Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Hi-Tech Hate

Sigh. If a review opens with a sigh, chances are, things aren't getting any better in the near future. See, English isn't everyone's first language and it's a concept that takes some getting used to. Yeah yeah, the dotted ones claim to use English as their first language - but don't you deny it - it's not what your racist granma uses to complain about your tan looking girlfriend. It's not the language your movie stars use to shill for "fairness creams".

But the thing is, the language has a few easy to understand, and follow, rules. Mind you, I don't care too much about grammar - that's a beast very few have tamed. But the Queen's tongue does lend itself to simplicity at the worst of times, if you tell yourself -

  • I will always say I, not i
  • Capital letters are great, when used correctly and WHEN NOT LIKE THIS
  • Commas break a sentence like this, and this, but do not end it like this,
  • Those red wiggly lines you see are might look like they're somewhat annoyed, but in reality what they're saying is HOLY FUCKNUTS BATMAN!! THIS IS A FULL SIZED KEYBOARD THAT YOU CAN TYPE FULL SIZED WORDS ON, SO COME ON TAKE A GODDAMNED CHANCE!!!
  • You typing is not the same as you talking. If you mix up the two, chances are most of us don't want either
Anyhow, when was the last time we saw an IFLY? When was the last time someone published something on my reader? Oh wait, I don't know - I haven't logged in for the last 3 months. So it angers me to no end to see a blog with semi-regular new posts (or so I think - I can't figure out the bloody site navigation) that has nothing but useless drivel.

In the past, I'd rip on blogs called XYZ Journal, useless updates, and simply missing the point about blogging. But now, 2 minutes away from the next day, I simply don't care. I'm not even sure if my idea of blogging holds up anymore. I thought it was a place to weave stories, to conjure posts with the magic of words. But perhaps it is a medium to vomit what you can't fit into 140 characters. If the meek shall inherit the earth, maybe the lame will keep the blogs alive.

This was supposed to be a review but I'll end with a plea instead. Shakti, and the others still "blogging". Read a book. Just one. Any one. Please?


  1. Sometimes I feel like people blog because it's proof that they are real, that they were alive and they can immortalize themselves this way. Their grandkids will read this, they think, and know what it was like before people drove rockets fueled by water and sunshine, and admire them for their fucking I don't fucking know what the fuck.


  2. Actually, it is (also) the language our movie stars use to shill fairness creams. Maybe it's because the further south you go in this vast and mystic country, the darker gets our skin tones, and, consequently, the bigger's the anti-wheat-skin-tone market. And also maybe because the further south you go, the less is the Hindi spoken, and the more the English (as second languages, I mean). But it's just a theory; I have no data to back it up.

    But this comment was not really meant to fascinate you with tidbits about our choice of language to peddle fairness creams with. It's just to point out that maybe you guys could relax your criteria about reviewing all blogs? If a blog so drains you of life that you can't

    a) be bothered to send an array of flaming fingers its way
    b) have a bunch of links to it, to prove exhaustively, and with great relish, how mind-numbingly boring the blog really is,

    then why review it?

    I, the reader, don't get to read what I signed up for: a blog being fucking torn apart. You, the reviewer, are clearly having no fun at all. He, the reviewee, not only has to deal with a blog-weary reviewer dumping his troubles on him, but also gets virtually nothing in return: neither is his blog reviewed, nor does he get a bunch of links and readers to his site.

    No one wins.

  3. You aren't first to ponder that. Hopefully, we'll find answers soon and we can resume throwing flaming fingers at each other. For now, I can only pray that people read the god damn FAQ and a handful of previous reviews to figure out what we expect in a blog

  4. Rohan, sometimes blogs are just immemorable. Unmemorable. Is that right? Yes. Un. Perhaps her blog was so unmemorable that it didn't deserve a link-laden review.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: You submit, you get a review, however that reviewer sees fit.

  5. *snort* I am SO using Holy Fucknuts Batman!


Grow a pair.