Things that go slurp in the night

I just returned to my habitation on the redneck riviera after watching a sum total of 11 hours of NASCAR racing in Atlanta this weekend. If you think that Ask is a cultural panoply of bloggers from around the world, you should try out some NASCAR. That's a cultural display that will make you sumbitches sit up and take notice. The intrinsic humor of NASCAR and its fans never ends.

Today's blog is also a cultural experience, it's written by Essie from South Africa. It is a cultural panoply of a few of my favorite things: online dating, zombies, prom, and that's just on the first page.

I suppose that one might classify this as a humor blog, and be somewhat accurate. The humor is hit/miss, but more hit than miss. Sometimes, though, there is hit/miss within the same post. Zombies are awesome, they don't need an intro. The dating walkers part is just extraneous, and should be excised like dead flesh.

I like Essie, I like her blog. Probably not enough to read it daily, because I don't read ANY blogs daily these days. However, I don't want to set Essie on fire, so that's a good sign.

So, here are a few brief pointers that would improve my Loch Ess Monster experience.

1. Clean your sidebar. Gadgets are unnecessary, get rid of them.

2. Who is Essie? Your reader wants and deserves more than you've given us. Some background, even if you want to keep us at a slight distance, is required. Who are you, where do you live, what are you doing here, and why?

3. If you plan to have a cast of characters, they need an introduction so we can keep them straight in our heads. Otherwise, the stories fall flat and are just a muddle. So, who, for instance, is DW, and why do I care that she took a priest to prom?

4. You live in South Africa, that has to be interesting, so you might want to spend a sentence or a paragraph on how you got there, and why. After all, you can't always post about online dating and zombies.

5. Exercise some discretion. Your longer posts would be more punchy if they were also more concise. Set some outer boundaries on how much you will include. This has potential, but is too much. Be more scrupulous about what you post. If it's a near miss, don't post it. Let it age in your drafts like the rotting flesh in your refrigerator for a few weeks while you consider if you really want to expose it to the world.

Just remember, with humor: less is more. The quality posts are there, but they can easily get lost in the dreck.

I give you 1 star, and no flaming zombie fingers, with the possibility for more if the blog improves.