Friday, October 03, 2008

Genital Hospital

WARNING: TODAY'S BLOG HAS ADULT CONTENT. BEFORE YOU CLICK THIS LINK, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE THAT THIS BLOG HAS CONTENT THAT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ANYONE WHO:

1) Is under 18.
2) Is Working.
3) Thinks they will be working anytime soon.
4) Has a weak stomach.
5) Worries about making baby Jesus cry.
6) Has genital phobias.
7) Doesn't want to GET a genital phobia.
8) Is nauseated by naked saggy tits.
9) Is regularly offended by Key's/DPH's blorgy.
10) Ever wants to eat kielbasas again.

Charlotte Sometimes, guest reviewer here.

I think we all know who assigns the blogs to be reviewed around here. And, though I love her, I think she has it out for my prudish ass. You see, I’ve only reviewed a few times but somehow I get the naked bitches. And while Nurse Myra isn’t necessarily naked, her blog is as scholastically disturbing as seeing my corseted Algebra teacher giving the Chemistry professor a reach around. My brain is trying to process things it just wants to reject.

My first mistake when starting my review of this pit of deviance was actually reading the ‘About’ page. Evidently, it has little do with the actual blog. Nurse Myra states that she lost her lover to cancer and has a gay son. Naively, I imagined that I was digging into a meaty blog that would bring both laughter and tears into my blog reviewing days to come.

Not fucking likely. Oh there is plenty of meat on this blog, some of it even shocking and fucking creepy. But, there is little reference to the deceased lover and their journey through the cancer battle. The gay son was mentioned when I journeyed back to the blog’s early days and then something changed. Nurse Myra became a schlong monger. Maybe she always was one. I don’t know. I don’t care.

I’m not going to lie to you about anything, except my virginity. I only spent about an hour perusing this blog and then I realized that my stomach hurt and giving vaginal birth to an Audi seemed more enticing than continuing. Furthermore, I’m such a dolt I had to look up the definition of gimcrack and even after I did I wasn’t amused. Showy indeed.

Nurse Myra talks about herself in bloody third person, which is so pompous and grating that I would rather yank out my own breast implants with rusty salad tongs than to keep reading this freakish, cut and paste collage of perversity. And, don’t get me wrong here. Some of my very favorite people are perverts.

I’m going to skip any template advice and suggest that perhaps a course in marketing might be necessary. What you are selling is not what you advertise. I realize there is a place out there for sex blogs that read like college level textbooks. There is, right?

Now that I hate myself for having to spew forth this much venom, it’s time for a rating:



Basically, what I’m saying here is that I want to kick her in the genitals and ask for the big chunk of my life back that her fucked up blog stole from me.

96 comments:

  1. I'm not going to lie, that split head thing is still fucking me up. Jesus.

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  2. I never thought i'd say it, but too much penis. ARGH. I need to go somewhere and lie down.

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  3. I have to be honest, Charlotte, I didn't know what you were getting because I didn't spend any time at all on that blog. I thought it was going to be hospital stories.

    Instead, it appears to be the 24-7 penis blog.

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  4. Charlotte Sometimes10/03/2008 10:20 AM

    My acid reflux has burned a hole in my throat since reviewing this blog.

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  5. The split head thing made me want to put tiny little safety helmet on my hubs member.

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  6. I think I may have to mark this as NSFW in the review. The last thing I want is one of our readers getting fired for looking at this piece of shyte.

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  7. Charlotte Sometimes10/03/2008 10:24 AM

    Yeah, actually my bad for not doing that to begin with.

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  8. Done. Enjoy my explicit warning.

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  9. I think this nurse needs a gang bang. Dick, dick, dick. Srsly, she talks about cock more than DPH.

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  10. Seriously. This blog makes yours look like Sunday School, Key.

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  11. Charlotte Sometimes10/03/2008 10:30 AM

    You forgot to add split kielbasa in the warning.

    I never regretted my eyesight as much as I did this week.

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  12. Was there a photo of a split kielbasa? HOw should I word that?

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  13. This woman talks about dick more than Sarah Palin talks about drilling and hockey.

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  14. She's a maverick penis slinger

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  15. She's a lipsticked penis grabber.

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  16. Or, better yet:

    a lipsticked penis GABBER.

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  17. They should link this blog for abstinance. Nothing has made me want to fuck less than Myra's blog. I did enjoy the bits of blasphemy though.

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  18. Charlotte Sometimes10/03/2008 10:40 AM

    There were moments when I wanted to cross your legs for you, Ghost.

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  19. I got one brief look before I decided that my job was in jeopardy.

    At first I was all, "Look! Cock! I like cock!" But the cockage swiftly denigrated to circus freakitude with severe phallus envy.

    And then I had to click away and wave the white flag of surrender.

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  20. Yeah, that was the 'Bridge to Nowhere' I want to be.

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  21. Yes, there are things worse than mayonnaise out there.

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  22. For a fleeting moment, before my eyes started bleeding, I thought I saw Joe Sixpack. But maybe it was Joe Sixcock.

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  23. DPH should set this chick up with that creepy dom guy that's always checking on her blog.

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  24. I think Joe Sixcock lives on Main Secrete.

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  25. Which in no way effects Wall Secrete.

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  26. I forgot to say this yesterday in regards to the hot gramma action:

    Part of me really wants to tag granny's photoshopped ass.

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  27. I enjoy her. Her blog is entertaining as hell sometimes. I have no idea where she finds some of this stuff. She's fucking nuts. But I've been reading it for awhile...

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  28. In the meantime, I decided my morning would be best spent fucking with the churchladies over at yesterday's blog. Interesting group. I want to give them all syphilis.

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  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  30. Oh dear god. This is even too much cock for me! I never thought I would say that.

    Ghost, I think I should actually set her up with the one legged guy I went on the date with. He could fuck her with his nubby leg.

    Charlotte, thanks for calling me a pervert, whore.

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  31. Wow. Just, yeah. Wow. That shit is crazy. I'm so sorry you had to review that!

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  32. You know, at first I was all,"This is interesting." Then the split penis. Oh my fucking JESUS, the SPLIT PENIS. I just. . . I. . .

    Excuse me, I will be rocking back and forth in a corner for the next 10 years.

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  33. "there is a place out there for sex blogs that read like college level textbooks"(sums it up perfectly Charlotte)

    I never knew sex and kink could start to feel like college algebra. It reminded me too much of Road to Wellville.

    Maybe it would read better anecdotedly and day by day but reading several pages at once is like too much self-pleasuring, eventually, you just get numb and frustrated.

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  34. I could use a second knob.

    Shift work.

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  35. Keywork: Dicking it to churchladies since 2008

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  36. Let me just be clear. I'm not sure there is a woman on earth that loves cock more than me. The fact that I was overwhelmed by a vast tidalwave of penis has really laid me low for the rest of the day.

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  37. Dude, your sisters ain't got nuttin on me. I was making out with my boyfriend in my driveway last night after our hot debate date, and somehow realized after about a minute that my hand had just (apparently of it's own impetus) wandered onto his penis.

    So, I gave him a blowjob in the garage. With mayo.

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  38. See, there I go again, sex blogging when I said I never do it.

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  39. It reminds me of the sex museum in Amsterdam, to which I've been a number of times -- much better while high.

    Speaking of the sex museum, if I never see another pig penis it will be too soon. Especially if there's a woman attached to it.

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  40. You know, there are some things I never need to know, like why any woman would fuck a barnyard animal.

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  41. Maybe the barnyard animal has a goldcard?

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  42. This is why DPH and I could never live on a farm. Too many options.

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  43. Ghost, I thought we decided on a frog farm last night? Can't fuck frogs, but you can lick them and have hallucinations.

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  44. Love Bites. Thank you! I've been to her blog before and kept thinking...this is going to get funny? Interesting? Sexy? Raunchy? Huh? WTF? Fuck that bitch for thinking she's entertaining for doing a bunch of lame ass cut and paste of cock. Whatever. And fuck her for wasting my time.

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  45. Oh come on you guys ..get real... Nurse Myra is full of fun and so much tongue in cheek that you would never believe.... if you are taking this for absolute real then I beg to question your judgment? Nurse Myra is one of the most loveliest, genuine people I have met and I know she will be so hurt by this venom you have posted. Gimcrack is a spoof, observations of real life with a twist (btw if you decide to visit me and leave negative/venom vibes I have the finger of delete accompanied with the skin of a rhino)

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  46. skin of a rhino? thats nothing.

    I've the foreskin of a catholic

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  47. @ ghost c'mon ghost I thought Marines were tough? One litle split cock and you're crying for the PO?
    @love bites. Yea I'm sure you just wanna lie down and think of less cock, sure.
    @betsy don't worry honey ghost will do it for you.
    Lol it's great reading the comments on this blog, reminds why Bush is President.

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  48. Bush is GOD.

    Although I am prone to a wee landing strip...

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  49. oh I wasn't trying to be clandestine, I'm not anonymous my names Vapour.

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  50. One of Bob Geldoff's girls yeah?

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  51. Nurse Myra defenders:

    She asked for this review. Please stop acting like she's some kind of innocent victim to whom we've been randomly mean.

    And seriously...when both Calamity and I say that there is too much cock on her page, that is saying something, because we are two girls who love the cock.

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  52. there is a real difference between 'review' and 'total slagging off'

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  53. Um, vapour, I don't do anything to or for Betsy. I can't even spell her name right. As for the Marine thing, I can assure you that while we are tough, the first thing any Marine will ask after being hit is 'How's my dick? Is it still there? No? You know what to do."

    Son, your father died a hero's death.

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  54. @ love bites Yea but let's be honest now, if you missed the satire then the comments become a bad rerun of dumb and dumber. Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. The laughter that Nurse offers us with the outlandish research she does seems a pretty great way to work through it.

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  55. Lol @ ghost, I'm with you. Struth any man who didn't cry a little when he saw the split penis must suffer from numb dick.

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  56. Yes, if you have a cock, that picture should bother you to some degree.

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  57. every blog is some form of self-medicating in the ether... the gimcrack is one woman's approach to dealing with life, death, working in a stressful environment - and yes, with a hint of cock! either you get it or you don't... i'm guessing there are about a thousand folks a day who do...

    if you get a daily dose - and understand what she's doing through her sideways look at twisted sexual excursions and historical practices - then it's funny as hell...

    you run a review site. you didn't like it. next...

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  58. Hmmm... i'm wondering where all the vitriol is coming from for Nursemyra. her satirical look at life from a sexual standpoint is both educational and humorous. yeah, there are some things that make you go "eww", but they are presented as (a very small) part of the sardonic review of things done behind closed doors. I find those few instances of shock easy to turn away from, while focusing on the tongue-in-cheek laughter evoked from the remaining majority. Nursemyra herself has a rapier wit and can...does...poke fun at the obvious irony of her posts. And I happen to also think she's a pretty damn good looking woman...

    that all said, you've said your piece, which is your prerogative as reviewer. now declare peace and move on to your next review.

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  59. and that's a fucking order...

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  60. when all you frigid 14yo girls quit living you sexual fantasies online, start getting some action and grow up you might start to get what Nurse Myra is on about...
    In the meanwhile try to think outside your small little box of a world and know THE PENIS IS ALL POWERFUL.
    Nurse Myra is a f#ckin' lyrical genius!

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  61. Wow. Um, your Nurse asked for this shit. I get it, you people love the cock too. It's cool, I don't know what I'd do without mine. But it really does read like a fucking college textbook. She read the fine print when she submitted, maybe her supporters should as well. Let her take her licks, all will be forgotten by Monday.

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  62. The day we got our ultrasound photos and found out it was a boy, I had a post with the word "double" in the title. For my next post, I scanned the ultrasound photos and put them on a post I called, "A picture of a penis."

    Which means everyone in the world Googling "double penis pictures" was coming over. Thousands of the biggest perverts in the world united on my blog to watch a picture of an ultrasound.

    Even though I thought it was funny at first, I had to delete that post once the searches became more about pedophilia.

    So this blog made me think about this. And now I don't have to go there ever again.

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  63. I understand this is about ripping blogs apart for fun but the good nurse does a great job finding these strange things. she's actually quite amazing in this regard. She's also a very attractive and charming woman.

    I look forward to seeing it al forgotten on Monday as Ghost of Keywork says.

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  64. Rick and Myra, sittin in a tree...

    People in the Sun: Look atcha. You're becoming more and more amusing at a rather alarming rate.

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  65. Just like when I tried to use the machine without reading the instructions first-

    I opened the blog o'cock with my four year old standing next to me-- is that child abuse?

    How did I miss this one on the list blogs being reviewed?

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  66. That was some shocking shit, even for me. No one needs to see a banana split dick, I don't care who you are.

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  67. I thought I had fallen back into the depths of Usenet when I began reading this pathetic thread.

    Ghost & LB, your intelligence qualifies you more for the primordial soup than for the “master race.” Recognize your limitations. Then shut up. Stop being pustulent sores on the labia of mother earth.

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  68. Okay, first of all, I am now checking this blog post bar night because I get hammered sometimes. Deal wiht it.

    To all those defenders of Nurse:

    Seriously? shut up. I like her, too. I mean, I read it, I comment, it's fun. of course you want to defend your friends, real life or via the intraweb.

    Respect. for that. you're clever. I get it. primordial soup and whatnot.

    This site is about portraying the perceptions of an outsider. Don't get pissed because someone asked for an outside perspective. nonsensical. if movie critics diss your jam, do you pen exhausting diatribes about misrepresentation and how you're emo? No. You disagree, think, "That shit is wrong, but fuck it. It's a critic," and move on. Regardless of their professional stance, it's just easier to challenge via immediate typage.

    You're criticizing Bush supporters, and epitomizing his doctrine: assume and attack, with little regard for outcome. But you're ignoring the fact that people outside of their own government asked for his help, and then didn't like how he went about it.

    I'm liberal as all fuck, and even I know it existed. Disagreeing with the action sis irrelevant, because everyone does.

    Mirrors, glue, black kettels and pots, beeeotch. Learn to love them, because they're your future.

    (mine too, and I hope that tomorrow I wake up and forgot this comment even exists.)

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  69. Shit, I had to look up what grimcrack meant too. I thought it had something to do with something looking like a frown... or something.

    I went there, read about 2 lines and then scanned looking at pictures until I started feeling weird.

    I'm such a huge fan of penis, I don't understand how one site can singlehandedly make me go off them completely.

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  70. Holy bleeding axewound. Archie, did you come up with that all by yourself? Really? Not impressed. Mother Earth? Motherfucker, please. Go suckstart a rifle.

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  71. Also, coming next week: Ask And We Shall Kiss Your Ass. Wait, no, that wouldn't be right. As Jesus once said, " Fuck these hoes."

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  72. You know what? You can post a photo of your almost naked tits, and every fat pervert posting from his mother's basement, either in the U.S. or in the UK, will emerge from the underground to tell you how brilliant you are and ask for more (tit shots).

    And then they will stroke your little ego and tell you how marvelously entertaining you are, because that's how they get more wank material.

    But, you have a bunch of strangers here who are as perverse as they come telling you...dammmit, ho, it's too fucking much. There is no substance here, and you've gone so cock crazy that it's burned out our not insubstantial sex drives, collectively.

    Yeah, we're all a bunch of humorless wankers. That's why Myra submitted to us in the first place, because we don't know a damn thing.

    Now, pervert trolls...I banish you back to "Six Flags Over Phallis," from whence you shall bother us no more.

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  73. Maybe if I put pictures of my boobies in see-through corset I would have more votes for "Hottest Daddy Award." I already lost the calendar war to Ghost, even though I'm much better looking.

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  74. Keep your shirt on, PIS. How many votes did you end up with?

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  75. Six Flags Over Phallis.

    Funny girl.

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  76. love bites completely missed it..

    along with her tales of the wierd, plain strange, and erotica..

    the Nurse M dishes out a really interesting commentary on this bizarre world in which we live...
    her stuff is served up with a dry wit,some great language, and not a hint of judgement.

    if she shows up time to time with a bit of psycho sexual nonsense..like the split penis thing..I just move on.
    there is a whole lot more positive stuff to check out..the links..and the commentary from others.

    the reviewer here is off base..sorry for you that apparently you have to consider something so off putting to you..you reacted with a frankly stupid series of vitrolic commentary...maybe you need to start a real life that is not so ..stressful.. and false.

    I like Nurse Myra's blog..it's pretty cool and I think it's challenging, has style, grace and wit.

    I know that's not everyones' cup of tea..

    your review is a case in point.

    next time, just use the delete button.

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  77. If my wife wasn't so busy with her job I would have had two votes.

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  78. Doctor Robert, you completely missed it..

    you reacted with a frankly stupid series of vitrolic commentary...maybe you need to start a real life that is not so ..stressful.. and false.

    I like Love Bites' reviews..it's pretty cool and I think it's challenging, has style, grace and wit.

    I know that's not everyones' cup of tea..

    your comment is a case in point.

    next time, just use the delete button.

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  79. Urk. It takes a lot to mindnumb a lawyer. It takes even more to mindnumb a psychopath lawyer.

    My mind just packed its bags and headed west!

    And where exactly is Nurse Morass? Seems to be missing from the comment page...

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  80. I believe the good nurse is busy searching for the 'next big thing'. Also, I think the angry mob lost their pitchforks.

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  81. Good Lord, see what I miss when I have the nerve to blink?

    Of course I will be panned by the masses of Myra-lovers out there, but I didn't find anything interesting on this blog ... But whether I did or didn't, who the fuck cares? My opinion means nothing. All you Myra-lovers can keep loving Myra. My opinion changes that not a bit. Untwist your knickers, already.

    Is Myra so crazy-delicate and insecure that she had to send her fans over to make with the nasty comebacks? Perhaps she just figured she was destined to be 'fucking loved' because she had lots of penis all over her blog. Too bad she forgot to have lots of good content, too.

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  82. That's pretty much what happened here. It's the 'little' Review Site That Could.

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  83. I am not allowed to drunk post anymore.

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  84. I finally went and checked it out. I'm definitely one of those who just doesn't get it -- and doesn't want to.

    I mean, I used to take the skin off of hot dogs during lunch hour in grade school, but I've never wanted to do it to my husband.

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  85. Rassles, I think you're required to drunk post.

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  86. That just takes so much effort. And I'm sick of waking up six hours later, holding my battery-drained laptop with the Always Sunny in Philadelphia menu on the TV.

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  87. You know what's crazy? This bitch never even linked the review, and STILL managed to sic her attack squad goons on us.

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  88. I'm a slave to the wang and I still don't get this blog.

    I'm fully okay with the fact that I don't get this blog.

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  89. There's a reason why Gimcrack Hospital has won 'blog of the day' on more than one occasion. Powers greater (and more intelligent) than yourself, and who obviously took the time to look at more than just one or two entries from the blog, deem it a good read.

    I pity your prudish self for not experiencing the laugh-a-minute that Nurse Myra provides and only seeing it as a sexual site. It's oh so much more. Best you move along now and leave it to those with a sense of humor and adventure...

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  90. Oh, it won Blog of the Day? Holy shit! Not Blog of the Day!!!

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Grow a pair.