Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I abhor an ad whore.


It's beginning to look like Old Home Day around here. Picket Fence is a blogger who has several of our former victims on her blogroll. Fortunately, they're the good ones - for the most part, so I give her marks for good taste. My blog isn't there, but what can I say. Even I admit that I suck. But then again, I'm not up for review, either.

Unfortunately, she has ads on her sidebar that are front and center. Move your profile information up and get that other stuff out of my face. Roll up your archives, that will save you inches of sidebar.

Those to whom you have linked in your blog roll, get a listing which includes their last posts, date and time which those posts have been published. That's an awful lot to list, don't you think? Maybe get rid of the time line and just list the post names and the site address.

Consider reducing the number of your own posts on your front page. Seven? That's very busy. Especially when you tend to go long. If you're good enough, people will munch up your archives to get more.

Your template is easy on the eyes, but your site resizes when I load each page in Firefox. Check your site in Firefox and see if you get what I mean. It's fine in Explorer. Notice how I didn't mention any bodily excretions when describing your template. That means that I like it.

The writing is nice, but I am just not hitting a groove here. I am sure Ms. Picket has lots of followers, but I'm not one. Not yet, anyway. She writes about her day to day stuff and it goes on quite a bit. She tries to be snarky, bit it's not happening. Ramp that attitude up if you want us to feel the love. Hit us with some good stuff. I can tell it's there, but you're hiding it well. Pick a topic, embrace it, enhance it. Dazzle us with your writing and then stop.

Get rid of the ads, sweetie. Set an example for the rest of the blogosphere, you don't need those ads. I am sure you could make more money from a well-placed lemonade stand. Good work, make it better, I'll be watching.



For the record, one star just means you didn't suck. Aim for three or more. You've got it in you to do better than this.

32 comments:

  1. But did you see the picture of her with a chainsaw? Hot. I'm buying DPH a chainsaw.

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  2. Because all sweet, virginal and innocent girls like DPH need chainsaw goodness in their lives.

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  3. I admit that the chainsaw was hot. I like the chaps, myself. I need to get some chaps.

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  4. "The man behind me looked like a serial killer and while The Kid was in the bathroom, I imagined all kinds of strange and dangerous things about him. Then the bartender handed him his mug, etched with his name, and so I switched into imagining strange and dangerous things about me."

    I think that might just be one of the best things I've ever read, because I DO THAT ALL THE TIME and now I know I'm not crazy.

    I like her a lot, actually. Even though she drinks Miller Lite. Really, Picket? How about you just mix water with...I don't know...water? Drink that.

    PBR represent.

    Rassles out.

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  5. Yes, Mrs. Boobs, I agree 100%.

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  6. Ghost, I think I could rock a chainsaw. And thanks for calling me virginal Tits McGee. That was a first.

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  7. Sorry, DPH, I'm still laughing about the 'virginal' comment.

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  8. Hey, I could be virginal. Maybe 15 years ago, but I could be! Besides, if someone says it, doesn't it make it true?

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  9. Are we supposed to be consorting with upcoming victims?? I thought all victims would be cowering in their basements with tinfoil hats on??

    Watch out Hooksie, they're coming for youuuuuu.

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  10. I only cower in my basement with a tin foil hat on Saturday's.

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  11. She'll be armed with her virginity and a chainsaw when you get there.

    And by armed I mean they will be no where in sight.

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  12. Tinfoil panties. That's the ticket. No one can see what you're aroused about.

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  13. Does it matter what she's aroused about?

    I would imagine Dirty Pirate Hookers aren't choosy.

    Ghost?

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  14. That's not a bad idea, but it might irritate the scabs.

    Sometimes I disgust myself.

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  15. Did you hear about the little boy who took a mason jar full of treats to school?

    The boys on the bus kept bugging him to share his beef jerky and by the time the boy got to school, his show and tell was gone.

    And he had saved those scabs for an entire year!

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  16. And now the peanut butter M&M I had in my mouth tastes like iron.

    Thanks.

    Wet, smelly band-aid anyone?

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  17. Queen, did you hear about the boy who went to the brothel to have sex for the first time and when he stuck it in the hooker it was all rough, so he said something. The hooker excuses herself to the bathroom, comes back, they go at it and after he's done he asks her what she did to make it not so rough. She says, I went into the bathroom and picked all the scabs so that the puss would lubricate things.

    Enjoy your M&M's, Tits McGee

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  18. I just threw up in my mouth and it tastes like scabs.

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  19. That's what I imagine our first get together will probably be like, DPH. I'll put a jar in the bathroom.

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  20. You're so good to me Ghost. Always anticipating my whoreish needs.

    But I thought you like me rough and un-picked?

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  21. Sometimes, whore, sometimes. Bring your chainsaw.

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  22. Ghost, are you bringing the spit?

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  23. I prefer chicken, myself. Buffalo's good too and very low in fat.

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  24. Mutha is a good, kind mutha.

    And I'm very happy that the chain saw inspired you dudes, but sad and sore news for you: that's not me in the picture. My ass, however, thanks you for thinking so.

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  25. Thanks for helping with my diet bitches.

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  26. FF, you would think that ripping hair from women's vagina's would kill your appetite. Instead a little open sores and scabs does? I'm a little dissapointed in you, wax nazi.

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  27. OW. Clenching legs. Ding! We have a new nickname. Wax Nazi. I love it. I am changing my blog link to that.

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  28. YOu know, I didn't think anything on this blog could put me off, but the scab/sores/puss convo has.

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  29. I bet Pop Tarts don't taste very good coming back up, but I'm about to find out.

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Grow a pair.