didn't need to know about.
ReplyDeleteUnless it's someone like Scarlett Johanssen.
So Madame, how did that turn out?
ReplyDeleteI don't need to hear about skunky junk but the post about her daughter was honest and sad.
ReplyDeleteI clearly have no difficulty with TMI. However, I will admit there is not always merit to sharing some of it. It's one thing to share about the biggest crap I took since 1993. It's another to share about having a colon so impacted that I was in excruciating pain and my doctor thought I had a tumor. I mean, the crap I ended up taking was enormous, but the real deal was fear and panic that my insurance company was going to deny helping me when I was in the middle of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm like a cyborg. But with a boner.
ReplyDeleteThanatos -- for no clear cut reason, your comment reminded me of R2D2 in the Family Guy Something Something Something Dark Side special.
ReplyDeleteI kinda like this girl. Her writing, not so much. Her, yes.
ReplyDeleteBut more telling than her TMI is your lack of understanding; you being, obviously, a man. Give the girl a break. You try going through menopause and then come back and blog regularly. She is probably in hell right now. Speaking of head; I'll give you head. A light spanking on the back on your skull.
Otherwise, good review. Nice to see fresh faces in loose disguse.
It stands to reason that Gap did not pick up that my "criticisms" were not exactly meant to be truly scathing. That they were meant to come across as lame and ineffectual.
ReplyDeleteOh well.
As for going through menopause and being a sensitive, 90's kind of man or something, well, yes, I am a man. You guessed it. But she did submit for a review. Here. At I Will Fucking Tear You Apart. Not at I Will Say Something Nice About Your Nail Polish...
Life's rough, get a helmet.
Feeling a little sensitive today?
ReplyDeleteJust as sensitive as any other day.
ReplyDeleteMadame,
ReplyDeleteTo clarify, I'm pro-salad-tossing, but anti-having-a-cock-in-my-ass.
And women who won't give head should be hit with baseball bats repeatedly.