Saturday, January 22, 2011

Epidemic


So, I've been selling my possessions online. Skeins of new yarn I purchased for an ill-fated knitting project. A vintage dress I wore one time in 2001 for a costume party. Etc, etc. Whatever I don't need anymore, I'm trying to get some money for it.

However in doing so, I've discovered the alarming rate of obliviousness and illiteracy in the world. These idiots email me questions all the time, and it takes all my willpower not to go caps lock on their asses.


"Will these jeans fit me? Will they be too short?"

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. I'VE GIVEN ALL THE MEASUREMENTS OF THE FUCKING JEANS. CAN YOU READ THEM? CAN YOU MEASURE A PAIR OF JEANS THAT FIT YOU AND COMPARE THEM?

"Can you post pictures of the back of the jeans?"

THERE ARE 4 PICTURES OF THE JEANS, NUMBNUTS. YOU SEE THAT DOWN ARROW AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT OF YOUR SCREEN? CAN YOU PUSH THAT AND PAGE DOWN?


I have to deal with that shit, and then I get assigned
this blog.

How many emo Indian girls have submitted their blogs here? Too many to count, people. Have they not read this site at all? Can they not see we have a tag, special just for them? Reviewing this blog is a waste of my time, which is why I've procrastinated in writing it. Part of me wants to just copy and paste any number of other reviews I've written and call it a done deal.

But, no, I can't do that, cuz it's cheating and the other reviewers will get pissed at me. So, here goes.


Aparna hasn't posted since November of last year. Which means she submitted her blog for review, and then just stopped posting. WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME.

Strike one for you, Aparna. Strike one for you.

Her header is some shit people used to post as a MySpace comment. She switches between font colors, making the blog unreadable at times (thank God for small favors). She has a widget bar that extends halfway down the page, filled with GIFs, a Twitter box, an IM box, awards, a blogroll of about 50 and all of her post labels.

Strike two. (Please read any number of other reviews if you're uncertain why.)


Her labels are as follows:

which could easily be consolidated into one label call "My Personal Diary Scribblings That No One Gives a Shit About." In fact, if you go back to 2007, she actually posts her boring-ass diary for the world to see.

You know why we hate emo bloggers? It's because they think their personal dramas are special and have only happened to them. Of course! No one else has EVER had their best friend backstab them and peace out.
No one else has EVER had their heart broken either!

Maybe it's because we're all just a bunch of old coots who dealt with our adolescent dramas before the dawn of blogging. We just wrote them down in an actual diary which we burned in the fireplace when we grew the fuck up, because we'd be mortified if anyone ever read our simpering, melodramatic drivel.

But nowadays, everyone posts this shit on the internet.


Anyway, strike three. You're out. Get on the fucking bus.

15 comments:

  1. Maybe it's because we're all just a bunch of old coots who dealt with our adolescent dramas before the dawn of blogging.

    I love that. Also, are you selling any wall-coverings that would look good in my house?

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  2. Mongolian Girl1/23/2011 10:57 AM

    I am still advocating for AAYSR to have some sort of pre-qualification stage for even getting a review. I think the FAQ and Submit pages have excellent information, but that doesn't mean everyone who reads through it is capable of self-evaluating to the point of realizing they do or do not meet the standard that has been laid out.
    What about sending a list of sumbitters to regular reviewers to see if anyone wants one? Or something like that?
    Anything would be better than having to review something like the blog of today's reviewee.

    ReplyDelete
  3. But glitter is so preeeeettttyy.

    Um, so are you having any luck with selling stuff online? Aside from the illiterates? I've been meaning to put my barely-movable car on Craiglist. And The Honey is selling his Android... I should make that a New Year's resolution. It's not too late to make resolutions, right?

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  4. PS how is it possible that she has 144 followers? I actually _write_ and don't have that many followers. *sad face*

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  5. Mongolian Girl1/23/2011 1:38 PM

    I luuuuuurrrrrrve selling things on Craigslist and eBay. It's the perfect ray of sunshine for someone like me who has two very strong psychological needs:
    1) Getting rid of shit that I'm not using and/or don't have a strong personal attachment to
    2) Making money

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah, all of her followers pissed me off too.

    I sold my old truck on Craigslist. My dad told me to ask for $1300, so I put it up for $1500 thinking I'd get hagglers. But some guy showed up with $1500 cash and handed it over, no questions asked.

    And that vintage dress I referenced went for $25. I think I bought it for $7 back in the day, so I actually made money off of it.

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  7. Mongolian Girl1/24/2011 11:12 AM

    I love it, Shag! We bought a horse hay feeder we ended up not liking too much - sold it within a week on Craigslist for a $50 profit. Also? I'm getting ready to turn one of our guest bedrooms into an office and plan on paying for the paint and new carpeting with proceeds from the sale of the current contents of the room.
    And then!
    Just kidding. I'm going to go now. Otherwise I'm going to send up making some sort of terrible statement about how you KNOW a reviewee's blog is borning when the comments section digresses into a brag list of Craigslist profiteering.

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  8. Mongolian Girl1/24/2011 11:13 AM

    Boring, when spelled as borning, implies extra special bordom.

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  9. I will stand firm by my rule: everyone who submits gets a review. I do not promise links or love or length, but a review? Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Miss Missives1/24/2011 1:37 PM

    Maybe we should try our hand at a micro review. Or a Haiku review. I like the idea of extreme brevity:)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jobber suggested Twitter reviews to appeal to everyone's self-induced ADD.

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  12. "Your last tweet reads like you let a monkey fuck a cat on your keyboard. Also, Justin Bieber is an asshole."

    - Nutjobber

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  13. "Once, I changed my grandpa's diaper. Your blog is less fun."

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  14. Haiku reviews!! That would be entertaining.

    Thinking of going thrift store shopping & selling for profit on ebay or CL is entertaining.

    Following ya'll on twitter? *nods*

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  15. Miss Ash, I've actually started doing that. There's a Goodwill Outlet a couple miles from my place, where everything's like a buck a pound. It's where Goodwill items go before they go to the landfill.

    I've bought all kinds of crap for super cheap and then sold it within a week for a huge profit. Like I got some designer jeans for about $1 and then auctioned them on eBay and got $17 for them. It's actually kind of fun, but I'm a little scared of the IRS at this point.

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Grow a pair.